Lost Inside

By Urban Nilsson

A riveting novel about a bands rise to fame and its lead singers shocking downfall

Success is that one thing that everyone aspires. For some, it is a long journey of hard work and constant disappointments. Those who hold success and its inevitable companion, fame, in their hands are admired, revered, and put on a pedestal. But what is the price of success? They say what goes up, must come down and that the higher one flies, the harder one falls. In a moving tale about a successful band and its young and talented lead singer, author Urban Nilsson takes readers inside a world that is not always revealed to the public, to the screaming fans.

Robert is an up-and-coming author who meets the popular singer, Ronja at a Saturday night talk show where they are both guests. After dinner and some drinks, the couple find that they share a common interestmusic. Ronja persuades Robert to form a band, and Ron-bee is born. As they grew popular, a fan sends them a video of herself performing in church. Jenny, with her powerful voice and moving performance, becomes the groups new lead singer.

As Ron-bee starts invading the United States billboard charts, the groups fame grows a larger following. Whenever the bands talented lead singer performs all out on stage, the crowd goes wilder by the minute. One would think that Jenny is the girl who has it all. And yet, no one knows how much agony a young and successful singer goes through every day. All this is hidden beneath the glamour of her passionmusic, a world that would prove to be too much for her in the end. Witness the heart-wrenching story of a young womans struggle with fame and loneliness in Lost Inside.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 14, 2008
• ISBN: 9781469114996

Urban Nilsson

The author is born and raised in Sweden and has also lived in Switzerland before moving to the United States some years ago. He is married, and has two sons. He has graduated with a PhD in Nutrition from the University of Lund, Sweden. Lost Inside is his first book in English.

Book preview

Copyright © 2008 by Urban Nilsson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in

any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission

in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cover photo by Marie Floreng Nilsson

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Contents

The Change

The TV Show

The Studio

The First Songs Together

The First Gig

The Swedish Tour

Interest in the United States

Everything Takes Off

Jenny

A Family Matter

Rock House

Back To Reality

Zurich

The USA Tour

The Band

Boston

New York

Cleveland

Chicago To The West Coast

The Final In Hollywood

Back Home

Losing Momentum

The Missed Opportunity

The Blog

Epilogue

100-word Description Of The Book

To Jenny

The Change

I should have started to write my story a long time ago while all my memories were still fresh. But you know how it is. We are always busy with what is going on right now. There is no time, and you think, later, another day; and time passes—days, weeks, months.

Finally, I have gotten around writing it, alone, in front of my computer. I always write best when I am alone with my own thoughts, and I mean alone for days. It is like my thoughts become clearer and the inner voice louder and undisturbed. I have written a lot of other stuff, mostly fiction; but this time I will tell you the story about me, Ron-bee, and Jenny. If you read this book, chances are you have heard about us already and wondered what really happened. I will give you my version. I’m not claiming that I fully understood Jenny. However, I was probably closer to than anybody else.

But let me back up a little. I promise I will cut most of the boring stuff. I personally love autobiographies but hate the introductions about ancestors from Hungary, poor upbringing, and all that crap. Bear with me just a little bit, just to set the stage. OK?

It started as a thought, a daydream maybe. I did not know if it was going to work; but I had started to play with the idea of letting go, giving up the career I had made, doing something totally different. Since my schooldays, I had visualized my life, the future, as a series of events: finish school, get a job, get married, have children, get promotions, make money, pay the bills, and, generally, be responsible. I have not really allowed myself to be that adventurous. Well, not entirely true. We have moved around and left our beloved Sweden and moved down in central Europe when the kids, we have a son and a daughter, were about to start school. So we have taken our chances, and it has paid off well over the years. But still, I always knew my role as a provider and behaved accordingly. What slowly surfaced in my mind was the urge to realize my inner visions.

There are two sides of my personality. One is academic and the other, more visionary and creative. The logical and analytical keeps me alive; the other part gives my life meaning.

As a student, I loved to read, and it was one of my favorite ways to relax from the studies. As I got more and more to do and less and less time off, the reading had to go. It was essentially only during travel and holidays that I found the time.

Then finally, after many years, when our kids started college, things started to change. College in Sweden is free, and our house there was all paid, so I just had to support them for their living expenses. Suddenly, there wasn’t that much of financial responsibility to carry. It was the right moment to make the move. I looked for an opportunity and found one in the multinational company I worked for and moved together with my wife to the United States. I left my position as sales manager for one in administration; and suddenly, I was home in time in the evenings, had less travel, and had no work on weekends. Finally, I had plenty of time to do just whatever I wanted, not only read, but also to write. I used to joke about one day becoming a best-selling author, but dreaming about it is just a start. It’s the visionary phase. Still, it’s a total waste of time unless you move on. That moment had finally come.

It took me about one year of evenings and weekends to finish my first manuscript, a fiction novel with the working title The Network. Despite what the name might imply, it had nothing to do with computers or the Internet, nothing at all. I had also two or perhaps three partly written stories that needed to be tidied up and edited and some early concept ideas. A couple of months later, I had forced myself to finish three manuscripts. Well, to be perfectly honest, a manuscript is never really finished. It’s as if there are always things that could be rewritten and improved, but at some point, you just have to let go and close the book. I searched on the Net about how to act when approaching a publishing company. I selected one, more or less randomly, and sent one of my attempts. It wasn’t the first one I had written. I figured that one was somewhat controversial for a start. As a matter of fact, it still resides in my computer.

The first I sent was Sunset. It is the story about a guy who gets fed up with one of his colleagues at work. If you read this book, I suppose you might have read that one as well. Anyway, if you haven’t, the story goes like this. The guy has taken enough bullying and decides to get even and sets up a sophisticated scheme to frame the other guy. It’s basically about revenge and, essentially, entertainment; but it raises a question about morality. If someone is unfair, dishonest, and a real jerk, how far can you go to get even? I don’t know if I had the answer, but I let him nail the bad guy. You know, as an author, you can play God. Maybe that’s why it fascinates me so much. In my books, I can decide who wins and who loses. It’s much harder in real life. Not to say I don’t try there as well, but with less success.

Everything went smooth and fast. I hardly believed my eyes when I read their reply. Sure they were interested, and did I have other manuscripts? Finally! I contacted the publisher, and we decided that I should come over to Sweden and meet with them. We never got around discussing who was paying for the trip, and it came down to me in the end. I didn’t care; I could cover that just for the pure thrill. I brought along two more manuscripts and presented summaries of the stories to the editor.

*     *     *

After the success with the first book, things just took off. The book was released in Sweden and read by a Swedish actress. She was married to a film director in Hollywood, and she somehow got him in on the idea of basing a movie on the book. I got an offer on the movie rights, and that brought in some welcome cash. Even more important, it would open the door to publish the book in the United States. The second book, Confusion, was a story about a hacker and financial criminality. It had taken me some time to finish as I am not really a computer guy. I still needed to know enough to write a believable story, at least believable for the average reader. I am sure the real hackers were shaking their heads, but fiction is fiction, no more, no less. It was released in Sweden at about the same time as the shooting of the film and the release of Sunset in United States. By then, I had given up my regular job and made decent (though not great) money as an author.

The TV Show

I had not been very much exposed in Sweden as I already lived in the United States when my books were released. I had made an episode of a radio show, Sommar, which runs every afternoon from June to August. Every day the presenter is different, and he or she mixes their favorite music with some small talk during two hours. The show has lots of listeners as most of the presenters are people of some celebrity status, like politicians, athletes, actors, authors, or musicians. It has been a tradition for decades. I was lucky to be invited, but my book had been selling well, and my name started to be known although no one had any idea who I was. In the show, I did not talk much about myself, just my views on life in general. So, I as a person was still rather unknown.

Now I was suddenly invited to a late-night TV show on a Saturday in mid-October. People are interested to find out who you are, I was told. I remember they contacted me via the publisher as they did not even know my address. I called the host on the direct number they had given me, kindly enough as they seemed eager to have me. It would be a premiere on my part despite the fact that I had actually sold a quite a lot of books by then in Sweden. From their perspective, I guess the thrilling part was the Hollywood connection. We agreed on a show a week later, and he made sure I did not have anything similar planned in Sweden in between. I ensured him he would have his scoop. He sounded very relieved and ensured me that he really looked forward to have me on his show. We agreed that I would pop in shortly in the afternoon before the show so we, at least, would have met and had a few words on the subjects to cover and, perhaps, not to bring up.

*     *     *

I arrived in Sweden a few days earlier and spent some time with friends and family. I flew up to Stockholm in the morning before the show. We had our little chat and got along quite well.

Before taking off for a quick meal, I realized there was a sound check taking place in a studio nearby. The voice was familiar and belonged to a Swedish singer, Ronja. In fact, I had all her CDs and had probably listened a hundred times to some of the songs. Besides liking her music, I really admired her for her personality. She had such integrity. Already when she hit the scene in the late 90s as a teenager she wrote all her materials and demonstrated profound perspective on her role as an artist. She also had a very optimistic view on life as a great adventure. I could easily relate to that as well and feel some connection.

I could not resist taking a look and slipped in through the doorway. She stood in front of a group of musicians, and they just stopped playing. She glanced quickly in my direction but showed no reaction. I felt guilty for intruding and hoped I wasn’t the cause of the interruption. I closed the door carefully, stayed with my back to the wall, and kept dead silent. The sound technician got some instructions, and they started to play, and I could begin to breathe again. I had never seen her live before, just on some videos on TV and an interview maybe ten years ago. I stayed for the rest of the song and was about to leave when someone approached me and grabbed my hand.

Hi, you are Robert, right? That author, Sunset?

Yea, hi.

I saw you were on for the show tonight.

I suppose so, yes.

That should be interesting. I like your book.

Someone yelled for him; and he raised his hand, said a short bye, and was gone.

I looked at my watch. Less than two hours till the show was going live. I turned around and went for the door, almost running into Ronja who came walking in my direction. I felt very embarrassed and clumsy.

Hi! Yea . . . it could be you. She looked at me with a teasing smile. I wondered when you come in, where I have seen your face. Now I remember. It was on the back of that book. I heard that you would also be on the show tonight. We shook hands, and I smiled, somewhat reserved. I had never imagined anybody in her age would have an idea who I was, so I was kind of stunned. She waited for me to say something, but as I hesitated, she continued.

Come on, I have read your book. I liked it! It was actually your Sommar program that made me interested. Great music, and what you said made some sense.

I still hesitated for a moment, not sure how to reply.

Great, I should say. Well, this sounds like a society for mutual admiration, but honestly, I do have all your CDs, and I have played them hundreds of times.

She looked curiously at me for a while, probably as surprised as I had been, before she continued again.

And your next book, when is it released?

Last week, actually.

Oh, I missed that. I’ll buy it tomorrow.

I remembered I had brought a few copies. They were back at the hotel, and I offered to send her a signed copy later.

I realized that the hunger wasn’t going to go away. I desperately needed to eat before the show. I am just unbearable on an empty stomach. Not a good idea when being interviewed on live television.

I really have to get something to eat.

Me too. We could have something together.

OK, sounds good since I suppose you know some place, and I don’t.

Sure, let’s get a taxi to a place in the old city. I’ll call and make a reservation right away. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number she obviously knew by heart and started to go toward the door. She waved at me to come along.

There was already a cab outside the studio as we stepped out on the sidewalk. The driver nodded when he recognized Ronja but logically had no idea who I was. Anything else would have been a total surprise. We didn’t speak much on the way, just a few phrases out of courtesy. It felt too public even if the driver was a total stranger. It took maybe fifteen minutes before the taxi slowed down in a narrow alley in front of an old stone house. I quickly pulled up some bills and paid. We hurried the few steps down the stairs to the entrance in the basement.