Up and Down the Stream

By Anahita Jadid Shahnaz Jazan Ebrahimzadeh Ph.D

This dramatic work is about Misery, the mother of twins who are separated shortly after their birth. Misery works as a housekeeper for the entitled and obsessive Mrs. White Palace. Due to Miserys poverty, she is unable to afford quality prenatal care and is thus ignorant of the fact that she has carried twin girls to term. Upon the occasion of the birth, through an act of malicious bureaucracy, Mrs. White Palace takes one of the newborn children as her own without Miserys knowledge or consent.

For the next several years, Misery remains in Mrs. White Palaces employ, tending to her every tedious and unreasonable need. Although she is in daily contact with both of her children, even breast-feeding both at the request of Mrs. White Palace, Misery remains oblivious to the fact that the girl raised as GateLand White Palace is, in fact, her own child.

A large theme of the book involves a comparison of the ritual and cultural practices of the upper and lower classes. While Misery and her daughter, ghettolanD, live in near squalor, inhabiting a trailer on Mrs. White Palaces lawn, they simultaneously serve the gluttonous wishes of the newly elite. The cultural theories of Ayn Rand and Iain Banks are brought into stark contrast against the dramas of the characters lives. Mrs. White Palaces drive for individualism and possession of nearly everything and person she sees ultimately leads to delusion, corruption, and self-absorption.

The novel takes place in a universe of magical realism. The human narrative is enhanced by the appearance of forces of power beyond human understanding. The question raised by these forces is one of justice. In the realm of late capitalism, is equality merely a myth? The actions of the characters also serve as an inquiry into the ethics of abuse, retribution, and forgiveness.

Ultimately, the novel is a call for justice. In exposing the circumstances inflicted upon Misery and her children, adding to the already painful and burdened existence of a disenfranchised woman, the novel seeks to touch the root of latent human conceptions of inequality and the desire to possess. At the close of the book, redemption is found for some, while others are left to live out their broken ideologies, leaving the reader with two lingering questions: Is justice universal, and can it be achieved in this world?

Each chapter of the book is accompanied by a study guide, written for upper-level high school and college students. The goal of the questions found here is to foster group discussion and an examination of personal philosophies and beliefs. The questions are both specific to the text at hand (inquiring into the actions and decisions of the characters) and also general (looking into the fundamentals of judgment, ethics, and consciousness).

Part 1, the novel, will be of interest to adolescents and young adults interested in social issues, particularly themes of equality.

The novel could fit nicely into the curriculum of English, literature, philosophy, and social studies classes, guiding students to engage with intrinsic and extrinsic values in life, including both material values and ultra-maters. These questions will push students to be more critical of their surroundings: home environment, community, culture, and finally, the human society as a whole. The purpose of this novel, the theme, is to enlighten the reader to go beyond the drive for tangible entities, material wealth, and to understand that other intangible things could also have equal value in life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 12, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503567832

Anahita Jadid Shahnaz Jazan Ebrahimzadeh Ph.D

My love to write prose and poems came by reading translations of Twain, Thoreau, Hugo, Whitman, Poe, and Emerson. I am also influenced by Persian writers and poets Hedayat, Behrangy, Ferdousi, Saadi, Rumi, Etasami, Farokhzad, etc. After coming to the United States, I have studied and worked in several fields, mostly in psychiatric settings. I also taught nursing at Metropolitan Community College. My formal education in the United States includes a BS, a BA, a BS, a BSN, an MSN, and a PhD. My degrees are almost all in science, which celebrates the inflexible and absolute medical tradition. However, a person is required to know different views and fields (science and the humanities) in order to clearly differentiate various ways of thinking. I received science degrees not only to know its contribution to humanity but also its limitations. Prose and poetry are my love, my leisure, and the outcome to the pains of society that have given birth to my worldview. My love for writing exceeds my materialistic need. My desire is to spread my experiences, my views, which I think could be helpful for broadening the perspective of youths, young adults, and also older adults. My dream is to ignite the thinking of others, to reflect on and reevaluate their values and philosophical notions of their lives. Education and literature have had such a powerful impact on my life, and giving back to these experiences is more than worth my time. My love, my determination, and my heart are in human characters and values and the bridges between the classes, races, and all the isms of our time.

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Copyright © 2015 by Anahita Jadid Rashidi Shahnaz Jazan Ebrahimzadeh.

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without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Rev. date: 06/10/2015

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Contents

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1 GateLand and ghettolanD

Chapter 2 Remembering the Past

Chapter 3 Regretful Memory of Her Sister, Melancholy

Chapter 4 Misery’s Reflection upon Her Father’s Memory

Chapter 5 The Perception of Time: Two Different Classes

Chapter 6 Misery’s Perception of Mrs. White Palace

Chapter 7 Misery’s Labor Pains

Chapter 8 The Past of Mrs. White Palace

Chapter 9 Mrs. White Palace Sends Silvia to Check on Misery

Chapter 10 Mrs. White Palace Chastises Herself for Not Planning Well for Misery’s Delivery

Chapter 11 Dr. Fraudster’s Decision in Misery’s Labor

Chapter 12 Misery’s Hospitalization

Chapter 13 Twins Are Born

Chapter 14 Mrs. White Palace’s Arrival

Chapter 15 Mrs. White Palace, the New Mother

Chapter 16 Mrs. White Palace’s Perception: The Rich Deserving the Power, and the Poor, Otherwise

Chapter 17 Misery’s Dilemma on Choosing Her Baby’s Name

Chapter 18 Desperation of Misery to Work

Chapter 19 Misery’s Reflections of Feeding another Person

Chapter 20 Hiding the Birth of Twins

Chapter 21 Tattooing ghettolanD

Chapter 22 The Message of the Yin/Yang

Chapter 23 Meaning of Hospitalization for the Poor

Chapter 24 The Day of Departure

Chapter 25 Researching an Exotic Tattoo for GateLand

Chapter 26 Mrs. White Palace Giving the News of Tattooing GateLand

Chapter 27 The Comfort Zones of the Rich and the Poor

Chapter 28 Silvia Begins to Help Misery

Chapter 29 Mrs. White Palace’s Kind Heart to Act

Chapter 30 Misery Moving to Care for GateLand

Chapter 31 Arrival of Misery to the New Place

Chapter 32 First Breast-Feeding

Chapter 33 The Ritual and Expectation of Breast-Feeding the Rich and the Poor Babies

Chapter 34 Second Breast-Feeding

Chapter 35 Mrs. White Palace Checking for Slowness of Her Daughter’s Developmental Stage

Chapter 36 Mrs. White Palace’s Attempted Deception of Changing the Babies

Chapter 37 Mother Recalling Her Daughter’s Kindergarten Years

Chapter 38 The Rituals of Etiquette for the Rich and the Poor

Chapter 39 Girls’ Schooling and Their Accomplishments

Chapter 40 Separation of GateLand and ghettolanD

Chapter 41 GateLand and ghettolanD’s Lives after Graduation

Chapter 42 ghettolanD’s Decision Going to College

Chapter 43 ghettolanD’s College Life

Chapter 44 ghettolanD’s Time in Medical School

Chapter 45 GateLand’s Letter

Chapter 46 GateLand Continuing Her Higher Education

Chapter 47 The Life of GateLand after College

Chapter 48 GateLand’s Hospitalization

Chapter 49 Mrs. White Palace Searching for Misery and ghettolanD

Chapter 50 ghettolanD and Misery Visiting GateLand

Chapter 51 Desperation of Mrs. White Palace for Her Daughter’s Situation

Chapter 52 The Last Time Seeing All of Them Together

Chapter 53 Silvia and ghettolanD Together

Chapter 54 Finally All Rested Together

Chapter 55 Misery’s Mental Health

Chapter 56 The Last Chapter of Their Lives

Critical Questions For Up And Down The Stream

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to thank the many friends, colleagues, professors, and family in my life who have given inspiration for the thoughts and themes in this work. I am indebted to so many voices and thinkers who have shaped my thought process and supported me to intellectually grow through formal and informal education. These people have enlightened my worldview and commitment to equality. They include: Karim Abbas; Virginia Aita; Marijana Alai and Kossi Alai, Ariel Alai, and Arian Alai; Gara Alsaadi; Jane Amoura, Jean Amoura and Mohmmad Odeh, Ibrahim Amoura-Odeh, Mahmood Amoura, Sana Amoura-Patterson, William Patterson, and Zarifeh Patterson; Mary Eileen Andreason; Bonnie Armstrong, Kendra Knott, Jason Knott Sr., Jason Knott Jr., Beatrice Porter, Gwendolyn Campbell Cooper, Ronald Cooper, Joyce Washington, Leonard Cooper, Estella Moore; Violeta and Jesus Asuncion, and Justin Asuncion; Adriel Baltimore; Cheryl Baird; Suzanne Barrett; Jean Bartek; Setareh Bekhrad and her sons and daughters, Fatmeh Bekhrad and family, Mohammad Bekhrad, Zainab Bekhrad and family, Ezzat Bekhrad and Ali Mahammad Ebrahimi, Hamid Mohammad Ebrahimi, and Navid Mohammad Ebrahimi; Urla Benjamin; Steve Betterman and Marlene Watson Betterman, Alison Betterman; Dan Blair; Kaniz Changiziyan and family; Pari Changiziyan and family; Abas Changizian and Family; Parvaneh Changizian and family; Golbaroon Cherami; Shahnaz Cherami, Shahrbanoo Cherami; Carolyn Boris; Susan Boust; Jim Burger; Emma Bradley; Steve Bridget; Anastasia C Burke; Judi Carrigan; Cheryl Caster and Gene (Skip) Dinkel; Senator Ernie Chambers; Jawaher Changizi and family; Bahar Changizy and family; Fatemeh Changizy and family; Kobra Changizi and family; Soghra Changizi and family; Masoumeh Changizi and family; rogheyeh Changizi and family; Reza Changizi and family; Senobar Cherami and family; Pari Changizian and her children; Tina Clark-Martin and Leroy Martin, Krystal Clark; Sue Clark; Melissa Cline; Rodney Cope; Denica Coombs; Betty Craft; Lennie Davis; Frances Mendenhall; Misteree and Percy Ray Kimiri Kuria Davis; Sherry Decker; Cindy Desantiago and family; Michael Dickmeyer; Danielle Drummond; Margie Dubes, Rick Dubes, David Dubes, Deanna Dubes, Ken Dubes, Debbie Dubes, and Keith Dubes; Jack Dunn and family; Ruth Duque; Frank Edler and family; Matthew Egbert and family; Sylvia Elia; Sarah L. Emanuel; Lynne Farr; Michele M. Fischer; Phyllis Gosier; Gabrielle Gosier; Carol Gill and family; Amy Goodman and Juan González; Phyllis Gosier; Marilyn Green; Julie Griffin; Harvey Leavitt; Muhammadamin Hafizov; Diana Hackensen; Kathy Halverson-Rigatuso; Lee Hardy; Keith Hatting and family; Gladys and Jeff Haunton, Chet Hauton; Teresa Teri Hartman; Paul Hayes and family; Bev Heyes; Steve and Jane Horn; Laura Howe and family; Mary Hruska-Buckley, Chris Hruska; Betty J Hu Perez; Diane Hughes and Patrick Hughes; Majharul Islam; Kerry Johnson; Gail and Scott Johnson; Tiffany Johnson; Azam and Mashaallah Khodadad Mostashiri; Freshteh Khodadad Mostashiri; Behzad and Sepidheh Khodadad Mostashiri and their daughters and their sons and children; Ali Khodadad Mostashiri and family; Shamsi Khoddami; Jerry and John King; Lillie Diann Koranda and Katrina Renae Bowen; Sharon Kratky; Andrea Lang and her mother; Anh Le; Harvey Leavitt; Madeleine Leininger; Abbi Loehr; Scott Mahoney; Kathryn Mansuri, Mary Kathryn Mansuri, Edan Mansuri; Jeff Manzer; William and Wanda Marsh; Onie Mathew; Kathy McMurray and Philip McMurray; Dale and Angie McMurray,; Michael McMurray, Justi McMurray, and Shylee McMurray; Mary and Keith McNamee, Siobhan McMullen; Sue Meester and her family; Hoori and Ebrahim Mesbah; Sufia Mesbah and family; Fariba Mesbah and family; Diane Moeller; Margaret Moore; Norma Morehouse; Diana Murrell; Ahmad, Paloma, and Ava Nazaraghaie and Nasrin Sibandi Nazaraghaie; Jackie Neal; Margaret and Devan Niebling; Alyssa Otero; Dora Paige; Alyssa Richter; Raine Burns; Iryna Partem; Doug Paterson; Debi Pittock and family; Ruth Pkasier; Tooran (Zahra) Raki and her son Rouzbeh Badie; Timothy and Andrea, Lauren, and Jameson Rayner; Evelyn Reinthaler; Leslie Rock; Sue Rollins; Jenny and Carleigh Ross; Kay F. Ryan; Barb Salama-Ramsie; Susan Sanchez; Tiffany M. Johnson; Donna Sarway, Kabin Sarwary, Tameem Sarway Sr. Sameena Sarwary, Monica Moriis, Tameem Sarwary Jr., Jordon Sarwary, Nasima Sarwary; Cathy M Schnieders; Donna Schense; Cindy Schmidt; Megan Shadden; Deborah Smith and Darran Salinas, Juan Salinas, and Jadyn Salinas; Ashish Sharma; Zarina Sherazee; and family; Jane Smith; Kylie Snow; Annie Spencer; Sara Linz Staroska; Jackie Stott and Chelsea Stott; Dale Stover; Lyle Sypal; Majid (Toni) Taheri Karimi and family; Zohereh Walibagi Tahghipoor and Brother Mosa Taghipoor and their son and daughter; Patricia Taye, Edwin Taye, Bill Taye, Mary Taye, Terrance Taye, Jenniffer Taye; Carmen Tegells; Mark Ternes; Betty and Larry Thurman, Ann Thurman, and Craig Thurman, and Steve Thurman; Betty Tighe; Susie Tyrrell; Pat Walkemeyer; Susan Ward; Suzanne, Jocelyn, and Lindsey Ward; Ruth Weyant-Lindhout, Mark, and Ethan Weyant-Lindhout; Dawn Wilson; Deb Windom, Angelique Windom, Derrek Windom, Noelle Shaffer, Nolan Windom, James Windom Don Young; Zainab Haq and family ; Ali Zain Khan and family; Salaha Zakaraia-Baig; Mary Vogt; Mary Zoleny; Fatmeh Jazan Ebrahimzadeh Kashanizadeh and Vali Mohammad Kashanizadeh, Parvin (Eshrat) Kashanizadeh and Masoud and Milad Afravi; Anahita Kashanizadeh Jamshidi and Khosro Jamshidi, Arvin and Avisa Jamshidi; Roia Kashanizadeh; Jila Kashanizadeh and Siros and Abtin Mehrshahizadeh; Mitra Kashanizadeh and Ramin and Delara Hooshmandi; Vida Kashanizadeh and Soroosh Reihani, Naeirika Reihani, Peroshat Reihani; Mehrnoosh Kashanizadeh and Khodayar Farzaneh, Andia Farzaneh, and Arsham Farzaneh; Daryoush Kashanizadeh and Fariba Abtahi and Rayan Kashanizadeh; Zartohst Kashanizadeh and Karolina Domanska; Mohammad Mirza Kashanizadeh and Manigeh Kashanizadeh and family; Gholam Kashanizadeh and family; Abdoli Kashanizadeh and family; Privash Kashanizadeh and family; Homyoun Kashanizadeh and family; Kadhigegh amoo kalaghmoohamad and family; Parvin Kashanizadeh; Setareh and Darvish Fakhrabadi; Soghra Fakhrabadi and family; Fatemeh Fakhrabadi and family; Shahnaz Fakhrabadi and family; Fatemeh Fakhrabadi and family; Shahnaz Fakhrabadi; Masaud Fakhrabadi and family; Maasoomeh Fakhrabadi and family; Marjan Fakhrabadi and family; Rogheyeh Fakhrabadi and family; Behnam Frazmand and family; Bagom and Safar Jazan Ebrahimzadeh, Poori (Poran) Poursina, Kaveh Poursina, Sahar Poursian and family; Ali Poursina and family; Alexaner Poursina; Azadeh Pousina; Ghamar Jazan Ebrashimzadeh and family, Yoosef Jazan Ebrashimzadeh and family; Abas Jasan Ebrahimzadeh and family, Esmat Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and Reza Kangizian and family, Abbas Jazan Ebrashimzadeh and family; Ali Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and family; Hosein Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and family; Fatemeh Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and family; Esmat Jazan Ebrahimszadeh and family; Tooran Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and family, Iran Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and family, Sima Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and Abdol Samad Parhizkar and family; Hooshang Jadid Rashidi; Hossain Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and family; Ismael and Mansureh Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and Mansoureh Jazan Ebrahizadeh; Khashayar Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and family; Emad Jazan Ebrahimzadeh and family; Iran Jazan Ebrahim Zadeh and family; Khadigeh, Fatemeh, Mariam, Abbas, and Zahra Sharif; Rohi khanum (Sofia’s Mother), Sofia, Silvan, and Fariba Mesbah and their family members; Donna Schenese; Nahid Jazan Ebrahimzadeh, Devon Niebling and Margaret Niebling; Pari Janzan Ebrahimzadeh and Hassan Poursina, Farahad Poursina and Mariam Poursina, Fatmeh (Hanieh) Poursina, Mahdieh poursina;. Farzad Poursina, Farshad Poursina, and Shirin (Farzaneh) Poursina; Malek Kashanizadeh, Mirza and Manigeh Kashanizadeh, Parvaneh, Parivash, Nasrin, Homayoon, Ketayoon, and Gholam Kashanizadeh and family, Abi Kashanizadeh and family, Khosro Kashanizadeh and family, Mehrzad and Kashanizadeh; Jamshid Poursina and family; Mohammad Reza Poursina and family; Shariar Poursina and family; Soghra Poursina and family; Kobra Poursina and family; AliReza Poursina and family; Tajma Poursina and family; Zahara (Tooran) RaKi and Roozbeh Badie, Fatemeh Sarahadi and family; Zainab Sarhadi and family; Zahra Sarhadi and family; Kobra Sarhadi and Gholam Sarhadi and family; Benjamin Simon; Teresa Walker; Martin and Sharon Wetzel and family; Masoomeh Zalekiyan; Roghieh Zalekian; Kobra Zalekian; Jalen Knottt, Jayxon Knott, and John Cooper.

Additionally, I owe special thanks to the panel of Writers’ Club at the Metropolitan Community College Writing Center: Sana Amoura Paterson; Ryan Brown; Sam Chesters; Shelley Donnelly; Lorraine Duggin; Elizabeth Farrell; Kris Fulkerson; Dora Gerding; Kathleen Havlik; Victoria Hecker; Eve Hermanson; Katie Hupp; Chad Jorgensen and Hollie, Win, Linde, and Wright Jorgensen; Erin Joy; Natasha Kessler; Jeannie Kocher; Patrick Mainelli and Amy and daughter Wilder; David Martin and family; Brett and Becky Mertins, Joe Mertins, and Will Mertins; Ian Mitchell; Nancy Mitchell; Joseph Michael Owens and Jennifer; Joseph Owens; Tegan Robinson; Sara Lihz Staroska; Marni Valerio.

CHAPTER 1

GateLand and ghettolanD

Twin sisters GateLand and ghettolanD were separated an hour after their births. Their mother, Misery, had no idea she was carrying twins. Only her heart, which was normally located about ten centimeters, more or less, from her abdomen, whispered her congratulations on the movements of the two creatures during the fourth month of her pregnancy. Her logic and ignorance of the facts told her otherwise though. Still her heart persisted. Maybe I could have two sons, a son and a daughter, or two daughters as my mother had with me and my twin sister, who was only five when she died of a severe infection.

CHAPTER 2

Remembering the Past

Misery, after contemplating having twins, reflected on her childhood: Poor Mom. She blamed herself for years for my sister’s death since she had neither money nor access to take my twin to the clinic as frequently as she should.

I also had and still have my baggage full of regret to blame and shame myself. I was actually the one who harmed my sister in different ways by eating her food when she was sick and could not eat that much, which was very frequently. She was too slow to eat her food or did not eat at all. Most often, we did not have enough food to begin with, and hunger took its toll.

For years, I have thought of my sister, Melancholy, and I always feel a deep part of me died with her. The darkness of my actions toward her haunted every moment of my life because I satisfied my own hunger—which inflicted pain, sickness, and finally death upon her. I was taking her share. I sometimes wonder, What really happened to her? Whether it was me causing my sister’s death, or Mom who could not afford to get medicine for her, really does not matter. Only her disappearance matters now.

I remember the time my eyes stared at her plate as soon as I emptied my own. My hands also moved toward her food and pulled her plate toward me without seeing any resistance from her. I did not do it because I wanted to harm her; in fact, I loved her very much. I did it because the food on my plate could barely satisfy my long-lasting daily hunger. A four- or five-year-old child, satisfying her hunger, I guess, does not intend to harm anyone. My sister’s plate was even smaller and had less than mine. Since the sickness had taken a toll on her and left her with no desire for food, I simply took her food with no resistance from her.

I was a child and was happy being able to take a little more food for my empty stomach even though my sister’s stomach perhaps was as empty as—if not more so than—mine. Yet she did not say much. I loved my sister very much, and every night before closing my eyes, I asked my Creator to return her health to her. But when we had very little to eat, and we had to go to bed hungry—which was not that rare—I would ask myself, How could things be changed? I also prayed my sister would be healthy, and I would no longer suffer from hunger.

Yet I was quite aware if my sister’s health improved, she would perhaps eat more or resist my taking her food so that I would end up eating less.

CHAPTER 3

Regretful Memory of Her Sister, Melancholy

Misery then thought, There was one night that I have never forgiven myself for when I was very hungry and had to go to bed with even less food than other nights. I asked my Creator to take my sister, Melancholy, so I would not suffer from the evil of hunger anymore. Then I could have her food. As far as I can recall, it was only that night that I had the evil thought to wish for the death of my other part, my dear sister. I know I loved and still love her so much even though she is not here now.

Sometimes, I felt that if I had my father, my mother would not have had to work so hard, and we would not have to be hungry all the time. But no one was there to talk to—to ask, to blame. I only talked to my mind and did not search for a particular answer since I had already asked many times, and l had been left without any response.

CHAPTER 4

Misery’s Reflection upon Her Father’s Memory

Misery vaguely recalled when her mother talked to her about her father. Misery tried to reconstruct the memory, and she remembered the cold night when her mother was with her in bed and Misery asked her, How come I don’t have a father and other kids do? Her mother told her, Your father went to a place that is much better than being here with us. Then she remembered that her mother said they lost their father, she guessed, when they were barely two years old. She reflected, My mother always would say he is at peace now. I wonder why he did not take us with him and chose to go alone.

Misery thought, I had a little memory of him to keep; however, there have been plenty of fantasies of him to hang on to. I did not know who he was and how he would treat me, my sister, and Mom if he was with us. Nevertheless, I wanted him to see our situation and stay in the place that we were to feel our agony on one hand; on the other hand, I wanted him to show me love and to get his love too.

So his presence was in our cubic room all the time. A ghostly, angelic, dark image had been located in the place where it was too cold and too small to be called a room for three people: My mother, myself, my sister, and also his image were there too to feel the darkness, the coldness, and the roughness of our life since it was unfair to us to feel it alone. Consequently, my mother had our father’s picture across the entrance door of our cagelike room in order for him to be a part of our family, to be able to feel our life as we experienced it.

She reflected further, Most of the time, his vivid image seemed waiting for us to come and lessen the room’s coldness by his bodily heat. However, my mood determined his image. For instance, if I was mad, he would be blamed and become a bad dad. If I was happy, which was very rare, he became an excellent dad. Therefore, his portrait would change depending upon my day, and my tolerance to respond to my empty stomach easily would change his picture’s image from being kind to the opposite.

Sometimes, through his picture, I would see him waiting for us to listen to our reports from school as other fathers did. After we had greeted him, he was also interested about what we had done or would do during the day. It seemed like his demand for greeting him was too overwhelming to ignore. Many times, I saw myself standing by his picture talking to him. His image often would come alive to me as he listened to my complaints. Many times his lips would move, but I was unable to hear what he was teaching me—if he did it at all. I had also seen my mother stay face to face with him and stare at him for a long time. However, I didn’t know what my mother asked him or what his response was. Perhaps she would complain that she was too tired of the hard life, her hard work, and her own hunger too.

I don’t know why I have been in the ocean of my past fantasies and memories of my dark childhood. Nevertheless, I do not claim that I am in a better situation now. A person in my situation should not waste time reflecting on her past since it does nothing good and drains them.

CHAPTER 5

The Perception of Time: Two Different Classes

Misery often did not have time to reflect on her past. Suddenly, she looked outside and realized how careless she had been with her time. Then she told herself, I must leave my reverie and become aware of time—the time I have done nothing with. I had just been in a dark fantasy of my past. With all the time I spent, I could have done some cooking, cleaning, and washing.

Then she blamed herself by saying, Misery, don’t just sit and do nothing. Just thinking doesn’t do you any good. Thinking is not worth a dime. It poisons your mind.

But her mind rejected her and was still mapping her past and forcing her to connect it with her present time.

She was powerless against returning to the subject that she had blamed herself for earlier since it was taking her time, and at the same time, it required her to think about some issues. She thought, The best way is to deny what I am thinking, what has become of me, or what my wishes are in order to stop these unrealistic dreams.

Misery’s thoughts then diverted to the here-and-now sphere of time again. She could no longer procrastinate and develop her thoughts. She had to think about her job, her duty, and her chores first. Only then could she allow herself to spend time to reflect—unlike Mrs. White Palace, who was free to daydream and fantasize about anything she desired because