Well I'll Be a Blue-Nosed Gopher...Practicing Happiness Now!

By John C Webb and Sarah Bausinger

It's time for a new approach to how to be happy!

As a jazz musician, author, and recently retired professor of music, Dr. John Webb affirms that to be good at anything requires regular practice, so why not practice the principles of happiness? With a humorous approach to the question of how to be happy and issues that can threa

• Language: English
• Publisher: Practicing Happiness Now
• Release date: Jul 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578877730

Book preview

ebook-title

Well I’ll Be A Blue-Nosed Gopher…Practicing Happiness Now! © 2020

This is a work of non-fiction.

Text set in Gill Sans.

Copyright © 2020 PRACTICING HAPPINESS NOW LLC

Cover and book design by Mae I Design & Photography

Edited by Sarah Fox

Illustrated by Sarah Bausinger

ISBN: 978-0-578-87773-0

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

The Times They Are a-Changin’. Words and music by Bob Dylan. Copyright © 1963, 1964 by Warner Bros. Inc.; renewed 1991, 1992 by Special Rider Music. All rights reserved.

International copyright secured. Reprinted by permission.

Excerpts from GARFIELD © 1982 Paws, Inc. Reprinted with permission of ANDREWS McMEEL SYNDICATION. All rights reserved.

Excerpts from The Adventures of Spin & Marty. Copyright © 1955.

Reprinted with permission of Disney Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.

Contents

Be a Blue-Nosed Gopher!

Introduction: Why Do We Need a Book on Practicing Happiness?

Why Me?

Section One: Who the Heck Am I?

Chapter One: Happiness Is…What?

A Mood or a State of Mind?

What Creates Happiness?

What Does Happiness Feel Like?

Myths of Enlightenment and Bliss

Addictions? Not Me!

Chapter Two: Taking the Time to Connect

Quiet Time Is Essential Time

Setting Up Your Quiet Time to Work for You

About Practicing!

Happiness Step One: Meditations

Chapter Three: Knowing Who You Really Are

Connecting to Our Higher Purposes

Who Am I? The Higher Self

Happiness Step Two: Discovering Your True Nature

Happiness Step Three: The Real You

Chapter Four: Letting Go…

Loving and Forgiving Yourself

Happiness Step Four: Letting Go of the Baggage

The Emotional Nature

Happiness Step Five: Releasing Negative Emotions from Childhood

Chapter Five: Being Your Higher Self

What Do You Love to Do?

Happiness Step Six: Doing What You Love

Happiness Step Seven: Keeping Score

A Perfect Day—A Perfect Life

Happiness Step Eight: Have a Perfect Day

Section Two: Thought + Action = Transformation

Chapter Six: Thought Management—Who’s in Control?

Elegant Mansion or Garbage Dump?

Happiness Step Nine: What Are You Thinking?

Happiness Step Ten: Positive or Negative Thoughts?

Unlimited Thinking Brings Unlimited Results!

Happiness Step Eleven: What I Want More of in Life

Chapter Seven: Trusting Your Thoughts!

Intuition—Use it or Abuse it?

Acting on Your Intuition

Happiness Step Twelve: Practicing Intuition

Chapter Eight: Get a Life — The Way You Want It!

Personal Goals: Defining What You Really Want in Life

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

Too Much of a Good Thing

Making Space vs. Taking Up Space

Happiness Step Thirteen: What I Really Want

Chapter Nine: Turning Dust into Gold

Our Perfect Imperfections

The Champion Procrastinator

Happiness Step Fourteen: The Truth Is...

Transforming the Fairy Tale

Happiness Step Fifteen: Prioritizing

What If?

For Your Wallet or Purse

Chapter Ten: You Can Get There from Here (Sooner Than You Might Think)

Shortcuts to Your Goals

Happiness Step Sixteen: Shortcuts! Getting There Sooner

Additional Goal Time-Savers

Happiness Step Seventeen: Follow Through with your Goals!

Section Three: Put Time on Your Side!

Chapter Eleven: Time Passes and Time's Past

The Nature of Time

Happiness Step Eighteen: Time-Saving or Squandering?

Freeing Ourselves from the Past

Happiness Step Nineteen: Movin' On

Chapter Twelve: Is the Present Now or Is Now the Present?

Well I’ll Be a Blue-Nosed Gopher!

Choosing Now

Enjoy Your Present

Happiness Step Twenty: Your Now Moments

Indian Time

Quality Time

Chapter Thirteen: The Uncertain Future

Whose Agenda are We Following, Anyway?

Happiness Step Twenty-One: Good Riddance to Weak Verbiage!

Uncertainty Shouldn’t Be Uncomfortable

Happiness Step Twenty-Two: A Happier Future

Section Four: Embracing Endless Energy

Chapter Fourteen: Energy—Got Some?

The Energy around Us

How’s Your Energy Level?

Happiness Step Twenty-Three: Energy Check!

Directing and Exchanging Energy

Chapter Fifteen: Overcoming Energy Blockers and Drainers

Meteor Showers and Black Holes

Unnecessary Activities

Poor Pacing or Timing of Your Energy

Here’s to Your Health

Chapter Sixteen: Subtle Energy-zappers

Fear and Doubt (Again!)

How Attachments Rob Energy

The Energy Void

Happiness Step Twenty-Four: Unclogging the Drain!

Chapter Seventeen: Are We Having Fun Yet?

Relearning How to Have Fun

Humor Yourself!

No Time for Fun? R.I.P.

Happiness Step Twenty-Five: Lightin' the Fire or Chillin' Out?

Section Five: Ego Check!

Chapter Eighteen: I’m Not an Egomaniac! (Now Get Out of My Way!)

Seeing Ego for What It Really Is

Fear of Losing Control

Did I Win or Lose?

Chapter Nineteen: More Ego Tricks

The Know-It-All

Pity

Our Image vs. Who We Really Are

The Need for Praise

Taming the Beast

Happiness Step Twenty-Six: Ego Check!

Happiness Step Twenty-Seven: Happiness Weather Report

Chapter Twenty: Rising Above the Muck

Chasing Happiness or Running From it?

Discovering Enoughness

Compassion

Happiness Step Twenty-Eight: Ego-Squelching Activities

Chapter Twenty-One: Perfect Life—Perfect Problems

Abundance

Happiness Step Twenty-Nine: Facing Adversity

Chapter Twenty-Two: More Garbage to the Dumpster

Lightening the Load

Happiness Step Thirty: Morphing Attachments into Preferences

Happiness Step Thirty-One: Don't Worry!

Chapter Twenty-Three: Judge Not, Want Not

Impartiality

Happiness Step Thirty-Two: Just Being

Happiness Step Thirty-Three: Erasing Disappointment

Chapter Twenty-Four: Seeing the Big Picture

Unity

Happiness Step Thirty-Four: Showing Compassion and Love

Happiness Step Thirty-Five: Saying Thanks

Happiness Step Thirty-Six: A Little Self-Analysis

Section Six: Casting Off the Chains of Negativity

Chapter Twenty-Five: Potential Wreckage

Battling the Negative Emotions

Hatred

Anger, Impatience

Happiness Step Thirty-Seven: Dousing the Fire

Chapter Twenty-six: Subtle Trickiness

Sadness

Guilt

Greed

Pride

Low Self-Esteem

Jealousy

Happiness Step Thirty-Eight: Overcoming

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Turning the Light Back On

Fear and Doubt

Stress

Happiness Step Thirty-Nine: Washing Away the Dirt

Collecting Tumbleweeds?

Chapter Twenty-Eight: We Don’t Have Forever…

Our Certain Future

The Nature of Death

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Let’s Face It…

Fear of Death

Happiness Step Forty: It's Your Funeral

Consequences of Ignoring Death

Chapter Thirty: Have a Good Journey…

Preparing for Death

Happiness Step Forty-One: Meditations about That Exceptional Moment

First Meditation

Second Meditation

Third Meditation

Fourth Meditation

Before Birth/After Death

Happiness Step Forty-Two: Remember Me!

Section Seven: Happiness Matters!

Chapter Thirty-One: Practicing Happiness Makes a Difference!

Collective Happiness

Taking Care of Each Other

Peace—More than a Word

Chapter Thirty-Two: The Quest for Reality

Getting Closer to Reality

Happiness Step Forty-Three: Making a Difference

Happiness Steps Locator

Acknowledgments

References

About the Author

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

Practicing Happiness in a Pandemic?

As this book goes to print, the COVID-19 (coronavirus) rages on, dramatically affecting the lives of nearly everyone on the planet. Since I wrote the manuscript before the pandemic began, it’s easy to ask: how can one practice happiness when there is so much sickness, loss of loved ones, unemployment, and a complete upheaval of the world we once knew?

I sincerely believe we need this book now more than ever. Or at least some of you will because I’ll never pretend one book works for everyone. Practicing happiness and being a blue-nosed gopher (as explained in the next few pages) is about discovering ways to stay grounded and get through these times of hardship. Face it: there have been plagues, hunger, wars, and natural disasters throughout our history. Even in the face of inconceivable suffering, we’ve seen the best of human nature come forward. Adversity helps us realize and act upon what is most important: loving and helping our neighbors, our families, our friends, and those in need.

Difficult times create more urgency for us to seek our true purpose here on Earth, to find and be our higher selves, and do what’s most important in life. We can either allow the challenges we face to overcome us, or we can choose to rise above them, no matter how difficult. And, yes, all of us do have the right to choose happiness, a sense of humor, and to be positive, even in troubled times. That is how we will get through this. So read on! Practicing happiness will make a difference, and I absolutely wish for you to be happy and healthy in better times ahead!

Be a Blue-Nosed Gopher!

Blue-Nosed Gopher

There is nothing wrong with your eyes. You read correctly. Yes, a blue-nosed gopher! A mutant rodent has what to do with happiness? How did this cute but pesky little varmint give me so much more than giant holes in my backyard?

I’d just finished what I thought was my final version of the book you are now reading. I’ve always advocated that a big part of being happy is the ability to cope with adversity. Suddenly, that idea was given a major test.

I was trying to incorporate a writing career along with being a university professor and a jazz musician when Toni, my wife and soul mate, suffered a major bipolar episode. If you’ve ever had a friend or family member with a mental disorder, you know that can literally turn your entire world upside down. That’s exactly what happened. As wonderful as my wife was when she was healthy, she literally became a danger to herself and required hospitalization. When she was released, she was still not well, was on too much medication, and would wander off to parts unknown. One night, she did not come home at all, and at six a.m. the next morning, I got a phone call from the hospital that no one ever wants to get.

A nurse gravely informed me that Toni had been hit by a fast-moving car while she was walking. She was in critical condition, and I had better get to the hospital ASAP. The next few days were a complete blur. Toni was in a coma with a broken femur, broken arm, punctured lung, several large wounds, and—worst of all—a traumatic brain injury that would change her forever.

It’s far easier to be happy when things are going well, isn’t it? To keep my head above water, I was literally forced to follow my own words. During our ordeal, I was reminded daily that we were not alone in our suffering. Every day, the waiting rooms outside the intensive care unit (ICU) were filled with grim-faced relatives and friends of people going through hardships like ours. How heart-wrenching is it to see families stagger out of the ICU after having just lost a loved one? How does one talk about happiness to them?

I cannot begin to express how thankful I am Toni was not taken from our lives that fateful night. Through the nine months of ICU, rehab hospitals, and a special NeuroRestorative unit for traumatic brain injury patients, I watched with awe as Toni slowly relearned how to breathe, talk, eat, and walk with a walker. Her courage was remarkable. Toni’s memory of her life remains pretty much wiped clean, and her short-term memory is also severely challenged. But, three months after the accident, an amazing change occurred.

Her personality kicked in, and she became a cheerful little earful, laughing over the least little thing and singing songs. When we would tell her something, she started responding, Well, I’ll be a blue-nosed gopher! This was followed by her unique laugh, which would make everyone around her laugh. When she began saying this dozens of times a day, I asked everyone at the hospital if they had taught her that saying. No one stepped forward. For several months, Toni rattled off her blue-nosed gopher proclamation on a daily basis until I could stand it no more. So, I searched online to see if there was such a saying anywhere in the world.

Lo and behold, on the 1950s TV show The Mickey Mouse Club, there was a series of short episodes called Spin and Marty. One of the supporting characters would exclaim, Well I’ll be a blue-nosed gopher! The Mickey Mouse Club was Toni’s favorite show when she was a little girl. Nestled in her long-term memory, the saying stuck in her brain.

Toni, devoid of her past, has become one of the happiest people I’ve ever known. Toni still says that phrase a number of times each day, and no matter what frame of mind I may be in, it reminds me to be happy now. Waiting for something to make us happy makes our happiness depend on something or someone else.

Practicing happiness is more than something nice to do; it’s a necessity. Working on our well-being daily not only helps us enjoy life more, but it gets us through our toughest times. With even a little practice, happier days and the best future are possible. It turned out I had a few changes to make in my book, including how Toni teaches and inspires me (and others!) about happiness every single day. Laugh at the little things—now! Have fun—now! And be a blue-nosed gopher!

Introduction

Why Do We Need a Book on Practicing Happiness colored.jpg

Why Do We Need a Book on Practicing Happiness?

Do you ride up and down the mood roller-coaster? Does that little, dark, rain cloud follow you even on sunny days? Do you long to be that happy kid again? Do you have food, shelter, a job, and a family, but finding happiness is like chasing the end of a rainbow you never find? Maybe something’s missing in your life, or you’re suffering from a recent trauma or adverse situation. Well, welcome to the real world, filled with land mines capable of blowing your good mood into ash! How is it that our so-called happiness can be here one moment and then disappear faster than our cash at the grocery store?

I’ve encountered this saying about happiness a number of times: You either have it or you don’t. But that motto just doesn’t cut it anymore. We experience happiness, but then we ruin the party with I’m happy as long as (this or that happens). Then, the minute it doesn’t happen, our well-being spirals down the garbage disposal!

It’s simple, really. Happiness has to be practiced! And your happiness will improve dramatically the second you’re ready to work on your state of happiness. Then you can still stand up to the plate after life throws a fastball at your head! Why not give your well-being the same attention medical, business, or other professionals would to their jobs?

Think of something you’re good at. Don’t be modest now! What you do best is usually what you’ve done often.

During seminars, I conduct a shoelace-tying contest. Everyone unties one shoelace completely. Whoever doesn’t have laces can referee. Everyone with laces puts both feet flat on the ground. On cue, they tie one shoe as fast as possible, and the first to finish and raise his or her hand wins. What a mad scramble! It’s hard to declare a winner because it’s so close. But a winner is found, and a prize is given (shoelaces or maybe some calming herbal tea). I then interview the shoelace speedster. Hi! What’s your name? Wow, you were soooo fast! Amazing! Congratulations! You are soooo talented! Tell us, how did you get so good at this? The winner usually says something like: Well, you know, I’ve done it all my life…

Let’s speculate. Let’s say our winner is twenty-four years old and started tying shoes at age four. That’s twenty years of shoelace tying. My remedial math guru says that only two shoelace ties a day for twenty years is 14,600 times, and that’s not counting leap years! Folks, I promise, if you do anything that many times, you will be two hair-lengths away from becoming a Zen master at it! With that many repetitions, the difference between the talents of each individual is about half a millisecond.

For classical saxophone recitals, there are some difficult runs I’ve needed to practice nearly 50,000 times. Oh, save the medal! That’s spread out over months, so it’s not so bad, really. After the recital, people would compliment my talent. I thanked them politely, but I knew that practice, not talent (and maybe a good reed), was 99 percent responsible for my ability to play those runs.

an idea struck me

Everyone knows something about happiness. But, what we know means nothing unless we PRACTICE what we know. Then, an idea struck me! Why can’t we actually practice to improve aspects of our own precious well-being? Instead, we practice anger, sadness, or fearfulness and become quite accomplished at them! Why would we want that when we can begin practicing happiness?

Throughout the book, I’ve included happiness steps, which are designed to improve your overall well-being. You don’t have to go to the top of a mountain, give up all your material possessions, or put your life on hold to do these steps. You don’t need to be a counselor or psychologist to understand them either. If you’re currently under a doctor’s care, by all means continue it. This book is not intended to be a substitute for medical treatment. The goal here is to create positive changes in your life. The happiness steps included can be practiced at any time, and you won’t even need your shoelaces!

Why Me?

003 an idea struck me.jpg

In education, there is an urgent need for more emphasis on well-being, compassion, and wisdom rather than accumulating information. It’s time to take the study of happiness seriously. It makes little difference how much is taught or learned if no attention is paid to how to live a happy and meaningful life, which is intricately related to our purpose here on Earth. Whether we’re on the job, vacationing, going to the grocery store, or even reading this book, happiness matters in a big way!

I retired early from my job as a professor of music and university administrator in order to spend more time writing, playing jazz, and caring for my favorite blue-nosed gopher. Since I am not a psychiatrist or paid counselor, I offer unique perspectives and experiences that I hope will help you. Plus, my wife Toni shows and lives happiness every day despite her severe brain injury and other physical impairments. Thankfully, she has helped me reduce my long-winded tendencies for a plethora of excessively-inordinate, superfluous, professorial diatribes! Toni helps me keep it simple and real!

In our household, the subject of happiness comes up fairly often. Toni has a way of simplifying complex issues:

"I want to be happy. I don’t want to be sad!"

003 an idea struck me.jpg

Ding ding! If you really want to be happy, you have to first admit you want it! Bury your pride for one moment and repeat that line!

Or maybe you need to shout this one:

003 an idea struck me.jpg

I’m sick and tired of the BS in my life!

Feel better? Congratulations! This means your well-being means something to you. If I only had two seconds with you, I would say:

Happiness is a decision, not a condition. The end.

If it’s that simple, then why are there gazillions of books on happiness (counting mine)? Are they all scams? Happy is such a simple word, so it ought to be easy to accomplish, right? Instead, our state of being can be as confusing as the State of the Union! The billions of dollars spent on mental health and related drugs to up our well-being in the U.S. every year confirm this. In today’s challenging world, we need inspiration on a continuing, daily basis (Happiness Steps!) to help us improve one or more facets of our lives.

I don’t pretend to be a happiness guru—a supreme model of perfection who holds all of the secrets to the known universe. My quest began because I, too, was sick and tired of the BS! I did want more happiness!

Let’s face it. We’re all a work in progress. I’ve been immature, angry, bored, and self-centered. I’ve been silent when I should have spoken, and I’ve spoken when I shouldn’t have. I’ve had hangovers, been lied to, been cheated on, been beat up, and been fired from jobs. (There’s a country tune in there somewhere!) I’ve worked with every kind of student imaginable, and they all loved me (cough!). As a musician, I’ve played for every kind of crowd from a drunken brawl (where they should have put up a chain-link fence to protect the band) to high-society balls where the wealth in the room could buy an entire state. I’ve laughed until I’ve almost suffocated, and, yes, I cried when I saw Titanic. I’m not a saint, and I’m a fairly mediocre softball player.

The book you’re about to read is far bigger than me. There’s no deep mystery here. Anyone can be a happier human being, but it requires regular practice! Practicing happiness works, but the way it works differs for each of us. My wife, Toni, loves to do jigsaw puzzles, but the way she does them is unique because she rarely looks at the picture of the puzzle! Sometimes she’ll assemble the puzzle very quickly— upside down! But it’s still a completed puzzle. In the same way, you can…

read the book from cover to cover,

select a chapter you seem drawn to, OR

randomly pick a paragraph or page and apply it to your life!

However you decide to use this book, the goal is to unlock the door to happiness with ideas to put into practice in order to better ourselves and, consequently, our well-being. Now, are you ready to start practicing?

Given with abundant love on this beautiful day,

John

Section One

Who the Heck Am I?

Chapter One

Happiness Is…What?

007 p8 Happiness Is…What.jpg

A Mood or a State of Mind?

In the introduction we stated (or screamed!) that we wanted more happiness. But what is this happiness we want? We get that yessss! feeling when things are going well, but then life comes along, and it seems our happiness disappears faster than Grandma’s last oatmeal raisin cookie in the kitchen. (In our house, it was always the ghost that stole it.)

How is it that our happiness can pull a disappearing act? That’s because it was our mood that changed! Good moods are nice, but happiness has to hold up when the toilet overflows and creates a cataclysmic flash flood on your new carpet two minutes before you need to leave for work. I wouldn’t expect anyone to be smiley or happy about it at all. Allow yourself an expletive or two, but then you have to clean the crap and move on! Good moods come and go, but the happiness we want has to be able to float our boat even in a hurricane.

Today, people who are often happy, bubbly, or cheerful are often made fun of by those who do not share the same mindset:

I think her real name is Mary Juana.

There could be a few loose screws somewhere...

He’s probably from another planet!

Well, welcome to Earth. There’s a strange comfort in the idea that we should have a miserable life sprinkled with some happiness on weekends or vacations.

Happiness? For everyone? Ha! Take a reality pill!

-I.B. Cynical-

The media is no help because they only run positive events as special interest stories. After ten minutes of the nightly news, I feel like I’ve been run over ten times by an SUV! The little happy story between the bombings, fires, accidents, and murders just doesn’t cut it. The constant focus on the bad boys and girls of the world is not a true picture of how most people live their lives. It’s time to shatter the idea that misery, doom, and gloom is what should be! Happiness is not a luxury or for special occasions! Au contraire.

Happiness is…

a fundamental right for everyone,

a basic necessity for our health, and

critical for the survival of humanity!

It’s not a pipe dream to say that happiness makes a difference. If your happiness factor is raised, it will spread to others, which ultimately makes a significant difference in human behavior worldwide. We may not all be joining hands and singing Pharrell Williams’s tune Happy just yet, but we can start with our own lives.

What Creates Happiness?

Man is born to enjoy, to create, and to radiate happiness.

-Maharishi Mahesh Yogi-

What’s really ironic to me is how little attention humanity has paid to this statement. It’s not selfish to be happy; it’s part of our very purpose in life. Of course, I’ll add this disclaimer: No one’s happiness should infringe upon the rights of others or cause suffering to others.

A mind that is happy and contented produces health in the body. A mind that is angry or fearful ultimately produces illnesses in the body. That alone is enough to warrant a serious look at how to increase happiness and cope with suffering.

I created and taught a number of freshman seminars called Practicing Happiness at The University of Texas at Tyler, and during the first week, most students would rate their overall happiness level as high or very high. As the semester progressed, their writings revealed major happiness issues. The cause was deeper than my spectacular lectures or the required research paper. We’re typically reluctant to admit our unhappiness to others and to ourselves! Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a renowned researcher on happiness, states:

Self-reported happiness is not a very good indicator of the quality of a person’s life. Some people say they are happy even when they dislike their jobs, when their home life is nonexistent, when they spend all their time in meaningless activities.

He also mentions that while extroverted people appear to be happier because they socialize more, that is not necessarily an indication of inner happiness. While social relationships are important, a happy life is one filled with meaningful activities in work and leisure.

The life most of us want (with health, abundance, and happiness) is created through positive thoughts and actions. Our mental state can be capable of overcoming physical problems, so the best solution is to train our minds to be happy—for our health! A healthy, positive mind is the utmost priority.

003 an idea struck me.jpg