All for Love

By William Estabrook

I love you is often the first sentence we learn in the beginning, and then the last we hear at the end. It remains with us throughout our journey. Underway, love may bring out the best in us, but also the worst. Each of the twelve stories in this collection looks at love in a different way: love that is sweet or bitter, gained or denied, enduring or transient, encouraged or forbidden. The time span ranges from the here and now to the long long ago. We see how much in life is attempted and sometimes even achieved all for love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 21, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499017571

William Estabrook

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Copyright © 2014 by William Estabrook.

Cover Art

Equestrian Nude With Dogs

by William Estabrook

From a private collection

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 05/16/2014

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CONTENTS

By the Seashore

Valerian

Pretty

A Wandering Boy

Literal Fantasy

The High Way

Mr. Pennington

The House on Zero Street

Beatrice and Beyond

A Boy

The Havatopi Princess

An Original Source

BY THE SEASHORE

T he time was six o’clock on a Friday evening in the month of October. A cold raw wind was gusting in off the ocean. As the young woman walked along the pier toward the spot that she had selected, she saw that a man was standing there. He appeared to be an older person and he was alone. She stopped several feet away from him and paused. After a moment of hesitation, she approached him. He looked at her. Their eyes met.

Nasty day, she said.

That’s a cruel ocean breeze, he replied. Is it always like this?

In the fall. You’re not from around here?

No. I’m from the city.

Vacationing?

She waited for his answer but he gave none.

Would you mind, she asked, if I stood here with you for a while?

If you wish.

She moved closer to him.

Supposed to be a nice day tomorrow, she offered. That’s what they said anyway.

I won’t be here tomorrow.

Going back home?

He shrugged but said nothing. She pulled her coat more tightly around her. He looked at her and she looked away. An awkward silence arose.

I came over here, she said finally, because I couldn’t help wondering what a man like you would be doing, standing out here on the pier in this weather. And all by himself.

He leaned against the railing and stared down at the surf that was crashing against the rocks below.

Almost like you were planning to do something, she continued.

Oh? Like what, for instance?

I don’t know. Something.

And if I were?

It would depend. Maybe I’d have to try to talk you out of it.

Is that what people do? Come out here in order to do something they should be talked out of?

Yes, some do.

You’ve seen that happen?

I read the papers. It’s pretty horrible

I suppose there are better methods, if that is what a person had in mind.

She shrugged and remained silent.

So, she asked, is that really what you came out here to do? Jump in?

He smiled, and then he chuckled.

As a matter of fact, he replied, it is. Had you not come along, I’d be down there right now. In the water.

Good thing I did.

Perhaps.

So what are you going to do now? Wait till I leave?

Yes.

What if I stay here?

Why would you want to do that? It’s not your affair.

It just seems like such a waste. You’ve still got a lot going for you. Good looking. Well dressed. Plenty of hair. That nice steel gray.

He smiled.

I can’t help but wonder, he said, why it is that you are here. What could possibly motivate a young lady like yourself to seek out a place like this?

I’ve got my reasons.

But you’re not going to tell me what they are?

It’s nobody else’s business.

What if I were to say that I have a theory about that?

So? Lots of people have theories about things.

I think you came here for the same reason that I did.

And what if?

Then I should be obliged to talk you out of it.

It wouldn’t work. My situation is completely different.

So there we have it. Neither of us can deter the other. There’s no turning back.

Looks that way.

Well then, now that it’s all settled, which one of us should leap first? You or I?

I don’t know. We could do it together.

Not a bad idea. But of course there’s no great rush. We can talk for a while if you want. It might even be better to wait until it’s darker.

Sure. We might even talk first. You know, work out the details.

She leaned her elbows against the railing and propped her chin in her hands. She stared out at the sea. They remained silent for a minute or two.

It is kind of pretty here, though, she said. So sort of awesome and exciting in a what-the-hell kind of way.

If it’s the last thing you’re going to see, it might as well be a good one.

Amen to that. It’s funny, but I’m not scared any more. I feel all kind of peaceful. Like I’m really prepared to do it. I’m absolutely calm. How about you?

Yes. I am. Very much at peace. I’m glad we’re having this talk.

Me too. Totally. You know what? I’m actually getting hungry.

I was just thinking the same thing. We could, you know, go somewhere—a restaurant, say—and have a bite. The condemned person’s last meal, so to speak.

And when you really come to think abut it, this idea of ours, to jump into the water, is kind of dumb. There must be millions of better ways to do it.

I imagine there are. Infinite variations. If we put our minds to it, we could no doubt design a method that would be not only quick and certain, but also elegant.

All right. You talked me into it. If you want, we could go back to my place. It’s right close by. I’ll fix us something and we can talk the whole thing over. All night long, if we want.

What an extraordinary idea. I accept. Most gratefully. I suppose we might as well introduce ourselves.

Oh, I don’t know. Let’s keep it simple. After all, we’re not starting anything.

True. I’ll just be the man on the pier, and you’ll be the woman.

Let’s go. It’s only a couple of blocks from here.

Splendid. You live alone, I take it.

Starting this afternoon. Totally by myself.

Well then, off we go.

Would you do me a favor?

Anything.

Hold my hand while we walk. I guess I’m still a little shaky.

He slipped his hand into hers. They strolled to the other end of the pier and from there out onto the sidewalk. They crossed the street and traversed the three blocks that separated them from the woman’s apartment. She unlocked the door and switched on the light. They entered.

It’s quite lovely, he said.

Thank you.

There’s even a fireplace. Does it work?

Yes.

And you decorated this all yourself?

We did. Me and him. But it’s all mine now.

It’s good to be inside again, where it’s nice and warm.

Why don’t we go into the kitchen? We can talk while I throw something together. You like Italian?

My favorite.

Here, let me take your overcoat. Take of your tie, if you want. Make yourself comfortable.

Thank you, I will. My, these pictures are marvelous. Original oils, if I’m not mistaken.

He did them. Back at the beginning. I haven’t had a chance to burn them.

Tomorrow will be time enough, I should think.

She led him into the kitchen and invited him to sit at the table.

Is there anything I can do to help? he asked.

That’s OK. It’s just good to have somebody here to talk to.

I assume that things between you and him ended not just poorly but catastrophically.

You assume right. But let’s not get into all that, OK? I’ll just heat this up. It was all fixed already.

Looks wonderful.

I like to cook. It’s all I know, really. Cooking and keeping house.

Don’t minimize the importance of those skills. Believe me.

She turned on the oven and slid a long pan into it.

You can stay the night, she said. If you want to.

You’re inviting me to sleep here?

But don’t get any funny ideas. I have a couch that makes up into a bed.

I had no funny ideas, I assure you.

I couldn’t help thinking, you know—one last meal. One last this. One last that.

Not that you aren’t an extremely attractive young woman.

It’s so nice to be with a gentleman for a change.

Have you lived here long?

A while. I’m twenty-seven. How about you?

Actually, I’m fifty-two.

I used to consider this place my home, but no more. Not since today.

Again, our situations are similar. The house I used to call a home has suddenly become some place that I drive past and can observe only from afar.

Nothing’s permanent. Except, you know.

And that’s even more permanent than taxes.

Good to have something you can count on.

That’s where we are now. At the point of gallows humor. It’s actually rather comforting, though, sharing it with you.

I’ve got a bottle of Chianti I’ve been saving for a special occasion. You drink wine?

Whenever I have the chance.

She fetched the bottle and set it before him.

You want to open it? she asked. It’s kind of a guy thing.

It’s nice to be in the company of a lady who does not consider testosterone a lethal substance.

She smiled. She set two long stemmed glasses on the table. He opened the bottle and poured.

There’s enough food here for an army, she said. Here, I’ll fix your plate at the stove. There’s salad, too. I’ll get it.

She set the plates on the table and sat down. He raised his glass in a toast.

Here’s to nothing.

The only thing you can count on.

They smiled at each other. They drank. They began to eat.

I’d ask you how you like the sauce, she said, but you’d have to say it’s delicious. No matter what.

Just one taste of it has made the world a much better place to be in.

You certainly have the gift.

Which is?

The ability to say anything at all so nicely, like you really mean it.

You’re not the first to tell me that, although no one else has ever put it so gently.

You like the way I talk?

Of course.

You don’t think I’m stupid?

I think you’re smart and pretty and very orderly and one hell of a good cook.

And I know how to tap dance, too.

That goes without saying. Tell me, were you really going to, you know, jump in?

The only thing that stopped me was you being there first.

How ironic. We were both steadfast in our purpose but too timid to pursue it in front of another person, yet courageous enough to intercede on another’s behalf.

You sure talk funny.

And now we have joined forces so that each of us can help the other find the perfect way to do what we initially prevented the other from doing.

I guess.

If either of us falters, the other will be there to offer moral support and even provide any physical assistance that might be necessary.

That’s what we came here for, right?

Good food, good wine and good company. Before we part, we shall have become friends, linked together in the only truly unbreakable bond.

Uh-huh.

And we shall go laughing and smiling into that void, freely and happily and without hesitation.

More spaghetti?

Yes, please. You know what I propose?

What?

That we spend the remainder of the evening in a social way. Perhaps we could watch television together or read. You have books?

Nothing really good. But I do have lots of videos. I’m sure we can find something we’d both like to watch. We could even light up the fireplace. And there’s more wine. Plenty.

Perfect.

I’ll go put on my nightgown and robe and slippers. That’s how I like to watch television in the evening.

I’ll clear the table and wash the dishes. I haven’t done that since I was a boy.

I could fix us some snacks. You know, some munchies for while we’re watching.

I haven’t had such an evening in I can’t tell you how long.

We’ll do all sorts of things one more time. It’ll be fun. In fact, there’s still some pajamas and a robe and slippers here. He’s a lot—bigger than you, but it would fit close enough. It’s all freshly laundered.

I accept. I would love to get out of these clothes.

I’ll change first and then you go in. Isn’t this fun?

The best. I’ll spark up a blaze in the fireplace.

OK. I have those logs you buy in the market. Wrapped in paper and all you have to do is light it.

I know just what you mean. I’ll get right on it.

She left the room. He touched a match to a log and it flamed up. After she had changed into her evening costume, he went off to don his own new attire.

You know, she said, when they were together in the living room again, I have a really good feeling about this. I just know when we get down to it we’re going to work out something perfect.

Yes. I am completely free now of apprehension or misgivings or any negative feelings.

I have never in my life known anybody who talks like that.

Forgive me.

It’s all right. I like it. Sort of appropriate. Solemn like.

Let’s not be solemn. We should be carefree and joyous. We’re about to embark on a great adventure.

You’re right. I’m really getting in the mood. Did you find a video to watch?

I haven’t looked yet. What’s your preference?

I don’t care. One is as good as another.

Of course we could do something else.

Oh? What?

Sit quietly and drink our wine and eat our snacks and perhaps just talk. If that would be agreeable.

You’re a funny kind of guy. You know that?

I suppose I am.

You’re not always trying to force me to do what you want.

And you find that strange?

I sure do.

If you don’t mind my asking, with how many men have you had any sort of long term intimate relationship?

Who me? Lots. I’m not anybody’s little lost lamb.

No offense, but I can not accept that. I believe the man who deserted you was in fact the only man you have ever been close to. And you’re not twenty-seven years old. You are no more than, say, twenty-two.

What are you, some kind of lawyer or something? Putting me to the third degree?

Just curious.

I didn’t expect I’d have to pass some sort of test. Why can’t you just take me like I am? That’s what we agreed. You’re the man on the pier and I’m the woman.

Of course. Forgive my lapse. It was entirely unwarranted.

She looked down at her hands. She examined her finger nails closely, one by one. She turned her gaze back to him.

But if one of us wanted to tell something, she said, they could, right?

Of course.

OK. What if I was to tell you that it’s true, what you said. I am not twenty-seven. I only just turned twenty. And also—there’s something else. But I don’t know if you really want to hear it.

He remained silent. She drew in a deep breath and exhaled.

It’s just, she confessed, that I’m going to have a baby.

You are?

You’re shocked?

No.

Well, he was. In fact, he got really mad. He said it was all my fault. That I was stupid. Or I did it on purpose. He said I had to get rid of it. Right away.

And what did you say to that?

I told him that if my baby had to go, then I would go with it.

What was his response to that?

He just laughed. And called me an idiot. He was always saying that. So anyway, then I said some things to him and maybe used some bad words. Whatever. We had a really bad argument.

Certainly.

That went on for a while. And then all at once he said we were through. He was leaving me. Just like that. He threw some stuff in a bag and started out the door. Just before he slammed it he said that me and my brat could both go straight to hell.

Prior to that episode everything had gone well between you?

Pretty good. As long as I did what he told me.

And if not?

He’s very strong. And he likes to use his hands.

He abused you?

I don’t even want to talk about it. But believe me, there’s lots more. That’s not even the half of it.

Perhaps we should talk about something more pleasant.

She did not reply. He went to the book case and began to examine the store of videos. He found nothing worthwhile. He returned to her.

How would you like to go out for a little walk? she suggested.

A walk? We’ll have to change clothes again.

No, just like we are. In our robes and pajamas.

You’re serious?

Sure. What do we care who sees us?

True. At this point nothing matters.

Right. And if we catch a cold, so what? It won’t bother us.

It will be unusual, what you propose, but hardly illegal. Fun, actually.

He walked to the door and held it open for her. She stepped out and he followed her. She offered him her hand and he accepted it.

I’ve had dreams, she said, where I was walking around in my nightie, but I’ve never actually done it before.

A car passed them on the street. The driver stared at them. She waved and smiled.

He’ll be telling everybody tomorrow, she said.

That’s not a concept that we have to concern ourselves about any longer.

Not us. Tomorrow is a thing of the past.

How liberating that is. As if we’ve suddenly been rendered impervious to criticism. As the Romans used to say, ‘carpe diem.’ You’ve heard of that?

There you go again. Making me feel dumb.

No, I’m the dumb one. Failing to communicate my meaning.

You don’t always have to feel better than me, do you?

I am who I am. You are who you are. No measurements.

Like we’re equals, right?

Yes. Of course.

If I said I’m getting chilled to the bone and want to go back home now, you wouldn’t give me an argument.

As a matter of fact, I was somewhat hoping you might say something precisely along those lines. I am freezing.

Race you back.

She began to run down the sidewalk. He jogged after her. When he arrived at her front door, she was waiting for him.

I win, she smiled.

I win, too. I made it without collapsing.

She seized the knob and twisted it. The door swung open. They entered.

It’s smoky in here, he said. I must not have opened the flue properly.

No, that’s cigarette smoke.

How can that be?

Easy, came a voice from the kitchen.

Startled, they looked together toward the doorway. A young man stepped into view. He was of more than average height and girth. He was wearing denim jeans and an orange sweatshirt with words printed across the front of it. A cigarette was dangling from the corner of his mouth.

What are you doing here? she demanded.

I live here, remember?

Not anymore you don’t.

I changed my mind. I’m back.

It’s too late for that.

Says who? And who’s the geezer? Your grandfather?

He’s a friend of mine. I’m allowed, you know.

What’s he doing in my stuff?

Never mind about that. I want you to leave this instant.

Or what? Is grandpa here going to throw me out? I don’t think so.

You’re even a bigger jerk than I remembered you.

Careful what you say to me. I might have to knock some sense into you.

Look here, young man, the older man began, I think you should—

Can it, Pops. Nobody’s talking to you. Why don’t you get your own clothes on and get the hell out of here? While you still have a chance.

I’m not going anywhere.

Don’t bet on it, old man. Don’t be biting off more than you can chew.

You get your butt out of here, she said, or I’m calling the cops.

The boyfriend walked over to the telephone. He yanked the cord out of the wall and tossed the instrument into a corner.

You ain’t calling nobody, he grinned.

You miserable bastard.

I like it when you talk dirty, he said. It gets me in the mood. As soon as I throw grandpa here out, you and me are going to have a little fun.

I’d rather die first.

Cut the crap. Trying to look all pure in front of the old guy? You want me to tell him how me and you get it on all the time? Night and day? And now suddenly you’re turning me down?

Just go. Please. I’m begging you. Leave us alone.

Oh, so it’s us, is it? You and Pops? Did you tell him you’re already knocked up? By me? Does he know what he’s getting into with you?

Let’s try to be civilized, young man. The lady has told you that your presence here is unwelcome.

OK, that’s it, old man. You’re out of here.

The boyfriend advanced across the floor. The woman stepped between him and the older man. He grasped her by the neck and attempted to fling her aside. She kicked his leg and slapped at his face. He threw her to the floor and began punch down at her. The older man stepped over to the fireplace. He seized the poker in his right hand. He turned. With one swift blow, he struck the boyfriend across the left side of his skull. He collapsed down on the woman. She pushed him away from her. He rolled over and lay on his back. His eyes were open. They were staring up at the ceiling.

Are you all right? the older man asked the woman.

Yes. I think so.

You’re bleeding.

It’s my nose. He hit me in the face. He always does that.

He helped her to her feet. They moved over to the couch. She sat down and pressed the sleeve of her robe against her face. She looked at the figure that was lying on the floor.

What’d you do, kick him? she asked.

I struck him with the poker. Just as hard as I could.

You think he’s OK?

Unless I’m terribly mistaken, he is deceased.

You mean—he’s dead?

Quite thoroughly.

You sure?

Go see for yourself.

I’m not going near him.

Maybe we should throw something over him.

I’ll go get a sheet.

No, you stay there and rest. I’ll get it.

Thanks. They’re in the hall closet.

He returned with a white cloth and stretched it out over the corpse. He returned to the couch and sat down.

You’re sure he’s not just knocked out? she asked.

Absolutely certain.

What do we do now? Call the cops?

I do not believe that would be advisable. I suggest that we turn out the lights in here and remove ourselves to the kitchen. We can make coffee and eat cake and talk about what to do next.

You’re sure he’s actually dead?

As certain as one can be of anything.

Why don’t you check him again? Maybe he’s just faking. He’s like that. A terrible liar.

He returned to the young man and pulled aside the sheet. He pushed the eyelids shut. He slid the sheet back in place and returned to the couch.

Fortunately, he said, there is almost no bleeding. Probably all internal. So there are no stains on the carpet.

Shouldn’t we try to revive him?

He is beyond resuscitation. Gone, departed, deceased, dead. You have to try to understand that. There is nothing that anyone can do. It is over with.

Oh God! What have we done?

He attacked us. I defended us.

She nodded. She withdrew the sleeve of her garment from her face. She looked at the blood on it.

He didn’t break your nose, did he?

No. It’s OK. But my eye is sore. I’m going to have a terrible shiner in the morning.

Yes. It looks awful.

It’s not the first time.

But it’s the last.

He’s not going to be hitting anybody any more.

There was nothing else that I could do. You see that, don’t you?

Sure. He had it coming. For a long time. Just relax. Nobody’s blaming you. I’m just kind of numb is all.

There is, however, one urgent thing we must attend to.

Urgent thing?

We must dispose of the corpse.

Why? What’s the difference?

We can’t just have him lying here while we discuss our plans. Tell me, does he have a car?

A pickup truck. A big one.

Excellent! Let’s get dressed and go outside and see if we can find it.

I can’t. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.

Describe it for me. I’ll go search for it.

It’s big and black and real shiny. With a personalized plate. B-I-G-B-O-Y.

Splendid. Go to your bed now and rest. I’ll return as soon as possible.

He went with her to the bed room. He removed her robe and slippers. He found blood stains on her night gown. He fetched a clean one. He removed her soiled garment and pulled on the fresh one. She submitted to his ministrations without a murmur. He opened the bed and tucked her in. He returned to the living room and removed some keys from the young man’s pocket. He left the apartment.

Ten minutes later, he returned. In the living room, he grasped the feet of the young man and dragged him out of the apartment to where the truck was backed up almost to the front door. He attempted to raise the corpse up into the bed, but the task was too much for him. He was unable to lift the more than two hundred pounds of dead weight even such a short distance. He returned to the apartment and entered the bed room.

Wake up, he said to her softly. I need you to help me.

Huh? she responded. What is it? What’s wrong?

Nothing. Everything’s fine. I just need you to help me with something.

What?

There’s no time. Please, put on some clothes as quickly as you can.

After a few seconds she