Dogwood Winter: Weathering Cancer with Hope

By Beverly Grayson and Cathy Messecar

Dogwood winter, a southern phrase, describes a brief period in spring when icy weather returns and coincides with the dogwood blooms.

Beverly Grayson struggled for eight years with cancer. Midway, she began journaling online where candid posts revealed thoughts about illness, family, Tennessee, and even recipes. She dreamed of whittling her posts to book length to encourage others that God sees, God knows, and God comforts.

With conviction, wisdom, and humor, she shares personal stories and 365 Bible verses that comforted her. Beverly left a legacy of insights for sufferers and families who face the upheaval of cancer. She will help youno matter the outcomelive from faith to faith, from scan to scan, with hope intact.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 11, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490849898

Beverly Grayson

Cathy Messecar—author, speaker, ghost author, and longtime newspaper columnist with Houston Community Newspapers—presents at women’s retreats, conferences, and writing guilds across the country. Connect with her at www.cathymessecar.com

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Copyright © 2014 Beverly Grayson with Cathy Messecar.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-4990-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4988-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4989-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014915424

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/03/2014

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgements

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 6

Week 7

Week 8

Week 9

Week 10

Week 11

Week 12

Week 13

Week 14

Week 15

Week 16

Week 17

Week 18

Week 19

Week 20

Week 21

Week 22

Week 23

Week 24

Week 25

Week 26

Week 27

Week 28

Week 29

Week 30

Week 31

Week 32

Week 33

Week 34

Week 35

Week 36

Week 37

Week 38

Week 39

Week 40

Week 41

Week 42

Week 43

Week 44

Week 45

Week 46

Week 47

Week 48

Week 49

Week 50

Week 51

Week 52

Epilogue from Beverly Grayson written April 5, 2012

Recipes

Dedication

To John, the love of my life, who loves me even when I am bald headed.

Dogwood Winter, a southern term that describes a brief period of near freezing weather that coincides with the time the dogwoods are in bloom.

Thou art the tree of life in paradise,

Whose lively branches are with clusters hung

Of lovely fruits, and flowers more sweet than spice.

Bend down to us, and do outshine the sun.

Edward Taylor (1642-1729)

Should I With Silver Tools Delve Through The Hill

Preface

What an absolute treasure God housed within Beverly Grayson’s petite frame and under that red hair. On April 2, 2012, I flew to Nashville to stay with Cathy, Ronnie, Beverly, and John in their homes for a few days to work on this manuscript. Beverly drove to the airport to meet me, but stood at the car and had John greet me at the airline curb. When I hugged her frail body, I knew in my heart that this was our last visit.

Beverly had planned and cooked meals ahead of time and we had the most delicious lunch and dinners. She served her pecan pie for dessert, from the recipe in her online journal (recipes at end of book). She had frozen a couple of casserole dishes before I arrived, and she made her holiday black cherry and cranberry Jell-O Salad. She made a new chicken salad recipe, and I gave it a high passing mark. I can only imagine how pampered their former B&B guests felt.

One afternoon, we had a heart-to-heart talk. I think she needed someone outside of her family to hear how tired she truly was—that she was considering not taking more treatments. Beverly called our talk soul searching. She admitted that she dreaded end-of-life suffering, but knew she would be extremely happy when that part was over. I remember telling her, If God chooses to he can take you quickly, so you’ll not suffer much longer. We can pray for that.

She had a doctor’s appointment at the cancer center the next day. That morning, John offered to iron any of my suitcase-wrinkled clothing, so he pressed a pair of black jeans for me to wear (I agree with Bev—what a man). We spiffed up for her doctor’s visit—Bev in a strawberry blond wig and gorgeous mint green capris and jacket, and John in navy slacks and Polo shirt. At Sarah Cannon Clinic, I met Dr. Jeffrey Infante. As John, Bev, and I sat in the exam room with him, she related how tired she was and asked his opinion about this being the right time for her to stop treatments. He told her he thought that was a wise decision and that the remainder of her days with family would be more enjoyable without the hassle of treatments and the side effects of chemo. She asked how long she might expect to live, and he said anywhere from three to six months. She laughed and said, John and I might make it to the Bahamas after all. Her doctor embraced her before he left the room and assured her that her choice was good. Somber nurses and aides met us in the hallways. They knew.

John put on a linen jacket and took us to lunch at Sunset Grill, a popular restaurant, known for its cuisine and patrons in the music industry. Ever gracious, John and Bev kept the conversation centered around Nashville history as if we all had years left on earth. Casual observers would not have known that Bev’s ultimate appointment was only 21 days away. John drove us to see Lipscomb and Vanderbilt campuses and other sites.

Back at their apartment, soft rain fell from the overcast sky, and I felt as if the clouds wept softly over the house. That afternoon, Bev napped under her prayer quilt, John napped on the sofa listening to classical music, and I napped upstairs in her daughter Cathy’s guest bedroom.

Before my return home, we spent the remaining days going over her manuscript. We added, deleted, and replaced duplicate scriptures. After our naps the last full day of my visit, I tiptoed into their apartment and saw John asleep on the sofa in their living room and Bev snuggled in her bed. I turned to leave when she said, Come on in, Darling, I’m awake. I stood by the bedside and talked for a few minutes, then said, Do you mind if I crawl in bed with you? She threw back her prayer quilt and patted beside her. I settled in and we talked at length about family, friends, gardening, the heavens we see, and the heavens we don’t see. When John awoke, he came in and smiled. I said, We’ve decided that tonight you can sleep in my guest bedroom so Bev and I can keep talking.

Later, John recalled seeing Bev and I propped up on pillows chatting and said, I wish I had taken a picture of you two. I do have a picture, not on paper or in an electronic file, but impressed upon my heart.

When I think of Beverly, it will always be with tenderness for her devoted friendship and the way she helped increase my faith in God’s mind-full-ness for each of us. I pray that her journaling, history, faith, and courage will bless other sufferers. I will forever be grateful that God arranged for me to meet this godly woman, a Tennessee blossom, Beverly Grayson.

May God watch over you,

Cathy Messecar

Acknowledgements

My sincere thanks

. . . to early readers and their invaluable input: Dawn Ferguson, Lee Hodges, Nancy McDougal, Pat Wilson, Janie and David Billingsley, Nancy Covert, Kelly Owens, Dr. Donn Taylor, Carrie Wooddell, and Jim and Mary Jo Budde.

. . . to my church Elders for following James 5:14-15, anointing me with oil, and praying over me, which I feel has brought me through many surgeries.

. . . to my children, Jimmy and Cathy, and their spouses, Cindy and Ronnie, my grandchildren, and my great grandchildren, who assure me they always pray for me.

. . . to my blog readers who have greatly encouraged me over these past several years through their comments, prayers, and emails.

. . . to Cathy Messecar, my mentor, blessing, and soul sister. Without her help, this project would never have taken flight.

. . . to my heavenly Father, who gave me strength and grew my faith over these eight years of cancer.

Beverly Grayson

To my readers,

I have suffered for eight years with cancer, and in my fourth year, I began posting about ups-and-downs, personal moments, and family memories at my blog John’s Wife. Through my years of cancer I have undergone five surgeries, three FDA approved treatments, five experimental treatments, and numerous other smaller intrusive surgeries (ports, kidney stents, etc.)

These 52 meditations reflect portions of my cancer journey in addition to flashbacks of family history. Despite the bleakness of a cancer diagnosis, blossoms do occur, and this devotional contains excerpts from my blog in hopes of nurturing you through your dogwood winter.

I pray my candid remarks about my emotions and determination will encourage you on your walk with cancer and sincerely hope you will someday walk away from it. Because of my trust in God, I also share 365 verses from God’s Holy Bible that have sustained me and infused hope into my daily life.

Each patient’s struggle remains unique. However, you do not travel through this alone. As God has done for me, I pray that he will lovingly surprise you with peace, faith, and blessings at the times when you need them most.

Cherishing God’s embraces,

Beverly Grayson

Week 1

We mortals tend to be-bop our way through our days and take life for granted, rarely thinking of each as a gift. In 2004 on Memorial Day, my husband, John, and I had fun with our family at a cook out and swim party, but that night a horrific backache took me to the local emergency room. Within several days, I had a diagnosis of a mixed Mullerian tumor (called mixed because of three tissues involved: fibrous, uterine, and ovarian). Surgery and treatments removed the tumor. However, the words It is cancer forever changed my life.

I went into remission, but the cancer returned. I cried and told the oncologist, Oh, this is the beginning of the end.

He said, No, the beginning of the end was five-and-a-half-years-ago and look how prayer has kept you alive.

My last procedure required hospitalization, and as I lay in the bed feeling teary and blue about the future, I thought, What am I going to do? At that instant, the sweetest nurse came in, held my hand, and told me that God was taking care of me, and that I would glorify him through this cancer. What a heaven-sent, tender moment for me.

I remember my grandmother and realize my ability to have strength, trust in God for all needs, and enjoy each day of life partially came from her. When my grandmother finally went to a skilled nursing facility, I would visit and we would sit on the side of her bed, swinging our feet. Despite physical limitations she said, God has kept me alive just so I can pray for our family.

I keep reminding myself how blessed I am—that my Great Physician sends wonderful, knowledgeable doctors to assist in my treatments. Grandmother taught me as long as any of us are alive—we are here for a purpose. God preserves our lives for a reason.

Exciting, isn’t it?

Seven Dogwood Blossoms

• For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:13-16).

• Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows (James 1:17).

• Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases (Psalm 103:2-3).

• For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

• And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

• But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord (Jeremiah 30:17).

• March on, my soul; be strong! (Judges 5:21, Deborah).

Week 2

With this cancer reoccurrence, John and I are trying to sell our home as we build a roomy apartment onto our daughter and son-in-law’s home in Goodlettsville just outside Nashville, Tennessee. We’re senior citizens, and this will make it easier for Cathy and Ronnie to provide care for either of us if needed.

I’ve undergone numerous treatments, and each time I sign many waivers for the FDA. The drug development paperwork always contains this phrase: First time used on humans. With slight pause, I sign my name.

I awaken in the middle of the night, especially before a new treatment starts and questions plow through my mind: How will I feel? Does my wig still look good? Will I lose weight or gain weight? Then the more important questions—will it work, will it kill the bad cells?

I struggle with not being afraid. I’m the oldest of three sisters: Beverly, Beth, and Becky. I spend time with my sister Becky, and she feels afraid for me and for what the future holds because we have already said goodbye to middle sister Beth. Despite the negatives that cancer brings, divine moments still occur in families.

This week one of our granddaughters married her intended—what a beautiful ceremony. Obviously, the emotional groom realized the enormity of the covenant he was making. I think of how my husband loves me when I am bald, scrawny, hurting, and nauseous. I know the thought of this illness never entered our minds when we vowed to love forever. John loves me no matter what, and his strength carries me—I am both honored and blessed.

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Seven Dogwood Blossoms

• "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and