The Other Side of Mr. Right

By Anna Levina

Our heroine not only wants to assimilate, she desperately wants to find Mr. Right. That special man who will make her and her daughters lives complete. In The Other Side of Mr. Right, our heroine meets a pot pourri of men. But instead of filet mignon, most turn out to be sauerkraut in more ways than one. Our heroines (mis)adventures are hilarious and some are downright scary. But all teach her invaluable lessons about the human male animal especially the Russian breed!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 1, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462874279

Anna Levina

Anna Levina (Sverdlova) was born and educated in St. Petersburg in Russia. She came to the US in 1987 and has lived in New York since. Anna started writing in America and published five books in Russian (Hello Goodbye , Marriage, Emigre Style, Ah Little Apple!…, The Union of Two Muses, Smiles and Mistakes), as well as many stories and novellas, published successfully in Russian émigré media. Anna has hosted Russian TV and a radio show, named after her book Hello Goodbye, and has performed on variety shows. Recently, stories from Hello Goodbye have been adapted for a TV pilot for a drama series “Permanent Residence” to be shown on Russian TV (USA, RUSSIA, GERMANY, ISRAEL). The pilot was screened in Brooklyn and has become a major source of controversy in the community and the media. The controversy spilled out in American mainstream media, with a front-page article in the NY Times, International Herald Tribune, "Moscow Times" (Moscow, Russia) and USA Russian newspapers and magazines.

Book preview

The Other Side of

Mr. Right

BEING

THE TRUE HISTORY

OF THE

ADVENTURES OF

AN IMMIGRANT SINGLE WOMAN

99370-LEVI-layout-low.pdf

Anna Levina

Copyright © 2011 by Anna Levina.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011908117

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4628-7426-2

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4628-7425-5

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4628-7427-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

99370

Contents

Introduction A short Hint of how we can meet Mr. Right

Part I. Hello, Goodbye

Emick In which our Heroine met the man who tried to sell her

a piano on his first date.

Arkasha In which our Heroine learned more than she wished to

know about the Poetry. On the first date, instead of a love poem

her date recited a poem about his fucking work. How romantic

can it get?

Steven In which our Heroine met a psychiatrist; their opposing

Predilections both in Life and Art. Is he looking for a lover or

a patient?

Martin In which our Heroine met a Frog who thought himself a

Prince; together with an Account of our Heroin’s sincere

Dilemma concerning the Role of Womankind in the Man’s Life

Anna In which we follow our Heroine

to Party for singles, Russian style: Buy a dinner or leave!

Professor Some philosophical and moral Lessons which our

Heroine drew from her curious Friendship with Professor who thought that accepting a dinner and a lift make woman a

prostitute

Volodya In which such surprising Events occurred that our Heroine learned that trying to rape the woman is the best way to get to

know her

Victor In which we learn more of Mr. Liar than we, or our Heroine, would wish to know.

Grisha Containing a very tragical Incident. On the first date the

Man leaved her alone in his house for whole night, because he

has to go… where?

Yasha In which our Heroine learned

that you don’t have to be a prostitute to know your price

Mark If you’re in real estate, Personals can provide excellent leads

Gosha In which our Heroine met the Man who would be the

King of Ping (and Pong, too)

Gleb Containing the most unusual

proposal for getting married our Heroine ever had. However

it’s nothing personal. Business is business

Misha… Misha… Of Heroine’s Acquaintance with those two

curious Figures, Misha and Misha; their opposing View of Life.

They said Hello! She said Goodbye!

Part II. Right or Wrong

Sam A cemetery plot is the best gift in America!

Yefim Tsores (misfortune in Yiddish) is his

middle name.

Never! Why are women looking only for the rich guys? I mean,

guys with jobs?

Sorry! I’ve Got Another Call! Call waiting can break your heart

Waiting Being in love with a married man is the worst thing in

the world

The Rush Hour Who is the head of the household—a man or

a woman?

Ciao, Ferruccio! He loves a woman for being a woman—and

nothing else

Epilogue In which the Author explains the Chain of Events

which led to the Writing of this History.

Love Chats. Containing several Dialogues concerning Fate, Poesy,

and Relations between the Sexes which make clear why the

first date often becomes the last date.

After all these encounters, our heroine is frustrated, but not ready to give up hope.

The stories, though often tragic, are presented with humor and give valuable insights into the immigrant Russian-Jewish community. Best of all, they touch a chord that will resonate with anyone who’s ever searched for love, only to discover that’s it wasn’t exactly what they expected.

About the Author

Anna Levina (Sverdlova) was born and grew up in Leningrad (St. Petersburg, Russia). She moved to New York in 1987. Her books often focus on the trials and tribulations of recent Russian-Jewish immigrants to New York, specifically the Brighton Beach in Brooklyn. Her novel Marriage, Émigré Style got an award from the Academy of Humor and Satire in

Russia in 2003.

Publications

USA (in Russian)

Books:           Marriage, Émigré Style

           Smiles and Mistakes

           Ah, Little Apple!

           Union of Two Muses

RUSSIA (in Russian)

Newspapers:           Literature Newspaper (Marriage, Émigré Style),

           Evening Moscow (short stories)

Magazines:           Star (The Other Side of Mr. Right—N12, 1995, Marriage, Émigré Style—NN8-9, 1996),

           Style (The Other Side of Mr. Right), 1995,

           She (The Other Side of Mr. Right), 2001

Books:           The Other Side of Mr. Right, St. Petersburg Publishing, 1995

           Russians in America (The Other Side of Mr. Right), Minsk (Belorussia), Interdiajest, 1996

           Marriage, Émigré Style, Publishing House ASTREL Moscow, 2006

           Marriage, Émigré Style, Publishing House Folio Kharkov (Ukraine), 2002

           The Other Side of Mr. Right Publishing House Folio Kharkov (Ukraine), 2002

           Ah, Little Apple!, Publishing House U-Factoria, Ekaterinburg (Russia), 2002

           Watch us!, ERA Publishing House, Moscow (Russia), 2010

           The Other Side of Mr. Right, ERA Publishing House, Moscow (Russia), 2011

           Divorce, Émigré Style, ERA Publishing House, Moscow (Russia), 2011

ISRAEL (In Russian)

Newspapers:       Panorama (The Other Side of Mr. Right), 1998-1999

Magazines:       Balagan (The Other Side of Mr. Right), NN1-12 1995, NN1-6 1996, N8 1997

GERMANY (In Russian)

       Short stories. Magazin New-Vesti.De , 2008

CANADA (In Russian)

       Marriage, Émigré Style, Russian-Info Publishing House, Montreal, 2006

       The Other Side of Mr. Right, Russian-Info Publishing House, Montreal, 2005

Even in America at large, it is no easy task to find Mr. Right. The problem is magnified in émigré communities. According to statistics, one-third of Russian emigrant couples got divorced upon coming to America. It is an epidemic: in the Russian media, you can see even Personals ads from 20-year-olds.

The search brings more disappointment than luck. How many times you swear to God: Never again! But then you ask yourself: What if I stay alone for the rest of my life? And you try and try and try…

Anna’s favourite hero is a Russian emigrant in America. Anna’s favourite topic is relations between men and women; Anna’s favourite scene is Brooklyn, NY—mostly Brighton Beach.

The only way to survive in this setting is to retain a sense of humour, to be able to talk lightly about serious problems, to treat one’s own and everybody else’s mistakes with a smile. Like the heroine of her book, Anna was struggling to survive in this country as a new immigrant, and her experiences were yielding many stories and observations.

Thousand of young and not very young people are trying to be happy. Some of them want to share; others just want to take and take. Sometimes the first date is the last date. Why? Anna’s books have the answers.

There are many ways to find your soul mate.

You could place an ad, reply to one, pay a fortune to the matchmaker, or do nothing and just patiently wait for a friend or relative to give your phone number to the next available suitor.

Someone once asked Rockefeller about how he became Rockefeller, and his reply was: I always took a hundred out of a hundred chances. That’s my motto, and I never refuse to meet any guy.

By the way, what do you call a man who in theory could become your husband?

A fiancé? Nah… too soon.

A bachelor? That one could be single forever. He never married anyone and won’t marry either. Even if he, miraculously, does, generally he is the worst and the most difficult type of husband. So forget about it.

Despite my outward brashness, deep inside I am an old-fashioned girl. I like Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters. I’d love to take a walk on the moors with my… why don’t I call him what they did, a potential young man… . I might have to take out the young part—if he is that, he is more likely to pursue my daughter. I call them men with potential, or Potentials, for short. This sounds really American to me—energetic and goal-oriented.

All New York Potentials are divided into two categories: well bred and idiots who ask for your address, right after Hello, and want to come over right away.

Once inside the apartment, the idiot acts like he is considering renting the place.

I’ll take a look around. Okay? Hmmm… Interesting… Your living room is quite large. Do your windows face the street or the backyard? May I peek into the bedroom? Wow! That’s a great room!

He then takes a seat and settles down to wait for you to feed him.

Well, let’s see how good a hostess you are.

Some idiots don’t even wait for an invitation. They just blurt out: I’m so thirsty, and then go right to the fridge. They open it, and help themselves to everything inside… including a sealed can of black caviar.

I don’t like that. I am not too stingy to offer a cup of tea. It’s just that when such a schmuck enters your home, it’s practically impossible to get rid of him, which is all that you want. In addition, a cosy bedroom sends the wrong message and instead of talking about the weather the guy wants to get married right away, never mind a white dress, a tuxedo and a City Hall ceremony. My resistance is interpreted as a personal insult and then, to tell you the truth, it looks more like a rape than like a date.

Please do not yell at me like my Mom: It’s not him, you are an idiot here! You don’t like the guy? Don’t let him in! Unfortunately it’s not that easy. Believe me: if a man has set his mind on coming in, he will. And if you don’t want to believe me, read on, and see for yourself.

Cultured—what we call kulturny—Potentials come in two flavors: cheap, and extremely cheap. An extremely cheap kulturny Potential will invite you for a walk and drag you around on foot while pontificating on Russian lack of culture that forces them to take a car everywhere—till you are completely exhausted. Finally, after saying goodbye more than hundred times in front of your door he confesses that he needs