Brave Church: Tackling Tough Topics Together

By Elizabeth Hagan

In today’s deeply divided world where discussions can quickly become heated and uncivil, churches need to learn how to talk about sensitive issues. Our society needs brave churches where people can talk about the real struggles they are experiencing without fear of being dismissed, shamed, or judged.

Brave Church helps congregations talk about controversial topics with sensitivity to those who see the world and have experienced life differently from themselves. It guides readers to think through how they can foster conversations about such challenging topics as infertility/miscarriage, mental health, domestic violence, racism, and sexuality.

In this 6-week small-group study, pastor Elizabeth Hagan weaves personal and theological reflections with scripture, discussion questions, and real-world examples to move readers from exploration to action. Brave Church includes a Leader’s Guide and suggests resources for further reading and action.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Upper Room Books
• Release date: Jun 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9780835819381

Elizabeth Hagan

Elizabeth Hagan is an ecumenical pastor at heart who has most recently served the Palisades Community Church in Washington, DC, as senior minister. Though first ordained as an American Baptist, Hagan has served United Methodist, United Church of Christ, Presbyterian (USA), and Disciples of Christ congregations in various pastoral roles. She is a graduate of Samford University and Duke Divinity School. She is also the author of Birthed: Finding Grace Through Infertility and the executive director of Our Courageous Kids, a foundation serving young adults who grew up in international orphanages with educational and mental health support. She is the proud wife of Kevin and mother of Amelia. Learn more at elizabethhagan.com.

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More Praise for Brave Church

Hagan, out of her own difficult personal experiences and with a pastor’s heart, calls us to create brave spaces—places of dialogue, challenge, grace, learning, and respect. In other words, she beckons us to be the church, nurturing communities of care as we engage our very lives. With her guidance, we can talk about tough topics!

—Tyler Mayfield, seminary professor and author of

A Guide to Bible Basics and Unto Us a Child Is Born

How is it that the church has been a place where the truth is suppressed instead of beckoned to be told? Too often, church folk choose to walk away from a disagreement or a faith community altogether instead of creating space where differences and truth-telling can coexist. If you’re tired of the silence or the division, this book is for you. Hagan not only speaks her truth but also provides a roadmap for how pastors and laypeople can create critical truth-telling space that could be the key to setting people free.

—Donna Claycomb Sokol

Pastor, Mount Vernon Place United Methodist Church

Washington, DC

Hagan invites us to create accessible, brave, and vulnerable spaces in our churches—places where we can engage in tough talk about real life. With empathy and relatability, Brave Church urges Christians to think deeply, act boldly, and love unconditionally. Let’s talk.

—J. Dana Trent, author of Saffron Cross: The Unlikely Story of

How a Christian Minister Married a Hindu Monk

If the list of topics covered in this book makes it feel too hot to handle, that’s proof of how badly we need it. Winsomely written, well-researched, and eminently practical, this book is a gift to anyone who knows that a faithful church needs to tackle tough topics and longs for wise guidance on how.

—L. Roger Owens, Associate Professor of

Christian Spirituality and Ministry,

Pittsburgh Theological Seminary

In Brave Church, Hagan strives to integrate a divided church by bringing back the virtues of courage and truth and by calling the church to return to its highest ideals as a community of people willing to engage in honest conversations about the most difficult topics that challenge our theological assumptions and require us to wrestle with the pain and loss of our neighbors. Hagan tackles tough subjects the church has often avoided and offers real-life examples of communities striving to create brave space. Brave Church equips pastors and lay leaders with the tools and practices needed to invite their congregations into healthy and transformative dialogue. Those who accept the call of Brave Church will not only find the resources to cultivate courage and truth but also discover a path to deeper empathy and love, as well as the opportunity to help their church to become the most honest place in town.

—W. Benjamin Boswell, Senior Minister,

Myers Park Baptist Church

Charlotte, North Carolina

Elizabeth Hagan is brave, and Brave Church inspires me to be brave too. So many of us desire a richer, more honest, more relevant church, but we aren’t sure how to get there. Whether you’re a church leader yourself or you’re a Christian who’s frustrated with the church’s inability to have hard conversations, Brave Church will give you hope and the necessary tools to move from stagnant inertia into honest conversations and transformational change.

—Angela Denker, Lutheran pastor

Author of Red State Christians:

Understanding the Voters Who Elected Donald Trump

BRAVE CHURCH: Tackling Tough Topics Together

Copyright © 2021 by Elizabeth Hagan

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, write: Upper Room Books®, 1908 Grand Avenue, Nashville, TN 37212.

Upper Room Books® website: upperroombooks.com

Upper Room®, Upper Room Books®, and design logos are trademarks owned by The Upper Room®, Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved.

All scripture quotations not otherwise marked are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright ©1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Scripture quotations marked CEV are taken from the Contemporary English Version Copyright © 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.

At the time of publication all websites referenced in this book were valid. However, due to the fluid nature of the Internet, some addresses may have changed or the content may no longer be relevant.

Cover design: Molly von Borstel, Faceout Studio

Typesetting and interior design: PerfecType, Nashville, TN

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Hagan, Elizabeth, author.

Title: Brave church : tackling tough topics together / Elizabeth Hagan.

Description: Nashville, TN : Upper Room Books, 2020. | Includes bibliographical references. |

Identifiers: LCCN 2020001873 (print) | LCCN 2020001874 (ebook) | ISBN 9780835819367 (paperback) | ISBN 9780835819374 (mobi) | ISBN 9780835819381 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Church and social problems. | Interpersonal communication. | Social ethics—Religious aspects aspects—Christianity.

Classification: LCC HN31 .H24 2020 (print) | LCC HN31 (ebook) | DDC 261.8/3—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020001873

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020001874

For Beth,

who has taught me the joy of diligent study and

who abides with me in tough conversations

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1: Let’s Talk

Chapter 2: Let’s Talk About Infertility and Miscarriage

Chapter 3: Let’s Talk About Mental Illness

Chapter 4: Let’s Talk About Domestic Violence

Chapter 5: Let’s Talk About Racism

Chapter 6: Let’s Talk About Sexuality

Chapter 7: Let’s Keep Talking

Leader’s Guide

Appendix A: Brave Church Covenant

Appendix B: Prayers for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

Notes

Resources for Further Study and Conversation

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Abook written for a community comes out of a community. My pastoral colleagues and social media friends helped direct me to many of the innovative ministries I explore in this book. I am thankful to each one of you who responded to my please help! emails and Facebook posts. You blessed me with your stories, your passion, and your desire to bring just a little more of the kingdom of heaven to earth. This book is stronger because you shared your words and time with me. I am grateful also to all the people who served as conversation partners as I dreamed about this book and who offered important feedback on the writing itself: Alice Stanton, Sarah Shelton, Glenda Elliott, Leslie Copeland-Tune, Carrie Zimmerman, Beth Dotson, J. Dana Trent, Abby Hailey, Kourtney Whitehead, Amanda Andere, Terry Magill, Amy Butler, Charlotte Rogers, Susan Smartt Cook, and Kevin Hagan.

The idea for this book came to me at the Wild Goose Festival in 2016 after my first meeting with Joanna Bradley Kennedy, who later brought this book to print with Upper Room Books. Joanna and the team at The Upper Room, thanks for believing in what I could offer. I’m so glad to be your partner in ministry. Thank you, Rachel Crumpler, for helping me to birth a more beautiful book with your thoughtful and kind editing. I am indebted also to the parishioners of Palisades Community Church in Washington, DC, who shaped many of the ideas presented in these pages. With your graciousness, I taught you as I wrote and leaned heavily on your feedback as I edited. With the confidence you gave me that discussions like this matter, I stayed the course. You are wise and kind people. Thank you for allowing me to be your pastor. Most of all I want to say thank you to my family who didn’t grumble when I started writing again. Kevin, Amelia, and Sherlyne—your love and support ground me in my forever home. And I wrote this book with you in my heart, Landon.

INTRODUCTION

Igrew up in a church that never felt real. In the suburban Tennessee church of my childhood, we talked about God, Jesus, and the Bible. We talked about Christmas pageants, bake sales, and chili suppers. We talked about outreach campaigns, volunteer missions, and Sunday school. But we never talked about real life. We never talked about the parts of life that made us sad, scared, angry, or ashamed. The father who went to jail on domestic assault charges later reappeared in church as if nothing happened. The woman who joyfully announced a pregnancy didn’t say a word when her baby died in utero. The teen who attempted suicide returned to youth group, and the youth minister offered no lessons on living with depression. What happened outside of church walls stayed outside of polite church conversation, especially if it might make people uncomfortable. We kept our exchanges light and casual. We smiled. We put away our struggles when we pulled out our Bibles. We checked our heartaches and our messy, complicated lives at the church door.

I became a pastor because I wanted to be a part of a brave community. When asked to explain to seminary admission staff why I wanted to study theology, I could only say that I believed that there was another way of doing church than the way I knew. I believed that Jesus cared about my worst moments as much as he did my best. I believed that Jesus loved me in my mistakes and in my confusion. I was tired of all the fake smiling and shallow conversation. I was tired of hiding my painful experiences and sitting in silence when I disagreed with a majority opinion. I became a pastor because I wanted church to be authentic. I wanted church to be a place of unconditional welcome.

During the fifteen years I’ve served churches as a pastor, I’ve found how difficult it is to live out this mission. Being real with one another requires vulnerability, and some conversations don’t feel safe in a public setting. Even if we are committed to being completely honest with one another, our church traditions do not support this open-hearted living. We have these unspoken rules about what we can and cannot share in church. In Denial Is My Spiritual Practice, Rachel G. Hackenberg recalls her church’s traditions: In worship it was acceptable to ask for prayers related to illness or death, but there were no prayer requests about suicide or sexuality, marital or financial problems. If they were said aloud at all, it was in private to the pastor, or the pastor’s wife, or your dearest church friend.¹ These rules are hard to break; we might muster up the courage to whisper about our troubles in the hallway, but the idea of bringing them into the light of the sanctuary remains unthinkable. After years of looking past one another in the pews, looking one another in the eyes for the first time can feel like a weight we don’t want to carry.

I chose to embrace vulnerability when I published a book about my struggle with infertility.² Bright-eyed and eager (and maybe naïve), I bravely offered my story. I figured that I could accept the discomfort of sharing the private details of my reproductive longings and failures. There’s some distance, of course, between an author and her readers. I had forgotten that publishing a book comes with personal promotion and speaking engagements. I soon realized that on any given Sunday or Wednesday night I would have to stand before a congregation and utter phrases, like periods that came late, unprotected sex, and pelvic ultrasounds. But I reminded myself that honesty and openness make us all feel less alone.

As I began to schedule