Small Talk, Small Ideas: Fifty Ways to Have a Deep Conversation

By Richard Di Britannia

Tired of Getting Stuck in Small Talk? — Start Having Deeper Conversations, Overcome Social Anxiety and Forge Stronger Personal and Professional Connections!

Are you frustrated with constantly being misunderstood?

Do you wish you could communicate what you're thinking with ease and clarity?

Are you looking to take the plunge and get deeper into conversation with people in your life?

Talking to people isn't always easy. It becomes even more difficult when you can't really find the right words to strike deeper, more productive conversations with people around you — whether they're your friends, family, coworkers, or even acquaintances.

Enjoy the flow of conversation with 'Small Talk, Small Ideas' and learn how to:

• Understand why it's normal to experience anxiety when speaking and learn to overcome it like a master communicator.
• Uncover the tools that challenge your own beliefs and those of others through polite, yet engaging conversation.
• Avoid falling into emotional traps which ruin conversations by saying the wrong thing.
• Nimbly avoid letting others manipulate you with rhetorical tricks.
• Become more influential and persuasive and examine if what you or someone else says is wrong, without causing offense.
• And so much more!

About the Author

Richard Di Britannia is an expert speech and communication skills coach. His unique 'thought-articulation' method has been taught to senior executives at Fortune 100 companies around the globe.

Richard is also a narrator and voice actor for top global brands and institutions including: Amazon, Mercedes-Benz and The US Government, all beginning when he was rendered mute and had to teach himself how to talk again.

He is also an international best-selling author on the topic of improving enunciation, building vocal strength and linguistic fluency with 'Speak and Be Heard' and 'Speak Your Way to Wealth'.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Richard Di Britannia
• Release date: Aug 17, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201392239

Book preview

SMALL TALK, SMALL IDEAS

FIFTY WAYS TO HAVE A DEEP CONVERSATION

RICHARD DI BRITANNIA

Richard Di Britannia

Communication Skills Specialist

Author of Speak and Be Heard and Speak Your Way to Wealth

The moral right of the author has been asserted. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic or electronic process, or in the form of phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or otherwise be copied for public or private use, other than for ‘fair use’ as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher.

Originally published in 2021 by Amazon Media EU Sarl. Copyright © 2021 - Richard Di Britannia.

Cover art by Adam Renvoize.

This book was printed ‘on demand’. If there are any quality issues, please contact support before leaving a review. Thank you.

ISBN: B09DMRF5XH

DEDICATION

To Shev and Marsh, whose combined kind generosity of a Virtual Reality headset opened up innumerable worlds of conversation to my isolated mind during the great lockdown of 2020-2021.

To, Daan, Maarten, Zerefuu, AbdulRahman Al-Jeri and Kareem, whose conversations have taught me more than I could have hoped for.

To Michael, whose sage wisdom was invaluable in adding a wonderous depth of cultural insight from a foreign land.

Thank you also to Guy Harris for his infectious enthusiasm, Philip Banks for the piloting lesson and Christopher Lee Winn for his continued support as a fellow author.

Finally, to Kim Krisco who wrote: "…My ideas are limited by my experience, nationality, culture, gender and age…"  instilling within me the desire to learn from as many as I could.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Author’s Note

Diving Into A Conversational Ocean

Raise Your Words, Not Your Voice

Speech Anxiety Is Normal

Self-Knowledge Questionnaire

Start Off Small

Keep Good Company

Deep Conversations Need Stories

Make It Personal

Add A Serious Comment To A Light Topic

Validate, Don’t Denigrate

Why?

What?

Who?

How?

What’s The Motivation Behind That?

Differentiate Facts Versus Feelings

Why Do You Think It Doesn’t Interest Others?

Take A Moment Of Silence

Accept Counter Viewpoints

What Do You Base Your Viewpoint Upon?

Consider How You Might Be Wrong

Yearning For Nostalgia Can Blind You To The Reality Of Things

Share A Mutually Painful Moment

Share A Mutually Pleasant Moment

Avoid Blending Arguments

What Are The Pros And Cons?

Be Delicate

What’s The Weakness Of Your Argument

Outline How Your Viewpoint Has Changed Over Time

How Is Your Upbringing Influencing Your Opinion?

Are You Judging Someone By The Colour Of Their Skin Rather Than The Content Of Their Character?

Tell The Truth

Ask For Stories, Not Answers

Tell Me, What Do You Think?

Don’t Dominate The Conversation

Don’t Cast Unfair Judgement

Ask For Advice

Learn How To Criticise And Take Criticism

Outline The Benefits Of How Things Have Changed

Don’t Get Anchored Down

Have A Dialogue Not A Monologue

Don’t Use Brute Force

Let Them State Their Case

Take A Moment To Pause

Don’t Try To ‘Win’

Cover Your Ass But Don’t Lose Your Face

Replace Judgment With Curiosity

Don’t Exhaust Your Point

I’m Not Feeling Heard Right Now

Say It To Their Face

Watch The Tone Of Your Voice

Rephrase What Was Said In Your Own Words

Speak To People From Other Cultures

Know When To End

How To Listen

Social Skills Checklist

Example Topics for Discussion

Need A Coaching Session?

About The Author

FOREWORD

Words are the most powerful drug used by mankind.

RUDYARD KIPLING

As a Communication Skills Specialist, Voice Actor and Author, my first work ‘Speak and Be Heard: 101 Voice Exercises for Voice Actors, Public Speakers and Professionals’ unexpectedly became a best seller. It was born from a traumatic incident in early 2012 where, due to a horrific bout of acid reflux, my vocal cords were so damaged I was left mute for months. This work was then followed by a similarly successful book entitled ‘Speak your Way to Wealth – How to Talk to Yourself, so You can Speak with Others’ which aimed to challenge the stigma attached to talking to ourselves and instead demonstrate that my practice of 'Thought-Articulation' can help anyone become an eloquent communicator.

In this new book ‘Small Talk, Small Ideas – Fifty Ways to have a Deep Conversation’ I aim to show you how small talk can be detrimental to grand ideas and provide fifty alternative strategies which will help a small talker become a deep thinker. I aim to share the skills which have allowed me to have some of the most enjoyable, startling and enlightening conversations of my life.

The skills shown in this book are not for show based on hopeful thinking. Nor are they merely a re-wording of popular truisms. Instead they are real techniques which work when used across cultures.

These techniques have allowed for me to persuade others to my point of view, to be persuaded out of my own antiquated ideas and to join in intellectual communion with minds who outclass mine at every degree. It is the keeping of an open mind (but not so open that your brain falls out) which allows for one to have an enjoyable life. An understanding of human nature, of why people think differently and how to work with others rather than constantly attempting to bend them to your will is far more enjoyable than attempting to live a lonely life as a mistrusted manipulator.

Much like my previous books I hope this work will be read aloud by whoever choses to do so, because I have found that orating a text is monumentally more impactful upon reinforcing the memory, stimulating the psyche and improving concentration skills in comparison to merely reading with the silent inner dialogue.

I wrote this book because I expected lockdown and the resulting isolation would stifle interpersonal relationships and communication skills. Sadly, this was quickly found to be the case, with people reporting a degradation of their social skills and ability to speak with others.

As a Communication Skills Specialist, I am also often asked how one can help conversations flow more naturally from small talk into deeper topics, like the spring waters which eventually wind their ways down to great oceans. I usually begin by outlining how the concept of a ‘deep conversation’ sometimes needs to be clarified. Talk show hosts can be lauded as great conversationalists, but if you listen closely, they rarely say anything at all. Instead it is their mannerisms, their probing questions and their light verbal fillers of "…Oh really? Is that so? Tell me more! Well now! I don’t believe it, etc…" which allow for their guest to do the deep talking for them.

In reality, all deep conversations begin as small talk, but where some people only paddle around in the shallows of their mind, others are able to effortlessly dive deep into the depths and take others with them on journeys which can be remembered for a lifetime. I have seldom met someone who has not at one point been moved by a deep conversation and this is perhaps because there is something inherent to our nature which craves information. As for why some choose to stick only to the dipping their toe in shallows and remaining in echo chambers, that shall be explained later.

It is my hope that this book is not another addition to the mountains of motivational speeches aiming to goad you to go forth and converse on all topics you can muster with everyone you meet. Even if this does sound appealing, you will eventually be known as that boorish person who is so deep you can drown in them. Instead, it merely suggests you try a handful of the techniques here and there to help you dive a little deeper. Sociologist Kathy Camanzo said …many worry about making friends, but they should instead be concerned about how to first have a simple conversation – she was right.

I also write this book as a reminder that every human being on the planet wants to be appreciated for their thoughts and opinions and be validated for who they are. If there was one misunderstanding which leads to communication issues, it is the failure for one party to consider the viewpoints of another. Even if the opinion is the most heinous thing to imagine, to engage in debate you must first attempt to understand why someone would think that way. Only by understanding can you bring about change. Of course, you will find that the opinion of the racist or the fascist is ill-informed, yet without first listening as to why they hold their extreme views you cannot hope to counter them in a way which is persuasive.

Finally, conflict begins when communication ceases. To cancel discussion and deplatform debate is a terrible thing, because the population at large has the responsibility to challenge, ridicule and defrock those who would divide society for their own personal gain. If those who harbour dangerous views are not allowed to speak in public, they will only grow stronger through those who lack the ability to engage in deep conversation and let them do the talking for them in private. Both the far-left and far-right have been defeated not solely by guns and manpower, but with microphones and free speech.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

I stand here not on the dreams of one, but on the labours of many. We work best when we work together.

STEFAN CROKER

Upon my desk are three volumes of self-instruction manuals for the devotee of public speaking printed in 1908. Only ten years later, readers of those same books would have suffered from or through modern history’s worst epidemic – the Spanish Flu of 1918. It is curious then that I should have embarked upon writing this work during the horrific Covid-19 pandemic of 2021. That myself and all those I know would have been like those people of yore, isolated, scared and lonely as we saw those around us suffer from something unseen. Yet, much as these books upon my desk have survived throughout both periods of turmoil, so too has the human spirit of resilience, camaraderie and generosity.

My editor, Christopher, offered his services to me again for this work and has been one of the major driving forces behind ensuring this book was not itself kept isolated in a drawer as an unfinished manuscript. What you read here is a joint effort between both my own mind and his masterful way with words and I feel that if not for his guidance and input this book would have remained merely fragments of my mind occasionally uttered only to my clients. If you should ever need an editor for your own work I wholeheartedly recommend Christopher Lee Winn. You can contact him at: ChristopherLeeWinn.com

DIVING INTO A CONVERSATIONAL OCEAN

You can speak well if your tongue can deliver the message of your heart.

JOHN FORD

In this book, I invite you to envision a deep conversation being akin to swimming through an ocean.

We start by outfitting ourselves with diving gear; the knowledge we need to proceed. Journeying deeper we sometimes find ourselves pulled along by currents which uncover a rare treasure or something we would rather have not heard. Occasionally we are twisted into strange and uncomfortable shapes as we follow the many turns of a rhetorical cave leaving us bruised and battered, regretting we took the dive in the first place. Other times we reach a dead end, come back up for air to start once again and then drift past new ideas as we descend once more. In comparison, small talk is like the sunbather who is content to merely occasionally dip their feet into a shallow pool on the beach which is either empty or dotted with only the most basic forms of life. They may kick and thrash their legs, but they seldom move anywhere.

When you compare these two types of people, only our metaphorical diver can explore the vast depths of the abyss that is the human mind. It is these depths which you can traverse through deep conversation, if only you can take the plunge to escape the comfortable trappings of small talk.

This book can therefore be summarised into its title: small talk (makes) small ideas. I say this because working with numerous titans of communication skill from the echelons of executive management, academia and even humble charitable organisations has shown me that those who stick to small talk often struggle to have grand ideas.

There is also an enormous divide between the communication skills of those who have regular deep conversations in comparison to those who