Body Image

By Constance Williams

“Body Image”
Part 1
Whitney Washington, from around the age of three, when she began walking; moving about independently on her feet, was constantly ridiculed about the way in which she stood, sat and ate.
Most of the time, this unkind and harsh treatment was dished out by her own biological mother, who was filled with disdain for anyone, especially female, who were on the chubbier side, so to speak, or had a certain amount of weight on their bodies.
Seeing that her daughter, Whitney, looked nothing like the rest of other children in the family; those who were born before her or after here, her mother, Caroline Washington would always demand that she stood up straight, tuck in her belly or sit; holding an upright posture.
Because of the unkind ways in which Whitney’s mother had treated her throughout the years, the rest of her siblings joined in, believing it was okay for them to mistreat her as well.
Even though, she was growing, her family members would continuously tell her, she ate too much, she had too much food on her plate or criticized how overweight she was, or the amount of pounds she had gained for her age.
Sometimes, these kinds of negative criticisms were in the form of mockery, bullying, name calling and the snatching away of food from her plate; causing her to separate herself from the rest of the family most of the time and lack herself inside her bedroom.
This brutal and mean spirited treatment continued from Whitney’s years has being a toddler all the way through to her high school years.
At the age of around thirteen going on to fourteen, she began to feel desperately alone, even though, she was in a big family of five other siblings with a mother and a father as well.
Severely, wanting to fit it – to be accepted in her own family, especially, wanting to have a relationship with her mother, Whitney began starving herself; barely putting on her dinner plate, what she desire to devour during meal time.
Three months after starving herself, it was obvious to everyone at school and in her household that the pounds were dropping from her body like hail from heaven. And now, her mother began seeing her as her beautiful daughter, and she also began gaining many friends at school as well.
However, her thin physique, even though, made her popular now, was very unhealthy for her, causing her to the past out – fainting in the middle of the school grounds during one of her lunch breaks.
Arriving at the hospital, the doctors told her they would have

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Dec 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781716284724

Book preview

Title:

Body Image

Part 1

‘Let me be the judge of that!’

By:

Constance C. Williams

Completed:

January 10, 2018

A Hallmark

Submission

Body Image

Part 1

Overcoming Anorexia

Stand up straight!

Put your heels together and your toes pointing out!

Pull your belly in!

Do not slouch!

Keep your head up!

When are you going to lose all this fat?

Were the constant comments being lashed out at Whitney by her mother, a very weight conscious woman, as a child growing up! And also by other siblings in the family who were persistently drench with this idea by their mother; that they needed to be skinny and scrawny as a twig, before their existence mattered in the world.

But, what was her mother’s problem?

Did she have an underline motive for being obsessed with being thin?

Whitney was only three years old when it had begun, only because she had a rounded belly looking more like a basketball and legs that were short and stocky; with deep creases in the inner parts of her thigh. Telling the story of her being a very chubby baby two years aback. But, she was growing by the minute each day, and some of the evidence of her being a very plummy baby girl was still there on her body for all to see.

However, her mother and older sisters with their ideal of what perfection should look like, would constantly be talking about Whitney’s weight and allowing it to be the topic of the day. Causing much humiliation to a defenseless child in their very large house.

A defenseless young child who was completely ignorant about what her parent and other siblings were saying to her about her posture. Simply, because she didn’t know any better; thinking that whatever they were saying to her was probably for her own good. Although, it oftentimes felt very annoying and quite embarrassing to her at times.

She had a very pretty face, but in the eyes of her family, her body didn’t match with that pretty face. Therefore, every time, anyone in the household saw her slouching or positioned in a way that wasn’t satisfying to their likings, she was immediately yelled at; triggering her to hurryingly change her position; and try posturing herself straight up as she could.

Hold your gut in!

One sibling would rudely say to her.

What’s wrong with your feet, you can’t stand up straight?

Another would shamefully utter.

Oftentimes, were the embarrassing remarks; from as long as she could remember growing up which was around the tender age of three-years-old. Up until she was fourteen-years-of-age going on fifteen, when she became very tired of the abuse and decided to do something about it.

And with those constant criticisms, judgement and body shaming by many persons in her own family, Whitney’s world and mindset were drastically formed. Constantly, she began observing herself in the mirror, trying to see, if she was looking pretty enough for her sisters or how awful her posture would be; if she stood this way or sat that way for the seeing eyes.

In a household of five other siblings, along with both her parent, Whitney Washington decided she would shut them down, at least for a while!

Seated around the family dining table with all eyes on her, Whitney watched as everyone placed their portion of food on their plates. And when everyone was done serving themselves, she took less than half of what each person had taken on their plate. Only placing on her plate, half-spoon of rice and then no more than three ounces of chicken breast along with a small amount of vegetables to eat with it.

All eyes began rolling, thinking she was getting crazy!

Everyone was expecting for her to go for a second and third serving after adding such a small portion to her plate, especially, since such was her regular custom; but not this time around. Instead, she just sat there, slowly eating the minuscule portion of meal and when she was done doing so, she excused herself from the table, got up, and went straight to her bedroom.

For the next three months such portions were her meal at dinner time and before heading out to school in the mornings; a slice of toast and a sip of orange juice would now suffice. And at the end of the third month of practically starving herself, much signs were now showing that most of her stubborn belly-fat were gradually disappearing from her waistline – shrinking!

Her facial features were taking on a different formation also. Causing her to look even more beautiful than before she started restricting herself from food. And those indentation of the baby creases on both her inner thigh, also had vanished.

Ultimately, causing Whitney’s chubby brown legs to look lean, strong and very firm, as if, she was a basketball player or a naturally born fashion model. And with this new awakening of beauty; came the popularity! Everyone in the in-crowds at school desperately wanted to be her friend and also some persons in her home.

But something completely different… something quite strange was going on in Whitney’s head, and all those who saw her as this very beautiful young female would soon learnt that the person who they all were idolizing and believing to be of high esteem; was actually a very trouble young girl.

Because three months down the road – later, Whitney Washington appearance had changed once again, into someone who looked far from the kitchen, causing her to seem much thinner than the usual; bringing about much concerns to some of her teachers and also to some of her friends at her school.

While at home, neither parent nor siblings were asking questions about her now tiny frame because now, she was getting thinner and looking more like how they wanted her to look and now more like part of the family. Until, one of her teachers from the school called her house one day; informing her mother that Whitney had fainted at school during the lunch break and was rushed to the hospital for treatment.

Upon arriving at the hospital the prognosis was not good, because one of the attending physicians, diagnosed Whitney Washington with having anorexia nervosa.

And what is that, doctor?

Her mother asked.

It’s an eating disorder, characterized by low weight, fear of gaining weight, having a very strong desire to be thin, resulting in food restriction!

Doctor Martin explained.

How should I treat this condition?

Ms. Carolina Washington asked with bulging eyes.

First, you start by giving her liquid foods that are very nutritious. Therefore, allowing her to receive the nutrients that her body needs quickly, and she also needs to rest. And as she starts regaining some weight, she then can start doing some form of exercise to build her muscles and strengthen herself.

Doctor Martin continued to lecture.

So, you can put all her favorite fruits and vegetables in a blinder and make a smoothie for her each morning which will go straight to the blood stream faster than the sold foods she will be eating, if she eats any at all!

The doctor further went on to inform her.

However, although given that information, Ms. Washington was told that her daughter would be staying in the hospital for a while, possible a month before returning home. And upon hearing that news, Whitney’s mother thanked the doctors and then ask if there was any way that she could see her daughter now.

After being given the permission to do so, Caroline slowly followed behind the doctor as he led the way to her daughter’s hospital room, directing her to go inside and have a seat, which she did. But, before leaving the mother and daughter to chat, Doctor Martin could tell that Ms. Washington was a person, very meticulous about her weight, or what she was eating after having five children.

Because once she had removed her coat from her body, he could tell that she too was awfully thin, but only a blood test could certainly tell, if she too was malnourish or not, and needed some medical attention as well.

She was looking just too scraggy… much like a walking skeleton!

And from his experience of treating such conditions, he was pretty much aware that this disease can sometimes run in the family, but he didn’t want to be intrusive at the moment and ask her about her health status… she wasn’t there for that!

Especially, since she wasn’t behaving any way out of the ordinary. So he told her it was nice meeting her, she should have a happy visit and her daughter will come around from her ailment. And also that he hope to see her again. And with those final words, Doctor Martin and Ms. Washington said good-bye and went their separate ways.

It wasn’t long after the mother and the doctor had gone in separate directions that Ms. Washington started antagonizing her daughter about her weight. Sternly telling her, she better not put on an ounce of weight on her bones, after returning home from the hospital. Because she didn’t want any fat pig inside her house while making honking sounds like a pig and giggling herself away.

The woman’s heart was hard and cold as an ice-burg!

Hearing those very same words which she heard many times before in her own home, Whitney began screaming at her mother, asking her what the hell she was there for?

I’m here, because your school called me and told me, you had fainted; and they had sent you off to the hospital! Am I now your mother, who else do you expect them to call, your priest?

Ms. Washington fired back.

You forgot, I don’t have a bloody priest, because you said I was too fat to tag along with you to church on Sunday mornings!

Whitney stated harshly with bulging eyes.

If you weren’t eating down everything in the damn house, then maybe, you could fit into one of those pretty church dresses I have bought you and come along to church with me and your other brothers and sisters on Sundays… don’t you think!

Ms. Washington responded in a derisive tone.

And now, I’m barely eating your damn food and look where it had gotten me! Please, get the hell out of my hospital room and don’t come back here, if you don’t have to!

Whitney replied angrily as the tears began flowing from her eyes.

Not caring an inch about her daughter’s feeling, in this moment of her health crisis, Caroline Washington mockingly responded.

Is there anything, other than food, you would like for me to get you on my next visit here? If I don’t bring it, then your father will!

How about bringing me some damn clothing! Or, would you like to see me walking around these hospital grounds looking like I’m damn crazy in these hospital gowns as long as I’m staying here!

Whitney scoff at her mother.

Grabbing her coat and angrily marching through the big brown door, Caroline Washington, walked away from her daughter’s room without saying good-bye or even uttering another word to her.

On her ride in the elevator to the first floor, removing herself from the premises of the hospital building, was when she saw a poor mother toggling along on the elevator with four children. Children, whom to her weren’t quite attractive looking or who she considered to be very ugly. And so, she turned to the children’s mother and ask.

Why didn’t you quit after having the very first one!

Shock from hearing such a rude comment, the heavy-set woman replied.

Excuse me!

But instead of repeating herself, Caroline responded.

Never mind!

With her nose pointed to the ceiling of the elevator, until it stopped on the first floor, where both woman then stepped off the elevator, walked to the parking lot and then off to their separate ways.

And right throughout her ride home, Caroline kept on venting to herself about her daughter not regaining anymore excessive weight because she hated seeing her looking that way… fat and chunky!

Meanwhile, Whitney in her hospital bed, wept severely, because of all the pressure she was facing and enduring at home, to be skinny and lanky like her other siblings.

Every single day, constantly tucking in her gut to look smaller than she actually was, doing excessive amount of exercises to remove all those stubborn body-fat latching itself to her abdomen, hips and also her thighs. Being plumb and meaty was who she really was. And her being any thinner was only making her sick, and missing out on all that was important to her, like her schooling.

Removing herself from the bed to use the bathroom, Whitney saw herself in the mirror, and immediately she began screaming on top of her lungs. Causing one of the nurses to quickly rush to her room and investigate what was the matter with her.

Whitney, what is the matter with you honey… what is hurting you now?

The nurse asked sympathetically.

Look at me, I’m so fat!

Whitney replied.

Well look at me, what do you think of me?

The nurse ask while standing beside her, staring in the mirror and comparing herself with her.

I don’t know! I think… I think… I think you are beautiful!

Whitney replied tearfully.

Well, thank you, for believing that about me, and I think you are going to be even more beautiful than I am, once you start feeling a little better and start putting a little meat on this beautiful body structure of yours! You watch and see!

The nurse expressed comfortingly.

Feeling the comforting hands of the nurse around her shoulders, Whitney felt at ease, turned her face towards her and ask.

What’s your name, nurse?

My name is Lena, you can call me, Nurse Lena!

The caregiver responded.

Thank you, Nurse Lena, for being so caring and nice to me.

Whitney stated sadly as she wipe away the tears from her eyes with the back of her hands and then began rolling away the tissue papers from the holder in the restroom to clean away the tears and snorts from her face.

Hearing those words had brought some comfort to Whitney’s mind and soon, Nurse Lena was helping her back onto the bed, making sure that she was lying on the bed comfortably before leaving her to be by herself again.

Minutes later, she was back at Whitney’s bedside with one of those can of strawberry Ensure Drink in her hands, flicking the top open. She then went on to tell her to drink up because it was her doctor’s order for her to have some form of supplemental drink every two to three hours each day.

Eyes bulging with fear, Whitney barely held onto the container of drink, as though, it was poison being served to her.

With every two sips of the supplemental drink, designed to nourish her body, Whitney wanted to look in the mirror, to see if any weight was added on to her body. Although the nurse explained to her time and time again that her weight gain wouldn’t appear or show itself on her body instantaneously, after having two or three sips.

Forty-five minutes later, all of the supplemental food was down her stomach and then she was given sedatives – sleeping pills, sending her off to sleep almost immediately. So she wouldn’t have to worry about her fear of weight gain just after having her meal.

The pills had led her to sleep for most of the night, and she wasn’t up again until nature was calling her to use the rest room. And as soon as she was awaken, another nurse was in her face with another can of the supplemental drink, bidding for her to drink it up because her doctor had recommend it for her. Seeing a different caregiver suggesting to her that she followed her doctor’s order, Whitney asked.

Where is Nurse Lena?

She is gone for the day… her shift is over and now I’m here taking her place!

The nurse explained.

And when will she be back for work?

Whitney enquired with surprise on her face.

If all goes well with her at home or on her way here, she will return to work tomorrow morning to care for you!

The nurse of the night shift responded with a smile.

But, there was something in the nurse working the nightshift response which had suddenly triggered some thought in Whitney’s mind when she stated to her that; ‘If all goes well with Nurse Lena at home or on her way there to the hospital; she will return to care for her in the morning.’

And franticly Whitney asked the nurse working the night shift.

What do you mean by that?

What do I mean by that?

The nurse echoed.

Well, what I meant by that is; something drastic could happen at her house, preventing her from coming to work or, she could get involved in a motor vehicle accident on her way to work, completely stopping her from making her way here or cause her to be late for work!

The nurse explained, pleasantly.

You don’t think that bad things happen to nurses too?

The nurse went on to ask her inquisitive patient with a gest of giggle in her voice.

No, I wasn’t aware of that!

Whitney replied, honestly.

Because her state of childish ignorance had led her to believe that such persons like nurses, doctors and teachers; do not experience such catastrophes or tragedy in life, preventing them from showing up for work and doing their jobs. She expected that one could always expect to see them there at the facility wherever they were working.

And by the time, Nurse Grant, was done sharing the ups and downs of life and all its challenges, the supplemental drink in Whitney’s hand was completely finish; giving her a healthy belch and having her heading back to bed for another dose of sleep.

Not awaking until the following morning when nurse Lena tap on the surface of her bedroom door, handing her vitamins and another can of her supplemental drink; this time in a chocolate flavor.

In that moment of seeing the nurse whom she considered to be her friend, Whitney somehow made up in her mind, she was going to do all that she could do to get herself well again. Regardless of what her parent or other siblings were saying about her weight. Because she had just learnt a very valuable lesson that life’s circumstances do not discriminate.

She knew, it was not going to be easy for her; but she was willing to give herself a try, of being healthy and feeling well once again. And while sipping away at her vitamin-pack drink, created for her to gain weight and be very nourished, Whitney revealed to Lena some of the constant struggles she was experiencing at home within her own family circle; just because she was looking differently from everyone else in the house – heavyset, and on the plum side of the scale.

They are always telling me that I eat too much! Always asking, if I can’t cut back on my food or why can’t I lose the weight? At the same time, they are eating the same amount of food that I’m eating and sometimes, even more! And if you look at them; they haven’t gain an inch… slender and looking like a damn twig! It’s not fair!

Whitney expressed sadly.

And for the first time in months, she stood in front of the mirror admitting that something terrible was wrong with her!

"Look