Now What?

By CaSandra McLaughlin

Clarice Jackson has devoted her life to satisfying everyone but herself. She's married to a self-absorbed non-attention giving man which has led to a now sparkless marriage. With her marriage in shambles, adult children living their own lives, and feeling as if she has lost her identity, she finds herself in Wayland Springs, Texas starting over fresh. Here she hopes to figure out exactly what it is she truly desires in life, but will this new start truly bring about a genuine peace and happiness?

• Language: English
• Publisher: CaSandra McLaughlin
• Release date: Jul 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201637583

Book preview

Chapter 1

It’s another boring Friday night, and I’m doing my usual routine. Soaking in my tub, candles lit, and listening to Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes in the background singing If You Don't Know Me By Now, I closed my eyes and swayed in the water to the beat.

Oh, how I wish I could go back to those days of courtship and flirting with my husband. Back when I felt like I mattered. Tommy's idea of a date is us eating fish at his favorite restaurant, Baxie's Fish & More, and coming home to watch a movie. He, of course, falls asleep during the movie but pretends he is not sleeping. What is that about? Why is it so hard for men to admit when they fall asleep?

As of late I feel like we are just going through the motions. I am so over it all. I honestly just feel like being left alone. We are not in sync. Tommy has checked out of our marriage. He has become content; however, I want some excitement. Back in our dating days he was so attentive. I received flowers, candy, just because gifts, and he took me on romantic dates. We were so into one another, and now we seem to be so disconnected. My husband is a hunk of a man: six-feet-six, smooth mocha latte skin, and often mistaken as the NBA player Rick Fox. Now granted, he has gained a little weight. Yet, he still looks good. I’m not too bad myself; five-feet-seven slim, thick in all the right places, meaning I’m not overweight, but I’m not skinny either. I am somewhere in the middle. Tommy’s pet name for me used to be thickums. 

I added some more hot water to my now lukewarm water.

I feel like now I’m living for my husband and our two kids. Every other day I am asking myself now what? What about me? What about my needs and wants? I feel like life is just passing me by. I did not sign up for this. I also miss my days of working and interacting with people. I was the head cook at Orchard County High School for fifteen years. Last year I retired. I guess you can call it retired after a slip and fall accident. After knee surgery. I filed for disability and never returned to work.

Big mistake. I regret letting Tommy talk me into that. He said he thought it would be best for me not to return because I would be putting too much pressure on my knee from long hours of standing. Secondly, his sister had the same knee surgery and never recovered; he left out the part about her not completing her rehab.

Tommy turned fifty-five last year and acts as if he has lost his mind. He buys every gadget he sees or hears about, and has shaved his head bald and is wearing those darn skinny jeans. Most of his time is spent playing with his gadgets in the garage, which by the way, he has turned into a man cave.

Our kids, Tameka and T. J., are grown and still living at home. Tameka is a professional student. That child can’t decide what she wants to do. First it was cosmetology/nail tech, then came dental assistant, pharmacy tech, phlebotomy, and now she is studying to pass her real estate test. Tameka’s currently working at an apartment complex as a leasing agent.

Don't let me start on T.J.; he's a part time grocery store clerk at G-Mart and has been since his junior year in high school. Now you would think at some point he would apply for a full-time position or even