From the Bedroom to the Boardroom: What You Need to Say to Be Heard: A Conversation with Maria Smith, Conscious Communicator

By Georgie Nickell

Do you constantly feel like people aren't listening to you?

Do you get frustrated by miscommunication?

Discover how to come across clearly, and get exactly what you want, in From the Bedroom to the Boardroom: What You Need to Say to Be Heard. From identifying conversational cues to reading body language, you'll learn how to break down communication barriers and customize your message to target your listener and, as a result, get more for saying less.

From workplace-readiness to bedroom bedlam, internationally-known communication expert Maria Smith shares her linguistic methods on how to:

- Communicate with people you don't like

- Work cohesively with co-workers

- Please your significant other... in and out of the bedroom.

Loved the information on the communication styles; very helpful for the workplace ...and home. -- Meg Coyle, former KING 5/NBC News anchor and Executive Recruiter, Amazon.com

The Girls Guide to Communication!

-- Leslie Hockett, Top-Grossing Onboard Salesperson of the Year 2012, 2013 & 2014, Holland America Line

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Mar 17, 2016
• ISBN: 9781480825901

Georgie Nickell

Maria Smith is an international communications expert who created the ground-breaking training program, Bounce. She is also the force behind Career Change Happens. Visit her online at MariaSmith.com.au. Georgie Nickell is the author of two other books—I Only Smoke on Thursdays and Hailey Bailey Wins the Daily—and has contributed her work to numerous magazines. Visit Nickell online at georgienickell.com.

Book preview

to the Boardroom:

What You Need to Say to Be Heard

A Conversation with Maria Smith,

Conscious Communicator

By Georgie Nickell

35682.png

Copyright © 2016 Georgie Nickell and Maria Smith.

www.BedroomBoardroom.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Archway Publishing

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.archwaypublishing.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Cover Design: Annette Smith

ISBN: 978-1-4808-2589-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-2590-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015920796

Archway Publishing rev. date: 3/17/2016

Contents

Communication gets real

Summary

How to communicate with someone you don’t like

Summary

Have you seen my elephant?

Summary

The secret to all communication

Summary

Get sucked up in the VAK

Summary

Communication gets technical

Summary

The Rules

Summary

Are you open to some feedback? asked the sandwich

Summary

Talking to Yourself

Summary

Maria Smith has a knack for bringing out the best in people. Her lights go on energy motivates, inspires, and drives home concepts and techniques to help to reach resources within yourself you didn’t know you had. If you get a chance attend one of her seminars, or work with her one on one either way – do it.

KEITH LIVINGSTON

PRESIDENT, HYPNOSIS 101

It doesn’t take long after meeting Maria to begin using superlatives. I have worked with her for several years now, and she is the quintessential 21st century woman: a transformative leader, a compelling speaker, a warm loving mother, a seasoned executive, a determined competitor, a passionate founder, a brilliant teacher and an inspiring coach. Her gift to the world is a capacity to elevate all those she or her company interacts with, whether it be one’s motivation, skill set, acquired knowledge, or confidence in action. If you or any company you work with wants to engage with a business that goes far beyond mere training to the hard, professional work of actually raising performance to an entirely new level, then run -- don’t walk -- to Maria Smith and let her help you think through how to get from where you are to where you aspire to be. I have little doubt you will look back on it as the best decision you ever made.

CHRIS HOENIG

FOUNDER, THE STATE OF THE EARTH

Maria is a rare gem; she combines deep knowledge and technical skills with integrity, creativity, and a pleasant personality — no matter how stressful the project or difficult the challenge.

JEFF TURGEON

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, CENTRAL MA WORKFORCE INVESTMENT BOARD

Maria is an extraordinary leader — whose capacity for transformational vision is matched only by her ability to actually implement it. Through her work, thousands of people have developed new capacities to radically alter their lives for the better and contribute in ways that are meaningful to them and to the world around them.

GUY MAYTAL

ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR, AMBULATORY PSYCHIATRY AT MASSACHUSETTS GENERAL HOSPITAL

It’s a rare experience to encounter someone with such a commanding excellence in building rapport and comfort. Amazingly, at the same time, Maria Smith has an uncanny ability to see straight to the root of an issue and know which approach will best bring to light for each individual. Brilliant!

SEMINAR ATTENDEE

Maria is an innovator with a clear vision and has the ability to completely understand others in an amazingly short space of time and deliver her message in a way that sees others leave her inspired and ready to accept any challenge.

SEMINAR ATTENDEE

Maria is a person of integrity and has made a positive difference to thousands of lives already, and I’m sure will continue to do so.

PHIL POLLARD

FOUNDER, LAUNCH INTO YOUR LIFE

So. I say, my voice echoing a bit through the computer’s speakers. We could probably get some kind of sponsorship from Skype for this.

Yep, Maria answers, her voice audibly smiling.

The camera finally flicks on. Writing a book based off of interviews done over Skype. The new age of collaboration.

So great, she responds.

Look how dependent we are all on communication, I begin. Everyone is so connected, technologically speaking, but are we really communicating effectively?

I know. I feel your passion, Georgie. It’s true; as the author of two previous books and contributor to several magazines, I feel my pulse start to race. What a communications geek.

I look right into the computer cam. With all your amazing work there in Australia, I think this book is going to be an eye-opener for a lot of people. Maria Smith, creator of one of Australia’s most popular soft-skills training programs, is a bonafide expert on the art of conversation. From her first program, launched in 2006, to the current roll out of a US and Australian entities, her programs are among the highest rated, especially noted for their life-changing results.

Well, the whole basis of the training I’ve been doing here is, at the core of it, communication, Maria says. I’ve worked with thousands of people and the common thread throughout the curriculum I’m teaching them is communication.

I know in your courses you talk about body language, tone, rapport…? I rattle off.

That’s right. So putting in it a book and skewing it to reach everyone in any situation…

From the bedroom to the boardroom, I finish Maria’s sentence.

Yes, Georgie! Brilliant!

I think that should be the title of the book. From the Bedroom to the Boardroom: What you need to say to be heard.

I love it! Maria leans forward, speaking right the mic.

A book is such an opportunity to give a wider audience access to the skills and tools you’ve been teaching people for the last nine years, I say. I think after reading this book people will have such an awareness about their language that it will effect how they talk to their boss, employees, spouse, kids …even strangers on the street.

Maria nods. And there is so much that’s already happening in the way people speak to each other, she says. One of my goals for this book is to teach people how to hone their message to have the most desired effect and connect with people on a level that builds a more rewarding relationship.

So, I open a new Word doc. I want to ask you about your years of experience, master trainer status, the endorsement by top mental health professionals there in Australia and here in the U.S, I start typing away.

Yes, that’s great, she nods.

And how amazing was it to get that call from The White House? I ask.

I still can’t get over that one, Maria rubs her forehead in disbelief. It was so exciting to be asked to come to America to give a presentation to US Chief Technology Officer, Todd Park, about how to reformat unemployment training and address real problems there in the US. He had to leave the meeting to go to another one with Obama!

Amazing, I say shaking my head. What’s going to become of that?

Well, I’m doing a pilot program in Massachusetts; they will see how that goes. Then, if it has good results, they will roll it out nationwide.

That’s good stuff, I say; head down, still typing. And in Australia, the training is still happening?

Yep. Nine years and still going strong. The training I developed after working in the US grew into a company that in the past has been funded by the Australian government. We’ve been working with thousands of unemployed people, transforming their lives with skills that go beyond interview skills. It’s social awareness, communication skills. It’s exciting because even people with addictions or social inhibitions are coming to the courses to learn how to accomplish things they never thought possible.

That is so great. Then I look up. I have a lot of questions.

Good! she smiles.

This might take a while, I warn Maria. Probably a year.

No worries, she says slowly, in an extra-strength Australian accent.

OK, let’s go.

1

Communication gets real

Can you hear me OK? I ask, as the POOR CONNECTION alert comes up and Maria’s image freezes as she reaches for a cup of coffee. Damn Skype.

I, you? Maria says, her voice going up at the end, like a question.

I think you said, ‘I hear you,’ but it’s dropping every other word. Hold on. I’ll call you back. I disconnect and call again.

Helloooo, Georgie, Maria sings.

There you are, I sigh. Technical difficulties. Today I want to talk about the concept of authentic communication, which is truly being who you are. And part of that is saying what you need. For instance, if you were looking for a job you would approach that authentically. You say to everyone you meet, ‘Hey, I’m looking for a job.’ The idea that by just putting it out there you will get what you want. Go, Maria.

She laughs. OK. Let’s unpack what we mean by being authentic. Because I think it’s speaking the truth, being open and sharing who you truly are. In other words, it’s being transparent. For me, I believe transparency is the key to any relationship because it allows an authentic connection to take place. You know the saying; ‘The truth will set you free’? It’s something that I’m teaching my son and I’ve really set it up for him to come to me and tell the truth. If he tells me the truth, he doesn’t get into trouble—there’s no pain attached. Do you see what I’m saying? I want him to know, ‘If I tell the truth, I won’t get into trouble. I may get a time out or I lose something.’ All this so he’s linking that telling the truth is a positive thing.

But what if he’s actually doing something bad, like kicking the cat? I ask. That’s a bad thing. But he knows if he tells the truth, he won’t get into trouble. ‘Hey, Mom, I just kicked the cat,’ and then you say, ‘Well, OK,’ and nothing becomes of it?

"Well, if he kicks the cat, that’s inappropriate. There will be a consequence to that. It’s not to say he can do bad things, or the wrong thing, and there’s no consequence. There are going to be consequences for doing something inappropriate.

If he comes up and tells me he kicked the cat, I’m going to say, ‘Why did you choose to do that?’ or ‘What was your reasoning? What was going on in you that made you want to hurt the cat?’ See that? It becomes a conversation. What’s the point in yelling? I mean, it’s an easier choice to lose it. You know, start screaming, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON’T KICK THE CAT!’ For me, for my son, it’s just preparing him for the future. I want him to tell the truth.

Now, in saying that, sometimes the truth is inappropriate and it can hurt. When you have one child who sees another child and that second child is overweight, and your child says to them, ‘You’re fat,’ obviously, there is a fine line there with truth telling. In their mind, they are telling the truth. However, it’s said in such a way that it’s not elegant. There’s a real line around communication that is elegant and also transparent.

If it’s a conversation with someone where I want to give feedback or I want to tell them something personal, like ‘It’s been so painful, my marriage is falling apart. I know I post on Facebook how great my life is but I’ve got to tell you, I’m so ashamed.’ I don’t want anyone to know that I’ve got this suffering going on. It’s hard to suddenly put it out there."

No one wants a bad representation of themselves, I say. They only want pretty pictures on Facebook, with one hand on their hip and a drink in the other, ‘Look how fun my life is! Look how thin my arm is!’ I laugh. No one wants to their status to be ‘crap’ right now.

We want to tell people all about ourselves, but we don’t want to tell them everything, just the good parts.

I go on. "It’s an interesting conversation about the level of honesty in our society today. We want to tell people all about ourselves, but we don’t want to tell them everything, just the good parts. We want to deliver a message in broad strokes, like post it somewhere, instead of meeting with someone face to face or picking up the phone and actually talking to someone."

I start to get all amped up. You can have a total facade online with LinkedIn, Facebook, Pinterest, all of it. By just choosing the things you want to represent you but they don’t actually represent you at all. Healthy, cute recipes for kids when really, you fed your kid a bowl of cereal for dinner tonight. Photoshopped photos that are so fake you should have a horn on your head.

Maria waits to answer just a moment too long, emphasizing my rant. She clears her throat. "Let’s look at that: Facebook. Whatever you put on there, you put out there forever. So naturally, you want to put out there, ‘My life is so great, I have so much fun, I have all this, I look this good, look how happy I am!’

Facebook is standing up in a crowded cafe and yelling out what’s up with you right now.

But is Facebook the place to say, ‘I’ve just had the worst fight ever with my husband?’ Is that an appropriate Facebook post? Because if I was in a cafe—this is my analogy about Facebook—if I was in a cafe with a few close friends, I might say, ‘My husband and I don’t have sex anymore,’ and I’m comfortable telling them that because these are my close friends. Right? They might be able to help me with that; give me their advice, perhaps they can relate. But would you stand up in that same cafe and yell, ‘My husband and I don’t have sex anymore!’ Because that’s what Facebook is. Facebook is standing up in a crowded cafe and yelling out what’s up with you right now. We don’t actually do that in cafes; that doesn’t happen. We sit in cafes with our friends, our real life friends, and we have a little yack with our girls and share those intimate details. So again, it’s that perception of somebody who posts on Facebook, ‘My life is great!’ Because we don’t do that in cafes. We don’t say, ‘My husband sent me to the spa today!’ to a bunch of strangers. It’s just a matter of where we’re heading online or in the world of Facebook.

I think where being authentic comes in, would be posting something like, ‘Wow, today has been a really hard day and I’m just working through things,’ if that’s where I really want to live my life in that Facebook world. The question is: Is Facebook the place to communicate what works and what doesn’t work in your life? And in my mind, if I post something, it all comes back to interpretation. Because on Facebook I can’t necessarily explain myself.

I may put a post out that says, ‘I’ve just had the biggest fight with my husband and I’m so angry.’ Someone in his family could read that and think, ‘What’s happened?’ or ‘That’s not right ...why did she post that?’ and they might get offended by that. Somebody else may see that, hold on to it and think, ‘Well, that’s it. They’re breaking up, it’s over.’ Again, what is the best place for Facebook? I don’t know if that’s where I see a lot of authentic living going on.

There are a few people I know who post on Facebook pretty authentically. I think it’s a cultural thing