Enigma

By Kathryn David

Ariel had taken a journey to dig deep within her soul in an effort to uncover the mystery beneath the rubble that was her life.

She couldn't do this alone but tried nonetheless. Digging through doom and gloom, she had embarked on a mission to complete the task of finding out what her childhood was like and why she shouldn't remember it. Like so many out there, it mustn't have been too happy if she couldn't even remember that far back. This was the most traumatic expedition that had totally eaten through her very insides, both mentally and physically. The people she had met lost souls like herselfthe living and the deadsome who would become her allies and others who didn't. It is an inexplicable story about the excavation and the methods used of how her past revealed itself and how this affected her present, it defies scientific and religious explanation.

Her battles in life started the day she was born. A baby stabbed mentally and physically abused and manipulated and used as a scapegoat.
Yet miraculously she survived this. Based on real events and real people, only their names have been changed.
Unexplainable events and awesome occurrences always seemed to saved her and it is for this reason she wanted to share her story, not to gloat or punish those who said they loved her or as an act of vendetta but more so to reveal how a human being can almost accept punishment and pain, expect it even and still forgive.
How a person can be tortured into thinking that they deserve to be treated a certain way and not expect any different. It is how she turned herself inside out and decided to fight this battle she struggled with her whole Life without going insane or killing herself. It was this battle fought with the help of a very specially gifted friend who enlisted the help of her grandmother, dead now since 1977 that is too overwhelming for her to believe but too surreal to keep a secret. It's time she shared it.

So many messages of growth and impending love. Conquests and tears and betrays and victories. Four years later Ariel looked back at these messages from her Grandmother, messages of the heart, lessons in life yet to come, not so much predictions but directions in a map, heading to one destination: charity . A road map to find herself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Feb 3, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503500716

Kathryn David

I am an only child brought into a life of hardship and confusion .Born in the late 1960’S. My whole life I knew I was different.I just didn’t know how very different I was until I was an adult. I had suspicions that I was watched over by something or someone but just shrugged them by the wayside. My suspicions were found to be right when I had met a woman who mediated between the dead and the living. Meeting this woman was the catalyst to my search for my truths. This was where my maddening had begun. This point was to become the point of discoveries and reconciliation for me. It was at a time I was vulnerable and naïve starting afresh from a broken marriage I had sought therapy from experts ,herbal,spiritual and clinical to try and puzzle my life and all that was happening to me . I had struggled with myself and the behaviousrs of others ever since and still do to this day. The post traumatic stress,related depression and anxiety I had suffered from the delayed discoveries of childhood mistreatment and myself as a person . I had attempted to end my life several times since childhood but had always been spared . I must have been blessed to be guarded by my departed loved ones.My whole life I had been watched and guided by my long departed grandmother. It wasn’t until I began opening up to belief did I find obstacles and ridicule. Being humble I still perservered despite disbelief and decided to cease my silence and reveal these truths to the world . However,the struggles I faced could only be fought by myself regardless of their guidance. It was with the conquering of my personal demons did I realize how powerful the Human Spirit is. Hence,the book I had written lays testament to the fact that our spirits can be broken but we can pull ourselves together if we have the will and realize our worthiness as human beings. The pain I had suffered at the hands of others penetrated me but I finally realized I had a purpose in Life,I owed my children their mother and those people who confided their sorrows to me the shoulder I offered ;despite my own pains. Our past can affect our present but the extent to which it does is totally dependant on our will as to how much. It was within my silence that my pain remained but now I am no longer silent.

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 by Kathryn David.

Library of Congress Control Number:          2014922556

ISBN:          Hardcover          978-1-5035-0073-0

                     Softcover           978-1-5035-0072-3

                      eBook                978-1-5035-0071-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 02/03/2015

Xlibris

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Contents

Dedication

Prologue

Preface

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Conclusion

Omega

Revealations

Epilogue

Biography

Bibliography

Dedication

To my two children, my greatest achievement of all

/ɪˈnɪɡmə/

noun

1.

a person, thing, or situation that is mysterious, puzzling, or ambiguous

Derived Forms

enigmatic (ˌɛnɪɡˈmætɪk), enigmatical, adjective

enigmatically, adverb

Word Origin

C16: from Latin aenigma, from Greek ainigma, from ainissesthai to speak in riddles, from ainos fable, story

(Collins English Dictionary – Complete & Unabridged 2012 Digital Edition © William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins Publishers 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2012)

Prologue

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

(Buddha)

When asked what her earliest childhood memory was, she struggled to answer. Ariel couldn’t remember anything before she was eight years old. This all changed when she reached forty-four years of age – the year she left her husband and began a life of her own with her two children. A big piece of her life lay hidden in the back of her mind behind an iron door. It was during the unearthing of her past truths that the madness had begun. She struggled to maintain positivity and clarity. She fought demons within her and within the world, trying desperately not to succumb to alcohol, drugs, or even suicide.

There was many a dark moment in her self-discovery or consciousness when she thought she would be defeated. How did she survive her past and become the woman she had become? How was she still alive? It was remaining positive throughout her ordeals which saved her. She had to see from a child’s perspective to understand what had happened to her and her suffering. It was naivety and acceptance.

But she remembered her promise that she had made to herself when she was a child, and that was that she would never treat her children the way her parents treated her. As an adult, she kept that promise and still forgave them for their ignorance and naivety. She learnt to never transfer her pain on to someone else. So she punished herself. Along with her dear friend, whom she called her soul sister, Hope, family from another realm, and a determined psychiatrist, she began to uncover her truths. The time had come for her to shut down the past and begin living within herself and the world.

She remained silent throughout and never shared her pain until now.

C’EST LA VIE

α

Preface

Her days were numbered from the day she was born. The scar she bore on her arm proved this to her. All she could do was look at the scar on her arm and wonder how it got there.

It’d been there forever, but she knew she didn’t do it.

The scar was noticeable and quite large, so everyone asked how it had got there. It was a scar from an infected needle that she had when she was a few weeks old, so she was told and that was what she believed.

Being cut with a knife was the beginning of a succession of her traumas, but she remembered that she never spoke a word of it to anyone and never shared her pain.

Whether she hid this pain out of fear or mere acceptance at the time, it was questionable. But she did remember that as she grew older her memories of all this started to disappear.

But one day her past began to penetrate her present.

She saw the scar every day and wondered how it got there. She was to find this out many years later as an adult.

She remembered her mother telling her it was because of an infected needle she had received as a baby. She had believed her story up until a few years ago.

It was the uncovering of the truth behind the scar that led to a series of revelations that would shock her and those whom she revealed them to.

It was not the uncovering of these truths alone that almost drove her to madness, but the process she was to undertake and the manner in which they were revealed to her that nearly drove her insane.

Do you believe the dead can come back from the dead? Do you believe in divine intervention? Did you ever question why and how you cheated death? Are there really guardian angels? Can spirits of our loved ones really help us when we are in darkness?

The woman who helped her through her process of delayed discovery was the one who would change her life forever.

She called the woman her soul sister, the one who spoke to ghosts, but most of all, the woman who was her link to the afterlife and the people long gone encouraged her to tell you her story.

Sometimes those that say they love us the most hurt us the most. But sometimes the truth unveils itself in mysterious ways, in ways we ourselves cannot believe and struggle to comprehend.

What if answers were unveiled from messages and dreams from another realm, which even suspend your own disbelief?

This is how she found out about herself and the scars she bore her whole life. She was led into a world of mysticism and sorcery, soul-searching and madness.

She justified her treatment as punishment for crimes conducted sometime long before she was born – in reincarnation.

Perhaps she was the scapegoat. The sins and curses of others were transferred to her, the goat, who would upon receiving them run off into the woods, carrying them with her, never to be seen again. Their pains were transferred and miraculously dissolved, leaving them free to continue with their lives pain free.

But she, the goat, was burdened with them.

What if the goat turned back in refusal, not willing to accept the burdens?

The goat reached a level of consciousness in the wrong that was conducted upon it and in its wrath rebelled or saw that it was not the sole purpose of its being and so decided to change that.

She searched for answers in science, religion, and the occult to understand her battle between good and evil, her struggle with her own perception of what was happening to her and her struggle to understand her madness and survive this battle unscathed.

She kept on reminding herself it was not fiction, to grasp an understanding of what was happening to her. She documented everything day to day to help herself come to grips with the unveiling of her truths and what was happening around her.

Experts called her paranoid, delusional, a manic depressant, and even a pathological liar. She even consulted a priest, who believed she was in touch with the Antichrist. She was seen as frail and insecure, – a pathetic excuse for a human being who had no one else to blame but herself – so gullible, so naive. She believed this, too, until one day when she proved those who questioned her sanity to be completely wrong.

She had to prove this to herself. She had to speak up and stand her ground. She had to unstitch the stitches that had kept her lips shut her whole life. No more silence.

Sometimes it’s easier to believe lies than truths. The truth can cut more like a knife than a lie. The darkness in which she lived engulfed her very being and almost her sanity; it cost her dearly financially, mentally, and physically. She was tempted to end this many times but was saved. She had to conquer her pains before they conquered her.

Her children were her life force and the only reason that she didn’t follow through with her own self-destruction. They were the reason she took this journey of self-realisation, as her pains were affecting them.

She had to do this for herself and for them. How she escaped this darkness she even questioned herself to this very day. But she managed to do so and was alive today.

The scar was still there – pronounced and unabashed, a reminder of another person’s displacement of pain.

Such was her life, and in a way, it was the same now, but the difference was her response.

For in silence there was peace, but in silence there was also pain. Her pain was in her silence.

Now the silence had broken and she was no longer in pain. She forgave herself and those who hurt her.

So she began to search for answers about herself – to unlock the iron door, and with this attempt, she unlocked a series of unexplainable events that had tormented her. Along with her dear friend;soul sister, Hope, and a determined psychiatrist she began to uncover her truths.

She had taken her skeletons out and now she had to fight them. What she thought was imagined, too surreal, were now coming to life and proving to be a reality.

This is about her childhood, her story, her past, which was too surreal for even her to comprehend, let alone others. Her past had trickled into her present and almost driven her to a point of madness. She was an adult and thought how did a child bear this when she couldn’t handle it herself. This story is her life and the process she underwent its discovery. She went through physical and mental struggle so as to not let those events impact her as an adult. She looked back in disbelief on how a child survived it without damage because as an adult it had brought her to her knees – the realisation that this child was her. The question in her mind was not just the ‘why’ but the ‘how’ she managed to not kill herself, perhaps not just physically or mentally but by searching for outlets such as alcohol, drugs, or suicide.

Her question to herself was: How did she hide her pain throughout her life and rise above it all?

I would rather die a meaningful death

than to live a meaningless life.

Corazon Aquino

Chapter 1

To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine

(Alexander Pope)

She could feel a presence, felt that uncomfortable feeling of being watched. The hairs rose on her arms and tears began to well. She felt this more often now than ever before. It wasn’t something she had noticed before; she was young and naive. Now she was older, not so much wiser but more attentive to the things around her. As she sat in her psychiatrist’s office, she pondered about what she was going to tell him. She had never been in this situation before and wasn’t sure she wanted to be there anyway.

His office was stuffy and small, but still cosy and welcoming. He was a spiritual man; she could tell by the diverse collection of religious idols of all religious denominations.

I guess he won’t be totally shocked when I tell him what’s going on with me, she thought to herself.

Finally, he entered, a tall Indian man with a long beard, but she could tell by his clothing and shoes that he had class and taste. Photos around his room were of his family taken in London and his homeland. ‘Great! He is a family man.’ She began to relax and settle. He reached for his clipboard and prepared himself for her . This was their first meeting and Ariel could tell he was analysing her physically. Her mental state was another matter. She was deceptive; physically, she never showed her anguish and loss, but inside it was a different matter. She had been at point zero for such a long time that she was numb to her own emotions and floated through life now like a feather in the wind, carried by the forces, not by her own. Her present was dictated by the day; her past came to her at night in dreams and other-worldly messages; and her future was non-existent.

Then began the staring game until he spoke.

‘So, Ariel, why do you think you needed to see me?’ he asked.

He had such a gentle voice with a slight English twist.

‘I need to make sense of my life, I guess. I think I’m losing the plot, Doc,’ she replied, rubbing her hands together and picking at her nails.

That was it; she couldn’t say anything after that. He sat patiently, taking in her inability to share her thoughts. Instead, he tried to read her mind.

She broke the silence and asked him about his artifacts in his room, totally diverting the conversation from herself to everything else.

She always detracted from conversations about herself, a trait she had taught her self from childhood.