Living in a Bubble

By Delora Green

A book of expression – learning to express yourself and through self-discovery, learning to stand alone in order to become independent, which in turn will take you on a road to discovery and make you a stronger person.


The book covers issues of:

• Ways to overcome misunderstandings, dishonesty, misjustice, lies and unfair treatment

• Ways of overcoming stress and health problems

• Building up inner strength

• Stages in life – reasons for moving on, on your own and becoming independent before embarking on a life with someone else

• Appreciation of other people’s thoughts, feelings and emotions and what they want from life even though they may differ from yours

• Encouragement to break the cycle in order to become who you actually are and what you want to be, discovering your true self

• Discovering your inner self and finding your soul with the strength to stand alone

• Romantic fiction/non-fiction in pursuit of the truth and hidden feelings after a break up incorporating many themes

• Rising above hurtful remarks – standing tall and proving your innocence

• Appreciating that there is always another side to the story and having the strength tell your side when you are ready

• Changes in love, home, work life paths. Ways of coping and positive thinking

• Overcoming an operation, burglary, bullying, break-ins, marriage break up, change in career path

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jul 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781477242674

Delora Green

Although not a novelist, I am a teacher and I have been writing a book over the past thirteen years that describes events and situations that have occurred in my life, which consequently have triggered off emotions and feelings that I have stored for many years. I am now experiencing the good times and feeling energised, believing in all of my dreams. I walk away now from all the negativity that once swamped my life and I only surround myself with positivity and good people with good intentions. I believe that the book that I have written will help you to do the same, inspiring you to fulfill each and every one of you aspirations and reach your goals. It started off as self-help therapy for me during a very difficult time in my life when I needed to overcome a mountain load of misunderstandings, insecurities and problems, which had occurred over a long period of time. It was written at a time when the only way I could deal with these problems was to be on my own in order for me to explore these thoughts and feelings I was having on paper.

Book preview

© 2013 by Delora Green. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/19/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4772-4266-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-4267-4 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

I am the pen

I am the pen that writes on the page.

To tell of the plans so carefully laid.

I am the pen that writes this book.

That tells of the secrets so take a look.

I am the source of the love and the words.

That tells of the hope, we’ll fly like birds.

I am the rock that seals the tomb.

That ends our life full of gloom.

I am the gate to a thousand dreams.

That tells of the life full of esteem.

I am the keeper that holds the key.

That tells of a beautiful world waiting for thee.

I am the source for you to go through.

That tells of the dangers that old life does/will bestow.

I am the voice of a thousand words.

That will rid your life of the dreaded curse.

I am the angel that rescues you gladly.

That holds you real close and sets you free.

The truth—the way it’s written…

This is the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Where the truth lies is underneath my feet.

If I don’t tell the truth, I will be living a lie.

The feelings will always be there because they are true feelings.

You cannot deny true love.

Revealing what lies underneath, bubbling below the surface.

The truth discovered.

Where once, was undiscovered.

The truth hurts doesn’t it?

Now it’s time for me to speak my mind, to tell my side of the story.

The truth is hidden beneath the lies

The truth of the situation is now revealed.

The perceived truth is someone’s reality. It needs to be respected, their opinion counts; their story is real to them and often is the reality of the lies surrounding the situation. There is a pressing need to uncover the lies woven in between the deceit and betrayal, spun a long time ago; in a past far away. If I don’t speak my mind, unravel the truth; I will never be set free. I need to reveal it all to all and escape from these treacherous hands. This is a story that will shock you, amaze you and completely change your whole perspective on life. I’ll now begin my tale.

Forward

This true story and the events in it span over twelve years from 2001-2013. It was written at a time in my life when changes took place that would eventually, completely turn my whole life upside down and in a completely different and new direction. I am now 35 and ready to embark on the life I once dreamed of—with the right support and backing from individuals who share the love of life and music. The last decade has seen so many changes taking place on a personal, national and world-wide level. These changes are documented in this book for all to see.

Before the book was written, when I was in what I call; ‘my old life’—I only had an inkling that I wanted to write a book, mainly about the way society was and the way people were. Said simply, ‘I’m going to write a book’ were the words I uttered to my then husband. This comment was made after another unwanted, frustrating, annoying and upsetting episode had happened and entered my life. At the time, I felt I needed to document its effects on me for proof of it ever happening. I was 23. Over a decade of my life has been wiped out, never to revisit again. The only memories I have left is what is documented in this book and the photographs that lie scattered around in numerous photo albums. My Life…

Whilst the book was being written, I would sit for hours transposing the thoughts in my head by writing them down on paper, in notebooks or typing continuously on the computer. At first, passages, chapters of the book would be written in a random order only to become clearer much further on in my life when I was to discover that a book was in the making and a jigsaw had to be pieced together for it to be completed and ready for public release. I was unaware of how long the writing and the editing process was going to take so I continued and intuition made me aware that the time was now, in 2013. Some further delays prevented the book being released when I intended it to be but I do believe that everything has a perfect timing and I knew that that would be revealed to me at the right time. I have all the journals, notebooks, scraps of paper that I used throughout the twelve years as evidence of it being my own works. Some are dated to add chronology, a time scale and pace. It became obvious that there was a time for every event that had ever happened to me, a time for people to enter and then to exit. Everything had been staged as if written before my time, destined to happen and there was no way that I had the power to change the course of action. It was all meant to be, a story had to be told. I had to live out every encounter, experience the feelings associated with the happenings and learn my lessons to overcome the obstacles in order for me to rise above it all, and enter my new life, which only had happy times and joyous occasions.

During this time, I lived in various homes and places; I went through different times and created many spaces. When I decided to leave ‘my old life’ on 14th February 2002 (Valentine’s day)—after years of being unsure of my life purpose and living my life, as though I was a ‘square peg in a round hole’, then that’s when this book started to be written, in random passages at first then as the years went on—the sections would make more sense, falling into a natural order. I spent a lot of this time, on my own and some of the time in relationships, destined for destruction until I finally met the man of my dreams, the one I had been waiting for all of my life. The one who knew me for me and respected the path I walked.

I was to make the decision before its release to leave the order unchanged as my proof readers had agreed that it helped to keep the reader guessing and hooked on the events occurring and evolving. After a long time mithering, it became apparent that it mattered not that the book was in any specific chronological order as it can be used as a reference guide too. It will contribute to your journey of self-development and discovery, helping you with self-healing, growth, confidence and transition from one life to the next. In that, I mean living out your desires of a better world, making your dreams become a reality. It would have been a massive task and very time consuming to order the book as time was marching on, the world as we knew it was being destroyed by mindless individuals and we needed to draw together the good people of this world to make a difference, to save our planet Earth. There was no time left for a mammoth task to be created when there was no need.

The release date had become a pressing matter of urgency and the editing process had now become a burden, taking up so many hours that I no longer had to give. The deadline of the 14th February had already been missed. I am asking the reader and the critic to decide. This book is a masterpiece in the making. There is more of the story to add and plenty of twists and turns ready to be revealed. It is open to public opinion and in time, a revised second version will be published, in the desired format at the right time in the approved order. Unfortunately time is not on our side for this to happen now. What matters most is that the relevant content of the book reaches the masses, the people in need, the chosen ones including the lost souls. In the mean-time, this book will aid your flight and keep you guessing, evolving and restructuring yourself in its present format; it will help to bring forth the element of intrigue, apprehension, insight and suspense as to what will happen next. Life is what you make of it. You have to be willing to open up those doors of creativity to see the pathway clear. The ability to believe will run parallel to your thinking and the power of your imagination will secure findings, helping to make things happen the way it was written in the scriptures, a long time ago in a past far away when people then had a strong insight into the way they viewed the world to be. It is up to us to turn the world around, fulfil every man and woman’s dream of creating a perfect world, or some may say; an almost perfect world, in beauty and colour.

During the writing process, I would carry on my life as a teacher, carer during the day time, experiencing life on the front-line as it was and then be writing at night and in my spare time in holidays and weekends, to make sense of what was going on, what I was experiencing, interpreting my feelings, the way others made me feel. I was witness to changes in people’s attitudes, moods, personalities, beliefs, the ever changing world views, which were affecting everyone. I was perplexed by the decisions that were being made by people who classed themselves more superior than the rest of the population. Us meer mortals, peasants, paupers… need I go on. These decisions were being made beyond our control.

As I saw it, the world was coming undone and in complete chaos, spiralling out of control and heading straight towards destruction. I, during all of my twenties and early thirties was to witness over a decade of shocking, traumatic and life changing events that were changing my perspective on the world and what I had grown up to believe, a peaceful and loving world was being destroyed by mindless, thoughtless and callous individuals and groups with a sole intention to ruin everything that had ever been my dream. I, for one with the hope that there would be many others who would support my ambitious dreams, was not going to allow this to happen. I wanted to be a part of the healing and re-build.

The purpose

What is in this book may be considered by some to be egotistical—putting me as the writer, in a superior position. Whilst I recognise my role to be high and significant in order for change to occur, I wish for all my readers to aspire to functioning on that level too. What I’ve become is what you can become to and that way we can help shape the people that we are and create a more peaceful, amicable, caring, sharing and loving world around us. Those of you who know me for me will not share this opinion, they respect me as I do them and know who I am, what I stand for, knowing that all my intentions are good and being superior to everyone else is furthest from my mind. I shy away from fame and fortune. I am not materialistic but I do believe in being full of abundance, cared for loved and needed. That, I believe, carries us all through in this tired old world into the refreshed, revitalised, energised new world.

This book will help to craft, create and mould you into what you aspire to be. You must start to feel again, function and breathe.

The intention was so that it could be used as evidence of the cruel times I had been through. However, I know that the content of the book can help you too. As I understood it, the purpose for me writing the book was to help others and I finally had the strength to believe in the content, despite what others had to say. I rose above their hurtful comments and built my life around people who mattered most. I kept close to me a small, circle of friends who grew to know me for me and I knew them for them. We were each other’s protection. We were each other’s strength. We held each other close, watching out for one another and time taught us to be strong, to be grateful for every gift and to remain positive.

During the editing process, I had to experience a painful revisiting of my past to shed some light on what I had had to endure, what I had had to go through, what I had had to put up with only to reach this destination and release this book. It was to be my evidence of the journey that I had been on: the path that I had chosen to take, the people I had met along the way, the ones that had shown me the way, the ones who had hindered my progress. I witnessed a lot of heartache and suffering during my time alone due to the lack of concern of others and their lack of understanding or successful signposting of which way to go next. I chose to eliminate these people out of my life for a while so that I could move on and distance myself from the past. Forgiveness became a word that I found hard to do but I eventually found it in my heart to forgive and forget in order to move on without bitterness or anger. These people and situations were frustrating to live with and live through but I did it, I got through to the life I am leading now. An enormous amount of blanking out painful encounters, visitations and memories, enabled me to live on.

I had the ability to ‘switch off’ from my writing whilst I was living my ‘normal’ life, which I used to call it, and I would live my ‘dream, ideal’ life when I was in the comfort of my own ‘safe’ friends or when I was out gigging. I would only spend time with those people who I felt comfortable with when I gave myself the choice of who I wanted to connect with, in my own free time. Then, I would feel accepted and free to be the person I was born to be and have the confidence and right attitude to live my life the way I wanted. I went on to sing in two soul bands and play saxophone in another from 2003-2008, which enabled me to have the kind of life others only dream of, though it was hard work living it sometimes due to the lack of praise and concern from certain others. I loved my life, lived it out to it’s full capacity and in 2013, I am in pursuit of my dreams again…

1.    To become a lead/backing vocalist in a band.

2.    To release my debut solo album ‘Unleashed’

3.    To continue to perform with Chains as a Saxophonist.

4.    To continue to be an entrepreneur and proprietor to my business ventures

I now surround myself, when it allows with supportive, understanding people who believe in living the dream of life as it should be with no stress, denial or frustrations. Leading a simple life is what I aim to do from now on with no complications. I still need my time and space to grow. I recognize the same for others I associate myself with. The book is written to help set you free too; free from the chains that bind you. Now, all the hard work that I have invested into the writing, compiling of notes and editing of this book will be available for all to see and will be on sale from 1st July 2013, roughly eleven years since I left it all behind in 2002.

It is intended to be read by those who want to know the real me and to shed some light on the circumstances that have led me to the position I am today. It is not intended to belittle or humiliate anyone in any way, just a recollection of the damage that was done intentially or unintentially by people who claimed they knew me, claimed their love for me and thought they had the right to try to destroy me by using damning words, subtle control and displaying inappropriate actions with no consideration of how it made me feel. If people choose to dislike me after reading this book, it will be their choice. It will be of no great loss to me as I know the truth and I will be the decision maker from now on, I will be the decider of who enters and leaves my life.

On a personal and deeper level, the release of my book ‘Living in a Bubble’ is going to put a stop to all the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted upon me over the last two decades of my life. It will give other people the chance to learn from what has happened to me in order for them to do the same in their lives to escape the traps that constantly ruin their everyday existence. Nothing will stop me now and I will not tolerate irresponsible behaviour, control and bullying. I choose my companions and friends wisely and settle on only loving hearts.

How can this book help you?

The book is my story, my journey, my life and it is not to be underestimated or changed in any way. Believe what you want to believe. I reckon that my book will encourage others to tell their story and self-publish in the same way that I am doing as to prevent other people having to go through what I went through or other people have gone through. Everybody, from every walk of life has a story to tell. We are all here for a reason. I believe that it will be a book that will help to protect the next generation of young hopefuls from falling into the same traps as I and others did in the past. We belong to a jealous and hostile world. We don’t need to be a part of it. It will encourage them to live the dream and fulfil every aspiration in their lives. I guess this book is my evidence of all the wrongs that were done to me by others, for the sole purpose of helping others and in return providing me with a better life, one which I can share with my little boy and my new family without having to revisit the past or people’s wrongdoings ever again.

Who is this book for?

This book is for parents, grandparents, foster carers, men and women throughout all society and of any status, nationality, religion or culture. It is not for the faint hearted, extremists, pessimists or negatives minds. It is for those who want to change their outlook on life, themselves or who want to come away from a life that they are unhappy with whether temporarily, long-term or for life. The dreams we have as children are so often short lived. When we are born, we are born with a heart beat, that heart beat will stop one day. How long you have in between the beginning and end of your life is uncertain so it is best to live your life to the full whilst you are alive. We only have one life. Live it in harmony and in love.

The Purpose Of The Book—why was it written?

The book was written to help other people to take control of their own destiny which in return, will get them exactly what they deserve as long as they work hard, keep believing, remain strong and never give up. I am now living the dream, I have been for quite a while but I also live in the real world ensuring a careful balance between the two. All it takes is the right thought at the right time and you too could live in this beautiful world whenever you wish with acceptance in difference. You just have to develop your imagination and have the confidence to stand tall and be responsible for your own actions and thoughts. You have to learn to rise above hurtful comments that have stood in your way and ignore anyone who wishes to stamp on your high aims and ambitions, learning to rise above their thoughtless comments, avoiding confrontation at the same time and remaining calm, vigilant, happy and at peace in your space.

By reading what is in this book, it puts the choice back into your hands and gives the reader the strength to be the main player, it puts you back in control. It has been and still is my rock, my saviour; my proof; my strength, my right, my glory and now I want to share it with others in the hope that it can become their book, their rock, their saviour, their glory, giving you the strength to lead the life you please without others stopping you or holding you back. The ultimate aim of this book is to share the side of the story that was never revealed and to encourage others to do the same to release you all from the confinements of a victimised world.

It is a very powerful, imaginative book, which borderlines fiction/non-fiction as it uses dream like images and visualisation to help heal difficult and harrowing situations. It offers insights into avoidance strategies, ways to overcome, to rise above, and to be bold, strong and courageous. It borderlines fairy-tale and make-believe and has a strong footing in reality. It is important that you keep yourself grounded. It takes you on a journey of self-discovery to a land of make believe that really can exist for those who have suffered hard times, worked hard and been dealt life’s unfair times; in so much so that it can become a reality if you really believe and have other people’s support and backing. Your dreams can come true but it has to be acknowledged at this stage that it is very difficult to make it on your own, you need to have others believing in the eventual outcome, giving you space and time to achieve your goals. It is beneficial to have your friends and families supporting you to harness your beliefs but this does not always happen. People have to share a common ideal and believe in what you want to achieve in life.

Set apart from all the rest of the other novels; this book helps you to decipher what is good and bad about your life; the people in it and the places you go. It helps to put you on the right track as long as you remain strong, committed and determined to succeed, prove your innocence and confirm your story to those who want to hear it. You may be wondering at this stage how I have come to know of all this advice that I can give to you. Well… that is because I have lived my life the way others wanted me to lead it and I have battled with my own ideas of how I would like to live my life. As a result, I have made the ultimate decision to change my whole life around, based on my gut feelings and instinct of what I truly want and believe in and not what others want me to do. Embrace difference, encase creativity in your arms and carry on. Believe in yourself. You can do. You will do and you will rise above all of the negativity in the engulfing environment that surrounds you. Go for it. I give you my blessing and I back you one hundred per cent. Give it your all and live out your dreams as long as your intentions are good, they may even benefit others and inspire them to do the same.

This book encourages you to set your goals and helps you to achieve them, whatever they are. It has been written to help you, guide you, offer you support and to give you advice throughout difficult times however the ultimate decision of how you are going to overcome your difficult time or ever reach your goal is up to you. Ultimately, it is your decision that carries you forward. It was written with certain people in mind, who found it hard to believe the truth. These people will remain nameless. I have to keep persevering, distancing myself from them. The treatment: unbelievable.

The Truth

Now that the truth has been revealed, it will be up to the reader to decide, which life to choose. There is only so much time left. It would be a disappointment to refuse to believe. I believe there are many people out in society who feel this way and need the help offered in this book to overcome their painful episodes, some that have lasted decades or worse still, a whole life-time. I believe that my book will help heal, suggest ways to escape from pressing situations and above all, instil confidence in holding your own good beliefs. It is a book that speaks justice and I am certain there is a gap in the market for this kind of raw truth and honesty, which may inspire others to lead their life the way they feel they want to, encouraging them to leave behind what wasn’t good for them and strive for better things, known as your destiny. It is an inspirational journey that I have been on and I am willing to share it, even if it saves just one person, I hope it will save a few, many or masses of people. All you have got left to do is believe…

The story you are about to read is about freedom. It is about making that decision to stay or leave any situation in your present life. You may have been battling with your thoughts about your own unsettling, pressing life or situation for a long time now and just need that encouragement and help to move on; trusting your gut feeling and going with your gut instinct. Your past is far behind you and the events that have shaped you, changed you and moulded you into the person you are today is now not part of the plan. However, it is part of who you are and the reasons why you felt the need to escape and move on into a life, which is what you desire deep down. Feeling is questionable but gut instinct is the knowing…

For now, I shall begin my story of how it all began beginning with the title that says it all, ‘Living in a Bubble’. Living inside this bubble is great until someone bursts it and that then that spoils all your hopes, dreams, ambitions and positivity, which once encircled your light being. Keep your bubble tightly wrapped around you, protect yourself from those negative people, situations, and environments and avoid the pins that pop the life, joy and happiness out of you. The day came when I knew that all I had done would have to be shared so that others would have the choice to do the same. The moment arrived when all of my story, the journey I had been on would be made available to the whole wide world so that others could share my journey and use the lessons I learned to help them fulfil their chosen journeys too, giving them the strength to stand alone. So, now that I have briefed you on the purpose of this book, I hope you’re sitting comfortably and ready to embark on a journey that will, if you choose; set you free.

Living in a Bubble

To have it all—the turning point

How it all began—eleven years ago witnessed a change in my life that could never have been predicted. A series of events took place over the course of over a decade, which completely turned my life upside down and in a completely different and new direction. No-one could have seen what was coming and no-one could have changed the course of action. Had the process of leaving been delayed; the eventual outcome would still have remained the same: A whole new world.

The Beginning to the End of the hollow shell—The True Story

. . . A long time ago, in a past far away, there lived a young couple: who were very much in love in their youth; in their prime. I was 17 and he was 21 when we met. Our eyes met across a crowded room and there had been an instant connection from the moment we set our eyes on each other. We were once extremely happy and content with our life and shared the happiness of the chosen friends and family surrounding us. I miss those times. It was to be a destined relationship that was to blossom and bloom, one to develop over time, though through testing and turbulent times. As time progressed, decisions to stay together were made although at times it was touch and go whether the relationship would stand the test of time. It did for a long while and we two lovers reached a stage in our lives where we were ready to embark on a life much grander than we could ever have imagined. We had the whole world at our feet until fate intervened and dealt its cards. I had a choice; to leave the current situation or to stay and create a nest egg around us. I chose to leave and face the consequences. Too much damage had been done, our relationship lay in tatters, it was irreparable and there was no turning back so I had no choice but to leave it all behind.

The early days

We had worked hard, achieved great things so far in our lives and with very little money had made our house a home. In comparison to a lot of other people we had reached a point in our lives where we felt we had achieved a lot, yet we were still young and had so much more of our lives to live. In fact, life was getting more comfortable and worthwhile for us both. What has to be remembered is that at times, life had been hard. Mountains had had to be climbed, and rivers crossed to reach the place that we had reached.

We were about to make our relationship more secure by tying the knot in a romantic destination with our closest friends and family members to share the special moments and memories with us. It was to be our dream come true, a once in a life-time, a sought after wedding and honeymoon—a time to remember. We were young eloping individuals who were about to embark on our new life as a married couple, so excited about our continued home life and our life ahead together until death do us part or so the fairy tale goes…

Never hide your feelings because if they are true they will resurface again when you least expect it. No one can ever take those memories away from me even though I have only a few photographs. I remember the feelings I experienced that day, August 18th 2001. Those are the memories in my head that I will cherish and never forget because I know deep in my heart that every word was meant to be said and every action too. Those memories of that perfect day will stay with me forever and will never leave me. Never forget that I hold the best for you and I’m here for you when you surrender to my loving. No-one will ever experience the love I once had and still have for him, until I let go and that is what I chose to do. There was no longer a need to hold onto any love of my past. In these present times, my new man had found me, discovered me for who I was and I only had love for him. I wasn’t know that the future held so many surprises for me and I was destined to meet my new love and that’s why, although the story about to be told had to be told; the future had no place for any of my past but it had a purpose.

The hard Times

Those times were hard, at the very beginning of the transition period between the old life that I once lead and the new life that I was about to lead once I had made the decision to break the bonds and keep on walking. You get to a stage in your life where you have reached the point where you have been striving to get to for many years. A point where everything is supposedly what you have always wanted, a career decision destined to change your life? Be proud of yourself. Be confident in your ability, your skills: your life. You have to be the one the break the cycle.

The consideration

You have a good job, a welcoming home, a man who loves you and you are happily married? The next step is to have children and as the story goes, you will be happy for the rest of your life. Consider yourself extremely lucky to have got this far. It takes some people years sometimes a life time to achieve exactly what you have achieved and are still about to achieve, how far you’ve come. This happens to be an elite achievement, your own home, a degree, a new job, a close family, true, sincere and inspiring friends and everyone surrounding you who love you. It would be a shame to spoil all this at the flick of a coin, a roll of a dice? This is when anything can happen. Some call it a twist in fate or destiny calling. You choose? Who knows where life will take you. Sometimes, we’re not in control and once you’ve made the choice, you have only one option left to do: to let go. No-one really knows for certain anything in this life. Develop an awareness to be able to trust the information that is given to you, deciphering which is true and trust your gut feeling. If you are truly unhappy, then you have to move on. Be happy.

The decision

That’s a choice you have to make when part of you strives for this unknown identity, this constant drive to change what you have got, which from an outsider is considered to be a unique and a sought after life. You realise that the point where you have reached has been all down to you, your determination; your perseverance, your choices and you begin to realise that you deserve all the credit for all that you have achieved but no matter how far you go, someone is always there to criticize you and belittle any small inkling of enthusiasm and drive that you may have. That is because they cannot begin to understand how much you have worked for what you have got and how much effort you have had to put in along the way. Nothing has come easy and you have had to work hard to get exactly where you are now.

You make the ultimate decision to stay or go? For how long nobody knows? Keep on walking until you reach your final destination: home. Back to where you belong, safe in the arms of a man who has become part of your past, he who knew you for you; who has been on the same journey as you. He’s waiting with baited breath to see you arrive home and welcome you with open arms. This will take many years for you to be greeted by this man and there will be many lessons you will have to learn along the way, some together but the rest, on your own. Trust in the guidance written in this book and use it as a way to move forward. No matter how long it takes, you will eventually reach your final destination.

The reasons for leaving in 2002

You see, at this point, I realised and came to terms with all the reasons why I left my home life and these reasons came to me after a final bolt to a place where I could be totally on my own and face the reality of what had happened over the last three months. Here, I realised that the times I had bolted before were for exactly the same reasons, but the difference being was that I wasn’t strong enough to go it alone back then. Instead I went to places where I knew I could do nothing wrong and whatever I said would be heard.

These places were places where I could gather my thoughts and shut out any lingering feelings, hurt and anger I was feeling inside. I knew that this hurt and anger would still rear its ugly head once in a while and after this weekend, I knew that it would be buried and would only surface again when people were ready to listen and to hear my side of the story. Ultimately, the publishing of this book would reveal all. I would then channel this new found energy into speaking my mind with assertion. Here, in this new place, space in time; I was able to move on. Deep down, a part of me was fed up of being there for other people and respecting their wishes and then not gaining any satisfaction back from them when I needed their support. It was at this point in my life, I discovered that time was fluid. At any point in time, anyone can make the choice to escape.

Instead of leading a life of happiness and enjoyment, which I so longed for, I had to deal with lies and wrongful accusations. People, who were too scared to get the answers from the person herself, were instead forming judgements and creating make-believe stories that gave them an answer regardless of how wrong they were. All were spinning the giant web of entrapment and deception. Unless I left well alone and carried on ignoring all of this controversy, I would never have escaped the engulfing trap created by others.

The setbacks

What bothers me is that people around you take you for granted, they don’t take time to appreciate you and what you have got and all it takes is just a few little words of encouragement and appreciation. That is not too much to ask for is it? With very little money, you also find it difficult to understand how some people never learn the value of money and learn to accept it from other people rather than go out and earn it for themselves? They, in turn will never understand how you feel inside when you see people around you having things handed to them on a plate when you have had to work hard to get exactly where you are now.

It is unfair. It is fine to have some help if you are in the position where you need it to give you a kick start in life but when that help is given to you continuously and you are stopped in your tracks of ever achieving anything for yourselves, you start to get a little disheartened and begin to wonder whether you can totally survive on your own to learn to appreciate all that you have got. Perseverance and independence is the key. That’s when you have to make the ultimate decision to stay in the life that you have created and so much want or go to a life that is destined to bring you everything your heart desires and more.

The boredom and frustration

Life is very simple for some people, be it not a critism but what happens when you get tired of everybody talking about the same mundane things and you start to a feel a bit frightened of bursting someone else’s bubble. They have reached their stage in life and they are happy and content but it’s not the same stage as you. Sometimes, you can forget that and if you are not careful, you face the threat and danger of being pulled under and into their life when you must realise that you lead a totally different and separate life from them and you need to lead it alongside them but not with them.

Everyone, I feel is part of this stereotypical regime where minds and attitudes interlink for no apparent reason. The matter to be considered is whether or not this is what is expected or accepted by all. I, for one don’t know the answer to that and it is in my best interests to explore all possible corners of life in order for me to find the answers. You do, after all have only one life and you need to make the most of it. You have to be sure of the company you keep, be sure of the direction that your life is taking you and be ready to intervene if things are not going your way.

You cannot help the way that you feel and if what you feel is despair, frustration and fear then there is only one other option left and that is to move on as long as it is right for you. You may hurt those who love you at the moment and it may feel as though they are against your wishes but really deep down they instinctively know that you are unhappy and want the best for you. They don’t know not of a way to help you and will have to leave you to walk further and further away to discover your true self.

We got married when I was 23 and he was 27 then 6 months later, a break-down of the relationship occurred, a separation happened then divorce leading to severance, our lives torn in two, never to be seen again. I created two worlds, his and mine. That way I could escape from the confinements of a painful, vindictive, hostile world into a world where I was loved and accepted for me, where I didn’t have to put up with the isolation, ignorance and our different perspectives on life. That fateful day, for reasons that are detailed in this book; I made the decision to leave my then husband in 2002. I spent most of the first five years on my own, moving on from one house to the next, one job to another, one location after another.

Although part of me longed for my old life and my first love I left behind, I discovered that there were other men who I met; most friends, some lovers who were there for me at different times of my life until I met my ex-fiancé. This is when my life took a cruel turn. A harsh twist in fate dealt the biggest blow yet in my life so far. What was thought to be a destined loving and true relationship turned out to be a false situation, a false man and a life of lies as I had to leave behind what I had grown to know as a compulsive liar. He that had promised me everything had torn the very life and soul out of my very existence then when I decided to leave him, the shocking revelation was that I left with nothing but my son and what I had brought materialistically into the home.

Again, the world I had created in my imagination during the time away from my ex-husband, became my retreat again for me. It was a place I could escape to when I had had enough of enduring the humiliation, cruel treatment, and abuse that was being hurled at me from all directions. Prior to this relationship ending, I had chosen to settle down with this man, stayed with him for five years and this was where I began reflecting on the life I left behind hence the book was taking on another level—much deeper than the first attempt. New chapters were written, titles were embedded, and more writing took place, more revelations and finally the final edit in 2013. I was on my own this time, with my little boy in tow. I was more able to analyse and make sense of all the writing that had been done over the years as I was again, spending this time on my own. During the final read through, I was able to hold a clear perspective on what happened, I could reflect on the past and make sense of it all. I could forgive and then forget.

A twist of fate, after leaving the father to my first born because of his selfish ways brought me back home, a decade later to the place where I left when I was 17. I returned to the town from where I came from. This is when my new life unfolded upon my return to my home town. Two failed serious relationships and the lessons I had learned lead me to my third relationship, which eventually, after some amount of time and patience; lead to my second marriage, more children and a forever happy ever after. However, we both had learning to do. Space and time needed to be given to the situation but in the end, it was all worth it for the benefit of experiencing the new profound life that destiny was keeping warm for both of us whilst we took the time to get to know each other well to develop a true, honest friendship, which later turned into a wholesome loving, honest and true relationship with an unbreakable, unstoppable, secure and solid bond. Our love was to light the way, give people hope, encouragement and faith. It was to shed light on this dark satanic land and was the right kind of love, not of the hurting kind. I now knew why my life had had to have worked out the way it had done and I was determined to continue to make all my dreams come true with him by my side, encouraging me, urging me on, just like it should be. I knew I was loved from a far despite his ignorance and absences. Our love grew deeper and deeper until we were inseparable. I found the last stages very difficult being apart from him because of his circumstances but I had my friends and family supporting me now. Life was bearable. He came into my life on the brink, on the edge. I felt the same. We were there for each other. We believed in each other. Our love had been tested and made secure. We were not afraid of loving each other and our love was unconditional.

The choice

You are here to enjoy life. Why do people set out to make you so unhappy? It’s unthinkable and ludicrous. It is so, that life is questionable: therefore making choices provides your answers, surely? You have to be the one that makes the right choice for you and it may not be the choice others want you to make. The consequences will be so different too. The choice you make will either get you what you want or completely the opposite, leading you on a path that has all doors closed. It’s the risk you have to take. It sets you apart from the rat race, the treadmill and the downward slide we find ourselves on sometimes. It has to be said that sometimes, risks have to be taken. We sometimes have to go it alone and reap what we sow…

The choice to leave

As much as I fought to save my past relationships that lay in tatters; it was too late: the damage had already been done and once the decision had been made to leave; there was no turning back. Once the choice had been made to uproot, and move on; very quickly, a new chapter had begun and following that, many more chapters were to come. My life had become undone, twice. The first time around as an independent single divorcee and the second time, as an ex-girlfriend with a little boy in tow: as a single mum living every day as survival, protecting, providing and using my natural instincts to soldier on in the best way I knew how, in hope of better days and an easier, more enjoyable life. Only I could piece it together again as my life and my past lay like splinters of glass scattered all over the floor. The further I went, the more distant my past and those in it became. There was nothing I could do but to keep on walking, facing forward, further ahead in order to discover what lay ahead, as my feet would tire; my new life would unfold, like a blanket of interwoven tapestry of many luminous, bright, vibrant colours, blinded by the light of the luxurious lifestyle I was destined to have.

Remain in control

You have to remain in control in every aspect of your everyday life and when someone else starts to tell you what you should be doing that is when you need to re-assess and decide which advice you wish to follow. Life changes are not easy and it takes some thought to know which direction to proceed in.

The analysis

If your gut feeling is that you are happy and you have reached a point in your life where you are content with the situation you are in and you are fulfilled with every aspect of it whether it is with parents, a partner, children or on your own, then there is no reason for you to change your life or situation. Carry on enjoying life with those around you and take each day as it comes. Learn to let go of time because time can be an engulfing fluid that can be wasted easily. Spend your days doing what you enjoy the most and learn to please and serve others whilst they in turn should do the same for you. That way, the company you keep will keep you happy and those you are with will share in your happiness.

If you are unhappy with any aspect of your life, in your job, your partner, your friends, your family then be honest with how you are feeling and expect changes. If there are no changes then it really is time to move on and lead the life you are yearning.

The moving on

On the other hand, if your gut feeling makes you wonder whether there is something else out there that is going to compliment the life that you want to lead then it is time to move on swiftly. Leaving all what you thought to be a solid foundation behind and heading forth to a destination unknown maybe the only option. Life is short and the decision you make can be scary. Be sure you make the right choice for you and consider the feelings of those around you.

The discovery

The thing is, you have got to believe it, that a better life awaits you and once you start believing everyone is behind you then that is when things will become easier and eventually you will look back and think the transition from one life to the next wasn’t that bad at all. It will soon all become a distant memory with no regrets. Clinging on, holding on for the sake of others close to you will inhibit, impede your progress and stop you from reaching your desired destination.

It’s not going to be easy by a long stretch and you will learn many vital life lessons along the way taught to you by those who you meet intended to make you stronger and wiser. You need to trust that all who matter to you will be there at the end of the journey, keep going, walking on, moving forward, rising above. Life is for living and for being happy. Balance is the key.

Treading on your twitching toes

I’ve contemplated these thoughts for years though I still meet with people who do this. What right does anyone have to turn their back on new initiatives, change, and ambition when they themselves are stuck in a rut and are probably, psychologically, thinking the same things as you but haven’t got the inclination, energy, time or audacity to admit it? Or, on the other hand, want to be thinking the same as you and want to have the drive that you have but haven’t realised it yet… or simply don’t want to because it involves too much disruption and heartache. Perhaps they are just not ready to make these changes or maybe fate does not intend for them to do so. However, your destiny is calling you and you can’t wait a second longer. It’s a difficult choice to make and one that requires a lot of hard work in re-direction and soul searching. It is better if someone else wants to do the same then there’s a chance you can do it together. Your life-long partner will want the same as you just give him time to adjust, be there for him when he turns up at your door and carry the love. He knows you care and will be there for you like you once wrote. Trust in him and all will work out fine. Let him take control and you be the leading lady. You will lead separate lives and connect when the time is right.

If you choose to move forward away from your situation, this can cause jealousy and friction between some of your fellow acquaintances and only space and time between you all will counteract all of this negativity that they are throwing your way. They will want to help and support you but this will only irritate you and hinder your progress, it has to be your decision and you need to be the one to ask for help not them forcing their opinions onto you. This can interfere with the decision being made that is right for you. Keep your distance from them for a while and ask them to trust your judgement and believe that all will turn out alright without them worrying about you. This is only because they care and want to see you happy.

Surely, this makes you more energy driven and different, a pathway through which change can happen, not the one who’s made to feel in the wrong. Learn to trust in what you want in and from life not in what others convince you it should be like. Believe in your thoughts and eventually they will come true but this may take a long time and the path you take may not be easy. You have to have sheer determination and a strong mind to make your thoughts become a reality.

No one knows what you are thinking only yourself so no matter how long it takes; just believe in the thought that what you are thinking is what you really and truly want from life and things will eventually turn out for the best. It may not be the same as what other people (friends or family) want from life but it’s what you want that counts. You are in this life to fulfil your own destiny, lead your own life and do things for yourself what makes you happy. You may wish to help others too in a similar situation to yourself. Primarily though, it’s all our responsibility to change for the better when the time is right.

You have got to understand that people are all different, have independent thought patterns, varying aims and ambitions and not all can understand anything opposing to what they have got. People who step on your toes and crush every ounce of drive from you are, in my opinion, putting their foot in the way of change with no consideration of how much this is hurting you and trapping you. If you love someone enough, set them free. If you can’t give them what they want, then there is no point in being with them and holding onto to them just because you love them. Let them discover things for themselves and find out more about life and then when the time is right for you let them back into your life if it is appropriate for you. Never look back. Only look forward. Full steam ahead, there is no time to lose. It has to be now.

The departure

Leaving: decision made. For these reasons, it is time to leave these people for now. There is no easy way of saying this but sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind and leave those behind who disrespect your