Severely Skewed

By III D.P. Smith

Daniel Case suddenly has the opportunity to travel back in time, armed with all the knowledge he now possesses. Daniel is unhappy with his life. His home, his job, his trophy wife, all the trappings that go with his successful career as an insurance agent, it still leaves him feeling unfulfilled. So he jumps at the chance to grab something even

• Language: English
• Publisher: Palmetto Publishing
• Release date: Oct 9, 2020
• ISBN: 9781641119702

III D.P. Smith

Growing up on the beautiful Eastern Shore of Maryland, D.P. Smith was always enamored of the music, the life, and the times of Elvis Presley. He is the author of the best-selling fictional book Elvis Returns to Graceland, and spent many weeks doing research for the book while living in an RV right across the street from Elvis' stately Graceland home.His latest book, The Golden Arm Gentleman is D.P.'s first journey into non-fiction. He writes about one of his heroes from his youth, Baltimore Colt's legendary quarterback, Johnny Unitas. Many know of the great accolades achieved by the late Hall of Famer on the field, but this book is more about Unitas, the man, and his incredible persona off the football field. His generosity and philanthropic ways made him known to many as The Golden Arm Gentleman.

Book preview

THE REALITY OF LIFE

T

he bright glaze of a perfect Arizona skyline had Daniel Case squinting through his faux Maui Jim sunglasses as he anxiously merged from the Phoenix Sky Airport service road onto Sky Harbor Boulevard. But not even the hot August 17, 2018, heat which beat heavily down upon his rental car could spoil the incredible feeling one gets on the first day of a scheduled fourteen-day vacation. A vacation that he, his wife of thirty-nine years, Patty, and only grandson, nine-year old Gatlin had planned for since early March. The traffic was horrendous, a bumper-to-bumper mélange of rush-hour traffic, mixed in with the onslaught of airport cabbies and Uber drivers, all on a mission to get their precious cargo to the many attractions one finds in the Grand Canyon State.

Daniel's uneasiness wasn't so much that this was his first time to Phoenix as it was the irritating lady from Budget Car Rental who had downsized him to a Nissan Rogue instead of the Pathfinder that had been reserved through Quintin Travel since mid-March. He would be sure to let Paul Quinton know just how much that little car detail pissed him off once he returned to Norwalk, Connecticut, he, and Patty's lifelong hometown. Patty remained calm through the car incident, just as she tended to do through all of the Case crises that tended to arise seemingly on a daily basis. Truth be told, Patty had suggested that they use AAA back in the early planning stages of the vacay. But it was Daniel who said that he knew a guy to book the entire trip with that was half the price of AAA and loaded with great deals and things to do. But that was Daniel, always trying to come off as the one in the know.

The only thing bigger than his ego was his ability to toss around the bullshit, an art form as he called it, which in his younger years had seemed to serve him quite well working in the competitive insurance industry. But the hometown industry started to flounder because of the fucking majors, as Daniel angrily referred to them. In his twenty-seven years working for the local, family-owned Bellows Insurance Agency, he came to despise the deluge of television ads from major insurance companies such as State Farm, Allstate, Progressive and Geico, among others. Daniel was even quite candid about his disdain for the various spokespersons associated with those same companies. As an example, his hatred for the fictional character Flo from Progressive was certainly evident once you walked into his small, cramped yet cozy office. To the left of his small desk, credenza, and the fading 1979 wedding picture of Patty and him was a Progressive Insurance poster of a perky and smiling Flo…with Sharpie-drawn sagging breasts, devil horns, and a goatee. The artwork was from none other than Daniel J. Case, and it garnered quite the comments around the watercooler from the employees of the eighty-seven-year-old family agency.

In any event, Daniel's checks were getting smaller and smaller as a result from the steady decline in his customer base, and he knew it. But the real problem was that, despite the dramatic decline in his income, Daniel and Patty were continuing to spend money like there was no tomorrow. Daniel's father, David, who sadly died in April of this year, once made the comment to both Daniel and his daughter-in-law that they went through money like shit through a goose. Daniel and his father were quite close, and the goose shit comment bothered him initially, but in his heart, he knew that his dad was right. Once again it was his giant ego that was feeding his need to feed his very being, that of being a big shot, who knew it all. And that took a boatload of money for sure, along with all the other trappings of success: a huge home in West Norwalk, as well as a small vacation home in Newport, club memberships, the cars, and, of course, the trophy wife at home.

But there was no doubt that Daniel had come to a major crossroad in his life as his personal customer business had started to take a serious slide into the abyss. He really needed to be back in Norwalk, banging away on the company call list, trying to recapture lost customers from the fucking majors. The head of the agency, Stan Bellows, had had the talk with Daniel, the talk that all salesmen dread. One that came with a six-month follow-up and a stern ultimatum: start selling your quota or get the hell out. So, Daniel aptly responded to his disappointed boss by initially exerting additional efforts to try to procure more sales. But despite the intestinal fortitude put forth by Daniel, his sales continued to languish where bottom-feeders feared to tread.

Finally, in early August, Daniel told himself that he needed a break, and he intended to go on a planned dream vacation with his wife and grandson. The very fact that he was in severe financial trouble as well did not really seem to matter to him. He would use all of the credit cards that he had at his disposal - those that had balances left on them, that is. Yes, he theorized, he needed to get away, to refresh, to reenergize, and then return to work, ready to rock the house! This even though Daniel's six-month follow-up was fast approaching in September, and he had not made inroads in achieving his sales quotas. But this was a vacation that had been planned for a while, and he planned to take it, come hell or high water. The fact that the vacation was paid for on his jacked-up American Express card was none of Stan's damn business. And more to the point, the fact that Daniel had not made a payment on his mortgage, let alone his Amex account, in a few months, was certainly news that no one, including Patty would be privy to. When hearing of Daniel's plans, his irritated boss just shook his head and walked away, telling him that they would revisit everything when Daniel got back.

So, just like that, Daniel was leaving for the West Coast. Yes, Daniel was in full free-fall mode. He knew that he should probably be at work right now, banging the call lists, including a national database loaded with fresh millennials right out of college and susceptible to buying decreasing term-life insurance policies. But, like he bragged to many of his coworkers, when one has the opportunity to take a break from the daily, mundane routine, you just do it. Because when you really start to think about it, Daniel philosophically stated to anyone who would listen, my existence itself is for a very short time, just a tiny blip on the proverbial radar screen of life. And, as much as Daniel believed that the recital of his newfound mission statement always sounded more like a Rod Serling beginning byline from one of his favorite shows, The Twilight Zone, at sixty years old, he honestly believed that his life was flying by him. That he was truly missing out on so many different things. There were just too many lost opportunities at being the successful entrepreneur that he always believed he could be. Oh, how he longed for that time in his life when he started out hungry and was ready to be the next John DeLorean. That wonderful time in his life when he was young, dumb, and full of cum. Patty would always blush whenever Daniel would use that common language, as she called it. Daniel, on the other hand, would always grin and yearn for admiration from whoever was there to hear it, just as if he were Jimmy Kimmel delivering his opening monologue to adoring fans.

So, despite the fact that there was a lot of bad stuff going on in the life of one Daniel J. Case right now, both he and his wife would not be denied their fourteen days of fun in the sun in both Arizona and southern California. As the white Nissan Rogue finally made its way onto Route 202, grandson Gatlin was in the back seat busy playing Pokémon on his iPad, seemingly oblivious to his Pappy's Clark Griswold routine or comments.

Time to make some quick road tracks…or maybe you don't want to see the world's largest bowl of chili, which is only four short hours away, heh, heh, heh Daniel said.

With her trademark smile, Patty recognized the Chevy Chase schtick that her husband used frequently. Gatlin, whose mother, Katie, was Daniel and Patty's only child, was an incredibly gifted lad. The nine-year-old was in accelerated classes, a superb soccer player, and was reading on a seventh-grade level. Gatlin's father, William, and Katie had divorced after a ten-year marriage. A marriage that Daniel bragged set him back about $40,000. In reality, it was about $25,000, but in typical Daniel fashion, the cost was embellished as to impress those that he could spout off his line of bullshit to. But truly, Daniel loved Katie, his little girl, his little punke doodle, as he so affectionately called her. He practically gave her everything her heart desired. But despite being quite privileged, the Cases both said that you would never know that from spending just a few minutes with their thirty-five-year-old princess. His little angel was a very giving and unselfish person who gave so much of her time and resources to those less fortunate. So the original plan was to bring Katie along on the summer sojourn, but it fizzled at the last moment when Katie could not get off the time from work. While this greatly disappointed both Daniel and Patty, they remained thrilled to at least be able to spend some quality time alone with their only grandchild.

Daniel was at ease as he drove down the majestic desert highway. He glanced over at his blond-haired, hazel-eyed bride, who at that moment was busy rubbing Oil of Olay into her hands. Her quick glance and sweet smile took him back to when he first met Patricia Oliver back in 1976 as a freshman at the University of Connecticut. Life then was so much different than it was at the present time. He remembered the intense emotion of the raw physical passion, the warm embrace of sloppy wet kisses, and all that goes with an awkward college romance. Where had it all gone? No doubt, the candle had gone out in their relationship years ago. However, back in the day when Daniel was head over heels in love with her, the relationship sizzled. Nights of lying together in his dorm room, listening to Peter Frampton, reciting French poetry, and exploring each other's bodies from head to toe. It was more than just a whirlwind romance; it was pure nirvana.

After a couple of years of a very steamy relationship, he finally convinced her to elope with him to a cozy bed and breakfast in New Hampshire. And it was there in May of 1979 that they were married by the proprietors of the Seaside B & B, who were also ministers at the local Episcopal church. Daniel really went all out at their wedding, reciting French poetry and singing sappy Billy Joel songs. Patty was smitten by her incredible guy who made their wedding weekend so special. The French poetry was Daniel's idea, as he knew that it was Patty's personal hotspot, guaranteed to get her into a sexual frenzy, and Daniel certainly planned on being the beneficiary of her insatiable desires on their special night.

Daniel Case and his new bride returned to Norwalk with big news to deliver to both of their parents, siblings, and friends. Patty's parents, being the stout Catholics that they were, seemed deeply saddened that Patty had not included them in her special day. Patty's dad, like many a doting father who had always dreamed of walking his daughter down the aisle, seemed heartbroken. As for Daniel's parents, they really seemed oblivious to the whole matter and couldn't have cared less. Perhaps it was because in 1958, they, too, had eloped to get married, albeit for a totally different reason. Attending that particular ceremony performed