Have You Found... or Will You Find?: For Those Searching for Their Soul Mates

By Martin van Dommele

Everybody wants a perfect relationship, and we all long to be united with our missing part, the other half of our soul. Many novels are written about it, and many movies tell romantic stories, but in real life, it all seems just a fairy tale.

Have You Found or Will You Find? shows you that true love can be found. It explains what a soul mate is and how to find that person. It also provides you with the information you need to draw that special person to yourself. Not just single people but also married couples will enjoy reading Have You Found or Will You Find? and learn to enhance their relationship and create a connection on a deeper level by understanding what a soul mate relationship is all about. Have You Found or Will You Find? will teach you what it takes to establish a soul mate relationship. Finally, Have You Found or Will You Find? also addresses the five factors that can undermine a soul mate relationship and reveals the root of the problem.

So if you want to find your soul mate, establish a soul mate relationship and avoid anything that can harm this connection, Have You Found or Will You Find? is what you want to read.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 3, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490850917

Martin van Dommele

Martin van Dommele has studied the Hebrew scriptures for over fifteen years. After completing Bible college in Pasadena, California, he continued his studies with the Hebrew academy for the Hebrew language in the Netherlands. He and his wife have three children, and pastor a small church together.

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Copyright © 2014 Martin van Dommele.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-5090-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-5092-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-5091-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014916321

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/29/2014

Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1      Soul Mates

Chapter 2      Love Does It All

Chapter 3      The Origin of Soul Mates

Chapter 4      Creation Is Happening all Over … Again

Chapter 5      Have You Found … Or Will You Find?

Chapter 6      The Rose

Chapter 7      Misinterpreting the Signs

Chapter 8      Premarital Sex vs. Saving Yourself

Chapter 9      Establishing a Soul Mate Relationship

Chapter 10    Five Factors that Undermine a Soul Mate Relationship

Chapter 11    About Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

Chapter 12    Questions and Answers

Conclusion

Appendix

Glossary of Hebrew Words

Bibliography

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®,

Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973,

1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation

Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations taken from the 21st Century King James Version®, copyright © 1994. Used by permission of Deuel Enterprises, Inc., Gary, SD 57237. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the Good News Translation in Today’s English Version- Second Edition Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version (public domain).

Scripture quotations marked (WEB) are taken from the World English Bible (public domain).

Acknowledgements

This book is the fruit of many hours of studying and writing, reading, editing, rewriting. It is also an end of a journey and a beginning of a new one. A journey that I did not go on my own. I had people supporting me and guiding me and I know they will be with me on the road ahead. I want to express gratitude to those people and give them the honor of mentioning their names.

First of all, I want to thank God, my Creator for giving me the inspiration and desire to write this book. This book is the result of our walk together. Thank You for fulfilling Your plan with my life and rescuing me from my many mistakes. Thank You for letting me meet and marry my soul mate.

Linda van Dommele-Cok, my soul mate, thank you for your unending love and support. Your sharp view and constructive feedback helped shape this book very much. I couldn’t have done this without you.

My children, Chayim, Yaron and Shirel van Dommele, thank your for your patience and faith in me. You help me learn what real love is all about. May this book help you find your soul mate and may your light shine bright. I will love you always.

My parents, Marinus van Dommele and Anna Margaretha van Dommele-de Wind. Thank you for your generosity. You have supported me in word and deed. May your investment be a zechus for you.

My brothers, Stefan and Daniel van Dommele. Thank you for taking the time to proof read my book and for your suggestions. Daniel and Marjo, thank you for your gift and help this book become reality.

Mary Maissan, thank you for your proof reading and helping me with style and grammar. I hope and pray you will meet your soul mate soon.

The great and awesome people of Westbow Press, you were all very courteous and professional. Thank you for your guidance and input. I want to thank my editors especially for the editing and the great care you have given this book. Thank you for helping me with style and grammar and for your positive feedback and suggestions.

I would like to thank Yechida, my congregation, for your prayers and support.

William and Esther van Loo, thank you for your friendship and the deep conversations we often have.

I also would like to thank my previous relationships. They were not meant to last, but they did help me become who I am today, showed me what I really desired, and gave me the experience I could share in this book.

Last, but certainly not least, thank you my dear reader, for opening this book and allowing yourself to be influenced by these pages. It is my hope and my prayer that through this book you will find true happiness and fulfilment in your marriage.

May those who are still searching meet their soul mate soon and may those who have found them experience a soul mate relationship.

Martin van Dommele

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my lovely wife, Linda,

who out of all the women who ever lived,

who live today,

and who will live in the future,

is the only one who was chosen by the Holy One, blessed be He,

to be my soul mate

(and agreed to it!)

Introduction

We live in a world with a lot of broken relationships. When I look around, I see people breaking up, divorcing each other. I see the hurt in their eyes; I see the disappointment and their disillusionment. They hoped and dreamed of something to live for, to die for. If only it would work out this time, is probably what they thought.

I see people jumping into relationships without a clear perception of what a good relationship is supposed to be. Most people don’t know what they are searching for. They enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons. When the relationship falls apart, they have no clue what went wrong, what really caused the relationship to disintegrate.

It was the hurt I saw around me that compelled me to write this book. When I did volunteer work in Israel, I once met an Orthodox Jewish man who told me about the concept of soul mates. Being single at the time, I was very interested in what he had to say. I had been looking for my soul mate my whole life, because I always felt the Creator must have reserved someone special just for me. If this man could help me find her, I was ready to listen. It was his words that inspired me to study the concept of soul mates and see what the Bible says about it.

Although the Bible doesn’t seem to say much about it, when you delve deeper into it and start looking at it from a Jewish perspective, you will start to see the concept of soul mates does exist. It is something we can experience in a very tangible way.

In my search I have studied the Jewish Scriptures and many Jewish books like the Talmud, the Zohar, the commentaries of Rashi and Rambam and other books by Jewish rabbis. These books gave so many answers and so much insight into what marrying your soul mate means, how to find that person, which factors undermine a relationship, and how to make a relationship successful.

The answers I found are presented in this book. I wanted to share my discoveries, because I believe the world needs to know what true love is all about. Love has become a hollow word that has lost its meaning, especially in the last decades. Too many people step into a relationship because they want to get something out of it for themselves. This focus on self-interest is growing stronger. More and more people break up or get divorced. There seems to be no commitment anymore. In this generation, people only want to commit themselves to another person for as long as it benefits them. It is this motivation, this intention, that causes so much hurt. So many children are hurt because their parents get divorced; so many people are brokenhearted because their relationship ended.

What makes this book unique is that it combines the wisdom from the Jewish sources, some more than two thousand years old, with Scriptures from the New Testament. Judaism has a lot to teach us. There is much wisdom to be found, which I believe the Christian church is much in need of. If people are willing to embrace this wisdom, they will begin to see what the Bible really says, learn how they should live their lives, and receive the necessary tools to create loving relationships.

It is my hope and prayer that through this book, your understanding of a soul mate relationship is enhanced, and that putting this teaching into practice will enable you to experience it. Then you will know how to answer the question, have you found … or will you find?

CHAPTER 1

Soul Mates

I guess we all know the feeling that somewhere out there will be this fantastic, amazing person who will answer our every prayer, fulfill our every need, and suit us the best. Most romantic movies are full of this. Think of Romeo and Juliet and Titanic, just to name a couple. What makes us so captivated by these stories is the true love the couples in these movies seem to have. It is the type of love that is universally hoped for but seldom found. In reality, we tell ourselves this type of love can only be found in movies; it is not found in real life. Real life gives you only short moments of bliss of this kind, only to let it crash in the end.

Ours is a broken world, with many broken people and a lot of broken relationships. True love seems like a myth, a fairy tale, something we want to believe but we all know is too good to be true. Or is it?

The reason so many relationships go wrong and end is because most people are not with their soul mates. Marrying your soul mate takes a lot of patience, trust, and faith God will bring that special person to you. Unfortunately, a lot of people take matters in their own hands and decide for themselves who is best for them. They feel they have to make it happen, that it is up to them to find that special person.

I know from experience the more I searched, the more I removed myself from my soul mate, and the longer I had to wait. You see, when you want to decide who is best for you—if you want to make that all-important life decision on your own—you do it based on external factors. You can judge another person only on how he or she looks and behaves, what kind of clothes he or she wears, what he or she likes, and so on. These are all factors that go away or change with time. A specific facto or cause can be material or sensual. If love is based on a specific factor, then with the passing of that factor, the love will also go away. On the other hand, if love is not based on a specific cause, when that cause is no longer there, it doesn’t mean the love will dissipate.¹

Instead of making love dependent on these causes, we need to create an unselfish union based on mutual respect and affection, and an interest in the good of the person loved.² This can be done if we let God be our matchmaker, because He knows all people inside and out. While we look at outward appearances, He looks at the heart.³ Only He can make this all-important lifetime decision for us. Only He knows who suits us best. Only He can lead us to our soul mate.

But just what exactly is a soul mate? Many sources describe a soul mate as a person with whom one has a feeling of natural affinity on a sub-conscious level, in the areas of love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and a deep sense of compatibility. In Judaism a soul mate is seen as the other half of one’s soul, which all souls are seeking to find and consequently join.⁴,⁵

In Yiddish this concept is called bashert (באשערט).I Bashert means predestined one, a soul who is divinely ordained to be with you, set apart from the beginning of time.⁶,⁷ Just think about it. Out of all the souls that have ever lived, that live today, and that will live in the future, God has chosen this one soul to be your soul mate … for now … and forever more!

To enhance our understanding of what a soul mate is and how we can and should relate to our soul mate, I explore this concept with you. I hope you will begin to realize what great and awesome things God has in mind for you!

CHAPTER 2

Love Does It All

The Most Important Relationship

After reading the title of this book and scanning a few pages, you might be curious about how to find your soul mate or how to relate to him or her. You might also wonder how you will know how when someone is the one for you. Before we can answer all the questions concerning soul mates, we first need to focus on the relationship that is most important.

The most important relationship is not of this world. It is not even between two human beings. The most important relationship is the one between God and His creation. We can have role models in our lives, and these role models can be great people. But when it comes to romantic relationships—be it dating, courting, being engaged, or being married—God is still our greatest role model. God teaches us how we are to behave toward our loved ones.

Take a look, for example, at how God cares for creation as a whole, how He takes care of every plant and animal, and how the earth is placed in the exact right spot in the universe. God gives to creation every day anew. He did not abandon us after the six days of creation; He still sustains us every moment and every second of the day. You can’t even take your next breath without Him. He is giving it to you! He gives it to you, because He loves you. It is His love that does it all. His love brought about creation, including you! His love sustains you. His love has a special plan for your life, and His love will bring that special person into your life.

How It All Began

Let’s go back to the time before the beginning, to the time before the book of Genesis. Nothing was yet created. No plants, no birds, no fish, no land or sea, no water, no darkness, not even the first light. Before all of that there was only God. Imagine this for a moment. Now God is so great not even the universe can contain Him. And He is so omnipotent that even the smallest particle reveals Him. It is important to know that God cannot be defined. We can only know Him by the way He relates to us. We must be aware, though, that what we think we know of Him is only a small portion compared to His greatness. This portion is based on our perception and is thus subject to change. Every name we give Him shows a different aspect of Him in His relation to us. There are, for example, hundreds of names of God in Hebrew.⁸

Now this great God has a great desire to give. He wants to be a giver. In a way, you can say that is His nature. What does God want to give? He wants to bestow delight upon His creation. This is why God started creation; He needed a recipient to give to. How does He delight His creation? By giving Himself, by revealing Himself to His creation. This reunification with the Creator is the greatest gift imaginable!

But before this can happen, there needs to be a desire for this to happen. The first thing God created is the desire to receive. This is the essence of all that is created. Everything that is created needs to