This Unusual Life

By Jamie Sands

Step into a world where the royal family are terrifying fey who will cut out your heart with no warning, a world where tweens manifest super powers, ghosts live among us and blood rituals are as normal as going to the supermarket. A shoebox found in the attic of a brand new house contains a collection of articles and pieces from a lifestyle magazine.

Compiled here for ease of reading in book form, these clippings reveal a world very like our own, but with large and marked differences as well. This collection began as a series of articles on Patreon. They are collected here along with horoscopes, personality quizzes and beloved advice column Question Cressida. It's not exactly a novel, it's not exactly a magazine. It's a step into another world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Grey Kelpie Studio
• Release date: Jun 5, 2021
• ISBN: 9780473577087

Jamie Sands

Jamie grew up in Wellington, New Zealand, and was a library devotee and constant reader of fiction from an early age. Their fiction covers many genre including Romantic Comedy, Horror, Young Adult, Urban Fantasy and Cosy Mysteries. They’ve had stories published in Baby Teeth horror anthology, Enamel literary magazine and self published a number of roleplaying games. They live in Auckland, New Zealand, with their fiance and a round cat called Mochi. Jamie’s visited Japan twice (another trip is always planned) and would like to move into Tokyo Disneyland. Find Jamie online at their website which includes links to their facebook author page, twitter, newsletter and roleplaying games they've written. ***  If you've noticed any grammatical errors, typos or plot holes, please get in touch, I'd love to correct these and it's relatively easy in digital formats.

Book preview

This Unusual Life

This Unusual Life

Jamie Sands

Grey Kelpie Studio

This Unusual Life!

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Copyright © 2021 Grey Kelpie Studio

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review.

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Any similarities to people living or dead is purely coincidence, this is a work of fiction and fantasy.

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ISBN kindle edition 978-0-473-57709-4

Paperback 978-0-473-57707-0

Epub 978-0-473-57708-7

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Published by Grey Kelpie Studio

Contents

Letter to the publishing house

1. This Unusual Life!

April 1955

1. Near death experience thwarted by family vampire

2. Bytown portrait attacks

a special This Unusual Life! report

3. Prince Larkspur steps out with mystery woman

4. Question Cressida

Introducing: Our new advice column!

5. Horoscopes

6. Quiz!

Which cryptid is your perfect personality match?

May 1956

1. Bytown portrait attacks

a special This Unusual Life! report follow up

2. Larkspur’s mystery lady revealed!

3. Dungeons and Dragons

Just harmless fun or dangerous sorcery?

4. Prince Forest’s wild weekend

5. Eelmere spells success for Brianna!

6. Question Cressida

7. Horoscopes

June 1956

1. I sold my baby on the dark web!

2. I make 420 dinners in one go!

3. Horoscopes

4. Advertorial

Lizard Through the Window!

5. Question Cressida

October 1958

1. Halloween is special this year

2. Spider breeders of Beachmont

3. Question Cressida

December 1958

1. Duchess of Christmas!

2. Hero mum shot with a crossbow to save the world

3. 7 things from the 80s sure to make you feel nostalgic

4. Bytown portrait attacks

A special This Unusual Life! report follow up

January 1959

1. Horoscopes for the year 2020

2. Larkspur and Holly’s cosy breakfast

3. We thought my son was in a coma, we were wrong!

February 1960

1. 5 cute stories from Valentine’s Day

2. High Flying Tween

3. My poltergeist is my friend

4. Advertorial

Zombie Trousers!

5. Question Cressida

March 1960

1. Venerable Queen Laurel (may She ever rule our lands) steps out in style

2. Horoscopes

3. Prince Larkspur spotted hanging about in jewellery stores

4. Has Zombie Baby Day lost its true meaning?

• opinion

5. Prince Forest in teary tell all

6. Ten great tips to enhance your habitat slightly

7. Storm of the Century

8. Quiz!

Which member of a 90s Boy Band is your Illuminati secret master?

9. Question Cressida

April 1961

1. Prince Larkspur to marry!

2. Family BBQ with a difference!

3. My billionaire wife stabbed me and left for her homeworld - Mars!

4. Prince Larkspur and Princess Holly’s happy ever after

5. Advertorial

SacriNu Home Blood Altar Repair Kits

6. Question Cressida

2. Addenda

3. Thanks

Also by Jamie Sands

Also by Jamie Sands

Also published by Grey Kelpie Studio

Also published by Grey Kelpie Studio

Also published by Grey Kelpie Studio

Also published by Grey Kelpie Studio

Also published by Grey Kelpie Studio

Also published by Grey Kelpie Studio

Dedicated to Ellen we could get an onion! Boucher

Letter to the publishing house

Dear Mx Sands,

Grey Kelpie Studio

Please find attached the manuscript I told you about over the phone.

Welcome to this rather unusual (if you will forgive the terminology in this particular instance) book. This is one of those ‘found art’ pieces, and I hope that you will find it enlightening. But first, indulge me in laying out some context before you read the strange and at times alarming material I have included in this collection.

I live in Auckland, New Zealand, which is a small country in the South Pacific. Our country is a democracy and a Monarchy, under Queen Elizabeth the Second’s Commonwealth, but with a local elected Prime Minister. I mention this only because I want to make explicit that the queen and the royal family mentioned in this book are definitely not our Queen or royal family and I don’t wish to get into any trouble.

Recently, I was lucky enough to purchase a house. It’s a new build in a moderately priced subdivision rather far from town. Myself and my spouse are the first to own this particular house, and we moved in three days after construction had completed. The house is one of many identical looking things, but we like it very much. The area that the subdivision is built on was previously farmland and before that, some hundred years earlier, native forest of the kind with tree ferns and densely packed trees.

About a week after we’d moved in, In the process of unpacking our things, I decided to keep the moving boxes, in a broken down format, and store them in our attic. I went up there and discovered something quite strange.

Our attic wasn’t empty, in fact it looked like the attic of a house that had stood for some time. There was a thick layer of dust and an old dress form, a half-completed ball gown still pinned to it. The style of the dress evoked something from the 1950s, with a cinched waist and flared skirt. There were some boxes of old books - Reader’s Digest compilations, old Western cowboy novels and some Mills and Boon romances. None of the books or magazines had a publication date later than 1961. But the most extraordinary discovery is what led to the creation of this book.

I stumbled upon a shoebox of clippings in the attic. They appear to be clippings from a year or so’s run of a magazine. The shoebox had a faded inscription on it reading This Unusual Life! Highlights and inside was the selection of clippings that I have collected for you here. There were a couple of pieces of ephemera in the box as well, a pink ballpoint pen with no ink left in it, a ticket stub to a movie called The Farthing Moor and some dried rose petals.

Once you have read through the selection of clippings I’m sure you’ll agree that they seem to evoke something quite unworldly. I have done research of my own, enquiring in the United Kingdom and locally, as well as in Australia and some other English-speaking countries of the Commonwealth, but there is no record of any publication called This Unusual Life!

I have also not been able to find any record of any of the locations mentioned or the specific people.

You may notice, as you read, some familiar brand names and celebrities, but while familiar, one can assume it is not the same as the ones you and I are familiar with in our world based on their actions. I have made a few notes throughout the collection in brackets and with italics. I have tried to keep these sparse so as to not draw attention away from the writings.

I hope that you enjoy this collection as much as I enjoyed reading and collating them. I have little notion that I’ve provided them in the right order or as the original magazine editor would have chosen, but I have done my best to ensure some sort of sense.

Please let me