Last Dance

By Nicole Zelniker

“Last Dance is the impressive debut short story collection from Nicole Zelniker. With her clear, accessible prose and sharp insights into the human condition, she skillfully illuminates such difficult themes as HIV, eating issues, and mother/daughter dynamics, with an eye that is perceptive and unsettling, but not without redemption. Stori

• Language: English
• Publisher: Atmosphere Press
• Release date: Jan 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781646693429

Nicole Zelniker

Nicole Zelniker (she/her) is a writer and activist currently living in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. She is the author of several books, including Mixed, Last Dance, and Letters I'll Never Send.

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Praise for Nicole Zelniker’s LAST DANCE

"Last Dance is the impressive debut short story collection from Nicole Zelniker. With her clear, accessible prose and sharp insights into the human condition, she skillfully illuminates such difficult themes as HIV, eating issues, and mother/daughter dynamics, with an eye that is perceptive and unsettling, but not without redemption. Stories such as ‘Aftermath’, ‘Lucky,’ or ‘Hands’ clearly demonstrate her emerging talent."

– Geraldine Mills, author of Hellkite

Zelniker’s collection of stories gives voice to the unheard, to the lost, and to those who feel invisible, vulnerable, and are struggling to be embraced. The writing is filled with weighty details and metaphors that make the stories sing.

– Sandra Fox Murphy, author of Aging Without Grace

Nicole Zelniker has produced a splendid debut collection of well-crafted, original, wonderfully readable coming-of-age tales. A delightful collection by a gifted storyteller.

– Jay Neugeboren, author of Imagining Robert

In her willingness to go places dark and light, and in prose that is both crystal clear and palpably suggestive, Nicole Zelniker reminds us that to be human means to move in complex concert with others, even when our individual dances feel like strange, dizzying solos. Watching her characters contend with the motions of their lives is like being allowed inside a room you recognize but take in from a fresh, exposed corner. A wonderful debut collection.

– Mylène Dressler, author of The Last To See Me

LAST DANCE

Nicole Zelniker

atmosphere press

Copyright © 2020 Nicole Zelniker

Published by Atmosphere Press

Cover design by Nick Courtright

nickcourtright.com

Cover image: Peaches, Persica vulgaris

by Pierre-Joseph Redout

No part of this book may be reproduced

except in brief quotations and in reviews

without permission from the publisher.

Last Dance

2019, Nicole Zelniker

atmospherepress.com

Table of Contents

Part One: Bodies

Snap, 3

Eve, 11

Fever Dreams, 26

Crash, 35

Part Two: Childhood

Atlanta, 41

Aftermath, 48

The Air We Breathe, 56

Last Dance, 62

Part Three: Family

Dress Rehearsal, 73

Hands, 84

Winter Waves, 92

Lucky, 97

For Rachel and Sandi,

forever my number one fans.

And for everyone who has ever

taught me the power of words.

PART ONE: BODIES

"My body offers me the power of presence.

My body is powerful."

– Roxane Gay

Snap

The first time Catherine Zheng slept with Johnny Phillips, she was fourteen and he was sixteen. It was Catherine’s first high school party. Johnny had invited her – he knew the boy hosting, a senior – and Catherine’s friends wouldn’t stop talking about it for days. You can’t take us with you? It’s not fair! Cat, you’re going to a party with Johnny Phillips. Do you have any idea what this means? She didn’t, really. Johnny was a popular boy at school, but outside of it, he was just Johnny, the boy she had known practically since she was born, the boy down the street whose parents sometimes had her family over for dinner or holidays.

Catherine told her parents that she and Johnny were going to a movie with a few other friends. She did her makeup in the car on the way and changed into Johnny’s older sister’s blouse in the back seat.

Someone handed her a beer in the doorway. One of the guys who played on the football team with Johnny. Hank or Harris or something like that. She smiled and sipped it slowly. The next thing she knew, she was spread out on a mattress with no sheets in the dark. Johnny was lying on top of her and there was a sharp pain between her legs. When she cried out, the pressure stopped, but the pain persisted. Her thighs were wet and sticky. What’s wrong, Cat?

What are you doing? she whispered.

You said you wanted to do this, Johnny frowned.

Catherine sat upright. Her black hair was damp and sticking up all over. Her bangs were plastered to her forehead. Johnny, I don’t remember. She started to cry.

Johnny put his arms around her and whispered, Shh. She cried into his shoulder. His shirt was lying on the floor, intertwined with hers. I’m sorry. You said you wanted to.

Catherine and Johnny didn’t start dating until she was twenty and he was twenty-two. Catherine’s mother almost cried when she told her.

I knew you would be together, she said. Catherine nodded and accepted her tearful embrace.

Catherine had slept with two other guys since the party six years ago at Johnny’s friend’s house. Once, when she was eighteen, she slept with her then-boyfriend, another high school senior at the time. He was a virgin. She lied and said she was, too. Again, a month before she started dating Johnny, she slept with a guy at a fraternity party.

So you’re not a virgin, right? he asked. She shook her head. How many men have you slept with? he asked.

Lots, she said.

When Catherine visited Johnny at school, they had sex for the second time. When they were done, Johnny turned toward Catherine. She was lying on her back, looking at the ceiling. You okay? Johnny asked. Catherine turned her head toward the wall and nodded, and Johnny grinned. Cool, he said. D’you want to go for another round?

I’m kind of tired, she said.

C’mon, Cat, Johnny whined. Just one more time.

Johnny –

Johnny rolled away from her – a difficult feat in a twin bed, Catherine thought – pulling the covers off her naked body. She grabbed the blanket from underneath.

Fine. Whatever.

Johnny, I didn’t mean –

I said it’s fine, he said, his voice muffled by his grey and blue checked pillow. They ended up having sex.

She was eleven when she overheard her mother and Mrs. Phillips talking in the kitchen. Johnny and his older sister were playing on the swing set in Catherine’s back yard. Their fathers were barbecuing in the back. Catherine went inside to use the bathroom and heard her name.

– Catherine and Johnny, Catherine’s mother was saying. She was facing the doorway, so Catherine could see her dark eyes shining.

I know, they’re so cute together, said Johnny’s mother.

Catherine peeked around the doorframe. What are you guys talking about? she asked.

The mothers giggled. Oh, nothing, Johnny’s mother said. She was tall and blonde, like Johnny, with a lipstick just a touch too dark to look natural. Both women had their hair pulled back in nearly identical buns.

Pumpkin, why don’t you help us with the watermelon? Catherine’s mother said, handing her a plate of pink, dripping fruit. Catherine took it outside to the men at the barbecue.

If you’re dating someone, can they have sex with you when you don’t want to? Catherine asked.

Catherine’s college roommate cocked her head. What are you talking about?

The two of them were sitting on Catherine’s bed sharing popcorn and school anxieties. Catherine typed an essay on her laptop while her roommate flipped through some sociology textbook. I dunno. Sometimes when Johnny and I have sex, I don’t really want to, I mean –

But you’re his girlfriend, Catherine’s roommate interrupted, taking a fistful of popcorn from the bag on Catherine’s lap.

I guess.

Stop complaining, Catherine’s roommate said, rolling her eyes. At least you have a boyfriend.

When she was twenty-one, Catherine’s mother held a Christmas party for their neighbors. Johnny’s parents came bearing the obligatory presents to put under the tree. Johnny came bearing his favorite Tic-Tacs and hope that he could catch Catherine under the mistletoe.

You guys shouldn’t have, Catherine’s mother exclaimed as she put the presents next to the ones she had gotten Johnny and his parents.

We also brought brownies, Johnny said, taking them from his father. I’ll put them in the kitchen for you, Mrs. Zheng.

Oh, Johnny, no, let me, she said, and they passed the plate again.

So, Catherine, Johnny’s father said, following Johnny and Catherine’s mother into the kitchen. How’s school?

Oh, it’s good, she said. She moved a fruit plate away from the center of the table to make room for her mother and the brownies.

Johnny, you just got a job, didn’t you? asked Catherine’s father, joining them in the kitchen. How has that been?

I really like it, Mr. Zheng, thank you for asking, Johnny said. How is everything with you?

Same old, said Catherine’s father. Missing my girl. He moved next to Catherine and gripped her shoulder.

And you should, Johnny said, winking at Catherine. The parents all laughed and Catherine