Risen Mortallic Flesh: The Horromantic Zomedy

By Jeremiah Leviathan

The original romantic comedy with zombies, following an unusual gentleman by the name of Asmodeus Dusk, and his efforts to survive as the world succumbs to apocalypse. His journey leads him across much of Colorado, through multiple locations in and around the Rocky Mountains, and to a hidden military research base coined YESRAD near Mayday. Amid the stench of mobile corpses, he finds love gazing at him from behind the barrel of a .357 Magnum Is she more than meets the eye? How long will civility hold true? Are there unseen forces at work? What answers, if any, could YESRAD have?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781493107889

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 by Jeremiah Leviathan.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2013917782

   ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-4931-0787-2

      Softcover   978-1-4931-0786-5

      Ebook   978-1-4931-0788-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 10/24/2013

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CONTENTS

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Thirteen Years

Dedication in Memoriam

Grandpa Ralph F. Tripp

October 15 1921-November 12 2009

&

Grandma Shirley J. Tripp

October 1 1925-October 13 2002

Written beneath the shattered heavens in a rain of deitic blood,

and the thunderous hail of plummeting angels. Then cast from hell,

for my unnamed goddess.

This is the way the world ends . . .

This is the way the world ends . . .

Not with a whimper, but with a gurgle;

Clawing to safety, and dragging intestines.

J. L. Tripp

CHAPTER ONE

Friday, September 6th

Where the hell are you taking me? sounds a voice from the back seat. The driver’s eyes peer back through the rearview mirror, We got a little business to take care of, Frankie. Yeah, a liddle bizniss, the guy next to him repeats as he melts a piece of soap into a glass tube, and then starts to smoke it. Frankie asks, So what’s the deal, what’s up? The driver replies, I think you know what this is about, you just haven’t realized it yet. Yeah, you jist han’t relizdit yet, the guy in the passenger seat echo’s with smoke from his lips. So what’s your buddies name, Frankie? the driver asks, looking back in the mirror. Frankie starts to speak, but his friend interrupts, My name is Joey. The driver says, Hey, Joey, I’m Pete. This guy next to me is ‘Repete’. He-he, Repete, the guy chuckles, and smokes more from his tube. Pete slowly drives the car off of the blacktop and into the trees. He parks, leaving the car running with the lights on, and orders, Everyone out, I’ll get the shovels. Pete opens the trunk, and the others move to the front of the car. I don’t like this Frankie, Joey whispers. Shut up, Joey, Frankie scolds within a whisper. Pete walks around the car with two shovels; he drops one, and sticks the other in the ground. Pete points at Frankie and Joey, and orders, You two, dig. Frankie whines, Why do we have to dig? Pete snaps back, Because I said so, that’s why Yeah, ‘cause he said so, Repete reiterates. Frankie and Joey start to dig, with Pete overseeing.

You gotta make it longer this way, Pete dictates, waving his hand in one direction then the other. Frankie asks, What the hell are we burying? If you really want to know, I’ll tell you, Pete teases. Yeah, Peter, I really wanna know, Frankie mouths back. You know I hate it when you call me that, Frankie, Pete continues, Anyway, it’s just a body. Joey gasps, Oh God. Frankie chokes, You got us digging a hole for a body? Pete barks, You got a problem with that? and Repete echoes, Yeah, you gotta plobrem wit dat? Frankie’s chain of command has spoken.

Is that deep enough, Chief? Frankie asks. Pete questions, Is that how deep you’d bury your mother? Shit, I wouldn’t even dig a hole for my mother, Frankie proclaims, and steps out of the hole. Good, Pete says, Joey, why don’t you go wait over there. You might not want to see this. Joey walks to where Pete was pointing, and stands facing away from them. Pete goes to the rear of the car and shouts, Frankie, I need your help a minute. Frankie mumbles, Yeah sure, and heads toward the car. When he gets to the back of the car, Frankie looks in the trunk, and Pete is loading a shotgun. He pumps it and says, This is where you earn your skins, Frankie. Frankie stutters, I… I can’t, he’s my best friend. Reassuringly, Pete says, Cheer up, we had Six-pack ice his sister, he continues, Just put it in the middle of his back, and pull the trigger. Frankie looks at Joey, then at Pete, and then at the gun. Pete and Repete watch as Frankie carries the gun toward his friend, and without hesitation, puts the barrel to the small of Joey’s back and pulls the trigger. Repete shouts, Holy shit! You blew him in half. Frankie drops the gun, and falls to his knees; Joey looks up, spiting blood with his words, Why? Frankie… Repete chokes his words out between laughter, Did you see his body? And his legs; just fell over? Frankie leans forward onto his hands and knees, and starts vomiting repeatedly.

Frankie hunches over a puddle of puke, and Repete teases him, Get up you pansy. Shut up, jerk off, Frankie snaps back. Pete picks up the gun and says, Give him a minute, he’ll be alright. Pete walks back to the car, and Repete follows. Pete leans against the car, and Repete digs in his pocket. He pulls out the glass tube, a lighter, and chunks of soap in a small baggie. Repete inhales the flame through the tube, and sets one of the soap chunks on the hot end. The chunk seems to melt into the end of the tube. He puts the other end in his mouth and smokes it like a cigarette. Repete held his breath for a long time before exhaling. He lit the tube four more times before pulling the baggie out again. Repete takes another chunk, melts it into his tube, and then Pete yells, C’mon, Frankie, we don’t have all fucking night.

Frankie leans back, still on his knees, but sitting on his heels. Pete tells Repete, Go give him a hand. Frankie stands over the body of his dead friend and says, Sorry, Joey. He picks up the upper part of his friend, and carries it to the hole they dug. Frankie drops the body in the hole and screams, God dammit, he fuckin’ bit me. Frankie dances around, screaming, Oh my God, I shot him and he bit me. Repete looks in the hole and drops one of Joey’s legs. Holy shit! Repete exclaims, He’s still movin’. That’s bullshit, Pete declares, and heads in their direction. Repete is swinging a leg by the ankle, and beating Joey back into the shallow grave with it. Back, back torso, bad torso, bad, Repete scolds as he beats Joey with his own leg. Joey grabs at the leg; he latches onto it and starts chewing on it. Repete lets go and picks up the other leg. Bad, bad torso, that’s your own, fucking leg, you stupid torso, he continues with the other leg. Pete nudges Repete and orders, Out of the way, you fuckin’ crack head, before shooting Joey in the face.

Now throw some dirt on him, and let’s get out of here, Pete barks. He bit me bad, Pete, Frankie whines. Pete walks back to the trunk, and then tosses Frankie a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a gauze bandage. Pete shoves Repete, and says, Let’s kick some dirt on the guy so we can get the hell out of here. Pete and Repete thinly bury Joey’s corpse, and Frankie bandages his wound. Afterward, the three get into the car and drive off in silence. Repete pulls the glass tube from his pocket, and lights it. When he exhales, the salty smoke wafts through the air. Pete reaches in the glove box and pulls out a bottle of vodka as he drives down the deserted road. He takes a drink, and hands it back to Frankie, Drink some of this, it’ll help. Frankie snatches the bottle from Pete’s hand, takes a drink, and then settles back in his seat. You’re gonna be all right, Frankie, Pete reassures him. Yeah, yer gonna be a’ rite, Repete echo’s, and lights his glass tube.

It was several miles before they see a small town. Hearing the warning siren wailing in the distance, Pete thinks aloud, Must be a storm coming. Yeah, a storm, Repete agrees. Pete turns down Main Street and a man runs past, screaming as flames biting into his flesh illuminate the darkness. Repete leans out the window and yells, Hey man, I gotta take a leak, wamme ta put you out? Pete chuckles as he pulls into a gas station, next to the pump. He looks at Repete, and says, Fill up the tank, I’ll get the beer. When the two get out, they both look as a truck screeches through an intersection and slams into a parked car. The truck catches fire, and then explodes.

An old man comes out of the gas station, and cocks his shotgun. He looks around cautiously, with his gun following his eyes. What can I do for you boys? the old man asks. Pete held his hands out with his palms open to the old man, and answers, We need some gas, and we could use some beer. The old man says, Pumps are on, an’ the beer’s cold, and walks back inside. Pete looks at Repete and nods before he follows the old man. Pete goes inside, and the old man is behind the counter. What the hell is going on around here? Pete asks, on his way toward the refrigeration unit. The old man replies, I don’t know if it’s bio-terrorism or what. All I know is; I shot one of those… contaminated people three times in the chest. Each time he went down, he would get back up. The fourth time I went for the head, and that took care of him. Pete approaches the counter with two cases of beer, and hands the old man a hundred-dollar bill. Pete says, That should cover it, friend, and heads for the door. Thanks much, sir, you take ‘er easy now, the old man says, following him to the door and locking it after him.

Repete is standing on the sidewalk, peeing in the gutter. Pete asks, Is the tank full? Repete zips up and says, We’re filled up, drained out, and ready to go. Pete asks, What about Frankie? Repete echoes, What about Frankie? Pete opens the backdoor, and says, C’mon, Frankie, get up. Pete puts one of the cases on the floorboard and sees the near empty bottle of vodka next to Frankie. Dammit, Frankie, how much of this did you drink? Pete asks with no response. Sirens, gunshots, and explosions echo from every direction. Various people are screaming in the distance, and there is a strange low hum that continually grows in volume and clarity.

Pete tosses the other case in the passenger door and says, Lets get the hell out of here. Repete says, I’m wit you, and hops in the passenger seat. Pete starts the car and turns back the way they came. I think we need to be out of town for a while, Pete says, as he tears open the case and pulls out a beer. Why? Repete asks, What’s goin’ on? Pete cracks the can open, takes a drink, and says, Nothin’ good, I can tell you that. Repete pulls out his glass tube, and takes a big hit from it. He exhales and says, That kid had to be dead, man. Pete asks, What the hell are you talking about? I don’t know, man. Repete continues, What if it’s like that movie, where dead people are walking around looking for, he reaches his arms forward and groans, Brains. Brains! What? Pete exclaims, Smoke another one, flyboy. Repete says, Okay, and lifts the glass tube to his lips. Pete notices Frankie sit up in the mirror, and says, Hey, Frankie, can you believe this fuckin’ dolt? Frankie looks strange through the rearview. Pete turns his head and says, Frankie? Are you… Frankie lunges at him, sinking his teeth deep in Pete’s throat. The tires scream as the car swerves across the road, clips a road sign, and spins out of control before colliding with a tree.

The dragon lies across the rocky countryside in a contortion giving the appearance of an atrocious crash-landing sometime earlier. The dragon rises as Dusk’s eyes crack open. He slides his hand against the wall, and presses a button. The lights slowly brighten the room, revealing a vaguely familiar and indistinct consciousness. Dusk fumbles through the drawer of his nightstand, and pulls out his .44 magnum revolver. He pulls the hammer back, flips the cylinder out, and empties the chambers next to him on the bed. He picks up three of the bullets and loads them back in the gun, one in every other chamber. Then, as if asking some higher power to guide his fate, he raises the gun into the air. Dusk spins the cylinder and points the barrel to his head. He puts his finger on the trigger, and slowly squeezes. The hammer crashes into the empty chamber. Dusk sits up and puts his gun back in the nightstand. He exits his bedroom, takes a quick shower, and then puts his clothes on. Dusk stumbles through the house and into the kitchen. He grabs a box of Hell-o’s cinnamon cereal from the cabinet and pours a bowl full.

Dusk goes into the dining room, sits at the table, and starts eating. As he’s finishing the bowl, he looks out the window. He can see someone with a briefcase standing at his gate, and says, What the hell? He gets up and walks to the front door, swings it open, and then yells out, Hey, pal, you lost or something? There’s no answer. Dusk walks toward him, and says, What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? Approaching the gate, he can see that the man’s jaw, and half his face, is missing, torn off. Dusk continues, Guess the cat got your whole fuckin’ face! The remaining eye on the other side of the man’s head slowly rolls around until it’s looking at him, then the man reaches franticly through the wrought iron gate. Dusk steps back, and looks down the street. He sees a few other people walking listlessly through his neighborhood. He says, It can’t be, and walks back inside. When he comes back out, he is carrying his Romanian sniper rifle. Dusk sits down on his doorstep, and takes aim for the man at his gate. Through the scope, he aims for his head and between the iron bars. The bullet blows the man’s head apart, and the shot echoes through the streets. Dusk looks for his next target, but they notice him as well. They all turn in his direction, moving slowly at first, and working up speed until they are running. Dusk announces, Holy fuck! What the fuck is this shit? He takes aim for the first one at his eight-foot wrought iron fence, and puts a hole through her head. He spends six more rounds before walking back inside, and into his bedroom. Dusk opens the drawer of his nightstand, takes out a nearly full vial of luminescent blue-green liquid, and then puts it in his pocket. He then arms himself with his .44 magnum Colt Anaconda in its shoulder holster, a machete in a leg sheath, and his sniper rifle. He heads for the backdoor, and walks past the telephone. There is paper napkin next to it with the name, Holli, and numbers on it. Dusk says, Shit, as he lays his rifle on the table. He picks up the phone and puts it to his ear; it’s making a strange humming sound, not a dial tone. He bangs the phone on the table and listens again. God dammit, he says as he hangs the phone back up. He picks up his rifle, and walks out the backdoor to the garage.

Dusk unlocks the door and pulls it open; inside is a motorcycle, and what looks like a smaller garage. He goes in and uncovers an emergency box with a sign, break glass in case of zombies. Dusk uses the small hammer to break the glass, and pulls out a set of keys. He uses the keys to unlock the smaller garage inside, and opens the door. Inside is an old four door 1972 Chevy Malibu with The Beast written on the hood; it is blue with a white hardtop, leading with a custom recoiling bumper and grill. Dusk gets inside, and finds an old manual listing its modifications and weapon inventory. He tosses his rifle in the backseat, then starts the car; the stereo plays, and the vocalist sings, It’s the end of the world as we know it, it’s the end of the world as we know it, Dusk turns the stereo off, smiles and shakes his head from side to side, then pulls the car out of the garage. He goes back in the house and fills some grocery bags with food, then packs a bag full of clothes and ammunition for his weapons. He loads everything into the backseat of the beast, and climbs in. Dusk drives up to the sliding gate at the end of the driveway, he types in his code and the gate slides open. He pulls out, running over a zombie in the street, and the gate closes after him.

Dusk turns left and drives down to the gas station at the end of the block. He parks in front and opens the trunk of the beast; inside there are shotguns, rifles, and other weapons. Dusk grabs a shotgun and a box of ammunition. He loads the 12-gauge shotgun with five shells, pumps it, and puts some extra shells in his pocket. The gas station door is wide open; Dusk enters cautiously, checking down the isles and behind the counter. While behind the counter, he grabs all the cartons of Gnarlboro Greens and Smokey Joe’s Cannabis Blend. Then he bags up some candy, chips, and soda. He carries the snacks to the car, and checks for zombies. On the way back inside, he passes a crane machine full of plush dolls. He puts a quarter in and tries to get a teddy bear; the claw picks it up, but drops it before letting go. He kicks it and says, Piece of shit! Dusk points the shotgun at the machine, and blows the glass out of it. He reaches his hand in and pulls out the bear, a unicorn, and a Diaphragm Bill Round Britches doll. He stuffs them in the bags with the cigarettes, and loads everything except the Diaphragm Bill doll in the backseat of the car. He puts the smokes with the bear and unicorn in his bag, pulls out a cassette tape, and gets back in the beast. Dusk pops out the tape from inside the tape deck, and slides another one in. The stereo blares as he drives away, heading back toward his house, and then passing his only known sanctuary. He continues east, and then turns north at the next street.

He drives a couple blocks, and then turns right, weaving through a few abandon cars. Dusk runs over two zombies, and pulls in front of a two-story house. He gets out, looks around, and shouts, Holli? He sees a zombie fall off the roof, and hears a voice call back, I’m up here. Dusk looks up and sees a young blonde in a pink top on the roof. It’s Holli; she’s holding a broom handle, and there’s a zombie climbing out her window. He blasts the zombie that fell, and says, I’m coming. He kicks in her front door, and it bounces off a zombie that was behind it. Dusk hits the zombie with the butt of his shotgun, knocking him to the floor. He pumps the shotgun, and blows its head off. Another zombie charges him from the backdoor; he pumps the shotgun and shoots her in the head, blowing her brains all over the living room. Dusk heads up the stairs, and into Holli’s room; a corpse with most of its flesh torn off is hanging halfway out the window. He walks up behind the zombie, and kicks it in the ass with the bottom of his foot, helping it out the window and off the roof. Dusk sticks his head out until he can see Holli, and says, Come on, let’s get out of here. Holli scoots down the roof, and climbs back in her window. Dusk says, Grab some clothes. We gotta go.

Holli fills a backpack full of stuff. On their way out, she runs into the other bedroom, and digs through a dresser drawer. She comes back carrying a Ruger Mark 3 and two boxes of ammo. She stuffs them in her backpack. They walk down the stairs, and then out the front door. The fleshless zombie hit its head on the walkway when it fell; it is still trying to move, and milky goop is leaking out of its head. There are two zombies running toward them. Holli gets in the passenger door, and Dusk shoots the closer of the two zombies. He starts the car and stomps on the gas, running the other zombie over. As he drives down the street, Dusk hands Holli the Diaphragm Bill Round Britches doll, and says, Happy birthday. Holli’s eyes lit up, she takes it and says, Oh, he’s so cute. Dusk asks, Are you all right? Yeah, I’m fine now, Holli continues, Where are we going? Dusk answers, I think we should get the hell out of Erie. Holli says, Um, yeah, that’s a good idea. Dusk drives north to the agricultural region, and then turns to the east.

They drive through the apparently abandon town of Johnstown, and a zombie limps across Main Street, dragging its unusable broken leg behind it. Dusk swerves and plows over the corpse, snapping and crackling beneath the undercarriage as the beast rolls over it. Soon, they pass a road sign that reads: Now entering Milliken—Population 600. After driving through a wide-open area, Dusk spots a big farmhouse. He says, That looks like a good place, let’s check it out. He pulls off the pavement onto a dirt road that looks like it leads to the house. They pass a broken down station wagon on the side of the road, and run over a corpse lying near it. When they get closer they can see someone shooting a rifle from the roof of the farmhouse. Dusk parks the beast next to a hatchback in the driveway and jumps out. He can see the figure on the roof; he raises his hands, and shouts, We come in peace. A woman’s voice shouts back, Knock on the door, they’ll let you in, she takes aim and fires again. Dusk grabs the shotgun and the box of shells from the backseat; Holli pulls a small bag out of her backpack, and puts her gun in it.

They walk toward the front door; it swings open and a man motions them inside, C’mon, in or out, he says. They go inside, the man closes the door behind them, and says, Afternoon, name’s Paul, Paul Betham. He introduces the rest of the people inside, This is my little girl Jenny, my son Jimmy, and his girlfriend Mari… Begrovowski, and these folks are Dan and Phyllis Herwitz. Paul has dark hair and hazel eyes. Both his children have light brown hair and green eyes. Mari is beautiful, with long flowing bronze color hair and gorgeous green eyes. Phyllis is wearing a green dress that has been torn down one side, and her long, curly, black hair is in disorder. Dan has a dirty three-piece suit on, and a bruise with a lump on the top of his balding head. Dusk shakes Paul’s hand, and says, Good to meet you, I’m Dusk, and this is Holli Amberg. Holli says, Who’s that up on the roof? Paul says, That’s my wife, Sarah, he continues, We were just talking about boarding up the place, I’ve got wood and a bucket full of ten and six-teen penny nails in the barn. We could get everything inside and board up the windows and the doors. Dusk says, That’s no good, enough of them will pound the nails right out of the wall Dan stands up and shouts, How do you know that? Dusk answers calmly, Haven’t you ever seen Night of the Living Dead? Paul asks, So what then? Dusk continues, We could board it up from the outside, they probably aren’t smart enough to pull the boards off. Paul says, That sounds like a plan, Mari you stay inside with Jenny. Dan and Phyllis you help board the windows up. Me, Sarah, and Jimmy will cover you. Paul loads his Remington 700 Titanium .30-06 hunting rifle, and Jimmy picks up his Remington 710 .30-06. Paul says, Jimmy, let Mom know what we’re doing and get on the other side of the roof, I’ll cover the ground. Jimmy nods and runs up the stairs. While waiting at the door, Dusk loads his shotgun, and pumps it. Holli slips her gun in the waistband of her jeans. The Herwitz are standing behind Holli, both carrying hammers.

Paul swings the door open and carefully moves outside. Dusk follows with Holli, Dan, and Phyllis behind him. Mari shuts the door behind them, Sarah and Jimmy fire overhead at approaching zombies. An old panel truck pulls up in the yard, the side of the truck reads, Hurtz Landscaping. Two guys with tanner skin and black hair get out of the cab, each with a shotgun. One really big guy, with blond hair, overalls, and an orange shirt, climbs out of the bed of the truck. The driver says, I’m Tom, this is my brother Rich, we need somewhere to hide out tonight. Paul says, Help us secure this place and your welcome to stay. Tom yells at the really big guy, John, give ‘em a hand, we’ll watch your back. Paul and Dusk clear the barn, inside is a tractor, rolls of chain link fence, and a woodshop with boards and tools. Paul carries a gallon bucket, full of nails, outside. Dusk asks, How much of that fence do you have? Paul says, Enough to give us a good sized yard. Dusk looks at the house; all the windows are level with each other, and the wrap around patio. Why don’t we nail the fence to the wall? The fuckers will never get in, and we could still see out. Paul says, Let’s do it. Dusk yells at Tom and Rich, Hey, get over here and help us get two of these rolls over to the house and on the patio. John starts rolling one toward the house, Tom and Rich roll the other one. All three lift them onto the patio.

Dusk says, Roll ‘em out along the sides of the house. Dan, I’ll put the nails in to get it started, you and Phyllis can follow me and strengthen it up. Dan says, Gotcha. Dusk says to John, Hey, man, help me get this corner up. Dusk is holding the far corner of the fence up; John takes it and pulls it up and over, so the fence wraps naturally around the house. They pull it around to the door and nail the corner up between the door and the first window. John goes to the corner of the house and lifts the chain link fence so it’s even with all the windows. Dusk puts support nails across the top, he says, Put the nails in a stud, then bend the very end over the fencing, and pound it down. Dan and Phyllis follow behind him, they secure the fence to the wall and around the windows. John helps Dusk lift the fence in place, and holds it for him. Paul tells Tom and Rich, Your on zombie patrol, I’m going to start on the bars for the doors. Tom and Rich shout, Alright. Paul has a big drill with a long drill bit, long bolts, precut lumber with holes, and a toolbox. He drills four holes through the wall next to the door, and bolts two boards on the inside, creating a cradle for a bar to go across. Paul moves to the other side of the door and does the same thing. Dusk and John are hanging the fence on the other side of the house now, while Dan and Phyllis finish up the first.

Paul is working on the braces for the backdoor with Holli’s help. Dusk and John finish on the second side of the house; Dusk helps Dan and Phyllis secure the fence around the windows, while John uses bolt cutters to trim off the excess links at the ends. Tom and Rich are running around the farmhouse trying to shoot at a zombie before Sarah or Jimmy blows its head off, but they don’t even have a chance. Mari tells Paul, The T.V. is saying that there will be a live broadcast at 6:00 p.m. We have a half an hour before broadcast, Paul yells out the door. Dusk walks inside, and John follows him, Dusk asks, Broadcast? Mari answers him, The emergency broadcast system is coming on live. Paul adds, It’s flashed messages all afternoon; tell you this, tell you that. They don’t know shit. Mari continues, They’ve already told people to stay at home, make your way to a safe zone, avoid the safe zones, lock your doors and windows. Paul finishes bolting the second brace for the backdoor. Dan and Phyllis come through the front door, Tom and Rich file in after them. Paul puts the bar across the backdoor, then closes the front door and puts the bar across it. Sarah and Jimmy come down the stairs, and Sarah says, Glad your all inside, it’s startin’ to get a bit dark out there.

They gather around the television before the broadcast begins. One zombie has already found the farmhouse. It’s banging on the chain link fence covering the front window, and becoming annoying. Jenny cries, Mommy, make him stop. Dusk walks to the window, unlatches it, and lifts it open. The zombie is still pounding against the fence, and Dusk yells, Shut the hell up, we’re trying to watch T.V. in here. It looks at him with confusion in its awkward gaze, then groans and walks away. Jimmy shuts the window, looks out, and says, How the hell did you do that? Paul hisses, Shh, it’s coming on. The television flashes to a test pattern, then to what looks like a news anchor at a desk. He starts talking, but it is apparent the station is having audio trouble. He is first heard saying, Are we on? We’re on? Someone else can be heard saying, Yes, we’re on. The anchorman continues, Um, we’re currently broadcasting live to bring you the latest information available. Earlier, many local communities opened ‘safe zones’ that were intended to serve as rescue stations. We’re now reporting that most of those safe zones mentioned earlier have been shut down. The best course of action now is to stay in your homes, and secure all doors and windows. He pauses, shuffles the papers in front of him, and continues, In the absence of the National Guard, which is currently deployed overseas, units of local law enforcement and any remaining military units have been mobilized for rescue operations. As you know, most of our military is stationed heavily in North and South Korea, Japan, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Jerusalem. It has been confirmed that mass suicides have been taking place throughout the Middle East and parts of Asia. Dusk says, Wimps, as the news anchor listens to his earpiece, and then says, We now go live to the first press release from the White House, and Press Secretary, Harvey Walbanger. The picture cuts to a man behind a podium with the Presidential Seal on it, and on the wall behind him. He looks around then starts to speak, A state of emergency has been declared across the United States. For reasons that have yet to be determined, the bodies of the dead are rising, and attacking the living. This phenomenon has been confirmed throughout the continent of North America, as well as many other countries. Further information will be given when it has been confirmed, thank you. He leaves the podium as people shout questions at him. The picture cuts out and back to the news anchor, and a man in a lab coat. The anchor says, I’m here with Professor Monroe from Colorado University in Boulder, Professor? Professor Monroe says, Thank you, I’m here to clear up any doubts your viewers may have to the happenings around us. Yesterday my lab received a cadaver. Standard procedure is to remove the head, because it seems to make it easier for the students. This morning, when I came in, I found the head had fallen on the floor. When I reached to pick it up, I could see it’s eyes, and jaw, were moving. I picked it up by the hair, and put it in a jar of formaldehyde. I’ve brought the head with me, he lifts a jar onto the desk, and continues, and as you can see it’s still moving. Its jaw flapping open and closed is causing the head to bounce up and down inside the jar. Its eyes are looking to and fro as the head bounces around. The anchorman says, That’s incredible, Professor, thank you. He listens to his earpiece, and then says, Our studio has just received a tape from Willard, Colorado. It contains information on defending yourself from the walking dead.

The tape starts with a gunshot and a zombie’s head being blown off. A man faces the camera, and says, Alright, I’m Dave, and I’m going to be showing you some of the do’s and don’ts of defending yourself from the undead. The camera swings to a corral of zombies, each before a fencepost. Ropes around their waists and necks leash them to the post behind them. He says, First, the standard shot to the chest will have little to no effect, and fires three rounds into a zombie’s chest, with little effect. Dave looks back at the camera, and says, The disabling knee shot will effectively slow a zombie, even if only temporarily, but don’t waste the ammo. He fires again, hitting the zombie in the kneecap. It falls, but climbs back to its feet. Dave continues, If you can accurately take out a knee at twenty plus yards, you shouldn’t have any problem putting a bullet straight through his skull. He turns and fires again, hitting the zombie between the eyes. The zombie falls over, and Dave says, This way you put him down for good. He stresses, Remember, the only way to neutralize a dead body is either by destroying the brain, or by severing the brain from the rest of the body. Anything else will only wound them slightly. The camera pans to another zombie, someone else is standing in front of it. Dave says, Here we’re gonna work on a female zombie, not much different, depending on your outlook. This may be easier for some males than others. Me, I have a lovely wife and a beautiful daughter, I’ve been lucky. Unlike my friend Jerry here. Jerry starts shooting the female zombie in the torso with a .45 caliber semi-auto. He is almost through a ten round clip when Dave starts yelling, Jerry, Jerry! Jerry! He runs out of ammo, and Dave continues, God dammit, just shoot her in the head! Jerry reloads, takes aim, and blows a chunk out of the back of her head. Dave looks at the camera and says, I’m sorry about that, you didn’t know his last girlfriend. The tape ends and the anchorman stares off screen into space.

Someone in the background says, Hey, your on. The anchorman looks around and tries to ease his confusion. He picks up a paper from his desk, and says, Uh, you heard it yourselves. The only way to stop the walking dead is by destroying the brain, or separating the head from the rest of the body. He fumbles around again until he finds another sheet of paper, then he says, Um, we have word that the Vatican is refusing to comment on the phenomenon, we now go to Reverend William Thatcher near Shiprock, New Mexico. The Reverend speaks, Now how do some among you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then Christ is not risen. Corinthians. For if the dead do not rise, then Christ is not risen. But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since by man came death, by man also came the resurrection of the dead. Ezekiel thirty-seven, the Reverend stands and preaches, Then you shall know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves, oh my people, and brought you up from your graves. I will put My Sprit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that, I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it, says the Lord. They shall not defile themselves anymore with their idols, nor with their detestable things, nor with any of their transgressions; but I will deliver them from all their dwelling places in which they have sinned, and I will cleanse them. Then they shall be my people, and I will be their God. The signal cut to static and white noise. Jimmy flips the channels, and says, I think we lost the signal. Paul takes the remote from Jimmy. He shuts the T.V. off, and says, They must have lost their antenna.

Sarah hops up, claps her hands together, and says, So, who’s hungry? Jenny says, I want grilled cheese. Sarah continues, Sounds good, anyone else? Paul chimes in, Do we have any tomato soup to go with it? I think we do. Jimmy, why don’t you give me a hand in the kitchen? Come on, Mom, can’t someone else? Jimmy whines. Sarah says, Tomorrow they can start pulling their own weight, but tonight they’re our guests. Mari says, I’ll give you a hand, Mrs. B. Sarah replies, That’s awfully nice of you, Mari, but Jimmy’s going to help tonight. Right Jimmy? Jimmy stands up and says, Right, Mom. Sarah asks, Is grilled cheese and tomato soup alright with the rest of you? John raises his hand, and says, Ma’am, I’ll have grilled cheese, but I don’t like tomato soup. Dusk gives her the thumbs up, and Phyllis says, That sounds great, Sarah, thank you. Sarah, Jimmy, and Jenny go into the kitchen. Holli is playing with her Diaphragm Bill doll. Mari asks, Is that Diaphragm Bill Round Britches? Holli says, Yes, I got him from Dusk. He’s printed on my backpack too. Phyllis asks, Isn’t there one for the sponge? Holli says, Yeah, but I can’t think of his name. Paul asks, What’re these diaphragm things? Phyllis answers him, They’re mascots for a popular brand of birth control. Shocked, Paul asks, How old are you girls? Holli says, Eight-teen. Mari says, Nineteen. Dan adds, Legal age of idiocy. Phyllis scolds him, That was uncalled for, Daniel. Tom looks to Rich, and says, Well, we know who’s gettin’ some, and they laugh about it. Mari blushes and says, I wouldn’t say that. Holli asks her, You mean you’re still a virgin? Mari declares, I’m saving myself for someone special. Holli teases, Don’t tell me, you think he won’t buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. Mari replies, "No. More along the lines