Embraced by Love

By Dr. Antonio L. Carvajal

Embraced by Love begins with the early struggles of a six year old child who prefers severe isolation and loneliness. Reys story traces not a quest to search for belonging, but an obsessive quest to continue his solitary status by seeking alternative fulfillment in antiquated music and theatre.

Throughout his childhood, Reys preference to being alone continues until he enters Jr. High through his High School years. It is upon these years that he falls madly in love. The relationship will impact his personal and social development through his adult years in extremely destructive ways until he finds people that genuinely care for him.

This book will resonate to individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds, parents of children with Special Needs, and individuals caught in the cycle of dysfunctional relationships.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 27, 2013
• ISBN: 9781493126422

Dr. Antonio L. Carvajal

Antonio Carvajal is a professor emeritus at the University of Northern Colorado. He completed a Bachelor of Science degree in English Literature and Speech/Drama at Sul Ross University, a Master of Science degree in Special Education and Sociology at Texas A & M University, and a doctorate degree in Education at the University of Northern Colorado. Dr. Carvajal has been in the field of education for forty-four years: nine years in public schools and thirty-four in higher education. He currently lives with his wife Joanie in Greeley, Colorado. They have three children and two grandchildren, Taylor Mate, Alexander Kabacy and Dustin Kim.

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Copyright © 2013 by Antonio L. Carvajal.

ISBN:                  Softcover                           978-1-4931-2641-5

                            eBook                                978-1-4931-2642-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 11/25/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris LLC

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

PART ONE

Chapter 1   Growing Up In Corpus Cristi

Chapter 2   Family Dynamics

Chapter 3   Broken Hearts

Chapter 4   The Seasons of Life

Chapter 5   Family Struggles

Chapter 6   Nature Changes Everything

Chapter 7   High School: A New Reality

Chapter 8   Unhealthy Personalities

Chapter 9   A Twist of Fate

Chapter 10   Disgrace Hurts

Chapter 11   Angel Unaware

Chapter 12   Avoiding the Truth

Chapter 13   It Must Have Been the Cabbage

Chapter 14   Bigotry and Fury

Chapter 15   As Their World Crumbled

Chapter 16   The Brutal Escape

Chapter 17   Infant Power

Chapter 18   Good Morning Reality

Chapter 19   The Truth Hurts

Chapter 20   An Open Heart Agenda

Chapter 21   Honesty is the Best Policy

Chapter 22   Joys and Setbacks

Chapter 23   Significant Realization

Chapter 24   Unspoken Eulogies

Chapter 25   Obituary

Chapter 26   The Funeral

Chapter 27   The Return of Love

Chapter 28   The Art of Manipulation

Chapter 29   New Directions and Choices

Chapter 30   Wedding Bells Were Ringing

Chapter 31   Goodbye to All That

Chapter 32   Stormy Weather

Chapter 33   Final Paradise

Chapter 34   No Peace on Earth

Chapter 35   A Doomed Relationship

Chapter 36   The Ultimate Fiasco

Chapter 37   Crime Doesn’t Pay

Chapter 38   Dusk to Dawn

Chapter 39   The Paralysis of Analysis

Chapter 40   Time Slips Away

Chapter 41   Time Stood Still

Chapter 42   The Road Less Travelled

Chapter 43   A Clear Miracle

Chapter 44   A Friend Indeed

Chapter 45   Soul Searching

Chapter 46   Peace Versus Isolation

Chapter 47   As Time Goes By

Chapter 48   Love Walked In

Chapter 49   Freedom

PART TWO

Chapter 50   Tomorrow Finally Arrives

Chapter 51   Early Symptoms

Chapter 52   Bitter Truth

Chapter 53   Intensive Psychological Treatment

Chapter 54   Denial

Chapter 55   Reality Therapy

Chapter 56   Healing

Chapter 57   The Secret of Wellness

Chapter 58   Shame

Chapter 59   Gracias a La Vida

Chapter 60   Thank You for the Music

Chapter 61   The Start of Something New

Chapter 62   A Bittersweet Day

Chapter 63   Diz and Dat

Chapter 64   An Agenda with Details

Chapter 65   Romance at the Rainbow

Chapter 66   Trouble at the Rainbow

Chapter 67   The Last Embrace

Chapter 68   Autumn Leaves

Chapter 69   Sentimental Journey

Chapter 70   Songs from the Heart

Chapter 71   Truth, Love, and Time Heal

Chapter 72   Letting Go

Chapter 73   Try to Remember

Chapter 74   The Warriors

Epilogue   Three Years Later

What lies behind us and

what lies ahead of us

are tiny matters compared

to what lies within us

. . . . Emerson

In Memory of Estela Cavajal

Acknowledgement

The abundant love and support that inspired the writing of this book was enormous. I am thankful for the words of encouragement my wife Joanie shared at the completion of each chapter every step of the way.

My daughter Carmela Carvajal Kim provided her artistic editorial skills and talents as she scrutinized each beginning passage and character development with meticulous insights. I am indebted to Carmela for her staunch and professional advice.

My family, brothers, sisters, son and daughters, were constantly connected to the narrative. Each of them, in their own way, contributed clarity of substance where clarity was needed. I am grateful for their candor and sincerity.

I am deeply indebted to René Najera for the technical guidance and support he provided during the beginning and completion of the book.

I am extremely grateful for the significant and loving inspiration Miss Ruby Najera, a child in first grade, provided me through significant junctures of this literary journey.

Finally, and extremely important, is the professional guidance the entire staff of Xlibris gave me throughout each of the phases of the book. Their constant superior advice, expedient and thoughtful communications, were constructive, professional and most appreciated.

PART ONE

Chapter 1

Growing Up In Corpus Cristi

It was during the intolerably hot summer of 1969 that the parents, Arnulfo and Esmerlda Diaz, who were born in Mexico, arrived at the Corpus Cristi, Texas coastal region. During this time, the summer heat and humidity destroyed most living plants. Even grasshoppers seemed to find it difficult to survive. It was the worst time of the year the Diaz couple could have planned to move. The singular reason the Corpus area was selected was simply because Don Arnulfo was most comfortable working in the fish canary industry.

Five years after their arrival they gave birth to a set of twin boys named Reynaldo and Ricardo, and one daughter they named Celeste. The two healthy boys were born four minutes apart and the girl was born two years later. The boys were gifted with outrageous good looks, passed on from their father, and the sister was graced with stunning beauty passed on from her mother.

And of course, like in most Mexican households, there was the Abuelita, (Grandma). Doña Clarita was the rock of Gibraltar who ruled and monitored the very air they breathed; the iron wall where all nonsense would be halted. She did not give advice, she mandated that the rules, principles, and regulations inculcated in her, would be followed and respected.

She had been submerged in the rigorous teachings of the Catholic Church, and would not allow deviations. The boys were obedient and serious in the way they responded to tasks assigned to them by their grandma and father. Their sister Celeste escaped by devotedly helping her mother with domestic responsibilities. She managed intelligently to escape the presence of the grandma as much as she could, except for the evening rosary before dinner.

Chapter 2

Family Dynamics

As children the household was rambunctious and loud. The boys were demanding and definite in their ways. Because the father spent most of his day and many nights working in the canary known throughout the region as The Fish Factory, whatever the boys requested at the end of the week on payday, their father would buy for them. He promised them anything except their freedom to go and come as they pleased.

This aspect was the mother’s responsibility to monitor. Even though the neighborhood was an unclean and dangerous place to live, the mother had definite ways to protect them from external influences. This made her worry day and night as to when the filthy neighborhood surrounding them would affect their vulnerable lives. Both parents met their obligations the best they could.

The father, being physically and emotionally exhausted from the many overtime hours he worked, had limited time to spend with the family. The mother, who had been diagnosed with diabetes before they left Michocan, Mexico, suffered from heat exhaustion and terribly humid air. When the kids left for school, she surrendered to exhaustion as soon as the last child ran to board the noisy school bus.

After she saw the kids safely on the bus, she quickly returned to bed and managed to rest most of the day. During the late afternoon, when her body knew the kids would be returning from school, she would quickly rush to prepare snacks for the kids.

Grandma Clarita who was also on a strict diabetic diet, would complete the dinner she had started seven hours earlier to serve the family and the father, when and if he returned from work before midnight.

This is the way their lives were throughout the elementary school years. Ricardo focused his days on tinkering with old toy cars and bicycles, and Reynaldo spent most of his solitary days wandering around the small streams close to home. Celeste was kept busy completing projects assigned by Grandma Clarita and her mom.

Nothing ever happened except the chattering of rumors from close friends that two of the fourth graders were in love. Reynaldo thought this was silly. He had heard his grandma telling Celeste that this was all dirty stuff and that she should simply and strictly stay away from boys. One way or another, Celeste didn’t care.

Ricardo and his quiet brother Reynaldo went on with their lives busy completing chores for their dad Arnulfo. Other than that, nothing else happened. If they weren’t tending to chores, they were constantly bored and struggling with meaningless activities. They walked the streets like zombies without direction. Nothing exciting ever happened in the family.

As the elementary years were ending, the rumors of fourth graders going steady were rampant. The young lovers were evidently in love and seriously and openly committed to each other forever. This was especially evident during February. The month of kiss and tell… and I am happy I found you, my eternal love were the characteristic messages of the month.

Reynaldo was not interested. He lived in his own illusions of life and love with profound sadness. Perhaps it was his complex personality that contributed to his indifference to passing events. Grandma Clarita was cautious and worried about Reynaldo’s social alienation and eerie adult demeanor. He spent most of his days walking in an out of the house with the soft self-centered and suspicious demeanor characteristic of their cat Rodrigo.

She was concerned about Reynaldo’s tendencies for aloneness. He had one friend that invited him to swim and fish by the stream. His temporary friend, Josh Greenwood didn’t last. Josh made a mistake by telling Reynaldo that his dad owned a church. This fact was not appealing to Reynaldo. He was not impressed. Each time Josh made any efforts to visit him, he urged his mother to tell him that he was busy.

Josh left and never again made efforts to visit him. After that, Reynaldo never indicated a need to participate in the common games his neighborhood friends played after school or weekends. He preferred to be alone.

Chapter 3

Broken Hearts

He had a singular interest; his preoccupation with music day and night, and his constant need to know the names of musical composers and song titles. He remembered lyrics from both classical and contemporary songs he heard on the radio and in movies, both in English and Spanish. He memorized the names of Mexican and English classical composers. Their songs stayed embedded in his soul, heart, and mind.

He wanted to know the meaning of English and Spanish words. He was also fascinated with classic adult cinemas in both English and Spanish. He would watch and intently listen to the movie lines spoken by each of the elegant actors in the movies at least five times a year. He enjoyed sharing time with grandma Clarita whenever the movies were scheduled to run.

These were important times for both. Clarita was his best friend, his one and only friend. Reynaldo was fascinated at his grandma’s interpretation of life and the importance of suffering and struggle in people’s lives. She strongly echoed her interpretation of the belief that the more you struggled on this earth the better off you would be in heaven after death. This was not confusing to him. He seemed to understand that sadness was a part of life and that being alone was better than to be in bad company. He liked this.

Clarita was the only person that would listen to him. He felt free to ask questions and explanations for the meanings in the stories. He would listen intently and seriously at every line of every lyric of love songs he would hear. He felt the intensity of the love expounded in the messages he heard.

At nights, when all was quiet and the family had dozed off to sleep, he would play his favorite two songs over and over again in his portable record player. The repetitious lyrics from Gentle On My Mind and I Fall to pieces, were beautiful songs but songs not suitable for a nine year old; genius or not.

One late afternoon his grandma Clarita heard him singing a song she herself had heard many times as a child. She sat pensively peeling potatoes while embracing the melodies and songs Reynaldo sang from the very bottom of his heart: la noche siente mi dolor, la luna llora junto a mi, hasta el sol se burla de este amor y mi sufrir, (The night feels my pain, the moon cries next to me, even the sun mocks of my love and pain.)

Once he got wrapped up on a song, any song, the lyrics and the tune would obsess his thoughts. The songs in English were no exception. He would dwell on a particular song over and over again: and honey I miss you, and I’m being good and I would be with you if only I could.

With those yearning messages he would get lost in the still of the night. His dad would quietly walk in his room to remove the scratching sound of a record from the phonograph that would lull him to sleep. Sometimes his dad would reach down to his son’s forehead and felt tears streaming down his beautiful brown eyes.

Several times, Grandma Clarita spoke to Don Arnulfo and her daughter Esmeralda regarding the strange way that Reynaldo expressed such profound emotional pain. He seemed to enjoy feeling the pain. She was profoundly worried that digging so deeply into his heart would only cause long term sadness. She argued that these feelings were more common in teenagers and older people. (Parece que le gusta sufrir. Siempre anda buscando musica que lastima su corazon. Estos sentimintos quisas son emociones en adolecentes y jentes mayores" (It seems that he enjoys to suffer. He is always in search of music that hurts his heart. These sentiments of such deep emotion seem more typical of adolescents and adults.)

Esperanza thoughtfully discouraged her mother from spending so much time with him. Reynaldo necessita amigitos de su edad para pasar su tiempo. (Reynaldo needs to find friends his age to do other things." ) Abuelita Clarita agreed. There was no way that grandma could keep Reynaldo away from her.

Chapter 4

The Seasons of Life

In early September, when the kids were preparing for their first day of school, Esmeralda asked Ricardo to wake Abuelita. Reynaldo quickly intervened. He knocked at her bedroom door. Clarita did not response. He knocked harder and harder. No response. Celeste walked to her bedroom. She knocked. No Response. Esperanza felt