My Heart of Rice: A Poetic Filipino American Experience
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Through vivid and rhythmic poetry, My Heart of Rice moves to empower anyone who may have a difficult or unconventional relationship with their cultural identity. While Lanuza encourages acceptance of our unique details, she emphasizes the unity found in shared experiences and speaks of the inherent need for belonging, the youthful attem
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My Heart of Rice - Ashley C Lanuza
My Heart of Rice
My Heart of Rice
A Poetic Filipino American Experience
Ashley C. Lanuza
New Degree Press
Copyright © 2020 Ashley C. Lanuza
All rights reserved.
My Heart of Rice
A Poetic Filipino American Experience
ISBN
978-1-64137-371-5 Paperback
978-1-64137-281-7 Kindle Ebook
978-1-64137-282-4 Digital Ebook
To the manongs, to the activists, to the students, to my family, and to you.
Contents
A Note from the Author
Spoonful of Love
retelling
nanay gloria’s supermarket
homework on the kitchen table
dinner at seven p.m. part 1
dinner at seven p.m. part 2
our favorite
birthday parties
kamayan (hands)
Your Comida, My Vida
from sinaloa
twisted tongues
holding on to what I know
three
Playground Prejudices
kids on the playground
the little differences
rice versus beans
unchanging
Filipino Club of One
honorary latina
one to none
cultural exchange
holding on a little less
Partying Prototypes
nothing i am
lacking experience
sophomore year
birthday invites
Longing for Belonging
missing more than just friends
letting go of what I know
College-Level Disconnect
your dream come true
the lonely road
not ready to go
olvera street
University of Unlearning
recalling memories
fitting in
connecting unavailable
presenting convictions
defining the lines
Forgotten Histories
1700s – Saint Malo Settlements of New Orleans, Louisiana
shrimp paste
1904 – The Philippine Exhibition in St. Louis, Missouri
the Philippine Question
1920s – Migrating Men of Stockton, California
just like home
only golden sunsets
the good
the bad
the american dream
exit signs
empty spaces
1965 – Creation of the United Farm Worker’s Association in Delano, California
please rise
united front
¡si, kaya natin!
1970s – Demolishing the International Hotel in San Francisco, California
the night of ’77
1990s to Present – Overseas Filipino Workers
landline
cell phone
Community Conditions
hiya (noun)
stem
mental
unfair
utang na loob
intergenerational conflict
model minority
hive
in my silence
It’s the Little Things
birthplace
enemy of the nation
american exotica
it’s not that serious
to be
Common Conditions
surnames
collectivist choices
to dads:
to moms:
degraded degrees
what they won’t tell you
enforcing expectations
eyes on you
borders
no better
Rebirth
lightning strike
this is filipino
broken perfection
hesitation
Student Activism
self-led
self-investment
self-evaluation
self-awareness
self-criticism
Far from the Finish Line
lost in one place
finding space
undo the cliques
always redefining
Two Flags Only
pueblo
abroad in Barcelona
present
Conversations Lost in Translation
no questions, no answers
awkward silence
be quiet
to: me
hope and doubt
Work in Progress
awakened
claiming
I am
to lolocon:
Appendix
References
Acknowledgements
A Note from the Author
Where did you learn to cook?
I asked my grandfather with childlike curiosity.
The silver pot bubbled on the stove as sunset’s orange-yellow beams flooded the stained countertop. Using the towel thrown carelessly over his shoulder, he wiped the sweat off his brow.
Oh,
Lolocon sighed, squinting at a memory only he could see. In the Philippines, I was responsible for my seven younger siblings. I learned to cook to feed all of them. And now I just cook all the time.
He shrugged his shoulders in the humble way he always does, but I could see the ghost of a smile play on his lips. Lolocon rested his hand on his hip while stirring the aromatic pot of meat marinated in spices and sauces.
Go finish your homework, na,
he prodded, almost begging me to leave him alone, ladle in hand and proud of his stovetop creation.
I am starting where everything starts—home. Home is the foundation of all that we learn: love, comfort, tradition, and food. Food is such an integral part of home life because of the multisensorial way it satisfies our taste buds, appetites, relationships, and souls. The social power of food lies in its story, myth, or origin. Hot dogs mean baseball parks, buttered popcorn means movies, burgers mean American, and les escargots goes to the French. Food represents these different cultures, so, in a sense, we consume culture—literally.
When we consume culture, we determine our likes and dislikes, seeking more of what pleases us. During my travel abroad in Europe, I had an authentic German schnitzel platter consisting of breaded pork, mashed potatoes smothered with gravy, and a side of boiled, sweet red cabbage. The meal gave me a sense of the country’s taste for hearty flavors that paired well with their love for refreshing beers. Moreover, I found I really liked the contrast of a sharp cabbage cutting through softened starches. I continued to search for the same experience I had when consuming that food because it made me content in a sitting near the fire on a cold winter’s day
type of way. (I found a similar experience in the Czech Republic, a country fond of its pilsner.) In consuming culture, we consume the knowledge offered to us. Thus, we deepen our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
This is the story of my culture consumption, particularly my Filipino American