Wake Up, You're Having Another Nightmare

By Nathan Aguinaga

"An extremely remarkable book created with fearlessness, strength, honesty and every other ingredient that phenomenal soldiers are made of."  -Colonel John Schwemmer, US Army

These are the personal experiences of the author and his wife in dealing with the posttraumatic stress disorder that he was di

• Language: English
• Publisher: Koehler Books
• Release date: Nov 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9781646631681

Nathan Aguinaga

Nathan Aguinaga is a retired master sergeant who served twenty years in the US Army. He is also an accomplished author with Koehler Books where he started with his three-part series, which includes Division: Life on Ardennes Street, Roster Number Five Zero, and Wake Up: You're Having Another Nightmare. After the series, he wrote One Term: A Current-Day Political Assassination. All four books still currently receive excellent ratings on Amazon.

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When the first plane hit tower one, it seemed to be an accident. When the second plane hit tower two, it was an obvious deliberate attack. When the third plane hit the Pentagon, it was a declaration of war against the United States of America.

—President George W. Bush

His take on the attacks that occurred on the morning of September 11, 2001

A US-led military response was inevitable at this point, and the entire world knew it was soon coming.

On that day, thousands of US military Active Duty, Reserve, National Guard, and their family members’ lives would forever change.

When I was a teenager growing up in the mid to late 1980s, I used to watch war movies such as Rambo, Platoon, and Full Metal Jacket. I wished I could have been a Vietnam War veteran growing up in that particular era of the late 1960s and early 1970s. In 2003, when I served as an Infantry Platoon sergeant in the 82nd Airborne Division fighting in the Middle East, I realized the phrase Be careful for what you wish for.

praise for

Wake up,You’re having another nightmare

An extremely remarkable book created with fearlessness, strength, honesty and every other ingredient that phenomenal soldiers are made of. Nate’s unmatched courage to share his stories with us, and his wife Jessica’s relentless support through Nate’s most difficult times are, to say the least, incredibly inspiring.

—Colonel John Schwemmer, US Army

Nate Aguinaga and his wife, Jessica, do an excellent job of lifting the veil on life after serving and what it’s like to live with PTSD. Nate allows you into some of his most trying times, and Jessica speaks openly on loving Nate through some of his struggles with PTSD. Through this book both Nate and Jessica are able to accurately describe the burdens and joys that come along with serving our country as a service member or spouse. 

—Lisa Yearsin Flores, Support Contractor to the Office of Naval Research and Proud Army Wife to Army Corporal Benjamin Flores

Sad but true, Nate does an awesome job describing the cumulative stresses of military combat operations and, more importantly, the aftereffects so many of our great warriors deal with on a daily basis. Knowing how to cope is so important! It was indeed an honor to serve with Nate and even more to know he is coping so very well with his own PTSD. A must read by all to fully understand—you are not alone.

—Command Sergeant Major (Retired) Michael Evans, US Army

The book was great! I am truly amazed at all Nate and his wife, Jessica, have weathered together! Nate is gifted at bringing the reader to exactly where he has been with the details he gives. His writing truly resonates. It was fascinating and impactful as well to hear from a loved one’s perspective on living with someone who has PTSD.

—Major Crystal Carroll, US Army

Nate’s third book ties the previous two books together, giving the reader intricate details of several of his firsthand accounts during Hurricane Katrina and tours in Iraq. These accounts provide insight on what a soldier has endured during conflict and relief events, which helps the reader understand what memories soldiers live with daily.

—Joshua Stufft, Operations & Logistics Manager, Marathon Pipe Line

WAKE UP, YOU’RE HAVING ANOTHER NIGHTMARE

NATHAN AGUINAGA

Wake Up, You’re Having Another Nightmare

by Nathan Aguinaga

© Copyright 2020 Nathan Aguinaga

ISBN 978-1-64663-168-1

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the author.

Published by

3705 Shore Drive

Virginia Beach, VA 23455

800–435–4811

www.koehlerbooks.com

TABLE OF CONTENTS

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1: 2003-2004—Just South Of Baghdad The Triangle of Death

CHAPTER 2: September 2005—New Orleans,Louisiana

CHAPTER 3: October 2000—Drill Sergeant School

CHAPTER 4: December 2000 to December 2002—My Time On The Trail

CHAPTER 5: 2008-2009—Kadhimiya District Northwest Baghdad

CHAPTER 6: Wake Up—Living With Someone Who Has Ptsd— A Testimonial From Jessica Aguinaga, Nathan’s Wife

CHAPTER 7: Counseling After Retirement

AcKNOWLEDGMENTS

Foreword

Memorial Day is a somber day for me, as it is for all veterans and their families. I try my best to visit a place which honors the fallen. This includes national cemeteries, the 9/11 memorial in New York City, and other places which honor fallen servicemembers. Regardless of where I can or cannot be, I dedicate much of the day in remembrance of those friends and soldiers I lost in our wars following 9/11. Sitting quietly with my wife on our porch on Memorial Day 2020, I shared a story of an IED which struck a vehicle carrying several of my soldiers. The blast was significant enough to lift a forty-ton vehicle off the ground and onto its side. Many of the vehicle’s occupants were evacuated by helicopter to a forward medical facility at a base I happened to be at. I rushed there to be present when they were brought in.

Early reports indicated that each of the soldiers was alive and not seriously injured. They were wheeled into the treatment room where Army doctors and nurses sprang into action. The soldiers were in shock, and I wanted them to know I was there. Perhaps it would give them some sense of comfort to see their commander and brother in this fierce fight we were in. I walked over to each of them, placed my hand atop their head, and looked them in the eye, telling them that I was with them and they were going to be okay. Each of them began to weep. I’ll never knew exactly what they were feeling, but they seemed to be tears of relief. They were alive and back in the relative safety of a fortified base. Their leader was here and would look after them.

They were alive in part because of a decision I made to stop the use of flat-bottomed, thin-skinned Humvee vehicles and transition to safer armored, V-hulled vehicles. Had these men been traveling in a Humvee, they would surely have been killed. I was able to stay with these soldiers and connect them with their family members via satellite telephone. I’ve always recalled this memory, but as I shared it with my wife, I began to weep. It had a profound impact on me, but I would not allow myself to truly feel it. I suppressed my emotions because I was the leader and needed to remain stoic and strong for my unit. In the safe company of my life partner, Leslie, a full decade after that incident, I reacted differently and I didn’t see it coming. It was a very healing experience. I mustered the courage to share a story I had not before and the courage to allow my true emotions to escape.

I’ve witnessed courage in numerous forms in my decades of military service. I’ve seen it through the actions of a US Army Jumpmaster extending his or her body fully outside the door of an aircraft while in flight. I’ve seen it in a military spouse who comforts children who see their mother or father off to war. I’ve seen it in combat where a young noncommissioned officer, in the most horrific of conditions, led his or her soldiers from the front. I’ve also witnessed it in the act of a combat veteran who seeks professional help to better manage the horrors which will never leave them. This book is a shining example of that courage. Nate Aguinaga, backed by his loving children and amazing wife, Jessica, sought the help of professionals to deal with his trauma. And while this act is courageous, it is even more courageous of a veteran (and his or her loving spouse) to produce a book which shares their deepest struggles with the world. Nate and Jessica display this courage in the pages ahead.

Combat injures a warrior for life, and while many of us return from war without a physical scratch, the real damage lies beyond view in our psyche. No warrior will ever escape the gruesome sights, sounds and smells of combat. Leaders like Nate will carry their decisions and words, right or wrong, with them forever. Some of these memories and images may lie dormant, resurfacing in odd times when a sight, sound or smell triggers a memory. Veterans handle these horrors in a variety of ways. Their effects manifest in a variety of ways such as overdrinking, drug abuse, abuse, depression and even suicide. Nate shares his own reactions vividly in this book. Some veterans may feel the effects of combat only after they transition and are gone from the security and camaraderie of their military tribe. Some will struggle immediately after these experiences. Most professional counselors and psychiatrists promote journaling and sketching as part of a larger approach to manage this trauma. I suspect this book was very healing for Nate and maybe even for his family. One thing is for certain: Nate is not alone.

I saw myself in his stories. I recalled the stench, the dryness of my mouth and tightening of my chest. I remembered the images, which I can still see clearly, and my words and actions. They are still very much alive in me, and, like Nate, I too must turn to writing, talking, counseling, and to the enduring support of my family, especially my wife, Leslie. I could identify with Nate and Jessica’s relationship and their journey dealing with Nate’s trauma. Like Nate, I am proud of my service in the US Army. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Freedom is not free. It will always come at a cost. Combat veterans like Nate Aguinaga are the bill payers for our freedom, and the receipt for their service is the suffering they carry well beyond the battlefield.

Nate gives it to you as he does in all of his books, in true noncommissioned officer fashion—raw and unadorned. Wake Up, You’re Having Another Nightmare is a book every combat veteran and their spouse should read. Nate will be the first to tell you the publishing of this book is not the final bandage for his wounds. He is on a journey of healing and has taken concrete steps in that direction. Moreover, he continues to serve, sharing his story for the benefit of other veterans. If you have picked up this book, you are probably a veteran, spouse, family member or a person passionate about serving those who have served our nation. Wake up from your own nightmare. Start with this book, then display courage as Nate has by seeking help. Turn the page and get started. Wake up.

—Colonel (Retired) Rob Campbell, US Army

Author, It’s Personal, Not Personnel: Leadership Lessons for the Battlefield and the Boardroom and At Ease: A Soldier’s Story and Perspectives on the Journey to an Encore Life and Career

Two of the most insulting questions anyone can ever ask a combat veteran is, Have you ever killed anybody, or, How many people have you killed?

A few days after I got back from Iraq in 2004, my wife and I were shopping at the Post Exchange on Fort Bragg. When we were done, we were walking to our vehicle in the parking lot. She noticed a toy on the ground that must have fallen out of somebody’s cart. It was brand new, still in its box. As she approached it, I began screaming at her, Get the fuck away from it—it’s gonna fucking blow! I then realized where I was at and looked around as others in the parking lot were looking at me with signs of shocked confusion. A little over a year later, she became my ex-wife.

INTRODUCTION

Make no mistake about it. I am not crazy or mentally deranged. I do not suffer from a bi-polar or schizophrenia disorder, nor do I even suffer at all, for that matter—not in my opinion, anyway, but then again, I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, either. The truth of the matter is that I’ve been afraid to write this book, because when you write a book, you have to take yourself back to the moments you are talking about. That has been difficult for me. When I decided to go ahead and attempt to write this, I had to convince myself that I had to not only be honest with the readers, but with myself first. I do have guilt, shame, and embarrassment. That’s okay, though, because I am a human being who is still trying to figure out life.

I do not feel sorry for myself, and it is difficult for me to feel sorry for other adults around me, especially those that can care for themselves. Do I fly off the handle at times when things do not go my way and in a prompt and timely manner? Hell yes, I do, and quite frequently, I might add. Is it because of my Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or because of the fact that I spent almost my entire twenty years in the Army as a leader that demanded positive results at all times and quickly? I think more of the latter.

In 2009, I was clinically diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from an Army psychiatrist. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or simply PTSD, is a psychological disorder when an individual believes or encounters a moment or moments when his or her life could end and/or has seen death. Not only military members, but police officers, firefighters, and first responders encounter this throughout their careers for serving their daily duties as well. So do children or adults that have been part of a bad, emotional experience, such as abuse, a car accident, etc. Most of my friends where I live currently are firefighters and first responders, and we talk about what they see commonly on their call-out