The Chronic Over-thinker

By Michael A Tripoli

REAL LIFE, REAL TALK

Finally, a Gen Z teen's personal and honest account

of being a statistic in the new age mental health crisis.

"OH PLEASE, you're too young to be stressed out!"

--- every intensely irritating grown up

"They

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Tripoli
• Release date: Feb 27, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578863474

Book preview

Michael Anthony Tripoli

The Chronic Over-thinker Copyright © 2021 Michael Anthony Tripoli

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in

any form or medium without written permission of the author,

otherwise punishable to the full extent of the law. Alerts are in place.

Reviewers are granted the right to quote brief passages within reviews,

as it would constitute Fair Use.

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Disclaimer

This memoir is purely a recollection of events overtime, and a recount of my personal struggles with my mental health as a Gen Z teenager. Its sole purpose is to provide a literary illustration of experiences that many teenagers and young adults may be able to relate to in some way or form ———— and to share how I, in my unique experience, have managed to overcome my adversities with my mental health with the intervention of a licensed therapist. The contents herein are NOT an attempt to provide or substitute medical advice of any sort. Only a licensed mental health professional shall sustain the authority to assess any and all logistics and nuances of your personal situation, render a diagnosis, and provide legitimate medical advice of any shape or form.

By reading this memoir, you hereby acknowledge that your choice to apply any of the content herein is at your sole discretion. While all attempts have been rendered to verify that the information provided in this publication is true and accurate, I am NOT in any way or form liable for the use that the reader may reckon of any advice outlined in this memoir, including any and all outcomes or results of such.

The provision of references and resources to any products, services, names, or organizations included this memoir do not imply any endorsement of such, including it’s purposes and all constituents. I assume no responsibility for the products, services, actions, research, warranties, representations, negligence, or malpractices of any product, service, name, or organization referenced herein.

Furthermore, in order to protect the Fourth Amendment Right to Privacy of persons mentioned within this memoir, fictitious names will be assigned where it is deemed necessary and appropriate for legal matters ——- some events will be compressed, some dialogue may be revised, and gender pronouns may be switched appropriately, in order to protect their identities from the public eye. Any and all personally identifying information will remain confidential in accordance with the law. In addition, the contents of this memoir are hereby protected under my First Amendment Right.

Acknowledgements

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Dedicated to Josh

It has been a privilege to say the least to have you to walk me through every high, every low, and every dark tunnel of my teen years. You are a true miracle worker and an instrument of God. Thank you for all that you have done for me. This project would not have been possible without you. I am always praying for you and your family on your continued journey in your mission to help kids navigate the stormy waters of growing up.

Dedicated to my ex best-friend

I will forever cherish all the priceless and unforgettable memories that we shared together —— and that is an understatement. In spite of our rough patches, you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone that I have ever had the privilege to be a part of my life. Thank you for helping me grow into a better and stronger person through thick and thin. You are destined for great things and you will inspire so many people someday. Don’t ever doubt yourself. I truly believe in your future. You are always in my prayers no matter what. Wishing you nothing but peace, prosperity, health and happiness.

Dedicated to my little

friend group from 8th grade

Thank you for making my wild middle school experience a little more bearable. I genuinely don’t know what I would’ve done without the three of you. I will treasure every memory and every little inside joke we shared together forever, and I will never forget. I hope you still know just how much your friendship truly meant to me when I was that shy, insecure, anxious little 12-year-old that was scared of the world. You all have bright futures ahead, and I cannot wait to see what we will all become as "real real adults." Here’s to growing up and making it out alive! And loving and hating it at the same time hahaha.

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Dedicated to Mom

Thank you for everything you sacrificed to give me the very best no matter what. Thank you for expressing the grand epitome of a mother’s love each and every day, even in the times that you felt down and under. I will continue to become a stronger man because a stronger woman raised me, and maybe soon, the world will know...

Contents

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Introduction

The crappy therapist.

Why I wrote this book.

Let’s Talk TikTok.

Chapter One: Check Your Expectations

The power of music.

It’s hard to make plans.

Chapter Two: Take a Break From Instagram

My experience working with influencers.

Combating the social media blues.

Chapter Three: It’s OK Not to Be OK

Unique suggestions I use to cope with stress, anxiety, and depression.

Chapter Four: Cutting the Cord

My terrifying experience in the Emergency Room.

Chapter Five: Don’t Wish it All Away

Pandemic Nostalgia.

Chapter Six: Shit Kids Say

My raw experience with bullying: real dialogue and everything.

Changing our thought patterns: coping with rude people.

Chapter Seven: Tomorrow’s Not a Promise

My strange experience with trying to become a Hollywood actor.

104-Year-Old’s AMAZING Last Piece of Advice to the Young.

Chapter Eight: You Do for Family

Last visit to Grandma’s house.

Chapter Nine: You Are Loved

My raw experience with self-loathing

Confidence Down the Drain: Why it Happens.

Your Self-confidence Revolution.

The Power of Repetition.

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Chapter Ten: Drowning in my Thoughts

My raw experience with an anxiety disorder.

The Chronic Over-thinker: Road to Recovery.

Where anxiety dies.

When it’s meant to be.

Mastering Your Thoughts.

Truths and Bombs.

Chapter Eleven: Real Friends Put Each other First

What makes a real friend.

Chapter Twelve: When Friendship Hurts

When a friendship becomes toxic.

The Five Laws of Handling and Avoiding Toxic Drama.

Chapter Thirteen: The Fake Guru Epidemic

How I was lured into a $400million dollar scam.

Identifying MLMs and get-rich quick schemes.

Chapter Fourteen: Money Talks

My $90,000-dollar mistake.

Where I learned financial literacy for free.

Chapter Fifteen: To Date or Not to Date

What my 1st grade girlfriend taught me about love.

Chapter Sixteen: Document It!

Epilogue.

My FIRST published poem.

THANK YOU.

Helpful Resources.

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If you are in a CRISIS....

Helpful resources and 24/7 emergency hotlines are referenced at the back of the book, regarding the following:

substance abuse, eating disorders, physical and mental health, bullying and cyber-bullying, abuse, grief and loss, teen pregnancy, gaming addiction, and homelessness. Spare a moment to TAKE NOTE of those references. You never know if you, a friend, or a loved one may need them one day!

Introduction

Look, I hate giving generic advice. I just find it incredibly boring. That stuff is already free on the Internet. We naturally expect more when we pay to read a book. How the heck am I supposed to snap out of feeling anxious or depressed with tomorrow’s a new day, or reach for the stars? Maybe it is my distaste for small talk, but it makes me feel like I’m just winging it.

I hate feeling like I am scrambling to hit 800 words on that essay due at midnight half an hour before it is due. It is blatantly obvious to me whenever I read a book or an article that was rushed. It leaves that poor, half uncooked taste in my mouth. It is like eating my favorite cereal, but with water! Yuck!

Anyone can echo those cringe inspirational posters that decorate the children’s dental office. Nonetheless, that is not to say that it does not bear value. The actions that I took to help mitigate my depressive episodes in 2020, for one thing, really sounded so cliché! However, there is a substantial difference between telling someone what to do, verses helping them feel a little more understood.

I am too young to have all the answers. I was still nineteen just last year. I am not a therapist or a philosopher. I am not some cocky douchebag with the cure to life ———— obnoxiously blaring a shady course in your face in a crappy YouTube Ad every eleven minutes of the day. I hate that shit.

Excuse my French, but I’m a pretty expressive person, so I hope we can get along! :) I just want to be real. Being so stuck up just isn’t relatable. Chances are, many of you will be awfully close to me in age. I am certainly no better than any of you. I am just a regular kid emerging into adulthood trying to figure out this life thing too.

I think I am a year behind on my taxes from driving for UberEATS and Instacart, as a matter of fact. I should probably get that checked out soon... XD.

While I may not have all the answers, my hope is that I can give you something that you could truly relate to. If only I knew what I know now, I would not have wasted a single moment hating myself at fourteen.

Life is not easy... especially while we are growing up. No one ever tells you what you are really in for on that special day when you blow out the candles for your 13th birthday. The bad days. The fights. Annoying teachers. Hopeless crushes. Embarrassing mistakes. Low self-esteem. Protective parents. Those confused feelings and is it normal if...  Google searches. The falling outs and unexpected friendships... and of course some of the best days of our lives.

I just so happened to be blessed with a very gifted therapist to walk me through the highs and lows of my teenage years. For all intents and purposes, let’s just call him Josh. His insight was what really helped me pull through the adversity that comes with growing up as an anxious teenager. Under his guidance, I managed to conquer my severe anxiety, bullying, and my once non-existent self-esteem. Josh was a real miracle worker to say the least.

Being blessed with a mentor that was authentic and phenomenal as him, was undoubtedly a true rarity. Today, I want to be able to share that gift with all of you.

A lot of the older generations just don’t seem to quite understand.

You’re too young to be stressed out! they’ll tell us in a sneering tone.

I find this to be intensely irritating and arrogant ———— but if I call them out on it, then suddenly I’m the asshole! This whole arbitrary notion that there are unwritten age constraints to facing real human emotions like stress or anxiety has got to go!

The problem is that some of them probably do not even remember what used to bother them so much when they were sixteen, but I do, because I was just there!

It is my sincere hope that I can offer some unique insight to help you make sense out of all the chaos. It can be difficult or nearly impossible to just enjoy life when you feel like you are drowning in your own thoughts.

Hence, while I cannot tell you how to live your life, I can tell you what I did do to take control of my thoughts and lead a more productive, happy, and stress-free life.

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Story-time

It was Friday on the second week of 7th grade. I was twelve and a half years old. I remember sitting in the back seat of my mom’s car, watching the traffic pass by on the San Bernardino 10 Freeway after she picked me up an hour early from school. We were headed to an appointment with a practicing child psychiatrist. It was at one of the many mental institutions located across the gateway cities of East Los Angeles.

My anxiety was getting out of hand. We thought I finally grew out of it after the 6th grade, but it was only growing worse. I could not go a single school morning without throwing up several times. The vomiting was becoming worrisome. I weighed only 60 pounds (27 kilograms), and kids in my class were bullying me for my height and weight. I could not hold down food during the day. I would binge in the early evening and repeat the cycle again. It was becoming unhealthy.

So, what are you so nervous about? this youngish man in slacks and a button-down shirt asked again nonchalantly, while he sat across from me, taping his clipboard against his kneecaps.

My mom, seated at my left, turned to me.

I don’t know! I stammered for the third time in a frustrated tone, I mean, I don’t really fit in that much at school, but I don’t really care anymore! It’s not like they bully me all the time anymore! I don’t know what I’m always nervous about! I thought maybe you would know that.

This therapist was not very helpful at all. You could tell by his body language and his generic statements that he at least cared half-heartedly. Nevertheless, he was ultimately just here this afternoon to simply get another typical patient out of the way, collect a steady paycheck, and go home because it was Friday.

I didn’t need some 40-year-old man in a suit to give me inspirational quotes or impractical, half-baked advice to make me feel better. I just needed a friend... someone to relate to... someone to help make some sense out of all the chaos. The only advice he gave me was to just join a sport at my school. He sent my mom and I on our way. That was classic.

Just join a sport, I mumbled scornfully as I got back in the car, shut the door, and put my seatbelt on while the hot September sun beat down on me through the window. I was disheartened. My mom declined a second appointment with him. My class only had twenty-eight kids, and I was a total outcast to the other guys. I was that kid that no one would choose for their team at P.E. because I sucked at sports.

Even if I took his advice elsewhere, my heart was not really that into sports at all. Now of course I didn’t hate it; I like sports the same as most of us—————and shooting hoops whenever I had the chance was an excellent way to build some confidence in my childhood for a momentary afternoon.

I wasn’t strong enough to shoot a 3-pointer without throwing my little 70-pound body across the court like a rag doll until the 8th grade, but every time I scored, it felt amazing. I remember feeling like a million bucks after nailing a half court swish behind my back when I was ten years old at a boy scout meeting one night. I was playing by myself, and no one believed me.

Regardless, I was still over the moon on cloud nine all by myself until the next day. Sometimes it’s all a mental game. It’s a battle against limiting beliefs. I was a lot more confident before I entered middle school. Your position on the grade school social hierarchy tends to be predicated on how inherently athletic you are. Popularity is fleeting. I did not need to be someone that I’m not, just to feel confident in myself.

While sports may have sounded like a no-brainer, I did not love it enough to invest time and energy into really getting good at it daily. It was not one of my strong suits by any means. I played soccer on AYSO Region 13 for three to four years in elementary school, but I was always the weakest player on the team because my mind was always somewhere else. I was that one quirky kid constantly getting distracted by something shiny on the ground, or another jetliner making its way toward Hollywood Burbank Airport overhead. There was a reason they always had me sit out the final quarter of every game. I did not really care if we won or lost. I was just going with the flow and having fun.

Like most of us, I totally suck at most things! I learned that I simply preferred to work out at home with my own company on my own terms while focusing more on my studies, and that never made me any less of a real boy or a real man.

I began to see some improvement later that year after developing a few loyal friendships in my class who were also misfits, combined with seeing a phenomenal therapist that was truly passionate about his work. Later, I learned that the old psychiatrist was only recommending me an emotional outlet.

We all have a place or an activity that we cling to through these highs and lows of growing up. For some that may be YouTube or video games. For others it could music or therapy. Some just want to take a long nap until they feel better again. I found my refuge in writing. I always remember excelling in English, sometimes with a score in excess of 110%, while my math grade would trail far behind because graphing functions or memorizing arbitrary rules were the soul crushing bane of my existence. Those enVision Math workbooks from grade school still trigger dreadful memories to this day, but creative writing was my time to shine.

Every open-ended assignment in English was my time to shine so bright that the fact that I had just blatantly disregarded half of the grading rubric no longer concerned the teacher because I had practically written the second trilogy of The Chronicles of Narnia for a simple short story project.

What’s a writer to do when they’re inspired? Follow the rules?

Every English teacher I have had was genuinely in love with my writing. It was my first passion ever since I learned how to read, and it has been a dream of mine to someday share it with the world.

I always had this bug for writing and telling stories. It was the one thing that I really felt like that I was at least good at throughout school. Even though I am still confidently lost in this whole figuring out my life thing, I always knew that storytelling will somehow end up having a special place somewhere in wherever my future will lead me.

My passion for expressing myself through the power of the English language always held a special place in my heart especially when things went south. Anytime I felt upset like it was just me against the world in the spur of the moment, I would storm into my room, seek out a choice notebook from my arsenal in one of my various hiding places, shut the door, get on the carpet, and scribble away like an angry Karen writing up a complaint to the manager.

When I turned 17, I did the same thing in a close friend’s only private Instagram account. It was one of the most difficult times of my teenage experience for my mental health. It was then that I realized that I might have a gift.

I could take the most complex emotions and problems I was facing in my chaotic teenage mind and convert it into words with sheer accuracy. These are issues and worries that most kids would just be too shy to admit that they too also deal with. I would articulate the dilemma perfectly into a piece of writing that anyone could relate to.

It’s something comforting that they could point to when a conundrum keeps them up at night, but it’s just too daunting a task to somehow string together the right words to say. That is my hope for you with this book; to help you feel a little more understood, a guide to help you avoid the same mistakes I made, and maybe make being a teenager just a little more bearable.

Why I Wrote This Book

It was a clean and fair debate. I was contemplating for a while. Should I write this book now or not? After all, my teen years are just barely behind me. I have hardly left. I still have more to learn than I could ever fathom today while only standing on the mere threshold of adulthood. It is still an eternity before I even see the light of 30 it feels like. Even then, 30 is still incredibly young according to my parents. Why would anyone want to listen to me?

My perspective completely changed on February 12, 2020, eight days before my 20th birthday. I uploaded my first video that hit a million views on my TikTok handle @realmikeanthony.

Phases of being a teenager! At least we learned that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, I wrote in the caption.

I used a sound that I discovered in my For You Page. In a 25 second video, I acted out a hilariously accurate portrayal of what happens in each teenage year:

Age 13: Damn, I’m a teenager now. Where does the time go?

Age 14: High school! New me! Ya Yeet!

Age 15: DEPRESSION

Age 16: Driving and being stupid.

Age 17: We’re SENIORS! College anxiety + more depression

Age 18: i’M aN aDuLt NoW!

Age 19: What is my life? TF am I good for? (existential crisis)

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This mini fifteen seconds of fame was the perfect gift to conclude my teenage experience. Not only was the timing the epitome of perfection, but you all blew me away in the comments! I simply could not believe how much so many other teenagers found it stunningly accurate! It was so cool seeing hundreds of teenagers and twenty-somethings in my comments section realizing that we all sort of lived the same life almost!

That is not to say that everyone experiences life the same way. Many of us never started driving until long after passing sixteen for one thing. I have never even had my first kiss yet! There are nuances and stark differences to every person’s experience and situation. It is impossible to create something that everyone could possibly relate to from beginning to end.

Despite that, it highlighted the highs and lows of growing up. It was relatable, and that is why I believe it blew up. When I read the comments, I just wanted to reach in there and let the younger ones know that it was all going to be okay.

I remember when I told my dad I hit a million views on a video for the first time. Even though he was not very familiar with TikTok, he was still thoroughly impressed. Back in his day, it would take all sorts of press coverage or a section in the paper to attain that kind of reach! He told me that the video was a very clever idea, but he advised me to create a reassuring ending somehow... an ending that foreshadows a promising new beginning.

Maybe not today or tomorrow, he said, but I just have this feeling that it would be more fulfilling if you built off that idea with an ending that would begin a new story of hope and optimism you know? A feel-good ending. I don’t know how you might go about that, or what that idea would be, but that’s for you to decide.

A book, I thought to myself, I’m going to finally write my first book!

Every good book is like an unforgettable conversation between friends. It’s the kind that you have with your best friend at 3 o’clock in the morning until you can almost make out the first traces of the sunrise. It’s the kind where a dark secret slip through. It’s the kind that always comes to life at night!

They’re the ones that happen on a really wild day where nothing went as planned. They’re the ones that were totally unexpected. They’re the ones that make you feel alive. It’s that childhood playdate that you never wanted to end until you had to get dragged home by the scruff of your neck. That’s my definition of a good book. It’s an awesome conversation between the author and the reader.

I decided to write this book now because I believed that you could find value in hearing it from someone younger that still has that teen-ish feeling in them. I am convinced. It is something new. It is unique. It is relatable. It is a different perspective. It just would not be the same if I waited until I’m approaching middle age and teenagers are just the annoying new generation to me, and we couldn’t see eye to eye.

I remember just waiting for that perfect time to publish my first book, to launch my first business, to plan that first trip to Bali, and I realized that there will never be a perfect time. I promise to still make the absolute most out of your five to six dollars, but I realized that my first book does not have to be a masterpiece. There is no secret.

I just needed to get up and write. Speak to the world. Put it out there and tell them how I feel. Do it while I’m young and no one expects too much of me yet. I know that my writing will improve with time, and that the only way I would ever learn, and grow————is to start now while I have more time to take feedback. Far too often, we miss out on what could have been some of the coolest stories of our lives, simply because we waited too long to say what needed to be said.

I did not write this book just to load off a bunch of generic advice and waste your time. I wanted to create something that other teenagers and young adults could truly relate to. I did not grow up rich or poor. I did not always have it perfectly easy or tragically hard either. My teen years were like this middle ground that stirred up a taste of both worlds. Nothing is more relatable than the experience of the average teenager, and to prove it, I gathered it all up into a little list of 16 Things I Wish I Knew About my Teens.

Despite the title, I did have the privilege to be aware of some of these things as a teenager. A few of them, I have already been living by for years, while some I had to learn the hard way. It happens to the best of us. Each of these sixteen chapters will take you on an adventure. I promise to make it fun, interesting, and worth your while.

If you have made it this far, then you passed the vibe check my friend. :) So, sit back, get comfy, and allow me to take you on a journey. I understand this book is a little bit on the long side, but hey, it’s a journey, right? Don’t be intimidated. Take it piece by piece. Seek it out when you’re bored, or if you just want to mentally check out for half an hour. You can savor it all for six months, or for an entire year. You can go wild and crank out the whole dang book in one weekend! It’s all up to you!

CHAPTER ONE

Check Your Expectations

"Life isn’t an iPod to listen to your favorite songs.

It’s a radio you must adjust yourself,

to enjoy whatever comes on."

Sougat Paul

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I was fifteen at the time. I had half an hour to wash nearly three days’ worth of dirty dishes before my mom came home from work. Suddenly, the music playing from my phone stops.

Want a break from the ads? a familiar voice breaks into my ear buds, "if you tap now to watch a short video, you will receive 30 minutes of ad free music!"

Seriously? Now? AGAIN? I detested while scrubbing down and rinsing stubborn stains in a large skillet. It was tedious and boring. Being the Gen Z kid that I am, I just cannot seem to get around to doing such mundane tasks without having Spotify on my side.

Yes! Really! the voice said again while my hands were soaking wet and covered in dish soap as I continued to scrub frantically, if you tap now to watch a short video, you will receive 30 minutes of ad free music!

Ok, I’ve had enough of this shit, I sighed impatiently.

I stormed into my room, pulled out my debit card, typed in the 16-digit code, and charged $10 dollars to my account, making me one of the 30 million subscribers to Spotify Premium at the time in the first quarter of 2016.

Since then, subscriptions to Spotify Premium have more than quadrupled from 30 million to over 144 million as of the final quarter of 2020. Most people want to listen to the music that they want, when they want, without disruptions. Sometimes I am in the middle of pushing myself through the excruciating pain of a strenuous work out. Sometimes I just want to escape reality after a stressful night. I don’t want to hear about the next big protein shake, or get Rick Rolled by the debut of Never Gonna Give You up while I’m having a moment.

If you are like me, you might have a deep connection to music. I do not know if there’s any better way to tune into our emotions than with the power of music. It is unreal how a song can bring back a million memories. I find it crazy, how a single line in a song can reflect the elusive tropical cyclone of emotions raging in your heart better than a million-word manifesto on depression and heartbreak ever could.

What’s bothering you so much, they’ll ask.

I just send them a song.

Sometimes, a song unearths a profound memory from my past. Sometimes, a song will flawlessly illustrate something that I am experiencing. When either of these things happen, it almost feels as though the music becomes a part me. It intertwines within my soul and deepens the emotions that I am feeling. If you listen to a song that you heard a lot during a certain time in your life, it can really take you back. Sometimes I feel like it is the closest I’ll ever get to truly feeling understood. It can be overwhelming sometimes.

Some of us feel like we are living in a movie, and like most movies, sound design is critical. It always seems as though I have a choice song to seek out whenever anything new happens in my life. There will be a verse or a line that really sticks with me. I just cannot help but play it over and over again because it just strings a chord or strikes a nerve on a certain feeling or a memory I’m trying to channel.

My parents do not understand the logic behind paying money to listen to music. They see music as something to listen to on the radio while commuting. Personally, I do love listening to the radio, but at the end of the day, it just isn’t sufficient for the place that music has in my life. Music just holds greater value to me. I listen for different reasons, and for those reasons, it’s just not practical for me to only hear the song that I need to hear now whenever the radio decides to play it after a 45-minute commercial rerun.

I have never had the money to drive a car that can connect to Bluetooth. So, for that reason, I have only listened to the radio whenever I drive. However, when I am not in the car, why would I use the radio, or even worse, pay over $1,000 dollars to iTunes to buy a thousand songs ——— when I have access to over 50 million songs to listen to or discover whenever I want in whatever order I want for $10 dollars a month? 

Music might be the extra in other people’s movies. It’s the random lady passing by outside on the sidewalk in the restaurant interview scene. It’s the ah my leg guy sounding in the background of an episode of SpongeBob.

It is an essential force in my movie.

There’s a reason that every good movie is well-equipped with the right music. Just like movies, books have stories to tell too! In this book, I will make several references to different songs. They will be highlighted in bold over the course of the book. Take a moment to give each one of them a listen while you are reading. There is no need to be in a rush. I do not want my book to make you feel overwhelmed. The music, however, is a powerful part of the experience. Reading this book without listening to the songs that I will mention, would be like watching a movie without sound!

Yeah, let us leave that to the 1910’s.

Whenever you are watching a film, you may notice that music almost always foreshadows what’s about to happen next. The JAWS theme song warned us when Bruce the Great White Shark was advancing towards its next victim ——— and you could always anticipate a