Songs of Nonsense and Songs of Inexpedience: Poems and Parodies

By Jon Cavanaugh

Songs of Nonsense and Songs of Inexpedience is a book of mostlty humorous verse about animals, nature, and the human condition. Mixed in are parodies of the works of such famous authors as William Blake, Joyce Kilmer, Emily Dickinson & Carl Sandburg. It is a wonderfully funny book with a sprinkling of humor for the mature audience.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jun 30, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496920751

Jon Cavanaugh

Jon Cavanaugh is a fresh new poet writing whimsical poems in the spirit of Ogden Nash and parodies masquerading as those written by the master of parody Frank Jacobs. His humorous verse and parodies will surely tickle the funny bone.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

ANYPEDES

ANYPEDES

The centipede’s carnivorous

The millipede’s herbivorous

Each one a skillful athlete

To synchronize so many feet

But what would happen should they stumble

As dominoes each leg would tumble

TERMITES

Man invites industrious termites

To a smorgasbord of wood framed homes

Tempting them with cherry and maple

Offering them their favorite staple

Then man injects insecticide

And commits colonial genus-cide

THE CENTIPEDE

Please take heed the centipede

A pesky bug that loves to breed

And breed it will in massive numbers

As each and every human slumbers

Creepy and disgusting

It appears at night

Touching and contaminating

Everything in sight

I need not know how many

One seen will meet its doom

As a precautionary measure

I’d fumigate each room

SPIDERS

Some spiders prefer to lurk at night

Hiding far away from sight

But if we see one there’ll be more

Perhaps around our bedroom floor

They’ll surely crawl upon our bed

Near our unsuspecting head

And now the thought of spiders creeping

Might keep some of us from sleeping

TARANTULAS

Tarantulas are large and hairy

Not to mention very scary

Their eyes and size and shape alarm us

More than they would ever harm us

For most tarantulas

Affrighted

Hide to avoid being sighted

FIREFLIES

The mimicry of fireflies

With florescent glow

Alight in complex circuitry

Of luminescent chemistry

In an orchestrated show

KILLER BEES

Do not aggravate or tease

A sadistic swarm

Of killer bees

They need little provocation on the wing

And enjoy inflicting pain

With every sting

GRASSHOPPERS

Grasshoppers with strong hind legs

Served as chocolate covered treats

Spit tobacco or some such dregs

And the question that this begs

Why’s this something someone eats?

DUNG BEETLES

Dung beetles must be full of shit

For they breed in dung and feed on it

Reincarnations indubitably

Of the wicked all through history

KATYDID

On a branch of a willow hid

A sole singing katydid

As locust swarms changed day to night

Eating everything in sight

They finally had their fill and quit

Their final cry

Katy-did it, Katy-did it

BUFFALO BUG

The carpet beetle (buffalo bug)

Grazing on a priceless rug

Sent urgent call, which quickly spread,

And millions of bugs were soon well fed

They couldn’t believe the incredible taste

Of this oriental heirloom now laid waste

The insurance policy’s print obscured

Read all consumables uninsured

AMPHIBIANS

Newts are cute like salamander

They’re fun to watch as they meander

In large terrariums filled with frogs

Assorted toads and pollywogs

Amphibians all - somewhat related

Some tailless, warted, or inflated

Entertaining the passer-by

As they reel in a scrumptious fly

THE MOTH

The lowbrow and the highbrow moth

Have completely different tastes for cloth

One prefers a denim fare

The other silken underwear

But, both abhor

Toxic camphor

And both careen

From naphthalene

MITES

The bites

From mites

Are smaller than a pin

But in countless numbers

Leave a rash upon our skin

The mites

Are small

Invisible to the eye

But with proper medication

These irritants should die

All are bad

None provide a helpful service

And we host billions of these creatures

Just the thought

Should make us nervous

MOSQUITO

Boring mosquito

Seeks woman or man

Desires access to blood bank

To withdraw all it can

No preference for type

All donors accepted

The healthy and clean

The sick or infected

A deposit will be made

To settle the deal

The price for admission

To a hot tasty meal

FLEAS

Fleas are a nuisance

Noisome specks

They hang out in our yards

They lounge on our decks

Pets offer them dinner

And invite them inside

Fleas!

Partying