Journey

By Ghislaine Bourdon

We all have the power to improve, filling us with love, peace, and happiness. We are no less of a person due to any illness. Our personal goals can be achieved with coping tools described and demonstrated in Journey. Suggestions, thoughts, advice, and encouragement toward recovery are given through my life expertise. I will guide you to your potential power and recovery. This easy-to-read true story is not geared toward just the mentally ill but also any ailing soul and for health care providers.

Differing from most books, I show exactly what its like to live through years of hardships and struggles from the perspective of the mentally ill. I have graphically and explicitly detailed the unimaginable pain and suffering of myself and many others. Journey is highly instrumental in understanding and coping with an illness and can be a great aid for caregivers in supporting the needy. I demonstrate paths to a happy, constructive, and prosperous life. My experiences with violence, rape, anorexia, depression, suicide, psychosis, self-mutilation, and more are explained, as I reach out to others with compassion and support.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 18, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543445657

Ghislaine Bourdon

Ghislaine Bourdon has a bachelor's degree in studio art. She was a swimming instructor for most of her life and taught swimming for the school system in France for many years. Ghislaine bicycled across most of Europe including the Alps alone when she was sixteen years old. She has climbed many mountains and does extensive camping trips. Trying not to be hindered by a past mental illness Ghislaine has overcome many life long difficulties. She is an extremely diversified individual with talents that abound.

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 by Ghislaine Bourdon.

Library of Congress Control Number:          2017913019

ISBN:      Hardcover         978-1-5434-4567-1

                 Softcover           978-1-5434-4566-4

                  eBook               978-1-5434-4565-7

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 08/17/2017

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

766398

Contents

1.   A Brief View of My Life

2.   Explanations

3.   The Early Days

4.   My Kindergarten Days

5.   Canada and My Bowtie

6.   My Mom

7.   My Dad

8.   The Beginning of Grade School

9.   Grades 3 and on

10.   Over And Over Again

11.   The Formative High School Years

12.   France, 1973

13.   The First of Over Fifty Hospitalizations

14.   Hospitalizations and A Day On the Ward

15.   A Day On the Ward

16.   March of 2009, and

The Beginning of Cutting

17.   The Effects Of A Traumatic Life

18.   You Have The Power, and My World Presently

19.   Society’s View of the Mentally Ill

20.   Happiness Is In Your Reach!

21.   Gratitudes

A Brief View of My Life

My name is Ghislaine; I am French on my fathers side, and American on my mothers side. My father came from France towards the end of World War 2, during which he was in the French navy. He met my mother in Washington DC while she was working for the FBI, as a secretary. They fell in love and settled down in the city, and had my oldest brother, Norman, and then Laurent. I was also born in Washington, and I was the middle child, and only girl. Raymond came after me. My mother was from a little town in Missouri, and her life had become thrilling upon her new job in the capitol of the US, plus meeting her future husband. My father grew up in Normandy, with a very poor mother and father. He got his education in a monastery, and grew up being extremely disciplined. He treated us much the same way, and he became a bitter man early in his 40’s. My mother, and father argued very frequently, and I felt so bad for my mother when she would cry. I also felt very guilty of being dad’s sweetheart, for he favored me tremendously. I wanted my brothers to get the love they so much deserved, but they were only disciplined, and punished for everything they did! As we all grew up, Raymond was pretty much ignored. Laurent, Raymond, my father, and my mother have all died as I have written this book. I have two daughters, Danielle who is thirtyfour, and Dominique, who will soon be thirtyone. They’re my sunshine, and biggest joy in life, and they’re mainly the reason I am alive today. I attempted suicide numerous times, and I would be dead by now if I hadn’t had them to hold on to. My father died of cancer, when I was thirteen years old, and that traumatized me for most of my life up until just recently. I have been able to let go of some of my many issues, and have moved into a world of happiness. I have had a tough life, but who doesn’t, although, I was given more than my share of problems. I don’t regret any of my periods of life, good or bad, for without them I wouldn’t be where and who I am today. Everything happens for a reason, and I wouldn’t have the vaguest wish to change my past. I am where I am today because of my hardships, and I am very gratified for the goodness that came out of all my struggles. I never expected anything out of my life, so I was never disappointed. One day at a time is the motto, but throughout my life this had never even occurred to me to focus on. I heard someone say a few days ago on TV, that she was so disappointed in her life, and that she thought that it would be much better! That really made me pity her, or anyone else who is in that state of mind. Life is what you make of it, and she obviously hadn’t achieved happiness with any of her endeavors. I now realize that I have everything I would want in life, and that I am totally happy, and content with all my experiences. I cherish all my memories, and that will carry me on throughout the rest of my life. Who knows, I might only be half way through life! Can I live another 60 years in this state of happiness!!! I must share this wealth with everyone including you.

Explanations

I am only now able to look back at my childhood, and remember all the old times without feeling bad in one way or another, I have talked to my psychoanalyst for over twenty five years about all my memories, but it had always scared me to look back in my past without him there. He has been my security all along, and now finally, I can return to my memories without fear. Fear of what? The fear of falling back into the black hole of depression and/or fear of my own mind perhaps. I couldn’t face myself, and was deep in self- hatred. I couldn’t bear being alone. I would always say, I’m scared, I’m scared, and my support workers would always ask me,of what? I never could exactly say, and I would call all the negativity running through my mind, the bad people. Only recently, have I been able to realize that there are no bad people, and that I no longer feared my mind. It was always a big question if I was psychotic or not, until I began my recovery. Now, I am out of the murky mud enough to see over my head. I can go on to describe my memories to you now, and be at complete peace with myself. I do not hate myself anymore. My psychoanalyst, Dr. Abramson, has taught me, over many years how to be alone with myself, and deal with all my guilt, and fears, and, to go on learning to love myself, and accept others loving me, too. I have realized that one cannot do anything wholeheartedly without loving oneself first. So now I write from my heart lovingly, and with enormous gratitude, that I have come to this level of awareness.

BourdonPhotosPage01.jpg

My bath

BourdonPhotosPage02.jpg

3 years old camping

BourdonPhotosPage04.jpg

fear

The Early Days

I had begun my life’s journey, with lots of babyhood memories. My mother tells me, that I was a happy baby, content to just sit in my crib. I loved the water, with the memory of my bathes in the kitchen sink, that I will always cherish. Although I seemed quite content, I had extreme issues with eating. Some of my later problems started from here. I didn’t want to eat what was served to me. The pediatrician instructed my mother to just feed me the same thing meal after meal, and day after day, until I would eat it….but I didn’t. I would cry of hunger in my crib. I don’t remember why I didn’t want to eat my meals, but it sure marked me! As I grew up, I would horde food in closets, and under my bed, and worse!

I have good memories, too. I started camping when I was ten months old. I’ll never forget the smell of the canvas tent, which was engrained in my sense of smell. One night, I distinctly remember wanting to get out of the tent into the fresh night air, and lay in the tall grass, with the crickets. That is exactly what I did. I managed to crawl through the screened tent door, and make my way into the meadow. The dew was already on the grass looming over me, and the stars were very very bright, as I gazed up. This was, and still is, My world. I managed to crawl across the field…..I couldn’t walk at that young age. In the morning, which I do not recall, I was told by my mom, many years later, what I had done. Panic stricken, my family woke up to no baby, Ghislaine. My mom, and dad went to the ranger’s station in the campground, desperately aghast! Meanwhile, I was taken care of by this couple, who had found this little girl that had crawled into our tent in the middle of the night. The couple immediately went to the ranger, but no one knew where I had come from. The ranger must have been very relieved to see mommy, and daddy, and I was immediately returned to my family, and our campsite. I had, had my first encounter with mother nature, and I hold onto this experience with delight.

There are many remembrances of traveling in the car, staring out the window for hours and hours. There was a big problem that would arose every few hours! I