Shinshin-Igami the Bastard Torn and the Succubus They Slept With: Volume Iii

By DARA ODOE SOK

My Hypocrisy Knows No End! Ive fallen weary to the unyielding lustful grips of being a Sodomite for as long as I could remember; I Bite! its what I do best and Ive taken a big chunk out of my Beloved ShinShins life. Its taken some time to work this out; Ive been selfishly contemplating while struggling on how I go about explaining this piece to you, You; the General Public. Thousands of pages full of written documents and recorded records that had been left behind for me to find, sort through and tell stories of. Volume Three will be about that of ShinShin-Igami; who has been an infectious thorn in my side all these past many years.

ShinShin hasnt been as careless and reckless or a bastard like myself and although he tries many time to change the way he is; its seems that no one ever change who they really are; no matter how hard or how much theyve sacrificed to do so. People only find ways of covering up for who they really are and established a fictitious persona in faces of their associates. This piece will detail the relationship that ShinShin has been involved with a contagious succubus who drained him of his youth and vitality, where his World was turned upside down by a bitch of a mother and her conniving whored daughter.

Although ShinShin recovered from his misfortunes with the opposite sex; he bears the scars and scabs that she left embedded all over his body and this unfortunate situation has made him realized that life is sometime filled with ill-hearted and untruthful people who will take advantage of an ignorant giving person like himself. The eighteen months relation that ShinShin had been involved only gave him few moments of pleasures and much headaches and heartaches that eventually led to his unfortunate unresolved comatose death these past months.

The person that came up with the phrase, The apple doesnt fall very far from the tree! was absolutely correct in uttering that statement; ShinShin have found that to be very true in his personal life because he was involved with a dishonest female who took after her evil-hearted mother. ShinShins relationship with this deceiving female was complicated with lies and deceptions where a sinful mother and ignorant daughter took advantage of his ever giving heart and good nature.

During their relations, ShinShin loved the contagious succubus absolutely, only to find that he was being played and used after an 18 months long devotions and commitments; she was seeing one other or more while they were intimately and passionately involved. Personally, I feel that ShinShin have been the victim of an ugly hearted person.

ShinShin had given up much for this contagious ugly unruly person; financially and emotionally; shunning his extended family; good friends and their family, giving up on promotions and putting aside higher education to make time for what he thought was true love. Although their relationships has taken the intimate/involved couples on several trips locally and internationally and got the two to participate in various events and outings together where they have crossed the Atlantic and Pacific and during that entire time there were signs of her deceits and lies; and yet, being a Pagan Christian; ShinShin was so gullible that he ignored what was happening in front him.

He was ignorantly in love and like they say, Love is blind, and blind like an asshole ShinShin was during that entire year and a half. He was much into this ugly-heart female and gave her his all and what he got in return wasnt nearly reciprocal. She has given him much heartache thats complicated with various mental/physical diseased infections.

Ive had my share of ups and down in life; my early childhood was spent imprisoned, escaping and hiding away from the tyranny of the Khmer Rouge. After many years of relocating and moving around in various Refugee Encampments with my family, my early years in

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 20, 2010
• ISBN: 9781453580226

DARA ODOE SOK

Dara Odoe Sok wanders and soils his seeds about the Southern California Region and throughout the rest of the GOD’s Green Earth. His previous written work includes, “The First 22nd Years” and “ShinShin-Igami, the Bastard Torn and the Succubus they Slept With.” This is his third, the longest and most detailed of his written published books. He currently lives exclusively with several of adorable K-9 companions; Penny the Phantom Pepper, Mickey the Moon Monster and Louie the Leering Lemon.

Book preview

Copyright © 2010 by Dara O. Sok.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2010913938

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4535-8021-9

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4535-8020-2

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4535-8022-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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87438

DEDICATIONS

Dedicated to the memories of my beloved ShinShin-Igami and his always giving virtues. His Death has given me a second chance at life and has provided me with the strengths to move forward. ShinShin is my light of the World. I shell Rejoice in his Absents.

To the Starbucks’s Baristas at store # 10438 off of Tower Rd. and the I-70; for their gracious patience and putting up with my almost 7-hours a day sit down visits during these past summer months.

To the readers; thanks for taking and sharing your spare time to bear witness to these past events and memories of our beloved ShinShin-Igami.

Contents

DEDICATIONS

PREFACE

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

EPILOGUE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

In Memoriam of ShinShin-Igami,

A Trusted Beloved Confidant

PREFACE

My Hypocrisy Knows No End! I’ve fallen weary to the unyielding lustful grips of being a Sodomite for as long as I could remember; I Bite! it’s what I do best and I’ve taken a big chunk out of my Beloved ShinShin’s life. Its’ taken some time to work this out; I’ve been selfishly contemplating while struggling on how I go about explaining this piece to you, You; the General Public. Thousands of pages full of written documents and recorded records that had been left behind for me to find, sort through and tell stories of. Volume Three will be about that of ShinShin-Igami; who has been an infectious thorn in my side all these past many years.

ShinShin hasn’t been as careless and reckless or a bastard like myself and although he tries many time to change the way he is; its seems that no one ever change who they really are; no matter how hard or how much they’ve sacrificed to do so. People only find ways of covering up for who they really are and established a fictitious persona in faces of their associates. This piece will detail the relationship that ShinShin has been involved with a contagious succubus who drained him of his youth and vitality, where his World was turned upside down by a bitch of a mother and her conniving whored daughter.

Although ShinShin recovered from his misfortunes with the opposite sex; he bears the scars and scabs that she left embedded all over his body and this unfortunate situation has made him realized that life is sometime filled with ill-hearted and untruthful people who will take advantage of an ignorant giving person like himself. The eighteen months relation that ShinShin had been involved only gave him few moments of pleasures and much headaches and heartaches that eventually led to his unfortunate unresolved comatose death these past months.

The person that came up with the phrase, The apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree! was absolutely correct in uttering that statement; ShinShin have found that to be very true in his personal life because he was involved with a dishonest female who took after her evil-hearted mother. ShinShin’s relationship with this deceiving female was complicated with lies and deceptions where a sinful mother and ignorant daughter took advantage of his ever giving heart and good nature.

During their relations, ShinShin loved the contagious succubus absolutely, only to find that he was being played and used after an 18 months long devotions and commitments; she was seeing one other or more while they were intimately and passionately involved. Personally, I feel that ShinShin have been the victim of an ugly hearted person.

ShinShin had given up much for this contagious ugly unruly person; financially and emotionally; shunning his extended family; good friends and their family, giving up on promotions and putting aside higher education to make time for what he thought was true love. Although their relationships has taken the intimate/involved couples on several trips locally and internationally and got the two to participate in various events and outings together where they have crossed the Atlantic and Pacific and during that entire time there were signs of her deceits and lies; and yet, being a Pagan Christian; ShinShin was so gullible that he ignored what was happening in front him.

He was ignorantly in love and like they say, Love is blind, and blind like an asshole ShinShin was during that entire year and a half. He was much into this ugly-heart female and gave her his all and what he got in return wasn’t nearly reciprocal. She has given him much heartache that’s complicated with various mental/physical diseased infections.

ShinShin’s past lover is a walking infestation of lies and contagious STD’s who has soiled ShinShin’s once healthy chiseled body, where he’s now, riddled with boils and abscesses physically and emotionally. Readers will be given a cautionary tale and made aware of this inbred succubus and her evil mother; Delilah and Lilith and how ShinShin’s life was turned upside down because of their lies, deceits and although Delilah has exterior beauty; we come to find that she the owner of an ugly tainted-black heart.

This person’s personality portray that of a succubus feeding ShinShin’s ego with lies and deceptions, only to suck him dry of his giving heart; she uses her cosmetic fabricated attractions to sink her vicious fangs into ShinShin’s jugulars and ignorant Christian heart. Delilah’s mental and conniving interior is that of wickedness; descending upon and having sexual intercourse with sleeping ShinShin; who was captured in a comatose state during their entire relationship.

My relations, personal actions and transgressions with the same girl, and the few others involved and participations with this succubus may have also attributed to ShinShin’s unpreventable long tragic sad demise. For this; I can be blame for the regicide of one of my very own. For this, I have never forgiven myself; nor shall I ever ask forgiveness or redemptions for my brash harsh actions upon someone I had and still love dearly. It’s true that the good they die young and bastards like me lives on and enjoy the pain of those good and ignorance. No living soul will be able to judge me; when the time comes, and by chance that I am reunited with ShinShin in the afterlife; he’ll be the only one to be my judge, jury and executioner. Then again, ignorance is bliss.

Chapter 1

Body Found

The sad, solace and solemn sounds of Bright Eyes sung by Art Garfunkel; to this day, numbingly echoes in my aching head and heart still; it was the last song that was played during ShinShin-Ignami’s funeral; it was one of his very favorite songs. ShinShin loved listening to sad songs; songs that tell stories of lost love, troubles and hardship; that’s all he casually listens to all the time. Somehow he can relate to those miserable songs; thinking about it now, that song suits him well; his eyes always had a glow, a cheerful glow that goes well with his crooked smirk smile; he always had those expressions on his face; no matter the occasion or situation; it was just who he was.

He wasn’t the type to show much emotion to anyone; expressions were dull to him; facially or verbally; at all times, he always seem to be calm and collected, in control of himself and his surroundings one can say. And yet; after all that was previously said; ShinShin had suffered and died from a terrible painful mysterious death. To this day; his death is entangled in a cold case mystery; filed and stored in a cardboard box with the thousands of unsolved cases at the CherryPineapple Grove Police Department storage room; and for those who loved and cared him; his lost, has crushed and struck painful deep sorrows within them.

Unknowingly and undoubtedly to myself; my body shivers with the drowning rain upon me; it is now that I’m left alone to my misery; alone with ShinShin’s coffin in this muddy pit before me; I paid no attention to the rushing cemetery workers as they use the Wildcat mini bulldozer to push in the dug up wet dirt atop ShinShin’s coffin; returning the soggy soiled soil back to the Earth where it once belong. The heavy rain drowned out the noise the mechanical shovel made and all I hear is that damn miserable song that ShinShin plays over and over again whenever we were home and at outings together about and around our hometown of CherryPineapple Grove.

I’m not sure if I’m crying at that moment then; but I’m sure as hell crying now as I write this piece to tell you about ShinShin; I’m drenched and soaked in this unusual unexpected rain in Southern California; taste of bitter and salt water falls and showers all over me, soaked from head to toe and my tears just flows as though they were the rain themselves. My slight burning irritated eyes still focus on him, eyeing him through his coffin as though I can see him; clear as day I pictured him through the carved piece of wood and the acidic sodium taste upon my lips accompany my last moments with him.

The last one at his side I was; everyone else who attended his funeral has gone and left, perhaps to get away from all this unexpected rain. It’s going to be much different without ShinShin around; maybe for the better, that’s what I like to think at times. So I wished at times as think about him. I stuck around till his burial plot was filled to the surface and after I whimper and whispered to myself my last words, Good bye ShinShin; I’ll see you, see you on the other side. I too; staggered myself off and away from him, drenched and dirtied toward my cherry flamed Xterra, still thinking about ShinShin and how I found him during his last moments of life in my arms.

A Loved Found and Lost:

When it comes to keeping friendship and relationship; I have failed in both and have been a total bastard about everything; I can’t even keep a friendship with a guy that I come to adore and cherish and at times, I feel that his horrible death was the result of my deceit and lies behind his back. What led to this? Well, many things led to ShinShin’s unfortunate mysterious comatose death, but I’m sure it was my selfish secretive involvement with his supposedly lover that drove him over the edge. It was several days before Christmas this past year that I found ShinShin’s bloody wrinkled body in our one bedroom apartment’s bathtub where we reside in the city of CherryPineapple Grove; seeing his lifeless body soaking there, brought back eerie memories that reminded me of the bloody ditches filled with dead bodies of Cambodians that my mother and I encountered during our escape from the tyranny of the Khmer Rouge insurgents in the mid and late 1970’s.

Supposedly ShinShin had slit his both his wrists up and down vertically from the edge of his palm toward his elbow; on the wet tile floor besides the porcelain tub, lies several of my prescription bottles of vicodins of which I had given to him days earlier. His blurry solace wrinkled face was sadden and pale as he lied still, his head slightly beneath the bathtub water level that had overflowed the maximum capacity level; his hazy eyes still opened, foggy with signs of sadness; staring at me, as though blaming me for what he has done to himself.

With stagnant shock, I froze from what I saw; I didn’t know how to feel; should I be sad, anguish, terrified or angry; What am I suppose to be feeling at that moment? How does one feel during this sort of moment, how does one go about to explain during this type of moment; if one has never experienced it before? Complicated and confused, a gentle eerie cool breeze passes over me through the small cracked opening of the bathroom window; as though it was caressing ShinShin’s deceased body one last time, giving a sense of serenity for his last moment of life. He had a slight crooked smile on his face, like he always does, no matter the situation or how he’s feeling; it was always his smirk that let nothing bothers him.

I didn’t know what to think or what to do as I stood there; paralyzed and dazed from what I was seeing. I had come home for lunch that afternoon from work at Lincoln Elementary; the school I was subbing at was nearby and I also came over to cheer him up from what had happened to him months earlier. I had brought him his favorite El-Pollo dish, a chicken meal bowl, with his favorite soft drinks. Several months earlier, after this terrible lost and no contest judgment decision at the local Municipal Court to that conniving bitch of a whore, Delilah; ShinShin had moved in with me to get things and his life straighten out mentally and emotionally.

Since I only had a one bedroom apartment, he was willing to sleep on the pull out couch in the living room and he was helping me with rent and such. Although that rotten bitch had gotten him fired from his work; where he had honorably served for the last nine years; ShinShin has some savings that he used toward helping out with the rent, groceries and such; he was trying to piece his life back together again; Starting Anew! he usually stated during our funny, miniscule hearty conversation at times.

I never would have thought in a million years that ShinShin was the type of person that would take his own life, not over some horrible bitch that did him wrong. Even with the terrible events that happened to him months earlier, he still had that crooked smirk smile on his face. He was somewhat religious, more religious than I had been and he knew that he would be going to Hell if he’d committed suicide. Seeing his lifeless body there and then; I knew then that I have been such a bastard; both as a friend and as a companion and at that very moment, I was torn; a bastard torn one can say.

I spent like an eternity there before his deceased body; frozen firmly against the bathroom door’s edge staring at ShinShin’s burden face, confused and terrified of what had happen to my dear friend and brethren; no . . . to my love, whom I have cheated and lied to this entire time spent together; and in thought, I asked myself, What did you do Dara? What the fuck did you do?

Terrified and confused, not one to be over drastically religious, I silently apologized to GOD for my sins, cheats and deceptions against my beloved ShinShin.

A million thoughts ran through my head and I just couldn’t believe what had happened; looking down on the floor, my prescription bottles had ShinShin’s bloody finger prints on it and I wasn’t quite sure what to do; are the cops going to blame me for this because of my pills? ShinShin had told me days earlier that he wanted some pain killers for his long-term aching body and that over the counter Tylenol, Motrin and Aspirins wasn’t helping and he needed something stronger, so I gave him several of bottles of my vicodins and valiums, of which I hardly ever used that I got from the local Veteran Hospital near the City’s State University every now and then during my bi-annual visits and routine check-ups for my multiple psychological/medical disabilities.

Besides, years back; back to our hay-day serving in the Armed Services together; I was the one who told and showed him how to commit suicide by the way of wrist slicing; the proper way to do it if one was to attempt to take his or her own life by that particular method. Shit, what was I doing then, teaching him that sort of things?

After some times, after some reminiscing of our involvement and times spent together; I rushed toward the bathtub, slipping and sliding my way across the soaked tiled floor toward ShinShin and I pulled him out of the blood filled tub and thrush his limped body unto the soaked floor beneath; with a quick thud, I guided and gently laid him supinely on the flood. And thinking back to my hay-days as a Combat Corpsman with the U.S. Navy and Marines, I quickly went about checking his ABC’s. Airway; by tilting his head back and listening and feeling for air and breath; Breathing; by checking his abdomen and chest to see if they were rising and Circulation: by touching the carotid and ulna pulse on his neck and wrists.

While eagerly looking for a vital sign, I felt the slightest pulse coming from his carotid after a long impression upon his throat and neck; I fumbled through my khaki pants’ pocket and pulled out my cell phone and called the City’s 911 Emergency Response Center. I quickly smack the speaker button on and dropped the cellular phone to the wet floor beneath as I began CPR on ShinShin’s lifeless body; the situation right then was critical; a God-damn emergency, I screamed in my head, it was over and done with if don’t get help soon.

The dispatch operator calmly answered, CherryPineapple Grove Police Dispatch, this is Denise, what’s your emergency and how can I help you?

With a short pause and a deep breath I loudly franticly replied, Denise! I’m so and so and I’m at so and so and my . . . I found my friend ShinShin in the bathtub and he had slit his wrists; can you please send some help over? I really need help here, he has a faint pulse and I’m starting CPR on him!

Denise replied with some instructions, Sir, can you calm down and slow down your speech, and please give me your name and tell me what’s going on slowly and clearly sir.

After repeating myself much more slower and clearer and between my info to Denise, the dispatcher, I was giving ShinShin breaths and chest compressions and after getting some info from me, Denise advised me to stay on the line while she relay my emergency to the necessary people who can help. Without hesitation and not minding what was told to me, I abruptly went about with my business trying to revive ShinShin back from the dead and continued with my amusement with ShinShin’s limped soaking body on the blood drench tiled floor. I didn’t’ bother hanging up the phone, hoping that the dispatcher can track my cellular phone’s GPS whereabouts and get here soon to assist me at this critical time.

I just stood my ground beside ShinShin, on my hands and knees; praying and working on him all at the same time, not worrying about my own safety or sanitary; I kept giving him compression and mouth to mouth. Hoping for the arriving personnel and help to hurry the fuck up; lost in thoughts I was wondering how long it would take the ambulance, cops or whoever they sent to arrive to the scene; cops, ambulances and emergency responders around here are usually slow, because it’s the neighborhood and area we lived in; it wasn’t like we were living on the east side of town, where the majority of the inhabitants there are White and affluent people; we were in the central crimes ridden of the city; low income housings; living with the muggers, thieves, gang-bangers, prostitutes, hoes and the scums of the city what not.

During a situation that would take the cops minutes to arrive to in the east side of town, I estimated that it took them sometime longer and I was only three an half miles from their main station. After some times, to show that they were in a rush to the scene, I hear the ambulance’s siren blearing and screeching toward our direction, they probably turned it on several blocks away from where I was;

Fucking Cops and fucking piece of shit of a city! I despised those bastards and what they stand for; Sons of Bitches! They are only there when you don’t need them, as I coldly though while busied at my current task at stabilizing ShinShin’s body.

They pulled into the driveway and atop the street’s curb and onto the sidewalk; looking at them through my opened screen door, they’re taking their damn sweet time to arrive,

Assholes, Fucking Asshole! I screamed in my angered flustered head, Fucking Assholes!!! Fuck them; got to get back to ShinShin well-being Dara, as I caught and told myself to take control.

At the top of my lungs, screeching my screams, I yelled for them to come in and help; Help! I’m over here, please help!

There were two squad cars and a city funded ambulance that arrived; they didn’t really needed all that personnel, I’m sure they only came along for the credit, so they can mark it on their docket and timecard that they arrived to and participated in an emergency scene or sorts.

I can’t open the door right now; I’m doing CPR on ShinShin, I screamed!

In a panic; I left ShinShin’s side and rushed to open the metal screen door; and as I reached for the knob and locks; simultaneously; with a worn down black metal crowbar; they pry open the rusted black metal screen door of my apartment’s latch; breaking and damaging my screen door locks and bolt in the process; the first officer didn’t bother talking to me, he rudely pushed me out of the way and made his way toward ShinShin’s body in the drenched bathroom down the hallway from the front entrance; What the fuck! I thought to myself.

On my angel’s feet; I hurriedly slipped passed him; slid down on my knees atop the wet gooey floor and continued my business with ShinShin cold body; rushing and heavy at work; looking up the cop for assistance; that asshole, he seemed lost, as thought he was a God damn deer caught in a headlight. A slight moment later, the EMT’s pushed their way toward us; as quick as I had started the CPR, they took over the task of reviving ShinShin.

The rude cop walked back outside the house toward his partners, as I looked on over their shoulders with worries while the EMT took turn working on ShinShin; secretively hoping and praying that ShinShin would come back to life and back to me once again; just like how he returned to me after several years apart in the military.

The poor bastard’s dead! the first cop rudely stated as he spoke to his partners outside.

In my head and with deep hope, Please don’t die ShinShin. Motherfucker!!! That poor bastard is my friend, I thought out loud in reply to the rude cop’s remark moment earlier.

While the EMTs were working on ShinShin, the cops were laughing about their business outside; and for some reason this time; that really bothered me, bothered me to the point that I finally said something. Hanging on to the door’s ledges for balance and support; abruptly cranky and peeved, I rudely uttered;

Excuse me Officers! Show some damn respect for my friend in here; he’s not fucking dead yet; so mind your own God-Damn business! I finally said something aloud, about God-damn time Dara, as I thought to myself. I finally had my first release toward an authority in over 10 years; not since the last time I talked back to the Marine Major who got me booted from the Boost Program in Newport, Rhode Island, while I was going through the BOOST Naval Officer Program; and that felt kind a nice then as I think about it. He glared me up and down for a second and ignored me and continued on quietly conversing with his companions who were surveying and marking off the premises.

With all the commotions that the cops made, the neighbors and passerby started coming out to see what was happening. Yellow tapes and stripes were brought out to keep away the nosy crowd and audiences. People chit chatting and asking what was going on as I heard from the back scene. People in their everyday insecurity and curiosity talked on as the cops kept them several feet away from our first floor one bedroom apartment situated on Hemingway Street nearby the many Asian markets along the recently City approved Anaheim Cambodian Corridors, as known as: Cambodia Town. What a bunch of rubbish, as I angrily thought.

After another five minutes or so working on his limp body and fortunately the EMT’s were able to slightly revived ShinShin. The paramedics were able to cause ShinShin’s body to cough up blood and bathtub water from his lungs and throat; I then rushed to his side, to see how he was doing. While one of the EMT stabilized ShinShin’s neck with a brace, the other secured both ShinShin’s wrists with some gauge and bandages and went to the ambulance and got the gurney and backboard.

Looking at ShinShin, some of his brownish color had returned to his face, although still pale and prune like from the attempted suicide slashing and drowning in the tub, he had some light brown hue on his face. Like usual, he had a crooked smirk on his face; his eyes were none responsive to the paramedic miniature pen light; they were still glazed, but he seems to be looking up at me though; maybe be saying hi to me.

There was something different about ShinShin then as I looked down at him; there was a hard plastic blue tube sticking out from his throat; the paramedic had cut and inserted a tube to help them with reviving ShinShin’s breathing. They had performed a tracheotomy on ShinShin; I guess it was a last resort to assist him with his breathing. Tim, one of the EMT asked me how long ShinShin was under the water.

Puzzled; I wasn’t sure at all and that what I told him; Maybe 5 or 10 minutes, when I got here for lunch, it took me like a minute or two to pull him out of the tub.

He then stated, You did a good job giving him CPR and such and he’s was lucky you came home when you did.

Lucky? as I thought, I should be the one lying on the bloody floor like that, not ShinShin; I would of gladly have taken ShinShin’s place if given the chance as I thought.

Once ShinShin was stabilized enough to be lifted, they slide the gurney’s smooth steady board under him while they supported his weight and body as they turn him on his side and back again onto the gurney board and lifted him unto the gurney mount and pushed him toward the ambulance. I walked behind them as they pushed ShinShin’s limped exhausted body forward into the living room and out of our one bedroom apartment’s front door.

Once in the back of the ambulance, they began to insert needles and tubes in ShinShin’s arms and vein and placing EKG leads all over this body to monitor his vitals; a tube is stuck down his throat through his mouth to aide with is breathing. ShinShin was still unresponsive to any of their test and poking, one of the EMT softly stated that he thinks that ShinShin maybe brain dead since he was under the water for so long. I sort of guess that too in my thoughts, maybe he was under the water way too long.

I should of have been there for him sooner; God-damn it! in some frustrations, I surprisingly screamed aloud, of which startled the EMTs who quickly response to my unwarranted outburst.

They continue working on ShinShin as I looked on and moments later, a female officer in her early thirties came and calmly asked me, Hi, I’m Officer Jacobs with the CherryPineapple Grove Police Department; do you know and are you with this person in gurney there in the back of the ambulance, and can I talk to you?

Looking back at her; well, actually, like my usual deviant self; no matter the occasion; I had time to be me; I was eye fucking her up and down; and I didn’t care if she noticed it or not, Sure, I dismissingly reply toward the talented boxum peace officer while walking behind her in the same direction toward her vehicle.

The navy blue uniform she had on, held her nicely together, showing that she was in fantastic physical shape; her ample bosoms were slightly hidden from the light Teflon vest she wore underneath, but the curvature of her side boob was revealing them nicely. Officer Jacobs was about 5’7" and perhaps 130 pounds or so; C plus sized perky knockers and with dirty blondish hair and light brown eyes; she was left handed and carried a black steel Glock 17 handgun.

Lets’ go over here by my squad car, so it’s less noisy, she beckoned. Whatever Officer, but I need to go with my friend ShinShin there, I questionably reply as I followed her toward her vehicle.

Sure, no problem; let me get some information from you first okay? I’ll make sure the ambulance wait for you, she reassured me while clasping her overworked hands together.

I followed her with my eyes lock on her firm ass, seductively they sway side to side, one rump goes up, while the other goes down; smooth and in sync they motioned at me as she marched onward. While talking to her, instinctively I made sure that I didn’t put my handprints on her cruiser; instead, I leaned against the squad car’s trunk with my buttock and my arms folded and tucked amongst themselves as we talked about what had happened and what I know about what had happened.

Before her first question, I excused myself and made a phone call to the school I was subbing at and told them that I won’t be able to return to work today since I have a family emergency and Officer Jacobs confirmed that my statement was true and honest with the school’s secretary. It was a nice gesture she did then; of which she didn’t have too; but it was nice all the same as I thought it over. The school informed me that they will get an administrator to cover for me for the rest of the school day and that I can pick up my timecard whenever I had time to later on.

Officer Jacobs; she asked me the general stuff, like how do I know the victim and how long and what’s my relations with him.

I told her that the victim, the victim in there is my good friend Shinshin; Shinshin-Igami and I’ve known him since we met at Navy Basic’s over 10 years earlier. We’re roommates at my apartment there, he moved in with me several months back, I stated.

Do you know why the victim would do this to himself? she asked right after my previous reply.

I abruptly countered, His name is ShinShin, and you should address him by that please; not victim and No! I don’t know why he would do this to himself.

Although, thoughts came to mind at that moment, I was thinking maybe he didn’t take the stuff that I told him about me and his ex-lover fucking around well; he didn’t believe it at first, till I showed him some pictures, videos and website that Delilah and I and a few other’s had made during our fuck fest encounters; she even had the audacity to post herself on several free adult web pages where she was masturbating and stuffing her cunt with a small thin blue dildo of which she made for her current, recent or other exes that ShinShin and I had no ideas about.

I only had told ShinShin everything about my involvement with that bitch of his several weeks ago. I have lied to and kept my involvements with that bitch of a whore from him for the longest time; and it hurts me to think that I was so stupid then to fuck around my dear friend’s back. Abruptly, Officer Jacobs continued on, do I know if the victim had family and do I know their contact information, asking for my name, address and phone number. I gave her the necessary info that I knew and she told me that she’ll contact me later for more info.

She told me that I won’t be allowed back in the apartment till they are done with their evidence gathering and such and that I should find another place to stay at in the meanwhile; luckily the place I can go stay at, was my mother’s; several houses down from mine on the same graffiti tagged up central block off of the Anaheim Street Corridor.

Officer Jacobs handed me her business card and I handed her my Substitute Teacher business card and then we parted way after we exchanged our numbers and info. I rushed toward my apartment and then toward the awaiting ambulance and she toward her fellow officers.

Her white eggshell business card was embossed and read; Jillian Jacobs, CherryPineapple Grove PD, with her cell and office badge numbers beneath her name.

I looked on as she parted; mainly staring at her tight ample ass as she walked back to her fellow officers to discuss what info she had gathered from me.

Afterward, I rushed back to my apartment to grab a few personal items and zoomed out to the ambulance and went to sit beside ShinShin as the ambulance blared its way toward St. Mary’s Hospital, since it was the closest medical facility with an Emergency Room to our neighborhood. We were all silent for a moment there during the ride toward the E.R.; the EMTs busied themselves with ShinShin’s vitals and status as I focused on his lain body and lost in thoughts of what was to come or what had happened moments ago. The ambulance screamed Westbound on Anaheim Street toward Atlantic Avenue, where it took a sharp left and a quick right at the next street turning and entering the E.R.’s driveway.

While on my way to the hospital with ShinShin, I called my mom and told her what had just happened and told her to look after my apartment. She told me that she would and that she will go out there to see what was going on.

According to my mother, about half an hour or so later, the City’s white Crime Scene Unit van arrived to the scene and they went about their duties; lifting fingerprints and taking evidences and such; taking picture of the incident scene and of ShinShin’s blood and clothes left behind, they took some liquid sample of the tub water and then after they drained the tub, they found the sharp double edged razor he used to cut himself and bagged it as evidence in a small manila envelope. They took pictures of the scene and area and marked spots of evidence and such with numbers and measurements. After their evidences collection and tagging, they left the scene and my mom went into my apartment to clean up after all the mess that ShinShin, I and the emergency attendees had made from the earlier incident.

Before all the police and investigators left my apartment, several more officers asked my mother questions about my relations and involvements with the injured and then told her that they will be contacting me later on for more info. I yet to shed a tear for ShinShin at that moment, I don’t know why I couldn’t, maybe because I was overwhelmed or maybe it hasn’t hit me yet that my dear friend, no; my love was dying and will soon past. As I think now; this isn’t the first time that someone had died in my arms; I feel as though I am some sort of bad karma for people I care about and love; it just sucks to be me at that moment. It sucks to be me at any moment; even being me right now.

Still lost in my thoughts as the ambulance rushed on toward its final destination; I thought about Officer Jacobs and how good she looked in her tight-ass uniformed and I was picturing what was underneath all that gear and armor she had on. She had such the cute face with a tiny light mole above her right lips. Her tan peachy face was lovely with several little scars from nicks and scratches; maybe she got them from some tussle and had to rough up some rouge assholes that didn’t complied with her commands; she was quite cute as I thought and smiled to myself as I sat there in silence reminiscing over Officer Jacobs memories and mammary; while I was viewing Tim and Jayson the EMTs, working on ShinShin while their partner drove onward and with various inalienable unrelated thoughts in my head I continued to daydream while my beloved is dying his first death before me.

As quick as we got in the ambulance we got to the hospital; and with the screeching halt of the ambulance at the hospital’s Emergency Room entrance, I was snapped out of my daydreaming and brought back to ShinShin’s attention. Some ER attendees hurriedly rushed out to where we were, assisting with the put down of the gurney off and out of the ambulance.

The attending ER doctor came about and spoke to Tim the EMT and got his summary notes and printouts of the patient vitals and conditions. I picked up on some of their medical mumble jumble jargons as they discussed ShinShin’s state of health of which was at critical. While they walked and talk; they moved ShinShin into the ER and in to a space inside and threw the railed curtain closed and tended to ShinShin’s emergency; in turn I was asked and directed to the waiting room just outside and outreached of my Beloved.

Not one to postpone assistance to my dying ShinShin; I agreed and made my way out of the emergency room and waited in the waiting room with some forms that was handed to me to fill out for ShinShin information and such. General procedures, the ER clerk routinely stated.

Internally giggling with myself, with my hands grasped and pulling back my moist hairs from my brows and forehead, General procedures, son of bitches; this is no general procedures; it’s quite serious! I thought silently.

I went about filling out the forms and permission and consent forms. It took me about an hour to finish filing out the forms for ShinShin and half of its content there I didn’t know what to put for ShinShin; like if he had insurance and if he does, Who? And if he had a history of medical problem and such; so I just filled out what I could and left it at that.

Sitting there waiting in the E.R.’s waiting room; I reminisced about that I had been here before, it was déjà vu all over again for me; at this very exact spot of St. Mary’s E.R., over a seventeen years back, during the L.A. Riots of 1992 when I was fourteen years young and attending CherryPineapple’s Polytechnic High School; when I had to bring my neighbor’s kid to this same emergency room then, because he had gotten his face kicked in by some unruly involved participants during that unruly day.

Back then I had met the cutest E.R. clerk that I had ever seen; who was very attractive then; she had long brunette hair and the softest perky lips; not to mention her shapely tiny body; I’m sure she was Pinoy of some sorts, she reminded me of Beverly Amoroso; the lover I never had back in high school.

Back then, during that riot out charred night; people were bleeding all about the E.R. waiting room and weren’t allowed to or were too slow to be treated and tended to because of so many were injuries and some were more serious than other; and they were triaging people base on their physical conditions. The scene now is a little different; the impatient and strung out waiters are just family and friends of the injured or hurt in the E.R.; just worried faces, no bleeding person or lost of limb patients sitting around and waiting to be seen; just plain old waiters of the injured person already inside the E.R. room.

In the corner, next to the automatic doors and water cooler, paced a man in his late 50’s perhaps his wife, child or a parent is injured, or maybe even a grandchild; he seem bothered and eager to know what’s going on behind those eerie closed doors; his head and eyes raises up every time the sliding door opens and click. Like he was hoping and waiting for some good news; or any news would suffice his worries as I looked on his body shivers with anguish and desperate undeniable despair.

In the center row; a group of relatives and friends all huddled, bunched up and held each other as though they were praying for their significant other who was sick or injured. Several of them still had wet tears upon their cheeks and swollen red eyes.

Against the wall stood a white young man about nineteen or so; staring at the mounted clock on the wall and kept on looking at his digital watch on his left wrist, as though he had somewhere better to be or tend to; perhaps he had crashed his car and caused his friend/girlfriend to be injured or something. He seemed like he didn’t want to be there at all; then again; none of us wanted to be here; not for something like this; not for an emergency with someone who we loved and cherished is in dire need.

On my right a young Latino couple in their late twenties, caressing each other; the wife, girlfriend or sister uncontrollably sobs over and over while her husband, brother, boyfriend or friend comforts her. In her hand a picture of a little child, perhaps their/her baby girl who was injured and in the treatment room.

This is the sort of times that brings people together; even people who have lost contact or perhaps despised each other for the longest time; makes people forget their disagreements, circumstances and bring them back to what really matters. The fact that someone that they care about, cherished or love is about to or perhaps will die soon.

The waiting room paints the faces of misery and anguish; heartaches and worries, lost and confusion; I too have fallen into this unhappy solemn melting pot; a melting pot of misery and worries; worrying about a significant other, whether it is wife, husband, sister, brother, son, daughter, grandparents, mom or dad or even a friend; or even a lover; it’s no place for cheering, not a place for smiling, not a place for joy of any sort, just not the place for or the time for any of that right now; not when someone we loves is about to die and perish; oh how I’ve missed ShinShin and the way he was.

Still waiting and worrying, I had the unresisting painful urge to defecate; looking around me to make sure no one was near; I clinched my ass cheeks together; pull myself up astute and I made my way through the hallway looking for the male’s bathroom to relieve myself of the eager stool that was protruding its dirty head through my crowning rectum.

With my ass cheeks clinched and pacing in double-time; I finally found the male commode and did my business in the first stall that I found unoccupied. Without thinking to wipe down the toilet seat cover or to place the sanitary paper jacket atop its lid to prevent infectious diseases and manmade bugs; I went about to drop my khaki trouser and jerk down my aqua blue snowman Joe’s boxer and went about dropping off my smooth load of marinated and churned feces into the blue water bowl below.

With a grinding of the teeth and tightening of my diaphragm, I squeezed out a good size turd that dropped sharply into the blue water of the toilet bowl. With the splash of blue fluid fluttering back at me and sticking to the back of my thighs and ass, I kept on pushing out as much as I can; squirming and squeezing as much as I could. While shitting and accompanied with several farts and gasses, I murmured to myself to keep me occupied like I always do for as long as I could remember when I had problem shitting. Mom usually coats me with those sounds when I was much younger and had difficulty shitting then.

After several minutes of doing the business and stinking up my stall and area; I wiped off my stained ass/rectal area with a handful of toilet paper and made my way toward the sinks after putting back up my boxer’s and trouser. I washed up with the dry pasty pink sanitary soap and warm-hot water and dried off with several brown bathroom paper towels. With the used paper toward grasp in my right hand; I pulled opened the exit bathroom door and tossed the towels toward a vanilla plastic trashcan receptacle before the swinging door sway back to shut itself behind me.

While walking back toward the emergency room waiting area relieved from the released of the half a pound hampered stinky load, I smilingly giggled to myself and went about my business to worriedly wait for news about ShinShin to arrive. After several steps away from the bathroom; I notice to my right was a sign and arrow that pointed where the Hospital Chapel was; not one to be quite religious or what not; I stopped and stood there for a second or so and thought over whether I should go pray for ShinShin.

Will it help? I questioned myself; with some push and hope for ShinShin’s recovery from all this day’s fiasco; I took a long deep breath; exhaled; breathed again to get a second wind in myself and after a few more moment; and weighing the odds and even of a prayer and still questioning if it would be answered or not; I finally staggered my way toward the Hospital’s Chapel to pray for my beloved injured brain-dead dying friend.

Once in the Chapel, I wasn’t sure what to do, there were no chaplain or anyone to assist me with my issues and concerns; there were several people on their knees, with Bible in their hands, against the back of a bench, praying and such for their significant others and loved ones. So I just copied them, I got behind a long narrow brown amber bench; fussed, grab and clutched the first black covered Holy Bible I saw against my chest and got down on my knees, closed my eyes and say what I needed to say; slowly I thought over my words and what I wanted to say,

Dear God, it’s Dara; I know we don’t talk much, well, we never talk at all; but something has happened today, something has gone wrong today; something really bad; it’s my friend ShinShin, I’m sure you know him well; he often prays to you before he goes to sleep; you know the guy, who always say the same thing to you each night; about all the time if I remembered correctly; I’m sure you have heard from him a time or two; ShinShin-Igami; well, he’s has gotten himself hurt real bad and I know you frown upon people who commits suicide and such, but, but look where you have gotten him into this past year! You really fucked up his life since that bitch came into his life you know!

Pausing for a second or two; gulping and inhaling another deep breath, I continued, I know he needs your help right now; he really does GOD; so please, if it’s no trouble; and if you have a little time to spare of sort, snap him out of it and make him better; better for him and better for me. At least, let him wake up. I hope you hear this; Thank you, in GOD’s name I pray, those were my last words to GOD for ShinShin’s recovery.

After saying my peace with the Almighty, prayers and wishes, I made my way back to the E.R. waiting room, once there; I found a seat and lean myself against the uncomfortable plastic cupped chair to