What Your Pastor Wishes You Knew

By Todd Rettberg

If you attend a church, this book is for you. Most people see pastors on their favorite day of the week, Sundays. But what happens behind the scenes, how do they deal with all the demands on their lives? What is it like to pastor a church, be a faithful husband, and a great dad all at the same time? What if I told you, 33% of pastors are in burnout, 65% of pastors don't have one trusted friend, and 90% of pastors don't retire as pastors? This is what is really going on, how can you make a difference?

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Harbor Press
• Release date: Aug 17, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201928919

Book preview

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WHAT YOUR PASTOR

WISHES YOU KNEW

Todd Rettberg

New Harbor Press

RAPID CITY, SD

Copyright © 2021 Todd Rettberg

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.

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What Your Pastor Wishes You Knew /Todd Rettberg. -- 1st ed.

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1: He’s Just Like You

Chapter 2: God’s Man, Not Superman

Chapter 3: His Faith Is a Work in Progress

Chapter 4: He Often Feels Inadequate

Chapter 5: Loneliness Is His Companion

Chapter 6: His Family Feels Neglected

Chapter 7: Trusting Others Is Difficult

Chapter 8: Rest Is Crucial for Him

Chapter 9: He Struggles Saying No

Chapter 10: Your Burdens Are His Burdens

Chapter 11: He Serves an Audience of One

Chapter 12: From Hero to Heretic

Chapter 13: What Can I Do?

Acknowledgments

WHEN YOU WRITE A

book there are so many people that help you along the way. I want to say thank you to each of them for their support of this project as well as their love and support of me.

The list must start with my wife, Lisa. We have just celebrated our thirtieth wedding anniversary and I realize more and more how blessed I am with her in my life. She has always helped me with perspective and with editing my words, so they sound so much better.

I am so thankful to my three boys: Joshua, Nathan, and Timothy. It is a pure joy to be your dad.

I want to thank my pastor friends who have shared their stories and their lives with me. To walk with you on your journey is such a privilege for me. To stand with you and to see God use you—each of you are amazing. Thank you for sharing some personal and difficult stories that are included in this book. You are my heroes; continue to do this great work that God has called you to.

Most of all, I want to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Not only did He save me, but He called me into ministry as a pastor—an impossible job at times, as you will see as you read this book, but one filled with eternal purpose.

Introduction

I WAS A SENIOR

pastor for fifteen years and for the past four years I have been involved in a ministry that shepherds pastors. My role is to provide a safe place for pastors and their families, a place where they can share both their victories and their defeats. I meet with over fifty pastors each month to journey with them and encourage them as they try to lead healthy churches. This book is based on my own experience as a pastor, but also on what I hear as I listen to other pastors and read the latest research that is available on pastors and their families. Each pastor is unique and the church each leads is also unique, and yet I continue to hear similar stories of heartache and discouragement from a large percentage of the pastors I shepherd.

As you read this book, I encourage you to think about your own pastor and the church you attend. Your church may be great, and your pastor may seem joyful all the time but behind the scenes he may have struggles and hurts you know nothing about. He may be suffering from issues with his board or he may be experiencing hurt by people in your congregation who criticize him constantly. He may have concerns over financial issues, or he may just be worn out. Although this may not be the case in all churches, it is much more common in America than you might think. My hope, as you read through this book, is that you will become more sensitive, gracious, and compassionate toward your pastor and begin to look at him through God’s eyes, remembering that he is doing his best to serve the Lord and to serve you.

Your pastor wants you to know that he will never be perfect because no person is perfect, but God knows what you or I do not and has called this man or woman to lead your church at this time for His own purpose. You may not always like the decisions your pastor makes or his or her personality, but you are called to support, encourage, and care for his or her family.

May God give you His heart as you begin to realize that your pastor has a challenging profession. This profession involves not only preaching and the time needed to prepare the message, but also shepherding, administration details, fiscal responsibilities, on-call duties, and caring for his staff. Most importantly, he or she is also called to care for their own family. May God show you how you personally can support and encourage your pastor!

• Chapter 1 •

He’s Just Like You

"

I ALWAYS LIKE COMING

and talking with you, because you have a direct line to God," she said.

I remember thinking, Wow, is that what she really believes? This woman is sitting in my office pouring out all her problems in her life, and the reason she likes coming in for counseling is because she thinks I am more connected to God than she is.

This was not the only time people said similar things to me. It was surprising how people in the church and outside the church thought I was just a little closer to God, had a special connection, or as one person said, You are tight with the Big Guy. I thought often how funny those ideas were and tried to explain to the best of my ability the false thinking; and yet, throughout my fifteen years of being a Senior Pastor, I heard those crazy ideas repeatedly.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Rudy; if you have not seen it you need to. The story is about a young man named Rudy who loved two things in life: football and Notre Dame. He grew up in a family that sat around the TV every Saturday and watched the Fighting Irish play. Rudy was small and not very athletic, but he had the heart of a lion. He worked so hard in practice and in the games that he was able to play high school football. He was not a star but outworked everyone on his team and any other team they played.

His dream was to go to Notre Dame and play football. It was a dream that no one else believed in but it never left his heart. After the death of his best friend in a workplace accident, Rudy packed his things, hopped on a bus, and showed up at Notre Dame with a dream but no plans. He was sent to see a priest and though Rudy did not have the grades to get into Notre Dame the priest helped him get into a local junior college to get his grade point average up and better his chances of getting into Notre Dame.

Each semester Rudy would work hard, pray a lot, and apply to get into Notre Dame, and each semester he would be denied. He was now down to his last semester to get into Notre Dame. He had done all he could the past two years and he was sitting in the church praying as he awaited the letter from Notre Dame. The priest saw him there and sat down with him. Rudy asked, Is there anything else I can do? The priest told him he was so impressed with all that Rudy had done but praying and waiting was all that was left. When Rudy persisted in asking if there was anything else, the priest replied with this classic line: I have been in ministry for over thirty years and I have learned just two things; there is a God and I’m not Him.

I have used that line so many times in ministry I have lost count, and it has been powerful in helping people to realize I am just the pastor, not God himself or close in connection; I am just like them. The American church, I do not think on purpose, has elevated the