Susanna's Choice

By Mariah Moore

Susanna is deeply in love with Aaron. She notices the way he looks at her and is just waiting for him to make his move. But when she finds out that her best friend Rachel has eyes for him as well she finds herself in quandary.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trellis Publishing
• Release date: Jul 13, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201400880

Book preview

SUSANNA’S CHOICE

MARIAH MOORE

TABLE OF CONTENTS

SUSANNA’S CHOICE

A SHY WOMAN’S ROMANCE

BEAUTIFUL UNUSUAL

BITTERSWEET

RESCUING REBECCA

TAINTED SPRING

I WOULD LIKE MY HEART BACK NOW

Susanna’s Choice

As Susanna walked through the community square, she thought about the man that she loved. She’d been trying to court him for a while, but he often shut her down. His name was Aaron Miller. He was the apprentice of the only blacksmith in the community, so he had strong muscles and would be able to provide well for a family.

What mattered most to her, however, was that he had plans to be baptized soon. So did Susanna. He was only a couple of months older than her, so they had spent a lot of time together as youth. They’d been in the same class at school, and when it came time to go for their rumspringa, they had separated.

Since that separation, they had hardly seen each other. He had come back pretty quickly, realizing that it wasn’t for him. She stayed out as long as she could, just to experience it all. In the end, she too had decided that the outside world wasn’t for her. For now, she was making it work by courting other men lightly. It was something she had picked up from her time on rumspringa.

It wasn’t working.

Susanna walked towards her friend’s house. Her friend, a young woman named Sara, had invited her over for lunch. They were going to a singing later that night, where she would hopefully be able to get to know Aaron better, and hopefully convince him to court her. If she didn’t convince him to court her, she feared she would lose the man she loved and had never told him.

Susanna! Rachel’s voice echoed out through the empty air. She had a bit of a higher pitched voice, something that was uncommon here in this particular community. Then again, her parents had immigrated here from a different community down the coast. Something about the hotter summers made them appreciate the cooler winters here. Not that it mattered; the winters had been getting milder, and the summers had been heating up.

Hi, Rachel. She smiled, and walked up the little porch to stand beside her friend. How are you today?

I’m well. And you? As they exchanged pleasantries, Rachel invited her in. She smiled, walking into the house. Her grandparents had stayed in the other community, so it was just Rachel, her parents, and her siblings. Rachel was the eldest of the family, with four little siblings – one brother and three sisters.

Susanna, on the other hand, was the fourth child of five. Her elder siblings included an older brother and two older sisters, and her younger sibling was a brother. Her parents often joked that they had sandwiched their family – three women sandwiched between two men. Whatever the reasoning behind the large family, she didn’t have much choice.

I’m good. She realized she hadn’t answered her friend yet. Her friend simply laughed it off as if it happened often. It didn’t, but her ability to do that with her sometimes too long silences made her feel better about it. And how’s your family, Rachel?

Family’s good. She smiled. So, I think someone has their eye on me.

Who? Susanna smiled a little wider. This was going to be interesting. Right off the bat, before lunch had even been served, she was talking about someone having their eye on her? "Rachel, you can’t lead me on with that sentence and then not tell me!"

Alright, alright. Come. Let’s sit down first. Her friend led her further into the house, and they sat down on the couch. Rachel’s grandmother bade them good morning, and then left the room. She wasn’t all that big on teenage gossiping. That wasn’t to say that she hadn’t done her own share of gossiping at this age.

So, who do you think has their eye on you? She pressed her friend again. Her friend giggled a little, and the divulged the name.

Aaron Miller. Although Rachel giggled and laughed as though it were nothing, Susanna found that she couldn’t be happy for her friend. Aaron...had his eyes on her friend? How had she missed this? How hadn’t she seen this?

That’s...that’s wonderful, Rachel. She managed to say something, so that she didn’t seem so suspicious of her friend. While she giggled and went on and on about it, Susanna felt her own life spiraling just a little bit more than it had been before. She could understand why he liked Rachel; who wouldn’t like her?

She had a pretty face. Her reputation as the best milk-maid in the community certainly didn’t hurt anything at all. The fact that her own friend liked Aaron Miller continued to make her feel uncomfortable. Could she do anything else to make this feeling go away?

Susanna? Are you alright? Rachel finally said something that wasn’t about Aaron, although it was about to become all about Aaron.

I’m just...shocked. You like Aaron? She couldn’t find the words to formulate how she felt about Aaron. She wasn’t sure it was love, but it was much more than a crush. Was there any other way to make it make sense? Was there a way to accurately describe this kind of a feeling to her friend?

I didn’t say that I liked him, Susanna. I simply said that I think he likes me. I think he’s planning to ask me if he can escort me home. She furrowed her brows. Why are you so shocked at this?

Because, well...because I am. She couldn’t formulate the right words, and some lame excuse of a reason came out. That’s a stupid reason. She sighed. I like him, Rachel. I-I...I think I’m in love with him.

Her friend went quiet. There was a pucker to her lips, as if she were thinking hard. Susanna wondered if she had done something wrong. Said something wrong. If that was the case, how was she going to fix this? If that wasn’t true, why was Rachel so quiet all of a sudden? Then she wondered if it really mattered why Rachel had gone quiet. All she needed to know was if she would back up.

Granted, if Aaron asked her and she said no, that might turn out even worse for everyone than anything else they could do. It would mean that she wasn’t interested in him, and his name would be more or less ruined. Hers probably would be too; it was an honorable match, as far as the community was to be concerned. It’d keep all the blacksmithing and milking skills in the community, and allow them to be passed on from parents to children.

As many generations before them had done, and as many generations would after them.

Well, if he does ask to drive me home tonight, I cannot say no. If he asks, I’ll entertain him for a night, maybe two. But I cannot guarantee anything, Susanna. I’m sorry. Her friend’s apology didn’t sound as sincere as she hoped it would have been. She forced a smile anyway.

I know. As she said this, her smile became more relaxed, more natural. Less forced. I won’t blame you for that.

Good. With that, Rachel stood up. It’s about time to start working on lunch. Do you want to stick around, help out? Or do you have to go help out at home? One of the key differences between the two of them was that she could get away with staying away later and not helping as often with dinner; Rachel was the eldest, so she had no such luck. Her siblings always needed the extra help.

I’ll run home and see what’s going on. If I don’t need to help there, I’ll come back and help out here. How’s that sound? Susanna stood up, and smiled a little more at her friend. Rachel nodded, and saw her off.

Wonderful. I’ll see you at the singing either way, then. Right? She nodded. Alright. I’ll see you ‘round then. With that, Susanna left the little house.

As she started to walk around the compound and to her parent’s house, she continued to think. Did Aaron really like Rachel? Or was she simply imagining things because she wanted to admit to herself that she liked Aaron, but didn’t want to really admit it? Susanna bit her lip as she pulled her skirt up a little more so that it didn’t drag in the mud. She wasn’t worried about getting mud on it; no, she’s worried about it getting heavy enough it takes a ton of momentum to move it.

With her skirt in her hands, her head returned to the clouds. Aaron Miller. There’s no way. Just...no way. She couldn’t fathom that her lover was in love with someone else.

As she approached her parent’s house, she realized her eyes were clouded over with tears. Instead of going in the front door, she walked slowly around to the back. If she went in through the back door, she’d be able to walk up to her room instead of having to go through the living room. She didn’t want to go through the family room or the dining room. No, she wanted to go right up to her room.

She walked into the house. Then, she started towards the staircase. A quick reason to keep her eyes clear from tears at the moment. She took a deep breath. In...and out. In and out. She managed to keep her breathing steady as she walked up to the bedroom. There was one for her and her sisters, and one for her brothers.

She sat down on her bed, and felt the tears brimming again. Her tears spilled over before she could stop them. Aaron Miller. She didn’t know what to do. There was nothing worse than trying to keep her emotions repressed. She didn’t know what else to do but cry.

As the tears rolled down her face, she let out a soft sob. How did she not know this was true? Of course, it was true. Of course, Aaron didn’t like her. Why would he? She hadn’t done anything to show him that she deserved his love. She’d tried to court him once, but he hadn’t even noticed. If he hadn’t noticed, then that was something that was all on her. She couldn’t blame him for it.

Could she?

She sniffled, and wiped her eyes. Blaming herself was one thing that she simply couldn’t do. If she did, it would mean resigning herself to the possibility that she was not a good woman. That she was a woman incapable of being loved. Of showing love. It was simply not what she wanted to admit.

She got off her bed, and went into the adjoining bathroom. If there was one thing the Amish community had done right when building this house, it was making sure that there was a small wash basin and a mirror in a small powder room off to the side. Susanna simply called it a bathroom, though there was no tub.

That was down in the living room, on certain days. Otherwise, it was simply in the kitchen, acting as a place to store bins or boxes until wash day.

Either way, there was a little pitcher of water on a small table in the powder room. She poured some of the water into a little bowl, and placed her hands inside. The water, cool and clear, helped her calm down. As she splashed her face with the water, Susanna became aware of how flushed her face had become. How warm it felt under the cool water.

Susanna? You home? Her mother’s voice came up the hallway. She took in a deep breath, and then dried her face off with the nearby little washcloth. Susanna? That you?

Yes, mother. I’m home. She managed to say something, and finished drying her face off. Do you need help?

I was about to come find you. Yes, I would very much appreciate some help with dinner. If you could help me... She trailed off a little bit, and then her mother came into view. Are you alright, Susanna?

Yeah. I got some bad news; that’s all. She took a deep breath in, and then let it out slowly. Very slowly. It didn’t really make sense to her, but there was something about what was going on that made her feel out of place here.

Honey, what happened? Her mother came over and put her arm around her shoulders. Are you alright? She brushed some hair off her face. The warmth of the embrace made her sniffle softly. She didn’t want to cry again. Thinking about Aaron Miller made her more upset than anything else in the world.

I don’t want to talk about it, mother. She took in a shaky breath. I know you’re just trying to be helpful, but I...I really don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe later? She bit her lip softly. Please, mom.

Alright. Her mother squeezed her softly and then pulled away. "Do you want to come take your frustrations out on the vegetables? I was