Complications

By Hayley Lanae Worrell

Can love truly conquer all? When you have fought so hard to get someone in your life, can you hold onto them while everything else falls apart around you? This is the reality that Hayley and Gary Worrell are faced with in their lives together. From a young age, they were connected. They grew up next to each other and fell in love in the process. Af

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hayley Worrell
• Release date: Dec 8, 2020
• ISBN: 9781087934204

Hayley Lanae Worrell

Hayley Worrell was born in November of 1997 in the state of Arizona. In 2017, she got married to her husband Gary Worrell and had their first son Clayton Worrell. Later that year, her husband was wrongly accused of the alleged abuse of their son, and Clayton was taken into custody of The Department of Child Safety. Throughout the terrible moments of court dates and trials, they had their second son Daniel Worrell. After her husband was wrongly convicted for 12 years in prison, she lives her life trying to keep her family together as best as she can, while she fights for reunification.

Book preview

Part 1: Regret

You realize how much you truly miss someone when something happens, good or bad, and the only person you want to tell is the one person who isn’t there

Chapter 1: The Boy

Young love is pure. It is a beautiful and fragile thing. There are no lustful thoughts or hateful hearts. Young love is full of hope and it is what gives meaning to all future relationships. Your first love sets your standards and expectations for everything to come. It is the first part of the foundation being laid down, that you will end up building on when you find the love that lasts. Rarely does your first love end up being your forever love, but I knew when I saw him, he would be mine.

Hayley, he’s coming! Gracie shouted to me from her position on the rock. I hopped up from the itchy grass where I had been doing my homework and ran to the rock where Gracie was.

Act Normal! I whispered vehemently and moved to take out my iPod and cranked up the Soldier Boy song that was playing.

She snorts, "Obviously"

I had it in my mind that the only way to impress the boy I could then see getting closer was to bust out all the moves I had. Gracie helpfully went along with my uncoordinated movements and giggled.

Look at him, Gracie, I sighed dreamily, eyes locked on the rather cute blonde haired boy walking towards the church, Isn't he just the cutest guy ever?

She laughed, "Hayley, he's a sixth grader and you’re a fourth grader. I'm pretty sure I heard him mention that he shaves."

Ugh puberty, I thought to myself.

I stubbornly ignored her, determined to not let her negative comments crush my attitude on the matter at hand, I will be his girlfriend!  I claimed to myself.

We hastily cut out our conversation when he approached the rock we were dancing by. Looking into his eyes was like looking at the blue waves of the ocean, all the different color blues swaying back and forth in the waves. Beautiful. But they weren’t just beautiful, they were like a gateway to a world that I wanted to be a part of so desperately. Well, as desperately as a fourth grader could get anyway.

He walked right past us into the church building and my jaw dropped. There was no concern, no shame, at the fact that he could have turned around at any moment and caught me staring after him. Standing there staring like a little fat kid stares at cake with my eyes wide, palms a little sweaty, heart pounding, and my knees trembled.

Yep, I concluded matter of factly, I’m in love with that boy, Gracie. Even though I had no clue who he was, not even his name.

She muttered sarcastically Yeah, I think you really nailed the whole 'don't be obvious' thing you were going for. I scrunched my face as a response to my non agreement at Gracie.

Rude, I thought to myself. I ignored her comment and continued to stand there and think about him. I had never been so awestruck about anything or anyone in my life. My good outlook on the world felt to have grown in size just at the thought of him. For the next hour I lingered around the building, waiting for my next opportunity to see his gorgeous smile.

You’re going to creep him out if you keep standing around you know, bluntly spoken by familiar face that was entering the area I was waiting in.

Ricki. The girl that I used to be inseparable from, but we had grown apart. More importantly, the girl that would sit with me, completely infatuated with the blonde-haired boy. I rolled my eyes when I saw her because I knew in the back of my heart that he would fall for her, just like everyone else, and I would be left sitting in the dark.

You’re just jealous, you know? Because we're going to get married one day Ricki, confidently spoken considering how I envied the girl.

I had no idea why I had envied her, maybe because she was pretty. Possibly because she knew all the boys thought the same. I had no reason to envy her life, it was no better than mine when it came down to it.

I had a decent life and a good friend and a loving family. No better than hers. And yet, I always craved the attention she obtained from everyone around her.

Me, jealous of you? She scoffed meanly, Not in a million years. Mr. C will pick me! I am older, after all.

Mr. C? I stated with annoyance.

She rolled her eyes, as if me not caring about her frivolous nicknames were for boys and what they meant made me less than her. Mr. Cutie, duh.

Seriously? We called him that when we were younger. Don’t you think it is time to grow up a little bit? I scoffed.

Fine, what do you call him? she said with a smirk as if she knew I did not even know his name.

I stared in silence at her, hoping that she would walk away before it was apparent that I indeed did not know his name.

It’s Austin, you know? she chuckled.

I turned to walk away, intent on making it clear to her that I was done with this conversation. The door flew open not long after, a bevy of teenagers rushing out the door.

Among the cluster of the kids was the blue-eyed boy that I would have sworn up and down, I was in love with at the time. My heart skipped a beat, and I was hopeless to do anything more than stand and watch.

It was because I was watching him, that I noticed Ricki going up to talk to him. I clenched my fists together ready to ambush her like a cheetah would a deer in the wild. Something stopped me from attacking her at that moment. My brain was calling myself a coward, and brain was right. I was a coward. She would get him because I was too frightened to go up and talk to him.

Just like that it hit me; I was jealous of her because she had courage. She was brave enough to talk to boys and that's why they liked her, because she presented herself to them. I couldn’t help being nervous anytime I was in the same vicinity as the boy. He was the first guy I thought of as anything more than just a friend.

This thing called love that all the grown-ups were in, I was pretty convinced I had found that. Who wouldn’t be nervous? I tried to give myself a break about the whole thing, but in reality, I was an emotional wreck. I was only ten years old and I thought I was having a mid-life crisis. Even though I wasn't even sure what exactly that entailed.

You’re drooling, Gracie chuckled.

I wiped the drool off my chin quickly and smiled Whoops,

Heels sound from behind me and my overly chipper mother's voice called out to me, Hayley! Let’s get going; you have school tomorrow. She was clearly oblivious to my state of distress.

I sighed and said my goodbyes to Gracie before collecting my things from the grass, I’m coming.

My mom tapped her fingers against the steering wheel and glanced back at me through the rear-view mirror, How was your night at kids church, baby?

Mom, I started impatiently, "I'm a pre-teen, pre-teens don't go to kids church."

She chuckled and nodded her head along, Right, my mistake. How was your night?

Horrible, thanks for asking. I deadpanned.

She gave me a quizzical look and I figured there was no harm in explaining the situation with Ricki.

Judging by the moment of silence that followed, I knew that she was about to disagree with me, I know you might not want to hear this, Hayley but she's right in a way, that boy can't pick you if he doesn't even know you're an option.

I gave her a disbelieving look, "Mom, I can’t just go up and talk to him."

Of course, you can, she rolled her eyes fondly. Try not to think about it and just go up and say hello.

She always knew how to frustrate me with her words that were meant to comfort. Either my mother had forgotten how it was to be young or she was never young in the first place. How was it fair for her to be defending Ricki instead of actually comforting me? Even if she was right, I still didn't know if I could just go up and talk to him. Then again, it might actually have been the only way. Worst case scenario: he would laugh in my face and I would have to move to Mexico and change my name.

As we near the gates that open up onto our property, I unbuckle my seat belt and move to the edge of my seat so I can reach around to tap my mom on the shoulder.

With a long-suffering sigh and what I could have sworn was a slight eye twitch, she stopped the car at the gate and turned to me. What is it?

I need to go talk to Madi about tonight. Please, please, please I begged.

Her immediate response was a head shake, I'll be making dinner soon and you have to feed the dogs. I groan and flop back on the seats, muttering things about 'unfairness.'

She eventually relents. Okay, fine! But you make it quick, Hayley Lanae, no more than 20 minutes, do you hear me?

I chose to ignore her orders, in favor of hopping out of the car instead and I gave her a halfhearted wave as I ran up the rock covered street. As soon as I reached Madi's property I slowed down, coming to more of a fast walk as I crossed her driveway and slid through the sliding glass door.

Upon entering the rec room, I noticed her older brother camped out on the green sofa in the far-right corner, face glued to the screen where he looked to be playing a shooting game. I couldn't tell you which one, they all looked the same to me. I passed the air-hockey and Foosball table before he even noticed I was there.

Madi is upstairs, he mentioned, hardly gracing me with more than a glance before he was turning back to his game.

With that information I ran through the laundry room that connected the rec room to the kitchen. I took a left and ran across the hardwood flooring that lined the kitchen, taking a hard right and rocketing myself up the stairs. My immediate guess was that she was in her room, but when I didn't find her there, I settled on searching all the rooms.

I groaned in frustration, leave it to Madi to completely disappear off the face of the earth in a time like this. Really, was it too much to ask that my best friend be sitting and waiting to give me great advice for this horrible situation? Not to mention, my mom would have my head on a silver platter if I exceeded her 20-minute rule.

I came back out onto the landing and tapped my foot, Madi!

A closet door creaked open behind me, and I turned just in time to see her blonde head peek out. Before her head was even fully out of the closet, she was making a noise of conformation. That was until she saw who was calling her name. She gave me a disbelieving look, Your mom let you come up here during dog feeding time?

I walked over to the closet door and knelt down, finding that Madi was huddled in blankets at the bottom of the closet with what looked to be Sweet Home Alabama playing on a small silver DVD player.

It should surprise me, but I really didn't have the time for it. Pause the movie, I need to talk.

She turned back to her movie, in no way pausing it, and moved to make herself comfortable again. What is it?

Ricki trouble, I whispered, mild disgust as I spoke her name.

She slammed the portable DVD player shut and turned to look at me, "Like, Ricki trouble, or Ricki trouble."

My eyebrows scrunched, What's the difference?

Huge, she concluded and crawled out of the closet at last. My mom is hosting girl’s night tonight, so we should probably go to my room.

Nodding my head in agreement, I followed after her. I have to be home in like 10 minutes, or my mom is going to kill me.

I can work with that, as she said this she shrugged and shut her door and came to sit by me on the bed.

So, we’ve got a situation, I leaned back against the wall by the bed.

With Ricki, yes, she made an aborted motion, I figured as much.

We need to kill her, I concluded seriously, She's stealing my man,

I did not hate Ricki, she used to be one of my best friends in fact, but for whatever reason, my love for him made for a heart full of hate towards anyone who was a potential threat to steal him.

Madi paused at the words before she gave me a once over, Orange isn’t really your color. I landed an unimpressed look onto her and she patted my knee, "I would normally be all for getting her out of the picture, but honey, she squeezed my knee, I would hate for you to live your life in the color orange."

Disappointed with her response, I crossed my arms, Well how else am I going to get him to like me before he likes her?

"Well considering this is Ricki we're talking about; you already have a head start. She held up a finger before I could get another word in, But, he can’t just like you over her if you don’t exist to him, you should probably at least introduce yourself before planning a wedding."

I threw my hands up in the air, Yeah, because just walking up to him is the best plan in the world.

She then leveled with me and gave me her infamous look that screams 'are you really questioning my tactics right now.' "We both know that I'm always right." she said matter of factly.

I stand up and sigh, Yes, I remember.

Good, she smiled proudly and brushed at her jeans. Now say it.

I let my head fall back and groaned, Always right.

She was always right, it was true. She was the only person in my life that gave me her honest opinion at everything I said or did. She was real, and she was the only one who I could count on fully and completely with anything. It was the kind of friendship that gave me confidence that there was indeed kindness and goodness in the world. It was the kind of friendship that was pure and irreplaceable in every sense.

You got that right! Her smirk quickly turned into a quiet snort and eye roll, I don’t know why I always go over this, you never listen anyways.

Maybe someday! I protested indignantly.

She didn’t seem very convinced to say the least. Probably because I hardly ever did listen to any piece of advice that she had given to me, despite her always being right. But that was the great thing about her, she always kept trying to help my stubborn self.

Not even seconds later we heard the ring of Madi's home phone and then, it being answered.

I bet that was your mom, Hay.

I hope not, I muttered and walked over to look through her cd collection.

I bet Donovan is going to come in at any moment, ready 3…2… There was a loud knock at the door, right on cue, followed by Donovan sticking his head into the room.

Hayley that was your mom. She says to send you home, he informed before turning back around to close the door.

Of course, she did, I sighed and hugged Madi. See ya later.

See ya later, Hay, she flopped back down on her bed, Now hurry before she grounds you!

When I got back to my yard, I noticed my mom was standing by the window, waiting for my arrival.

Get to bed, I fed the dogs already, she said when I was within ear range. Goodnight and I love you, her voice was monotone and uninterested. No doubt the product of me going over the twenty-minute limit.

I jumped over the gate that separated my dogs from the kitchen and ran down the hall to my door, lying down on my bed, and kicking my shoes off immediately.

I tried to sleep that night, but it felt like such a task would be impossible after seeing him. Instead, I sat up and reached for a piece of paper and a bright blue pen. Obviously, the only logical thing, the only other thing that I felt like would display my feelings and prove to him I was his girl, forever, the only thing that was left to do was write him a song that showcased my love for him.

Chapter 2: The Song

Music is a universal form of communication. No matter what language it is in or what the lyrics represent, it has the potential to make everyone that hears it, feel something. Music is powerful. When you look back on memories from the past, you might not be able to tell someone all of the details from that moment, until a song that was playing brings the details flooding back.

I woke up to the sound of my mother singing Good Morning Sunshine as she ripped my curtains open, letting the bright rays flood inside.

Mom! I groaned into my pillow, You might as well shine a flashlight in my eyes!

She continued to sing merrily as if I had never spoken to her.

A good while later, after I'd gotten dressed, brushed my teeth, and ate, I snatched the song I had started to write and folded it into tiny squares so it would fit in my back pocket.

My mom's voice calls from the kitchen, Let’s go! I rolled my eyes and scrambled into the back of the car.

Good morning, honey. How’d you sleep?

With a bright faux smile and a cheerful attitude, I replied, I slept good for one whole hour, thank you

Her eyebrows scrunched in worry and she eyed me in the rear-view mirror, You got how many hours of sleep? Why?

I was writing a song I stated proudly, as if I had just written a number one hit, It’s confessing my love to Austin!

Night is for sleeping not writing, she scolded, And why don’t you just talk to him?, my mom questioned.

Doesn’t she know that night is the best time for writing? When it is silent and the only thing that you can hear is your thoughts. When the only thing that surrounds you is the clarity of those thoughts and the ability to write them on paper in an eloquent way.

I can’t just talk to him, I explained that before. I have to do something else to catch his attention? I smiled and leaned forward waiting for a supportive reaction.

I still don’t know why you don’t just go talk to him, Hayley.

Well, mom, I have to step up my game quickly and win Austin's heart before Ricki does.

You act like he’s a toy Hayley. He's a boy and he’s a nice gentleman, you don’t have to write him a song, just say ‘hello’.

My eyes got wide, How do you know all that? Have you talked to him?

Of course, I have. I’m the youth leader!

I just sat there totally awestruck that my mom had spoken to this boy that I only thought of speaking to in my dreams.

I believe he has a sister named Kacie who also goes to kids’ church, she added helpfully.

Really? A smile spread across my face as I had already begun to plan out all the questions, I would have to ask her about him. This was my one opportunity, after all.

The rest of the car ride to school was silent besides my mother's 80’s music blaring through the stereo. When we finally arrived at the huge grey building - that I liked to compare to a prison - I hopped out of the car onto the school grounds.

I take a look around at all the other immature children around me. I felt older than the rest of them, more mature. After all, I had my very own handwritten song in my back pocket, I hardly thought any of those other kids had a love so strong they wrote about it.

I ran to the playground to see if Madi had arrived yet, but I could not find her for the life of me, so I sat down in the field instead and pulled out my song. Even though I had been up all night, I only had one line written and couldn't seem to come up with any other lyrics.

The first time you opened your eyes was as far as I had gotten. Feeling stupid and useless for not being able to write more lyrics, I became discouraged. People write love songs all the time, so why couldn’t I? Easier said than done, I suppose. I thought of all the Taylor Swift songs I had heard, and how cheery they were because she was in love with this boy and he loved her back. Right then, I decided my song to him would not be cheery, but the lyrics would be meaningful, and sad. It would be sad because it was an unrequited love.

'What happened when he first opened his eyes?' was the question I kept asking myself, but I couldn't find the words to explain that particular feeling. There were so many things I could say, things I felt when he opened his eyes, but none that I could mold into words.

It was a weird feeling, being at a loss for words. I was usually such a good writer in my English class. I didn't know why I couldn't think of the words to describe my emotions then.

As I stared off at the bright blue sky, it reminded me in that moment of his eyes. That was it: the sky. When he opened his eyes, it was as if I was looking at the bright blue sky. I scrambled to get my paper out, but before I could the 'ding ding ding' of the bell that signaled the start of school rang throughout the playground.

I grabbed my backpack and shoved the paper back into my pocket. I would have to brainstorm later.

I arrived in my small classroom that smelled like dirt, Teddy Grahams, and my teacher’s floral air scents. I sat at my little personal desk and pulled out my paper again as the teacher started to talk about announcements. I wasn't exactly focusing on anything she was saying, instead, I was more concerned with finding the words to describe his eyes.

Today for science we are going to study the ocean and the tide and waves and what creates the tide and waves, Mrs. Jackson's words filtered through my haze.

Just then, I knew what his eyes reminded me of. The first time he opened his eyes I saw the blue waves of the ocean crashing in on me. That would be the next lyric.

So far, I was proud of my song. Even though there were only two lyrics, it still accurately described my love for him.

All through the class, every subject, every class discussion, I was focused on that song. I loved him and needed to prove it. It felt like the most important thing in the world to me.

Just then it hit me. When he opened his eyes, it was like the blue waves of the ocean were crashing in on me, that moment I fell in love with him; thus, the new lyric was written, that moment I fell in love with you.

Class dismissed. Recess time! were the only words that I actually heard for the first part of the day. I started running out of the classroom, pencil in hand with all the rest of the kids.

Hayley, Mrs. Jackson called out, ceasing my steps, Would you come back here? I would like to talk with you. I walked over to her and stood in front of the desk. Hayley, it's not normal for you to be acting this way in class. I could tell that you weren't paying attention. What's on your mind sweetie?"

What was on my mind? Oh nothing. Except the fact that there was a gorgeous boy I needed to write a song for before he fell for a mean girl. Multiple possible responses circled in my head. I’m sorry, Mrs. Jackson. I’m just not feeling very good today, won the vote.

Do you need to go to the nurse? Do you feel sick?

I sighed as if I were being brave and would stick through the day like some sort of trooper. No, I'll be okay.

Alright honey. Head out with the other kids. Take it easy though and come back ready to learn!

Right. Like that was going to happen, I thought. Sure thing, Mrs. Jackson!

I found Madi on the swing set when I made my way out onto the playground. She was refusing her seat to the little fat boy in front of her.

Not going to happen! She shouted down to him when he asked her to give him a turn,

Count to 100 and then I will give you a turn, she stated confidently, knowing perfectly well that was an impossible task for the first grader.

Madi! I need you. Come here. I urged her by waving at her to get off the swing.

She looked at the little boy dead in the eye. I’m doing this for her, not you. He jumped on the swing and looked at me with much appreciation. I nodded at him and turned to Madi.

I explained my plan to her. She was very supportive as usual, and critical.

Not that writing a song isn't totally awesome, but maybe you should stop thinking about him for a while?

Madi, I gasp, That’s it! You just helped me with my song!

Oh gosh, she intones, How did I do that?

I ignored her in favor of writing the lyrics down. Those love potion eyes kept me thinking about you for a while. I finished writing and read the lyrics out loud to Madi.

Love potion eyes, she deadpanned.

It's deep! I defended proudly.

When recess was over, we went back into the classroom. Mrs. Jackson taught us about all kinds of boring stuff throughout the rest of the day that would never be useful, except in her class.

All the sudden, I paused in mid breath. I wasn’t thinking about him this whole time. That was a record. Maybe his image had faded, maybe he opened his eyes, and this made me love him but not forever, just