The Guardian Projects: Book Two

By James Herbert Edwards

Im Jim Edwards, a human; I fly a spaceship named Merlin, who thinks hes human. Since my last book I have acquired a full crew, full of what I dont know. My second in command, though technically not yet recognized by the Alliance, is the sole surviving member of a race of artificially constructed living creatures known as the Betapherim. My seconds name is Mephis, short for the devilish name, Mephistopheles. Then there is crazy Bill, the Teeber, who communicates by thought not word, and consequently has taught Merlin, Mephis and me how to do it, too. Bill also taught me how to use the power of the Claw, as in Claw of Catau, as in, Bills planet, home of the Teeber. It is a mental thing, so dont ask me to explain it, I cant. All I know is it works very well on your enemy, extremely well.
Its probably a good thing I have the Claw because war breaks out again between the Alliance and the Tayhest and everyone thinks Im the guy to stop it. It seems there is a legend about the Bojaja, a powerful being known as the Drexa and a singular event also known as the Drexa. And Im supposed to be part of it, can you believe that?
If thats not enough to give me a headache, a force known only as the Light appears out of nowhere and really screws with me, almost killing me at one point before disappearing, hopefully, forever.
Back on Earth, also known as Tara, I find my true love, Joan, again, and find out she is also part of the great Bojaja Legend. We manage to stop a rebel kidnapping and visit ancient Mayan ruins. Taking a break in space, I find myself rescuing one of my space children, born to a Nack female, yes we did, and then shooting up the Lussecan home world because the bastards deserve it.
And so the adventures continue as I find out there is a lot more going on out in space then just guarding my part of the galaxy, a whole helluva lot more. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Jim

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 29, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465335272

Book preview

THE GUARDIAN PROJECTS

Book Two

James Herbert Edwards

Copyright © 2011 by James Herbert Edwards.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011911845

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4653-3526-5

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4653-3525-8

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4653-3527-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

Introduction

Chapter One Three’s A Crowd

Chapter Two Hey, Buddy, Can You Spare A Dime?

Chapter Three Hell Ain’t A Bad Place To Be

Chapter Four Your Satisfaction Is Guaranteed

Chapter Five Which Way Did He Go?

Chapter Six It’s Not Over Till The Fat Lady Sings

Chapter Seven One Day At A Time

Chapter Eight You Can’t Tuna Fish

Chapter Nine Edelweiss

Chapter Ten Father Knows Best

Chapter Eleven Take The Slauson Avenue Cutoff

Chapter Twelve Take Two Aspirin, Call Me In The Morning

Chapter Thirteen In With The Old, Out With The New

Chapter Fourteen Bungle In The Jungle

Chapter Fifteen Nack, Nack, Who’s There?

Chapter Sixteen Christmas Is Just Around The Corner

I dedicate this second book to my wife, Joan, who still makes it all worth it, and to my mom, Hilda, who, like my wife, loves me for what I am.

INTRODUCTION

Don’t read this book. How’s that for an introduction, like kissing your sister, huh? Seriously, don’t read this book until you read the first one. I don’t care if you buy it, just read it first. This one will make a heck of a lot more sense. But if you’re stubborn like me and you’re going to continue to read this, for whatever reason, then I suppose I better introduce my second book.

I’m Jim Edwards, a human. I fly a spaceship named Merlin, who thinks he’s human. Since my last book, I have acquired a full crew, full of what? I don’t know. My second in command, though technically not yet recognized by the Alliance, is the sole surviving member of a race of artificially constructed living creatures known as the Betapherim. At least I hope he’s the last since all the rest of them had been programmed to kill all the other living creatures in the universe, especially his psycho brother. My second’s name is Mephis, short for the devilish name Mephistopheles. He and I have taken turns saving each other’s ass more than once since we discovered each other on a mother ship, where I also discover a beautiful young lady. But I’ll not say any more about her right now. And then there is crazy Bill the Teeber, who communicates by thought, not word, and consequently has taught Merlin, Mephis, and me how to do it too. Bill also taught me how to use the power of the Claw, as in Claw of Catau, as in Bill’s planet, home of the Teeber. It is a mental thing, so don’t ask me to explain it, I can’t. All I know is it works very well on your enemy, extremely well.

I find I need it quite a bit in this book because everyone is fighting everyone else, including me. Then there is the fucking Light, a force that comes out of nowhere and really fucks with me, literally, and damn near kills me too. But before that, I find myself in a war between the Alliance and the Tayhest, with Mephis’s badass brother thrown in for flavor, and somehow I manage to survive. According to the rest of the universe, the whole thing is part of the great Bojaja Legend, but I’ll let you be the judge of that, at least the parts I know, or should I say, remembered. Finally, back on Earth, better known as Tara, I find my true love, Joan, again, who turns out to be part of the Legend, I kid you not, and then I get to see ancient Mayan ruins while stopping a rebel kidnapping someone. Feeling like I need a break—who wouldn’t by now?—I go to visit the Nack home world and my three sons and get to shoot up the Lussecan star system for good measure. Now, go read the damn thing and enjoy yourself. I am.

Jim Edwards

Guardian, Alpha Galaxy

CHAPTER ONE

Three’s a Crowd

Maybe the rest of them failed to see the humor that Tarr and I saw. That was okay; none of them had been to the Pheren homeland with a keg or two of Chaga brew either or seen what happens to a calm, rational Pheren after just one or two fishbowls, and I do mean fishbowls. Plus, the big guy was right. I was shitfaced, though I think the drug they had me paralyzed with had added to the effect—whatever, the silence in the room was overwhelming.

What do ya mean ugly? I challenged him, turning in his grasp to look him in the face.

He looked down at me and laughed, releasing me slowly from his grasp, letting his eyes roam the audience. It was a fickle group to say the least. Tarr was about as welcome as Malcolm X at a KKK rally. We had our work cut out for us, though his size was enough to control the crowd. Here in my back basement bedroom, his size was even more noticeable than say back in his homeland, where he was not the biggest of the clan!

I dragged Phayton over to him while Crouthhamel motioned Alzador to remain neutral. Phayton tried to pull back, but I was drunk strong and he gave up quickly.

This, Councilman Phayton, I said, pointing toward Tarr, is why I couldn’t bring my ship back. I sent Merlin to get me some help, no offense Mr. C, but I would not divulge any information given to me by anyone without their permission, which was the best reason to send for Tarr. He came on his own freewill . . .

And with my superior’s permission, Tarr threw in.

This made all of us think twice, especially Phayton.

Are you alone? asked Phayton. The way he said it, I know he must have been expecting an invasion any second.

Yes, yes. Tarr nodded. I owe Jim my life, and I would expect no one else to repay that debt, beyond that, there is a much more important reason for my being here, a reason that concerns every living creature outside the Aktagara galaxy, regardless of any and every alliance, race, location, or political view. In other words, it is time for us, all of us, to become one, he hesitated before adding, or face complete and total extinction.

Glances were exchanged while Phayton showed us all what it means to be a politician or petty, whichever you choose to call him.

What reason would make the Alliance want to join with an enemy? he asked. Certainly not a few Tayhest invaders.

Aah, what a diplomat, I thought. I wondered how quickly Tarr could kill everyone in the room. I looked at Crouthhamel and Alzador. I could almost see them reliving the T-M wars, and I felt some of their pain from across the room. Joining forces with the Pheren was not going to be an easy task, I hoped Tarr had more patience than I did.

I felt the rumble in Tarr’s throat before I heard the chuckle emerge between his lips, then he spoke softly, Councilman, I can appreciate your skepticism, for I too was skeptical about coming here for any other reason than to help my friend . . . but there are things going on in the universe—he spread his huge arms—that even the Pheren cannot stop. This we freely admit, so we come to you with the hope that by combining our forces, we can defeat the opposition before they destroy our world and yours with it.

He stopped and looked hard at Phayton.

I’m listening, he answered, straightening his posture and adjusting the look on his face to one of polite blankness. Always the asshole—oops, I mean politician.

When Merlin showed up on my world, Tarr began again, lowering himself to a sitting position on the carpet and allowing his body to expand slightly, as if he was fluffing a pillow, there was much notice taken by many people, something I could not hide or ignore, for the obvious reason. he looked over at me.

Oops, I thought.

Especially when he came out of the anomaly so quickly, without any warning, it caused a great alarm among many of our leaders, many of whom were on Bolome for the ceremonies—

Blow me, I echoed, laughing at the name as only I can do.

Phayton looked at me like I was brainless, and I could tell he was never going to hire me for the Diplomat Corps. By now, Mr. C and Alzador had settled onto the bed, squeezing in alongside Phayton and me; one of them slapped me from behind and one of them shushed me. I pulled a stick of mix from my shirt pocket and lit it almost subconsciously, noticing the noise level had risen in the rest of the house. Maybe I was sobering up. I absentmindedly handed the spleef to Tarr who extended his arm for it. The whole scene seemed so natural that I forgot that I had never talked with him, but everyone else seemed to take it in stride, even Phayton reached for the bad boy as it circled the room like a smoking plane on its way down. I hoped it would be enough to soften Phayton’s rigid mood. His body language could use some work even if he did have a poker face.

Are you okay with this? I asked Tarr, motioning to the joint, remembering the scene when the other Pheren had consumed the Chaga brew.

No problemo. He exhaled, noticing Phayton’s impatience for the thing. The sudden appearance, he continued, of Merlin and the Teeber caused not only panic but action on the part of my leaders, who went into an emergency meeting after Merlin explained what he was doing there.

You have a Teeber, exclaimed Phayton, turning toward me.

Just a little one, I smarted. Continue, Tarr. Someone swatted me again. It was beginning to annoy me. Merlin must have let Tarr onto or rather into him, Hmm, interesting, I thought.

It was decided that I would be allowed to accompany the Teeber back here as long as I was shielded sufficiently, and once here, find Jim and bring him back with me.

Someone opened the door and gasped before being shoved out again. I tried to imagine what was happening next, my only clue was the noise level dropping to almost nothing. I laughed to myself and then thought about that shielding remark as Tarr continued.

It was also decided that, if possible, I would bring back with me someone of higher authority, possibly an Alliance councilmember.

I poked Phayton, and he jerked like he was ticklish. I felt the hand coming and ducked at the last second. Someone, no names, very lightly cuffed Phayton on the ear, which made Tarr burst out laughing and me a second later. Phayton turned to me.

You cannot behave, can you? he scolded me, and then he too broke into a laugh, and all the tension in the room seemed to vanish out the door like the fog did in that horror movie when they played the film backward, like nobody knew what they how they did it, duh.

So who’s the opposition? I asked Tarr, ignoring the glance I got from Phayton. It wouldn’t be the Bojj, would it? I felt so smug and got slapped for it. I turned to Crouthhamel and Alzador and gave them my nasty look, like it would help.

We have not concluded that yet, answered Tarr, but we suspect that is exactly what we are experiencing, the elders are all but positive. It is a tactic they have used before, send in the look-alikes, disrupt the entire planet, and then follow up with an invasion force. He caught himself and then relaxed as Phayton nodded.

Yes, he agreed, they did the same to us, sent in the dupes and invaded while we were trying to sort it all out. It was an admission that brought nods from Mr. C and Alzador. And if I remember, the last time it was you Maglarr who were the invaders.

I felt everyone stiffen at Phayton’s remark except Tarr, who looked at him and nodded. His face said it all; it was going to be a long time changing names.

That is exactly why I am here now, rumbled Tarr, so there will be no more mistakes that grow into wars that take our family and friends from us. He let his statement settle in our heads.

So you will give us the locations of the anomalies within your world’s control? insisted Phayton.

Will you be accompanying me back? countered Tarr. He looked at me and winked. I nodded because the question wasn’t for me to answer.

Yes, yes, answered Phayton, I would be honored. Spoken like a true bullshitter, I mean politician.

And to answer your question, Councilman Phayton of Jurda, I will leave you with coordinates of all the known anomies in our star system, though we do not control any of them. Tarr looked around, hoping the answer was what they wanted to hear.

But you do watch them, said Crouthhamel, joining the discussion.

We try, it is not easy, they are not permanent in any one spot, and sometimes they disappear for no apparent reason. Or like today, the anomy that Merlin and I came back through actually brought us back within seconds of his leaving here. Something I have never witnessed before.

"Are you saying you somehow manipulated time?" I asked. This would solve a lot of problems when it came to my space traveling, especially when it came to Joan. What was I thinking?

Not he, the anomy, Jim, answered Merlin through my sensor. Somehow I had replaced the sensor on my wrist, only I didn’t remember Phayton or Crouthhamel handing it to me. "The anomy somehow folded time over itself and, yes, I almost met myself returning, which I do not believe would be very healthy." He was a chatterbox with wings.

That’s what I meant. So with all this shifting and disappearing, how can anyone make use of the anomies for an invasion or anything else?

Phayton, as was everyone else, was listening to Merlin and me, and piped up as the idea hit him, How do you manage to map these passages, and how accurate are they? He seemed to sniff at the apparent lack of value that a map would have, that was only a day old, let alone, say, a hundred years or more.

Tarr rolled the question around for a minute before answering. I suppose you have to really trust your mapmaker. He smiled at Phayton.

So how do you account for the unstableness? asked Alzador, genuinely interested from a pilot’s point of view.

Tarr answered him as he would a fellow pilot. "We created our maps thousands of years ago, though I do not know when exactly, and have studied the anomies ever since. The result of which is a map that constantly changes along with the anomies and, I personally like this part, also rates the anomy in question by its reliability for travel, time, and arrival point.

Alzador nodded appreciatively as he in turn rolled the answer around in his birdbrain. Sorry, I couldn’t resist that. So an invasion force would be limited in some ways . . .

And we could anticipate when and where they are coming here, I finished for him. He smiled at me, and his wing slapped the back of my head playfully. I grabbed for it, but he was too quick.

Crouthhamel looked at Tarr and asked, How soon? He knew Tarr’s people probably already had calculated the possibilities. He was smart.

For us it could be only a few days, we have been heavily infiltrated with Betas for over a month in your time, and although the our leaders would like to think they have it under control, the fact remains that there were Betas at the school when you were there, Jim. He looked at me and continued, After you left, the school was pretty much in a state of chaos, not because of you entirely, but also the arrival of the leaders.

Phayton looked at me and shook his head. I knew what he was thinking.

The Chaga didn’t affect all of us, I doubt you were aware, nor did you have time to look everyone over as I did after you left.

You took Chaga brew to the Pheren world? asked Phayton.

I had a keg or two, they were really hospitable. I looked around for support. I was being set free, I wanted to return the favor.

Did you not know it was poison to them? asked Alzador.

Please, interrupted Tarr, Jim acted out of friendship, and although it certainly sets us free, it is not deadly. However, the Betas were unable to change form even after consuming the brew, so it turned out rather good for us and not so good for them.

Jim, if you like, I have the whole party recorded, I’ll be more than happy to put it on my screen. Merlin was always so helpful.

That’s okay, Merlin, not right now, I replied quickly.

Only a few days, echoed Crouthhamel, are you telling me that the Tayhest will invade your world then? His simple question brought everyone back to the main subject, like a gunshot.

We believe so, however, the Tayhest are very unpredictable.

What about us Tarr? I asked, though I didn’t want to hear the answer. Do you have any information about the Alliance’s invasion time?

Again, we do not have access to some of the factors that can predict such a thing, however, we do believe that the Bojj have already begun seeding your worlds, once that begins. He stopped talking and decided not to finish the sentence.

The room fell silent as we all added ourselves to the equation. War was coming like a fucking locomotive. The party noises from the other room suddenly sounded perverted. Didn’t they know it was a funeral?

I think I should end this party, sounds like we got a lot of work to do, I commented, I felt more sober than I had ever been, and we can get going before it’s too late . . .

I think you should let the party go on, replied Phayton, it may be the last party for many of us for a long time.

I looked at him and realized he was absolutely correct. The time to party was now, because I was sure, and he didn’t put it in words, that some of us would not live to party ever again. I went to my shirt pocket for a stick of mix and came up empty. I felt my pockets; I knew I had one left.

Looking for this? asked Alzador, holding my last joint in the tips of his feathers. His eyes said it all; he was as mischievous as I was too.

Let’s take it to the masses, I said, jumping up from the bed. Come on, Tarr, I want you to meet my friends. I reached for Phayton and pulled him up from the bed as Tarr rose to his feet. His size was incredible, no NFL player even came close, not even the Fridge from Chicago.

We opened the door, and the noise level dropped as we entered the room, probably out of respect for Phayton and Crouthhamel, yet when Tarr came through the door and emerged as only he can, you could have heard a pin drop.

Everybody, I would like to present a very special person whom I consider a friend, a lifesaving friend, and you all know how much I need them. I waited for the brief laughs and comments to subside. This is Tarr, he comes from the Olom galaxy, home of the Pheren.

The silence was palpable.

I wondered if I had a lynch mob in front of me until Rick and Samantha stepped forward and offered him their hands. The lesson was not lost on the rest of them, and the crowd surged forward to offer theirs. Alzador lit my last stick and others materialized as well, and the party started up again without missing a beat. I half-expected someone to react to Tarr’s galaxy and realize who he was, but besides Alzador and Mr. C, most of my friends were new Guardians, not as new as I, but definitely not from the T-M war years. It put me at ease though I was nervous at first, also, that’s when Cluver corralled me and shoved a Chaga in my face too. It didn’t take me long to catch up with the rest, pretty soon I was blotto too.

An hour later, I was upstairs trying to see if I could find something in the fridge. Unsuccessful at finding any decent munchies, I was about to forget the whole thing when Wolf came up behind me.

Order pizza, he said, startling me from my dazed condition.

I would have thought you did already, I said, looking down at him.

Wolf ordered, he answered.

Oh, so you weren’t telling me to order pizza, you were telling me that you ordered it. It was taking me a few seconds to catch up with him.

Lotsa pizza, Jim, replied Wolf, licking his lips.

You have that correct, chimed in Merlin, two Domino’s guys just pulled up in a pickup, and the back is loaded with hotbags. You better get your checkbook for this one. He laughed.

Wolf laughed too and said, Merlin, funny, take Wolf for a ride again.

Anytime, Wolfee, answered Merlin. Answer the door, Jim.

I opened the door, and the smell of the pizza surrounded me. The two pizza guys were loaded down with stacks of hotbags.

You did order fifty pizzas, right? said the lead guy.

Yeah, take them downstairs, will you? I said without thinking, something I do very well, and I stepped back to let him and his buddy pass by me. When they were halfway down the stairs, I remembered the room full of aliens. We’re having a costume party, so don’t be surprised, I yelled after them. I turned and went for my checkbook. I heard a cheer go up as the pizzas entered the room and the smell told everyone what was in those flat red bags. I waited for the two of them to come back up, and when they didn’t, I went down and found them surrounded by the group, busily handing out pies to anyone within grabbing distance and taking it all in, especially Tarr.

I approached them and was cut off by Wolf, who clearly wanted some too. As Cray reached for a box, Wolf cut him off and grabbed the box in his teeth, turned, and raced from the room, growling and laughing as he rushed by me.

Don’t get a stomachache, I yelled after him. He gave me the I-don’t-need-your-advice look and disappeared up the stairs.

Say, asked one of the pizza guys, walking up to me, pointing toward Tarr before handing me the bill, how many people are in there, man, they make you think it’s only one person, what a costume.

Three, I think, I answered as I glanced at the bill. Holy shit, I never spent four hundred dollars on pizza before tonight, I thought, writing the check as the second driver came back in with the last load. Already the first batch of pies was gone, so I snagged a bag as he went by me. Ffame came up to me, and the first pizza guy watched her, clearly fascinated with her costume. She was using one of her talons to pick a pepperoni piece off the slice in her hand and brought it up to her mouth. I knew she was blasted.

Jimmy, what do you call this? It is just delicious. Her mouth opened, and her catlike teeth closed over the meaty morsel. She looked the driver up and down.

Thick crust, lady, answered the driver for me, returning the look.

Oooh, she cooed, I like thickcrustlady. Then she turned and wandered off into the crowd, wiggling her tush at him.

Man, she’s hot, observed the pie man. His buddy came over to us.

The pie in my hand was hotter than hell, but I wasn’t going to put it down without a fight. I handed the check to them and started walking toward the steps. When they didn’t take the hint, I came back to them. They were mesmerized by the roomful of aliens, as I too would have been, but I was hungry and they were leaving. Alzador came out of the crowd, and the two of them nudged each other at his costume.

Man, that’s a cool costume, said one of them to him.

Just then my wrist vibrated, and I knew Merlin needed me alone. Alzador, could you show these guys out for me? I need a minute alone.

Sure, Daddy Jim, he replied, spreading his wings to circle the two of them. I went down the short hallway as I heard them flipping out over his wings as he herded them up the steps. Boy, the stories they would tell.

I’m clear, I said to my wrist, opening the box and savoring the sight and smell of my very own pizza. Oh god, did I have the munchies bad.

Better eat fast.

Why? I asked, bringing a piece to my salivating mouth. I don’t like to eat fast unless I decide to eat fast.

All hell is breaking loose in the Alander galaxy, you have about sixty seconds before Crouthhamel ship signals him, the Tayhest have invaded the Alliance.

I dropped the pizza back in the box; my appetite just went to hell. I spit the only bite back in the box; my taste buds had gone there too. When, no, where is the Alander galaxy? My mind wasn’t functioning quite at peak.

I guess you could say, in linear terms, on the other side of the universe from the Aktagara galaxy, I can only surmise how the Tayhest got there.

I think we both know how they got there, through an anomy. It made me wonder how they could have the technology to construct a tunnel, so to speak, that defied time and space and we couldn’t. I didn’t think brilliance was part of their genetic makeup. Not the ones I had met so far.

Anybody putting up a fight?

The Jhanups and the Hissicans, but they don’t have the synthetic crystal in their ships, so they’re getting whacked pretty hard. Yup, Mr. C’s ship just signaled him as well as most of the other Guardians’ ships. Say Aufwiedersen to the party.

The box hit the big trash can in the corner as I walked back into the room. Already it was emptying out as my fellow Guardians hastily sobered and went for their ships. I spotted Tarr and then Alzador with Phayton behind him. Where Mr. C was, I had no clue. Tarr made a good door, not to mention wall. I stumbled over a pile of boxes as I reached them.

Looks like the Tayhest want us first.

I can’t argue with you, Jim, but I worry that you are tied for first, replied a very serious Tarr. I wonder if Merlin could reach . . .

Not necessary, Tarr, cut in Merlin. I have a Pheren warship settling in the front yard with no field.

Totally visible? I asked.

Yup, and damaged too.

Before anyone could say anything, it was a race for the steps, of course we all let Tarr win rather than be trampled. I was second, nyah.

Can you get close enough to cover it? I asked Merlin, following the living wall up the steps, trying to keep up.

Tarr went out the front door and damn near ran into the side of the ship. It looked red hot in spots, several spots had holes in them, at least outer hull holes. Tarr stopped dead, trying not to hit the side of the ship; he teetered briefly and my hand claimed the advantage as I pulled him back into me. I could feel the heat from where I was standing. I wondered how my new siding was holding up. Suddenly, the ship disappeared and the lawn and highway appeared. Cars were stopping on the side of the road, and from where I was standing, I swear I saw flashbulbs going off. Holy shit and Shineola.

What’s going on here, Mr. Tarr? exclaimed Phayton. Is this how you work, sneaking into our worlds while you talk diplomacy? He had arrived at the doorway as the ship disappeared and, not knowing what had signaled everyone, was suspicious as hell, not to mention a bit drunk.

I don’t believe there was a whole lot of sneaking going on here, I commented to Phayton. "His ship came in damaged and visible. Right now I’ll wager that Norad, our defense system here on Earth, has scrambled every fighter plane within five hundred miles. Don’t forget, my world doesn’t know what’s going on out there in the universe, yet." I stressed the yet.

I don’t like it, grumbled Phayton. Pheren ships in the Alpharian galaxy, what is this universe coming to?

I had never heard this called the Alpharian galaxy before. I made a note to remember that. I liked it better than Milky Way anyways.

Chill out, Phayton, I chided him. I think they came to get Tarr and either got whacked in their Olom galaxy or here in ours, and since we didn’t do it to them, maybe we should cut them some slack and see what’s wrong.

Yes, replied Phayton, looking at Tarr and me, you are correct. I will chill out. Let’s find Crouthhamel and see if he can find out what is happening here.

I’d like to think it was my mean look that calmed him down, but in retrospect, I’d have to say it was Tarr’s mean look that had the most effect. Wow, I thought I had it refined to the best of mean looks. Damn, I didn’t want him mad at me.

Almost on cue, a door in the side of the ship opened and who strolls out but Mr. C.

We’ve got wounded on board, he said to no one in particular, but looked up at Tarr when he finished, and we need somebody to fly this thing, only not to where it came from, that place is now controlled by the Tayhest. He looked at me. I think it was the anomy that Merlin took Tarr through, that is where the Tayhest hit them, and it’s not far from here. I only hope they assumed they were finished and sent it to crash here.

I’ll fly it home, declared Tarr as he began to climb the ramp.

Wait a minute, Tarr, I said, grabbing his huge arm. You’ve got wounded on board, and since none of them seem to be standing around here, I would say you need first aid and fast. Why don’t you take Phayton and fly to Jurda? They are famous for fixing up injured species. I looked around for Wolf for corroboration, but he was nowhere to be found. Smart dog.

I, well, what do you think? sputtered Phayton to Crouthhamel.

You could ride with the Teeber and me, I added.

Shall we be going? said Phayton to Tarr, no longer waiting for any advice. He wasn’t going to ride with a Teeber, that was for sure.

I’ll keep Merlin close to you until we get clear of Norad, I suggested.

And then what? asked Crouthhamel. What do you have in mind, you aren’t thinking of going after the Tayhest alone, are you?

No, I was going to Alander via the nearest anomy and join the others, Merlin, have you downloaded the maps into Mr. C’s ship? I decided to change the subject.

Done, the minute Tarr gave the go-ahead, I took the liberty of sending it to all the available ships. He was so assertive, whatta ship.

Okay, take off, ordered Crouthhamel. I’ll make sure Norad has something to chase.

What about me? asked Wolf from my side, giving me the doggy-eye sympathy routine. Wolf not like home alone.

Oh, quit whining, I answered him. You can ride with me, just don’t change your mind halfway there, I’ll throw you out in space.

Merlin, I need a ramp, I ordered playfully, it’s time to rock and roll.

Follow the lower species, he shot back, I’m in the driveway.

Tarr and Phayton had already boarded, so I jogged over to Wolf, who seemed to be standing at the exact spot when the ramp came down. I wondered how he knew, but we didn’t discuss it as I ran on board and jumped in my seat. Wolf followed and jumped in the other chair. The screen came on, and Rick appeared in the driveway ahead of us, Samantha on his arm.

Hey Jim, he was yelling, hey Jim.

Yeah, I answered over my speakers. Sorry, I forgot to say good-bye.

That’s okay. When are you coming back?

I don’t know, dude, I answered softly. Take care of things for me, will you?

No problemo, kick some ass, he yelled back, waving as we began climbing slowly, even though he couldn’t see us.

Kick it, will you, Merlin, I said impatiently.

I have a ship under me that can’t lift off alone, you want to chill out for a minute. It’s ten to twelve times my weight, so I’m straining, dude.

Yeah, right, I forgot, say, how are they going to get to Jurda, we’re not towing them the whole way, are we?

No, they have enough power to get them there, plus I’m going to give them a little whip when we get far enough out, my computer tells me the only problem they may have is landing. How Crouthhamel landed that monstrosity, I’ll never know. And how his ship was able to dock as quickly as it did is another mystery. He can sure fly, I’ll say that much.

I turned on the aft screen. The Earth was already a multicolored marble, yet I was so pumped to fight that it seemed like we were going backward. I rubbed my eyes, the Earth was getting closer.

Merlin, I began.

Hang on, I’m about to swing them around Mars, the rest of the outer planets are too gaseous for the gravity pull I need.

Mars suddenly came on the screen, and since it was turning and we were turning, the whole effect began to make me dizzy. I signaled Tarr, and the screen came on, smoke wafting around the corners of his screen. Tarr and Phayton were standing in front of a large control panel; no one else was visible and I didn’t feel like asking. The place looked trashed, like when your car rolls over, don’t ask.

We’re going to give you a pull, I said.

Yes, replied Tarr, our computers are working out the details, that was a brilliant idea.

Yes, Merlin is that, to say the least, I admitted. Then an idea hit me.

Phayton, can you tell me where the big ship is, the one you were testing with . . . I left out the rest of the sentence.

No, he answered, why do you want to know that?

I have an idea that may work with the idea you were working on, should I explain it?

He looked at Tarr and back at me, like I was nuts. No, absolutely not.

I felt a slight queasy feeling and knew we were whipping around Mars so we could sling the Pheren ship on a course toward Jebis.

Phayton, I think I may have a way to stop the invasion, so don’t be a tight ass, we’re all in the same shit right now.

I know, Jim, he admitted, but I cannot break my vows to the Council.

Fine, have it your way, but talk to the Council and make them move that big sonofabitch to these coordinates in the Temon Gavol star cluster. I punched the numbers into the keypad, the spot wasn’t that far from where we had run into the Mothership and its failed experiment. And I will meet them. The experiment may still work, though not as intended. I smiled.

I’ll see what I can do, but I’m not making any promises. Still, it is my project. He looked up from his keypad and smiled. I will do this if I can, just don’t let me down.

I won’t, I replied. Tarr, Godspeed, and I’ll see you on the flip side.

He looked at me and winked. No problemo.

I turned on the exterior screen and saw we were headed away from them and separating quickly as Merlin changed our course to head for the Alander galaxy.

The Mothership has not moved, said the Teeber, speaking to me for the first time. He is a great mind reader.

That’s what I figured, I replied. Merlin, where’s the closest anomy to us that will take us into the Aktagara galaxy?

You told Crouthhamel you were going to—

I know what I told him, but I didn’t tell him how I was going to get there. Now take us to the nearest anomy and be quick, will you?

Aye, aye, Mon Capitan, sassed Merlin. I have an anomy about an hour away in Zalo drive.

In that case, I’m going to take a nap and a shower, but not in that order. I deactivated the seatbelt and let Wolf loose also. I wasn’t thrilled having him along because I still knew he was a dog even if he didn’t, and sooner or later, he was going to want to run and play like a dog. Oh well.

Jim, I have the anomy on-screen, you’d better look. Merlin always woke me gently.

Four Tayhest ships, Merlin’s size, sat in a diamond shape around the spot where the anomy began. Right now, it was a small cloud of gases, swirling like they were in a wind storm. It hardly looked like it was worth the trouble.

We’re in deceive mode? I asked, more to get the brain going than anything else. I went to the synthesizer and made a bowl of food for Wolf. He had mentioned he was hungry, and I had forgotten.

Here, Wolf. Come on, baby, you’re going to like this stuff.

What Wolf eat? he said, scoping out the food.

Garf, the same thing I eat. It won’t kill you, so be quiet and eat, please. I had taken to saying please now that he talked like a human. I think he liked it.

I turned back to the screen. Whatta ya think, Merlin, do we take them out with the Bathor beam?

I have to go visible.

Well, didn’t you do it for the Pheren? I goaded him, but I knew he had gotten the drop on those Tayhest near the Pheren school because they were busy trying to destroy the Pheren ship and hadn’t seen old Merlin coming, bad move on their part.

Jim, Merlin. The idea came to both of us at the same time.

The mini cannon! When I had the Hogan projector installed at the Zalo base, this was another one of the goodies I had them synthesize for me. It is designed like the mini-cannons they used on the Huey helicopters in Vietnam. They shot like a zillion rounds per minute—why, you could mow a fucking forest down with one. And this one was bigger and quicker. And you could remain in deceive mode while firing. Don’t ask me why, but when I first learned the weapons systems from Crouthhamel and his magic hat, I could not believe what I found. First of all, they don’t use bullets anymore; they use energy beams of all different kinds. Why, because they’re faster, quicker, more accurate, and they don’t need a big magazine for storage, blah, blah, blah. Their problem is that to shoot them, you can’t be in deceive mode, not for the really good ones. Of course the black particle beam is no longer useable according to Merlin because of the new material of the Tayhest, like the Bathor beam as they call it now. Install one in your ship and you can cut a Tayhest ship in half or vaporize it, as long as he doesn’t shoot back at you, because he can see your ass as well as you can see his ass. So I personally want all my front storage areas crammed fucking full of bullets—the bigger, the better. And Merlin does too. He has designed the bullets to do amazing things, such as pass through defense shields as well as pierce Tayhest ship armor, explode by remote control, and follow the leader if necessary. So now I don’t have to fly like a fucking bumble bee trying to get a better shot on the enemy. I bought other goodies with Mr. C’s Tre card, but nothing as deadly as this baby.

Shall we, I observed, go over and introduce ourselves, old chap? I tried for a British accent. I’m no Rich Little.

Smashing idea, mimicked Merlin. He had almost reconfigured his front too. I could just see the tubes of the gun protruding on the sides and front of us on the screen.

Can you get right in the middle and then spin in a circle while firing? I knew he could.

Certainly, said Curly of the Three Stooges.

Slowly, it’s more fun that way. We crept into swirling gases until we had a Tayhest along each side and above and below us. You know, the Z axis.

Now? asked Merlin out of respect for me.

Now! We started spinning before I had finished talking.

It made me dizzy, but I wouldn’t trade it for what I saw. From fifty yards the ships turned into shrapnel, three exploded while one lost most of its back end. Merlin shot us into the anomy, and for a moment, we were in the Aktagara galaxy and then we were back in our galaxy and sitting about two hundred yards from the opening, watching debris whirl by us. Our deceive mode kept us clean and safe though, if you were watching, you might have see the debris bounce or change course for no reason.

There is a survivor on that ship, said the Teeber. He didn’t talk much, but he was always up on developments.

Hmmm, Merlin, can that ship make it back to his galaxy?

Yes, his side thrusters will eventually get him home.

Good, see if his Com is working, I want to talk with him.

Don’t you think we should finish him off? asked Mr. Bloodthirsty.

Can they tell what happened to the ship? To me it looked like a big shark had bitten off the back half, really cool.

No . . . no, replied Merlin, thinking more like me every day.

An ugly Tayhest materialized on the screen in front of me, holding his side, which looked okay to me, and staring at me as if he just couldn’t believe his eyes.

Do you know who I am? I asked in Hortic. He knew I could see the beady little eyes move around.

You will die for this, he answered angrily, though the Hortic had surprised him for a moment. I will personally see to it.

Yeah, yeah, I answered in Hortic, which sounds like your choking. All you fucking Tayhest have got some personal hard on for the Guardian Jim. Well, I’ve got something personal for you and the rest of your stinking race, and I’m going to let you live to relay the message, so listen good or I will shoot your ass full of holes. You go back and tell them that I am coming, and when I get there, the gates of hell are going to open up and swallow your fucking world, and every motherfucking one of you in it. And then I’m going after the Bojj and their sorry asses. Now get out of my sight before I let Merlin have his way with you.

Let’s get into that anomy now, I ordered after cutting off the transmission. And when we come out the other side, head for the anomy those fuckers are using to invade Alander, I want to sneak up their asses. Before I had finished, we swirled out of the anomy and disappeared toward the next one. I laughed as I shook my head.

Did that bastard move? I asked, the aft screen showed nothing.

He will do as you say, commented the Teeber. He has newfound enthusiasm, and he certainly doesn’t want to die for them.

I couldn’t tell, Jim, answered Merlin, but I like what he say. He laughed.

Hmm, I answered. That was the second time I noticed the ranks breaking.

I’m going to Zalo Time Drive, remarked Merlin. It will be quicker, and my sensors are blank.