The Cubicle Diaries: There’s Something in the Coffee

By Otter Holmes

Derek Johnston starts his new career and tells himself he needs to step up his game and become a professional, especially if he wants to be taken serious. That all changes when he learns his co-workers are not as "professional" as they all come off to be. In fact, before he realizes it, Derek learns that he and his co-workers share a few more things in common than just being under the same payroll.

In a field where mixing business and pleasure is the thing NOT to do, obliviously everyone does it and before all the employees of The Firm Firm realize it, it is too late to stop what they have all started, especially when everyone has ties to each other and a dark past of their own; the fine line between professional and personal is violated on any and all levels. It's a dog eat dog world and everyone is starving for a position at the top that only seats one.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 13, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499026993

Otter Holmes

Originally from Los Angeles, California, Otter Holmes currently resides in Chicago, Illinois. He enjoys travelling, photography, & being a good story teller.

Book preview

ON THE CLOCK

God damn it! Fuck! I need to hurry my ass up!

Those were the words Derek Johnston yelled to himself as he cut traffic off on the one-o-one freeway. Derek had landed on a new job that was going to make him the businessman he always wanted to be. This new job for Derek was his stepping stone in life, his opportunity, but Derek’s bad habit of tardiness was going to get him cut short if he didn’t learn how to clean up his act.

In honor of his upgrade in the work field, Derek and his friends celebrated the night before he was supposed to start his new job. Derek worked at a dead-end, bubblegum job, but now he was in the corporate world, and after he earned all the experience he needed from his new job at The Firm Firm, he was going to get anywhere his heart imagined. Derek getting offered a job at The Firm Firm was such an advancement for his blossoming career.

If I could pull it off here, I could pull anything off anywhere, Derek thought to himself, as he dodged an accident.

Derek’s job opportunity to work at The Firm Firm came from a former colleague of his. Derek hopped on the idea when it came to advancing his career. He was a go-getter, and now it was his time to shine. He had good connections, and he never let anyone slip through the crack. He took care of his people, and he was always on cue. He was a modern-day gentleman, but like every modern-day gentleman, he was flawed.

Derek’s other problem, besides tardiness, was the fact that he was a partier, a hard one to say at least. He loved to party, and he was good at it. He had an expensive lifestyle, and he saw no limit on life. He was tired of being broke, living paycheck to paycheck. He didn’t earn much at his old job, and there was no way he was going to downgrade his lifestyle, so change in employment was a must for him. He never settled for less.

Everyone loved Derek. No one ever had too much of him. Derek was a ladies’ man and a people person. He had a way with words that even persuaded a deaf person. People always gave Derek the benefit of the doubt, even his doubters. Derek had his flaws, but his flaws were fallacious.

Derek showed up late on his first day of being on the clock. He arrived at his new job when he was already supposed to be seated at reception, waiting for a human resources representative to give him employee orientation. He hurried up the stairs, hustling it, nearly out of breath. He hoped the cologne he sprayed on was good enough to cover the stench from last night’s alcohol that lingered on him. What a good second impression for Derek! He sold himself well on his first one, his interview.

Derek was eager and excited, ready to be around highly educated, business-like people in a professional job setting, working at a high-end firm. He was ready to learn more and earn more.

The Firm Firm was a private, rapidly growing Los Angeles financial planning firm that hosted corporations through the merger process as they became one entity. Its job was to make sure everything was ironed out with no wrinkles and to make sure both companies that united were pleased. Its other duty was to launch a better image for the merged corporations and make it look like neither company went belly up. It had a special program that saved companies tons of money, money that eventually filled the partners’ pockets. It was a program no other company had. There was a lot of growth and opportunity being offered at The Firm Firm. The company was known for doing some very good damage control in the business world.

The first person Derek met in the office was the voluptuous Celia, the human resources representative. Celia giggled a lot. To Derek, it seemed as if Celia was trying to flirt with him as she bragged about the company when they walked toward her office to fill out new-hire paperwork. All Derek cared about was making sure Celia couldn’t tell he had a good night the night before, so he followed her lead.

While in Celia’s office, Doris, the human resources manager, marched in and immediately made herself and her position known. Right off the bat, Doris overrated herself so she could look important and relevant.

Doris snatched Derek’s new-hire file from Celia’s hand and immediately compared Derek’s testing score to hers. She looked mean and scary. She was mean and scary. She was not very feminine or approachable either. She was the boss no one wanted. She even scared the partners when they interviewed her for her position. The partners were scared if they didn’t hire Doris, she would come for them, and when they worked up enough nerve to offer her the position, they were scared to call her to let her know she had the job.

Celia walked Derek upstairs to meet his new boss, Simon Sparrow. Derek won Simon over during the first few minutes of his interview. Simon Sparrow was the only reason why Derek was on The Firm Firm’s payroll, besides Derek selling himself well.

Simon was old. He wore oversized, outdated spectacles, and his trouser line and belt buckle rested comfortably above the middle of his beer belly. Simon was notoriously known for the two-dollar toupee he wore unfashionably.

Simon and Derek became better acquainted in his office while they had coffee and bagels. The bagels were going to do wonders for Derek.

Simon took Derek to meet his new department-mates: Rahshad, Kim, and Marco. Derek’s department was a small one; it was more of a section under an umbrella.

Rahshad was old. He looked as if he should’ve already retired, twice. He used to be the boss, but he had a heart attack at the office that almost cost him his life, so he had to step down. Business was business in his eyes.

Kim was fairly new. She was in another department. Kim was transferred because Simon needed a lot of help—hence the reason for Derek’s position.

Marco had been at the firm for a long time. His cubicle literally looked like his second home. He was a pack rat. His cubicle only had enough space to move his chair in and out, and that was it. He was lazy and bored all the time.

Derek headed to the break room after he was formally introduced to his section-mates to buy a ginger ale for his stomach. On his way, Derek crossed paths with Louva, a wannabe cougar. As soon as Derek met Louva, she scared him. Louva tried a little too hard to be feminine and cute. It wasn’t a good act for her. She had uniqueness to her. It made her interesting, but, for the most part, she was scary.

Immediately, Louva gave Derek the rundown of everything and everyone.

Derek looked at her puzzled as he thought, Who and what are you?

Lunchtime arrived, and Derek had no idea where to go. A piece of him wanted to go to his car and sleep. Derek was reluctant to ask a fellow co-worker to lunch, and he wanted to eat so asking Louva was out of the picture. He wanted to be able to hold his food down, so he chose to go solo. There were so many nice little eateries around The Firm Firm. Derek decided to go to a little café that was hidden between two boutiques.

Derek saw some of his new co-workers inside the cafe, but he had no idea who they were. He remembered them from when he was walking around the office with Celia as she gave him a tour of the building. Derek was observant. He turned and saw a nerdy-looking girl wearing oversized glasses with pigtails walk into the café. He knew for sure the nerdy girl worked for the same company as he did, but again, he didn’t know her name.

Derek sat in the far corner of the café. No one was able to see him, but he was able to see everything and everyone who entered and exited the trendy café. Derek overheard everything his fellow co-workers gossiped about. They were loud, and they weren’t being discreet about anything. Derek learned their names quickly after their conversation started—Kendra and Monica.

Kendra and Monica gossiped about what occurred at the office with a client of theirs while they consumed alcohol. They then started talking about how much one was bringing in from one account to another. Without knowing it, Kendra and Monica committed breach of trust and confidentiality.

Prudence, a fellow employee of the firm, was in the café, too. She was the assistant to the head partner of the firm. She was one of those employees who lived and breathed by the rules of the office. She never called in sick and was capped on all her paid time off. She was a good employee who took her job very seriously; one would say a little too seriously.

Prudence heard and witnessed all of Kendra and Monica’s actions. She was appalled when she discovered what client they were talking about, and when Prudence saw the waitress bring Kendra and Monica another round of drinks, it made her feel uncomfortable, completely awkward.

Prudence wasn’t able to take what Monica and Kendra were doing. She was so disgusted she lost her appetite. Prudence tossed a twenty-dollar bill on the table and crept out of the café before she was noticed by anyone, especially Monica and Kendra.

Derek sat and watched the whole thing, too, but he stayed and enjoyed his lunch. He wanted to see what was going to happen next.

After she returned to the cubicles, Prudence marched into Doris’s chambers and ratted on Monica and Kendra. While in a state of hysteria, Prudence told Doris everything she witnessed as she tried to catch her breath.

Doris was pissed because Prudence barged into her chambers unexpectedly, especially during her lunch, Doris’s second favorite time of the day. The first was firing employees, mainly for no good reason. Doris wanted to fire Prudence then and there for interrupting her.

Prudence continued to dish everything out, and all Doris said was that she would handle it. Doris then pushed Prudence out of her chambers and told Prudence to never bother her again.

After lunch, making a normal return back to the office, Derek entered the bathroom as Pasqual, a manager of the firm, was coming out. They greeted each other casually.

Derek walked out of the bathroom and overheard people talking. He realized it was more like arguing instead of talking. It was Pasqual and Joshua, son of Irma, who was Pasqual’s employee. Nepotism was of the norm at the firm. Everyone referred a family member, and everyone regretted it when the other got fired. Derek realized Pasqual and Joshua were having a serious altercation. He stayed back in the dark little corridor of the bathroom and heard everything, trying not to be seen as a witness.

Doris had an afternoon snack consisting of a few ribs on the rack. Then she summonsed Kendra and Monica one at a time into her chambers to fire them. Doris played it smooth when it was time to reprimand Monica and Kendra. She was not going to waste time investigating the matter or suspending anyone. She was going to cut to the chase and do what she did best: watch people fall apart right in front of her. It had been a while since Doris fired someone, and she considered herself long overdue. She led Monica and Kendra on by letting them think everything was hunky-dory.

While Kendra was on her way to meet her destiny, Doris made sure she had no barbeque sauce around her mouth or any meat or charcoal stuck in her teeth. As soon as Kendra walked into Doris’s chambers, Doris ripped Kendra a new one. Doris didn’t even offer Kendra a seat. Within a matter of seconds, Doris made Kendra cry hard. Kendra’s sobs were heard through the walls. Doris made fun of Kendra of any little thing that came to her mind. Doris told Kendra she needed to cut the act of trying to look cute and sophisticated, eating at a trendy café.

You’re only good enough for fast food and only if it was through drive-thru! Doris yelled.

Doris lied and said that one of the clients Kendra and Monica bad-mouthed was inside the café and heard the way it was on the other side of The Firm Firm as an employee. Doris blamed Monica and Kendra for damaging the company’s image. Doris went on and on, and the more she insulted Kendra and Monica, the more they cried a storm in Doris’s chambers, pleading for their job.

Kendra and Monica left Doris’s chambers, overflowing in tears. They exited so fast it looked as if they were running for their life. When it was all said and done, Doris dusted her hands off and checked her teeth again.

Derek went to take his direct deposit paperwork to Celia. On his way to see her, he saw Prudence lurking around Doris’s area. Then Derek saw Monica storm out of Doris’s chambers in tears and put two and two together.

Derek approached Prudence and introduced himself to her.

Hey, I know you. You were at that café earlier. I was going to introduce myself because I know we work for the same company, but you left so quickly.

Prudence gave Derek a weird look and introduced herself reluctantly. She knew her cover was blown. It was obvious to Derek that Prudence didn’t want to get acquainted. Immediately, Prudence found an excuse to leave. She claimed she was late for a meeting. She didn’t give Derek the chance to say anything more. She walked away quickly, leaving Derek hanging. She turned back really quick to see if Derek was watching her. He was, and he caught her trying to sneak a peek.

THE BREAK ROOM

Derek showed up to work hung over and still drunk from the night before, again. This time he was really late. Derek felt a little better after he arrived when he saw people who looked familiar. The last time Derek showed up to work, it was Saturday, and he was reminded there was no work on Saturdays. He waited outside the office for forty-five minutes. He hoped someone was going to show up, but no one ever did, only the help. He was so strung out from a hard night of partying he forgot what day it was and just showed up at the office in his party clothes. He smelled horrible. Some of Derek’s other friends insisted they celebrate his new high-end job, again. Like the celebration night before he started his new job wasn’t good enough.

Derek wasn’t doing well during his first week of employment. He felt as if he had to walk on eggshells around the office because of his flaws. He thought Simon was going to change his mind about hiring him. Derek knew his act had to be shaped up.

Derek overheard Dani, a loud department-mate, gossip that Joshua, Irma’s son, was fired. Dani’s gossip claimed that Pasqual targeted Joshua purposely and set him up so it could look like Joshua attacked Pasqual when really it was the other way around. There was a camera in the office that faced Pasqual and Joshua when their altercation happened, and of course the firm’s administration was going to believe a manager over a silly, little part-time clerk.

There wasn’t much privacy in the office, so everyone was always aware of what was going down or who.

The tiff between Pasqual and Joshua started to cause major tension between Irma, Joshua’s mom, and Pasqual, Irma’s boss. Irma wasn’t able to look Pasqual in the eye. She knew what he did, and he was always so mean to her. Whenever Pasqual and Irma crossed paths, Pasqual always gave Irma a look that expressed if she kept it up, she’d join her son in the unemployment line. Irma needed an escape route.

Pasqual was handsome. Not only was Pasqual handsome and manly with a chiseled body under his thin, long-sleeved Banana Republic fitted shirts and tailored slacks, he looked fierce. He looked like someone to not mess with. He looked as if he was connected with the Mafia and as if he was a member of the Soprano family. He was the office stud. He was powerful and a good businessman.

Irma cried on her breaks; she sought guidance and compassion from everyone. Irma and Sonya, Irma’s fellow foreign friend in the office, always gossiped loudly in their language. Sonya and Irma got away with so much because no one understood them as they talked shit about all their co-workers in their face. The office was a diverse place.

Derek knew some people in the office meant real business. He knew his little shenanigans weren’t going to be tolerated. Pasqual looked like those type of people to Derek, but luckily for Derek, he wasn’t under Pasqual’s management. Derek was under Simon’s management who was going to let him slide on everything, as he had been.

Derek continued to keep to himself the first few weeks of employment. At a very slow pace, he started to hold longer conversations with his not-so-new co-workers. Derek fantasized and daydreamt throughout the day in his cubicle. Half of the time Derek was bored; he didn’t have a lot of work to do, and there was no way in hell he was going to ask for more. He struggled in the quiet office, trying to stay awake.

Derek’s neighbor Kim was nosy and alert, too alert. Kim watched everything that went on in the office, especially Derek’s every move. Not even Derek’s boss, Simon Sparrow, was on his back, micromanaging and constantly checking up on him like Kim was. Derek loved it because he’d go days without seeing or speaking to Simon. In Derek’s eyes, Simon was the cool boss everyone wanted.

Louva, the wannabe cougar who came off more frightening than pleasant, expressed extreme interest in Derek. Louva loved Derek’s energy and style; she showed she wanted to be better acquainted with Derek farther beyond the cubicles. Louva proposed she and Derek do lunch. Derek accepted Louva’s offer but made sure it was scheduled for another day because Celia, the voluptuous HR rep, had already asked Derek out to lunch and Derek had already accepted Celia’s offer.

Louva was shocked when she learned about Derek’s lunch plan. Louva’s fierce, territorial reaction weirded Derek out. Derek was able to tell Louva wanted to compete. Louva then asked Derek if Celia was going to pay for him, and Derek said, No, I have my own money.

Derek ended the conversation that turned awkward and headed back to his cubicle. Derek knew Louva meant no harm, but she came off a little too weird for him. He didn’t even know Louva for Christ’s