Out of Darkness to Accepted Love

By Linda Kay

C. Clyde Squires depicts accepted love in a print of a wedding scene. This artwork is a part of a series of five prints of the stages of love, given to my grandmother in 1916 for her bridal shower. The prints serve as an inspiration for the novels written for each. The first is mother love in Annies Love, the second is puppy love in Sophie Writes a Love Story.
For Carol Braun the pathway to accepted love was long and difficult because of tragic events in her life, which led to counseling. Carol was a loner in college until she decided to try to force herself out of her shell of protection and face the demons haunting her since childhood. The result is disastrous.
Jeff Lipton is a young businessman and vulnerable to a beautiful woman who takes advantage of him, manipulating his attraction to her to wreak havoc with his business and his personal life. His experience leaves him angry and unwilling to pursue another relationship.
Out of Darkness to Accepted Love tells the story behind these two individuals who will put the past behind them. From this vintage print comes a present life story that addresses the mental effects of child abuse, rape, and manipulation. The application of counseling and religious guidance directs them to forgiveness and strength of character, and it can be a guide to any reader suffering from such tragedies.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Nov 24, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504964173

Linda Kay

Linda Kay Christensen, a former farm girl from central Illinois, has enjoyed many years as a bank manager, a self-employed accountant and tax preparer (CPA), and an online instructor for Keller Graduate School (DeVry University). She earned her undergrad in Business Management and her Masters in Human Resources from the University of Illinois, Springfield. Linda’s history in writing has included everything from business communication, teaching, and journaling to occasional poetry. Her inspiration for Annie’s Love comes from a series of five prints by C. Clyde Squires given to her grandmother in 1916 as a wedding gift. The characters in these prints will come alive in Linda’s series of the “five stages of love”. Linda helped her mother, Wilma Diekhoff, complete her memoirs in a book that includes 200 recipes from family and friends. Wilma held a book signing at Barnes and Noble at the age of 82. Flavors From The Past is now available in e-book format on Nook and Kindle. Linda is married to Jerry, a former engineer and now a master gardener, living in Fredericksburg, Texas. They have traveled extensively, meeting many characters who contribute to Linda’s writing.

Book preview

PROLOGUE

Carol walked from the dressing room to the double doors that led into the church, her ivory gown dusting the floor with its train. The hairdresser had styled her long blonde hair in a swirl of curls under her sheer veil. Her two attendants, along with the flower girl and the ring bearer, walked ahead up the aisle. In just a few moments, she would be married. Jeff waited at the altar, his dark hair in curls, his tuxedo a perfect fit for his lean and muscular body. Jeff, who understood her and loved her, and listened with patience to all her darkest secrets.

She looked around and noticed all the faces of friends and family who had been with her through both happy and difficult times. Smiling broadly, tears of happiness glistening in her eyes, she knew she could now accept his love. The music of the wedding march grew louder as she linked her arm into the extended elbow of her dear friend Gene, and stepped onto the white runner.

Almost three years before….

Chapter 1

CAROL

Carol and Lisa opened the door to their apartment. They dropped their backpacks by the door and headed to the refrigerator for a drink and a snack.

It’s really chilly out there already, and it’s only September! exclaimed Lisa, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering. My denim jacket is way too thin!

Brrrrr! You are right about that! No more capris! I’m going back home to get more clothes to pack in here in this ridiculously small closet. Carol looked into her room and took a bite from a chocolate chip cookie.

Carol Braun and Lisa Kaufman had been roommates for the last semester of the previous year and now the first semester of junior year in college. Lisa’s former roommate had left the college, and Lisa invited Carol to move in. Carol, a good student, but very quiet and introverted, was a stark contrast to Lisa, who didn’t know a stranger. They were tablemates in a biology class the semester before Carol moved in. They grew close as Lisa introduced Carol to her friends. The tradeoff for Lisa was some help with homework because they took a sociology class together this term. The year was 2005 and many changes happened in the world around them, but they immersed themselves in the microcosm of their college life.

Lisa plopped down on the sofa, rested her cola can on the arm, and tossed back her long dark hair. Her rhinestone-studded sandals flew across the room. She put her feet up on the coffee table and clicked on the TV. Carol joined her, discarding her tennis shoes after untying them. Lisa was small in stature with a perfect figure. Even as her roommate, Carol had seldom seen her without her makeup in perfect condition. She envied Lisa’s outlook on life.

And for your latest news update. . . Lisa clicked off the news channel and found music. Usher sang Caught Up. They began to sing along with him, laughing as Lisa sang off key.

You really love music, don’t you? asked Lisa, as the music changed to The Black Eyed Peas and Don’t Lie.

I’ve been playing piano since I was just a kid, and learned to play the organ when I was in high school. I could never play for the choir. Just didn’t feel confident enough about my talents. Too many mistakes.

I couldn’t play an instrument if my life depended on it!

I’ve got a ton of homework, Carol said as she stood up, picked up her backpack, and started for her room. Her legs were long and slender, her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. She always wore little if any makeup.

Aren’t you going to Rocky’s to meet up with everyone tonight? Lisa asked as she picked up the phone.

Not tonight. I really need to get a good grade on this test tomorrow in English, and I have a paper due in old Dr. Hughes’ class. I’ll go next time. Carol walked into her room, flipped on the light, and closed the door.

Lisa picked up the phone and dialed a number. Grant? Lisa. I’ll be there tonight, but Carol’s not coming. She says she has too much homework. I’ll work on mine a little, but will see you there at seven! Sorry, Grant, I really tried to talk her into it. She hung up the phone and shouldered her backpack.

Carol, what’s up for dinner? she asked at Carol’s door. She heard Carol get up from her desk and walk to the door, opening it.

I’ll go down to the cafe and get a sandwich or something. You going out?

I’m meeting Grant and the gang at Rocky’s. I’ll probably get a burger or a salad. Can I bring you anything later?

Carol rolled her eyes at Lisa. You’ll be really late getting back, and I’ll be asleep by then. Don’t worry about me.

Okay. I know Grant wants to get to know you. I’m sure he’ll be disappointed you aren’t coming. She put on her pouty face.

Maybe some time, but not tonight. Carol closed the door, ending any further discussion about going out.

At her desk, Carol took her books out of her backpack and stacked them up. She pulled up her chair and opened the notebook from her English class. Her notes were well organized, and she had a copy of Dr. Larson’s suggested study questions. She leaned back into her chair. Lisa was friendly to everyone, and she managed to fit in with any crowd. Carol was resistant to going out into a crowd of students. The idea that Grant Lewis was interested in her made her nervous. She never felt she fit in, and try as she might, she could not relax and have a good time. Her shyness held her back. She walked to the mirror on the dresser.

My nose is too long. My hair is thin and mousy, and it never looks full and shiny. It just hangs in strings. I wish these freckles were invisible. Carol was her own harshest critic. She failed to notice her beautiful blue eyes, long lashes, and her peaches-and-cream complexion in the reflection.

She returned to the desk to study, tuning in the radio. Should I write the paper first, or study for the English test? She pondered her first choice. Hughes’ class was Psych 101, and the assignment was to propose a challenge for yourself as you progressed through the semester. What would I write? Carol tapped her pencil on the desk, thinking about what she would like to change, and what her challenge might be. She would want something she could accomplish. She started writing, reflecting on the events of the afternoon with Lisa.

Psychology 101 - Dr. Hughes

It has always been a challenge for me to get out and meet people and to be more open to having fun and enjoying life. I am very shy and afraid to start a conversation with fellow students. My girlfriends always encourage me to go out, but I feel overwhelmed with my studies and trying to get top grades in my classes. In order to accomplish my goal of achieving more in the way of relationships, I am proposing to do the following:

#1 - Try to introduce myself to one new person every day and listen carefully to remember the name and something about him or her.

#2 - Plan to attend more functions or outings with my roommate or friends, at least one per week.

#3 - Get a new haircut and hairstyle and buy makeup that is complimentary to my complexion. Learn how to apply it effectively.

#4 - Buy two new outfits that are more in style.

This seems like a simple approach, but it will be a huge accomplishment for me.

Carol Braun

Carol looked through the steps. Maybe if she took each of these steps, it would result in better social life for her. She might even take Lisa’s advice and get to know Grant a little better. She grabbed her purse and key and headed out for the cafe to get a sandwich before she studied for the English test.

After she returned to the apartment and studied English, Carol slipped into her pajamas and crawled into bed. Lisa was still out, and it was hard to tell when she would return. Her eyes were tired from reading, so she closed them and listened to the music on her radio, drifting off to sleep. And then…

A shadowy figure came toward her in the room, a bright light shining behind him. He took Carol’s hand. In her sleep, she welcomed his touch, feeling love and caring. When she looked up at the figure, she saw bright green eyes on a devilish face, grinning at her. She knew the face. She tried to pull away, but he would not let her go. Carol screamed and sat up on the edge of bed. She pulled the chain on her desk lamp and her eyes darted around the room, searching.

Carol, what is it? Lisa dashed into her room. Carol had not heard her return to the apartment.

Oh, I had a nightmare! Must be the salami sandwich I ate last night. I’m okay, thanks. She noticed that her hands trembled. She tucked them between her knees, and sighed.

Are you sure? You sounded pretty freaked out, girlfriend, said Lisa. Her eyes searched Carol’s face.

I’m fine. She then turned to Lisa. Did you have a good time at Rocky’s? Carol changed the subject.

Yeah, but wish you were there, Lisa replied.

Maybe next time, and I mean that, Carol said. She swung her legs out of bed and picked up a glass of water on the nightstand.

Great! Now get back to sleep, and no more nightmares. See you in the morning.

As Lisa left the room, Carol lay down in the bed and pulled the covers up over her head. This was not the first time she had seen this image in a dream, and she knew what it meant. Why now after all this time?

Chapter 2

CAROL’S PLAN

The next day, the roommates rose early to go for a run. Lisa was curious about the nightmare that had wakened Carol.

What was that nightmare all about? Like, can you remember it?

I can’t really explain it. I don’t remember much about it, but it’s not important. I want to tell you about what I wrote for Dr. Hughes, she began, as she diverted Lisa’s attention. They turned the corner at the park to go across the parking lot, their tennis shoes pounding a steady rhythm.

I can’t wait to hear this!

Don’t be funny! I’m going to try to be more involved and not so tied up in my damn homework. I need to have more fun and go out with you. I’m going to do it. Just taking it a little slow to get my feet wet. Carol felt breathless from running.

Well, what’s the plan? asked Lisa, intrigued.

Starting today, I’m going to introduce myself to at least one person in one of my classes. Then I want you to go with me to pick out a couple of new outfits that aren’t sweats. Like, I need your help to find a hairdresser and a new hairstyle and makeup that looks good. I might need your help and some patience. Carol was actually getting a little excited about the prospect of changing her appearance. She picked up the pace.

That is a fabulous idea! exclaimed Lisa. Like, it will be the awesome Carol! I would love to help you with this, dude, and I know the perfect spot for the hair and makeup. June is a good friend of mine and has cut my hair for eons.

They arrived at the apartment and went about their morning routine with showers, breakfast bars, and clothes that were more appropriate for fall. Carol grabbed her jacket on the way out to class.

The day was beautiful with a bright blue sky and lots of sunshine. The sun felt warmer than the previous day. A crisp, clean aroma of fall filled the air, laced with the smell of burning leaves. Carol took one walkway toward the psychology class, and Lisa took the other toward her biology class. Their apartment was just a few blocks away.

Carol’s mom, Jolene Braun, lived in the small, nearby town of Green Meadow. Her father had not been in the picture for some time, making Carol and Jolene very close. Jolene was also very close to her brother Fred, who was nearly fifteen years younger. Her relationship with her brother was almost as a mother-son, rather than sister and brother. She loved him dearly and celebrated every achievement with Fred, no matter how minor.

Carol’s only brother, Lee, studied law in California. He had several more years of school ahead of him. Unlike Carol, Lee was very popular among his fellow students. He was a star basketball player in high school, had many friends, and seemed to tackle the world with abandon. When they lived at home, he encouraged his sister to get out and make new friends. He could not understand why she was so shy and withdrawn. Carol always wished she could be more like Lee. Jolene was also concerned, but thought college life would bring out more spontaneity in Carol.

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Class, you should all have a proposal for me today, said Professor Hughes. Please turn these in at the end of class. For today, turn to page twenty-five in your text and discuss the various learning styles. Each person has a preferential style for learning. Let’s talk about your dominant style of learning, and give an example.

Carol found this fascinating and decided that her dominant styles were logical and application learning. If she were to learn something new, it would have to make sense, and she had to apply it or practice it to make it stick. The class was intent on the discussion, and Carol noticed that one of her classmates shared her learning style. After class, Carol introduced herself, noting their mutual interest.

I’m Carol Braun, and I see that we have similar learning styles.

Hi, Carol. I’m Mandy Martin. I’ve seen you in class. Do you have time to grab a soda before your next class?

Carol was surprised at the response from Mandy.

Sure. I don’t have a class for another hour, so I have gobs of time. I’ll walk with you. As they walked and talked, Carol listened and made mental notes of things Mandy shared with her–mostly small talk. Mandy lived on campus and had a roommate she didn’t like. She was from a small town in Minnesota, no relatives nearby. She did not have a car, but since she was usually on campus, she seldom had a need. Carol noted Mandy’s short, dark hair, catching the light. Her eyes sparkled as she spoke.

Over sodas, the two girls talked about families and friends, where they went to high school, boys, and classes. They seemed very compatible, and promised to keep in touch. Maybe they could study together for psychology.

Carol walked on air. She could use that hour to study for her English test, but knew she had spent enough time the previous night. She fought back brief snippets of the nightmare as she left.

Since the English classroom was at the far end of the building on the second floor, Carol had to hurry to make it on time. A bank of windows lined the west side of the room, and the sun was beginning to shine in across the counter. The white board extended across the entire wall behind Dr. Larson. Professor Bethany Larson sat at her desk, reviewing the test papers before handing them out. Carol took a seat, took out a pad of paper, and sharpened a pencil.

Class, when you finish this test, you are free to go today. Read ahead into chapters nine and ten of your texts in preparation for the next class. You may have a pad of paper to make notes, but please don’t use any references brought into class today. If you need extra writing space, you may add an extra sheet to the test. Be sure to include your name and the class name on all sheets. Any questions before we begin the test? Dr. Larson adjusted her glasses on her nose, looking out over the students.

The room remained silent. The test papers moved from the front to the back. The only sounds were the shuffle of feet and the rustle of papers, peppered with an occasional cough.

When Carol finished, she took her test to Dr. Larson’s desk and stapled on an additional sheet. She left the room in silence, picking up her backpack on the way out. The weather was a change from the chill of the day before. As she reviewed the test in her mind, she started across the quad, not noticing an approaching figure behind her.

Grant took her elbow from behind. Carol’s immediate reaction was to pull her arm away from him, whirling around to face him. She almost lost her balance. Once she recognized Grant, Carol looked down at the sidewalk, her cheeks warm and reddening.

Hey, what’s with you? he asked, and recoiled from her sudden movement.

I’m sorry, Grant. I was lost in thought, and I didn’t expect anyone to come up behind me. She twisted the tie on her backpack.

No problem. Got time for a coffee at the coffee shop?

Uh, sure, I guess. My classes are over for today, and I have time. Carol felt a little nervous walking with Grant, but she remembered her plan.

They walked to the coffee shop, with Grant talking the most. He related his experience in his biology class. He made a huge mistake with a dissection. The professor had given him a rough time, making Grant an example of how not to do it. He was very embarrassed.

The coffee shop was on the very edge of campus. The theme of the shop was classic cars, and the walls displayed pictures of muscle cars of the sixties. A jukebox on the far wall played Bad Day. Thankfully, it played music from more recent recordings than the sixties. Students filled the booths along the walls and the tables covered with red and white checkered cloths. Posters of various movies and singers framed and decorated the walls. Carol and Grant found a booth near the front window, and Grant walked to the counter to get them each a coffee.

Sorry you didn’t make it to Rocky’s last night, he said, as he set her cup in front of her. She was surprised when he sat next to her