To Caroline—Love, Auntie: A Novel

By Linda Graf

Scientist and engineer Lauren Giulio knows she cannot ignore her inner voice anymore. Determined to unravel the mystery surrounding her deceased father’s childhood and uncover the events that lured both her father and her down a path contrary to cultural and social attitudes, Lauren ignores her husband’s concerns about her emotional well-being and travels to her father’s home in Panni, Italy, with the hope of finding answers.

After Lauren’s plane lands in Rome, her husband’s fears become a reality when a cab driver shares intimate details of his family that disconcertingly mirrored her own. When she arrives at her father’s house and begins reminiscing about the past, Lauren is comforted by her cousin, Gabriella, who imparts her warmth and understanding as Lauren reveals her innermost thoughts and the struggles she has overcome. But Gabriella is not the only one providing comfort to Lauren. As strange coincidences begin to make sense, Lauren soon realizes that she is being gently guided by other loving forces in her quest for answers.

To Caroline—Love, Auntie is the compelling tale of a woman’s journey across the globe to Italy where she uncovers her father’s past, overcomes her demons, and discovers her destiny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Jun 19, 2015
• ISBN: 9781480819399

Linda Graf

Linda Graf holds a Bachelor of Science in Chemistry, a Master of Science in Chemical Engineering, and a Master of Business Administration. She worked over forty years as a chemical engineer, chemist, and business manager. Linda and her husband live in a suburb outside Boston, Massachusetts.

Book preview

Chapter 1

W e will be landing in Rome in forty minutes. Flight attendants, please prepare the cabin. The pilot’s words could not have come any sooner.

Lauren was ecstatic. It was over. She quickly put her seat into the upright position, took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. The eight-hour flight to Rome, Italy, had been unbearable. She couldn’t wait to get off the plane and breathe in fresh air. Stale oxygen from the overcrowded cabin was blowing on her face, and no matter how many times she’d turned the ventilation knob to the off position, the gust had persisted. She’d complained about it to the flight attendant, but she’d only gotten the standard response attendants were taught to say when they couldn’t comply with a customer’s demands.

I’m sorry, the attendant had said. May I bring you an extra blanket or a beverage?

That’s wonderful, Lauren muttered, biting her lips. Do you mean to tell me that I paid a premium fare for a business-class seat, and there’s no one on this plane that can stop the air from blowing on me?

The attendant clenched her jaw and politely stated, No one can fix the ventilation while we are in flight. It will be serviced after we land. If there was an empty seat on this flight, I could move you, but there aren’t any open seats. It’s a full flight. Maybe an extra blanket or a beverage would help?

Lauren heaved a sigh. A beverage is the last thing I need, but it beats getting an extra blanket. Bring me two glasses of wine, and I’ll take two extra snacks with that too. At least she was going to be compensated for her inconvenience.

I’ll be right back with your order, said the attendant, shaking her head as she walked away.

Lauren was anxiety-ridden, ready to fight with anyone she came in contact with. She gulped down the two glasses of wine the attendant brought her, one right after the other, but the alcohol neither mellowed her temperament nor put her to sleep. It only made her more irritable. She was ready to scream at the person next to her in the aisle seat if she had to wake him up one more time so she could go to the restroom. The flight had been a disaster from the moment she’d set foot on the plane. What had she expected? This wasn’t a business trip where she could plan her every move. This was a personal trip in which she couldn’t anticipate the feelings that would surface, let alone control them.

She looked out the window of the plane and saw nothing but thick, white clouds. They had a calming effect on her, clearing her mind and giving her the opportunity to reflect on her father. He had died too young, and it bothered her that he hadn’t been able to experience the joy of being a grandfather, watching his only son’s daughter, Jennifer, graduate college, marry, and give birth to two wonderful children, Matthew and Caroline. As the clouds slowly dissipated, the view of the sparsely scattered houses at the base of the Apennine Mountains distracted her. One of those houses belonged to her father, and her heart pounded as she thought of him sitting in the seat next to her, pointing to it, describing it, telling her how delighted he was that she’d decided to come with him.

The pilot’s voice echoed throughout the cabin and disrupted her thoughts. She found herself alone, a stranger in the seat next to her, her father no longer enjoying the view with her. She had waited too long, and now he was gone.

Lauren’s father had been a major influence in her life. He had encouraged her to go to college and be independent, advising her to never depend on anyone for her livelihood, including her spouse. She was frustrated that she couldn’t understand why he had been so intent on her going to college and becoming self-sufficient when his peers had pressured him to concentrate on finding a husband for his only daughter. He’d ignored them and defied the Italian tradition in which men believed that women should not work and/or have a career but should rely on their husbands for their livelihood. Why had he separated himself from the others and disregarded the long-held values of his cultural heritage? Lauren suspected that the answer lay in his childhood, because no matter how many times she’d asked him about his boyhood years in Italy, he’d made a point of changing the subject. The only thing she knew was that he had been born in a small town called Panni and had come to America when he was fifteen years old.

Perhaps her father had intended on opening up to her each time he’d invited her to visit Panni with him, but she had repeatedly declined his invitations because she was too busy at work to take the time off. Guilt-ridden and anxiety-ridden, she was now going to Panni, alone, to unravel the mystery around her father’s childhood and uncover the events that had lured not only her father but also her down a path contrary to both cultural and social attitudes. She too had traveled that path, having worked over forty years in the science-and-engineering field, primarily dominated by men.

Plagued by a history of anxiety, Lauren had had one major concern about the trip. She’d feared that those nasty attacks could start up again if she were put in a position of recalling past events. However, she’d had no other choice. She had to assume the risk; bouts of anxiety were not going to deter her from making the trip. She had survived their painful assaults on her body and mind before, and she would survive them again. All she had needed to do was determine when she was going.

She scheduled her trip using the same logic that she’d drawn upon when she’d worked as an engineer. She sat in her study scanning through the calendar, eliminating the days that fell on holidays and previously arranged appointments. When half an hour had passed, and she still had had no success in finding the perfect dates for the trip, she stopped herself short, took a deep breath, and declared, Okay that does it. I am not going to repeat what I did every time my father asked me to go with him. I repeatedly told him that I was busy working and couldn’t get the time off. My calendar was full. Well, I am not working anymore, and my appointments can be rebooked. I am going to rearrange my schedule around my trip. My trip is now my priority.

With a newfound conviction, she chose the days in December she would be away from home, including the sixteenth, which was her birthday, and the seventeenth, her father’s. One additional day gave her time to relax and tidy up the house before she left for home the following morning. To maximize the length of time she would have in Panni and to avoid traveling in the late afternoon and evening, Lauren decided she would fly into Rome and hire a cab, rather than drive a rental car to her father’s house. If all went according to plan, she would arrive there before noontime. However, she still needed to discuss her plans with her husband, Robert, and get his blessing. He surely would have no problem agreeing with her plans. She would do all her Christmas shopping and wrap the gifts prior to her leaving. The only gift that would need special attention was the American Girl Biddy Baby doll for her niece Jennifer’s little girl, Caroline. The doll would have to be ordered early to assure delivery by Christmas. There would be plenty of time when she returned home for them to enjoy the Christmas holidays together. As she finalized the dates, tears built up in her eyes as she thought of the trip and of actually being in her father’s house on those special dates.

Robert wasn’t as agreeable as Lauren thought he would be. He was angry that she could even think of going there alone, putting herself in the precarious position of recalling not only past events, but also those tragic past events that had taken years for Lauren to recover from. Although she could never forget them, she managed to control them so that they didn’t interfere with her normal, everyday life.

Robert placed his hands on his hips, looked straight into Lauren’s eyes and spoke in a deep, firm tone of voice. I’m coming with you. You are not going there alone.

Lauren cringed at hearing his words and the manner in which he spoke. She hadn’t expected him to be so determined to go with her. She didn’t want to argue with him or hurt his feelings by opposing him, but he left her no choice. She had to go by herself. She wanted time to reflect, without any distractions. She smiled warmly at him, removed his hands from his hips, and grasped his hands firmly. Honey, you know I don’t like traveling without you, but this time I have to go alone. This is not a vacation. Pretend it’s a business trip. I always went on those by myself. Besides, Gabriella will visit, so I won’t be alone the entire time.

Gabriella was Lauren’s cousin who lived in Rome. Although Lauren hadn’t seen Gabriella since graduating college, they had exchanged letters, from time to time. Gabriella and her husband, Dante, had been maintaining the house in Panni, and they used it as a vacation home every summer.

Robert knew that Lauren would fight him to the bitter end to prevent him from accompanying her. He also knew he couldn’t refuse her when she spoke to him with her shy, little-girl charm. Shaking his head in frustration, he conceded gracefully. Whatever I say doesn’t matter, because you are going to do what you want, and I can’t stop you. Go. If you change your mind, let me know.

Lauren grinned and pulled him into her arms, hugged him, and passionately kissed him, her tongue exploring every part of his mouth as he succumbed to her. This was her way of saying thank you.

He stood dazed and excited, unable to control his manhood. Encircling his hardness with her hand and then firmly gripping it, she whispered in his ear, Follow me. With a twinkle in her eye, she led him up to their bedroom where they made love for hours, never tiring, effortlessly yearning for more, just as they had on their honeymoon ten years prior. Afterward, they cuddled in bed, clinging to each other, treasuring the moment, because each partner knew that their life together would never be the same.

On Monday night, December 15, Robert reluctantly drove Lauren to the airport, worried about his wife. He was afraid the memories would resurface and emotionally cripple her. He firmly clutched the wheel of the car, while beads of sweat built up on his forehead. He was nervous thinking about the years of patience and support he’d devoted to purging Lauren of the nightmares and anxiety attacks, and now, this one trip could ignite them all over again.

Lauren sensed her husband’s apprehension, placed her hand on his thigh, and tightened her grip. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine. You’ll see. In my heart, I know that our life can only get better. An inner voice is summoning me, and I can’t say no this time.

At the airport, Robert passionately kissed his wife good-bye and whispered in her ear, I love you, and I will miss you.

Lauren overpowered him with endless kisses and hugs before she whispered back, I will miss you too, but I need to do this. I want us to have a life together in which I am totally comfortable with myself and know why I am who I am today. I’ll call you when I get to Panni. She kissed Robert again, squeezed his hand, and then walked toward the terminal. As Robert stood and watched her, he felt helpless and could only hope that this trip would make their life better, not worse. Lauren turned one last time before entering the terminal and waved to Robert. Her journey was about to begin.

Chapter 2

T he plane landed in Rome, and Lauren heard the pilot announce, You may now remove your seat belts. She jumped up, anxious to stretch her entire body, especially her legs, which were stiff from sitting too long. She was preparing herself for the mad dash off the plane to the baggage area, intent on getting a head start on the huge waiting line in customs. She had only one suitcase to retrieve, which was a first for her, since she never traveled anywhere with less than two bags. She believed that a professional woman should always be prepared on a business trip for either planned or ad hoc meetings. This was a personal trip, though, and didn’t warrant the excess baggage.

After debarking the plane and securing her suitcase, Lauren fought her way through the crowds to customs and stood in line for an hour, moving her solitary suitcase, step by step, down and around the barriers. After clearing customs, she was exhausted and didn’t look forward to waiting in another line for a taxicab, but what else could she do? She was in a foreign country without a car, and a taxi was the fastest way of getting her to her destination.

When she exited the terminal, she stood at the curb shocked. She pinched herself to make sure what she was seeing was real. This must be my lucky day, she thought. Only one cab was parked in the waiting area, and there was no one in line for it. Then a scary thought entered her mind. The number of American tourists abducted overseas had been increasing as a result of geopolitical tensions, and she didn’t want to be one of the missing. This can’t be normal for such a large, international airport, she mumbled to herself. Something’s not right.

She wanted to walk back into the terminal and rent a car but her feet wouldn’t let her. They were throbbing and quite swollen from the flight. She couldn’t walk another step let alone the distance to the rental center. Her eyes started to tear, and she began to question whether she should have made the trip. Any thoughts or uncertainty about the trip faded abruptly when she saw a man approaching the cab that she was hesitant to hire. She quickly wiped away her tears, and instinctively ran to the cab to cut him off. Throwing her suitcase into the backseat, she hopped into the cab, and closed the door. The man yelled obscenities at her as she locked the door. Panicky and desperate, she begged the driver, Please, can we leave immediately? I’m afraid of what that man on the curb is going to do. I am going to Panni. Without saying a word, the cabdriver stepped on the accelerator and barreled down the road.

Fumbling through her pocketbook, she found a pen and piece of paper and wrote down the cab’s name and telephone number. She did this routinely whenever she traveled, in case she accidentally left something behind in the cab. The exercise had proved worthwhile the time she’d left her camera in a cab while vacationing in Bermuda. She’d called the cab company, and they had told her that the driver had found the camera on the backseat and had dropped it off at the front desk of her hotel. With the cab information written down and tucked away, she put her head back on the soft, leather seat, took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. She was ready for the tranquil, long ride to Panni, and she was going to sit back and enjoy it.

The cabdriver had something else planned for her. He was in the habit of talking to his clients when he drove, and Lauren was no exception. He talked continuously in a heavy Italian accent, and as he spoke, Lauren felt her heart beating faster and faster. Since she had never been fond of chitchat, his chatter irritated her to no end. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, she tried to calm herself down.

The driver moved his head from side to side as if swaying to music. I am happy today because my birthday is tomorrow, and a big birthday party has been planned for me in Rome.

Lauren thought what a coincidence that he had the same birthday as her father. She was curious where he lived. Are you from Rome?

No. I’m from Panni. I have lived there my whole life.

What’s your name? Lauren didn’t know why she asked the driver his name and encouraged him to continue the conversation, but she did. She propped herself up in the seat and leaned forward.

The driver turned around and stared into her eyes. Carmine, but you can call me Tony like everyone else does. He then quickly turned back to face the road.

She sat up straight in her seat with her eyes wide open. Blood rushed to her face, and her heart started pounding. She must have misunderstood him. After all, he did have an accent. I’m sorry. I didn’t quite get that. What did you say?

He smiled to himself. He had succeeded in stirring her up. Now, he would really get her thinking. He slowly repeated his name so that she would hear every syllable, Carmine. He paused and then articulated, Carmine Anthony, to be exact.

Lauren panicked and felt a chill trickle through her body. Carmine was her father’s name, but only his intimate family knew him by that name. Everyone else knew him as Tony. This couldn’t be happening to her. She hoped she was imagining this. What are the odds that the first person I meet has the same birthday and the same name as my father?

Tony continued driving and was grinning. Lauren is a smart girl. She’ll figure it out. She’ll know who I am before she returns home to America. In the meantime, I’ll continue with my charade and prod her along.

Not giving Lauren a chance to calm down, Tony asked, What’s your name?

She hesitated, not knowing whether she should tell him her real name. A woman traveling alone in a foreign country had to be careful, especially with this driver, whom she felt, viewed her as more than just a fare. But if she gave him only her first name, it couldn’t be dangerous. Could it?

My name is Lauren, she said in a quiet voice, hoping he wouldn’t hear it correctly.

That’s a beautiful name, he sang to her in his low pitched voice.

Thank you. I think so too. She took a deep breath, held it to the count of five, and then exhaled. Her doctor had suggested she do this each time she felt an anxiety attack coming on. She was overreacting and allowing her emotions to take control.

Are you married? Lauren asked after a brief silence.

I was married, but my wife died from breast cancer. I didn’t know what to do with myself. She was the love of my life. I looked forward to retiring so the two of us could enjoy our life together, but that wasn’t to be. So, as you can see, I didn’t retire, and I am still driving a cab.

Lauren was spooked now. The hair on her arms stood up as if she had been struck by lightning. Her mother had died similarly, and her father had never gotten over it. After her death, he’d led a lonely life because her mother had been his heart and soul. Lauren wished she had never taken the only cab at the airport. Why had she? That wasn’t like her at all, but she had been in too much of a rush and hadn’t considered what she was doing. Now it was too late to do anything except to manage her thoughts and not read into what the cabdriver was saying.

An eerie silence prevailed in the cab. The quiet made Lauren more uncomfortable, but she could empathize with him and knew what he was feeling because she too had been through the death of a loved one. She repeated to herself, Relax, relax, and then broke the silence by asking Tony, Do you have any children?

Tony’s mood changed, and he no longer appeared solemn. He turned quickly once again and smiled at Lauren. I have a son and a daughter who gave me the strength I needed when my wife was sick. They helped me get through every day back then, and they give me a reason to go on now. However, both left Panni to go to the United States for a better life. My daughter is retired and is visiting her in-laws in Rome, where she is making the preparations for my party. My son is working and could not make it because he couldn’t get the time off from work. He is a car salesman, and this is a very busy time of year for him.

Lauren felt light-headed. Her family was small, just her and her younger brother, Frank. While she would be in Italy on their father’s birthday, Frank also would be working. Her mind was playing tricks on her, and she was spinning out of control, reading into everything the driver said. She had to stop talking to him, for her own sake. She grabbed her iPod, inserted her earplugs in both ears, and turned on her favorite music. Tony continued talking, but she barely heard a word he said. Her music was her salvation. She looked out the window at the countryside and was intent on enjoying the ride.

The roads to Panni were bumpy and some parts bare and unpaved, and Lauren saw nothing but trees and miles of empty farmland that had been harvested in the fall. She was not familiar with the type of bushes lining the road, probably because they were covered by a partial coating of snow, but they seemed to be guiding the cab in the direction of her father’s house. It reminded her of Dorothy, skipping down the yellow brick road on her journey to find the wizard, who was the only one who could orchestrate her return home.

Lauren didn’t see any houses until they reached the border of the town, where the houses were lined up like dominoes at the top of a gigantic hill, with large, snow-covered mountains in the background. Locals referred to Panni as the hilltop town in the province of Foggia, and Lauren now understood why. The houses were simple and made of stucco and were packed in, one right next to