Seek Help Or Die Trying: Surviving Drug Abuse

By Esther Morgan

The book is a riveting account of real life stories of how drug abuse affects one family. As you read mom’s story and her children’s stories, you will feel like you are on a roller coaster ride of conflicts and consequences.

The family becomes dysfunctional and family structure breaks down. All three children suffer thei

• Language: English
• Publisher: LitFire Publishing
• Release date: Sep 20, 2019
• ISBN: 9781643983660

Esther Morgan

"Esther Morgan wrote this true story with pen names to protect the character's identities. Drug abuse is a topical subject in our world today. It continues to rob many lives of success. The author wrote this story to reach out to all the parents, relatives, and friends who have been experiencing the effects of drug abuse and alcoholism. This book is for anyone who needs help. You are not alone. Esther has enjoyed writing since age 14 when she won a radio contest to complete the story. Since then she has written many successful stories. "

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Seek Help Or Die Trying

Surviving Drug Abuse

Copyright © 2019 by Esther Morgan

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher or author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Although every precaution has been taken to verify the accuracy of the information contained herein, the author and publisher assume no responsibility for any errors or omissions. No liability is assumed for damages that may result from the use of information contained within.

ISBN-13: 978-1-64398-366-0

Printed in the United States of America

LitFire LLC

1-800-511-9787

www.litfirepublishing.com

[e-mail]

Surviving Drug Abuse

or Die Trying

Esther Morgan

Contents

Chapter 1 A Mom’s Story

Chapter 2 The Effects of Drug Abuse

Chapter 3 Personal Aspects & Co-dependency

Chapter 4 The Black Day

Chapter 5 David’s Story

Chapter 6 Letters from Prison

Chapter 7 Daniel’s Story

Chapter 8 Letter’s from Daniel

Chapter 9 Life in Rehabilitation for Adolescents

Chapter 10 Life After Rehabilitation

Chapter 11 Daniel’s Stories

Chapter 12 Mom’s side of Daniel’s Story

Chapter 13 Sarah’s Story

Chapter 14 Sarah’s Teen Years

Chapter 15 Sarah’s Adult Years

Chapter 16 The Long Road

Chapter 1

A Mom’s Story

The drug abuse problem is presently out of control in our country and around the world. Our government is attempting to approach this problem to do something about it. This is good and we hope that it can be reduced significantly through th is effort.

Here are some statistics from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health in 2014 and four years later in 2018. We begin to understand why the government says drug and alcohol abuse is an epidemic now.

• "According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 21.5 million American adults (age 12 and older) battled a substance abuse disorder in 2014.

• Almost 80 percent of individuals suffering from a substance use disorder in 2014 struggled with an alcohol use disorder, NSDUH.

• Over 7 million Americans in 2014 battled a drug use disorder, per NSDUH.

• One out of every eight people who suffered from a drug use disorder in 2014, according to NSUDH, struggled with both alcohol and drug use disorders’ simultaneously."¹

A distressing statistic appeared in America’s news recently. The headline in Vice News on November 29, 2018 states that the "U.S. life expectancy is in an alarming decline. Here’s why. Suicide and drug overdose deaths drove another alarming year of decline in Americas’ life expectancy.

According to a series of government reports released Thursday, 70,237 people died of drug overdoses in 2017 ---an increase from the 63,632 overdose deaths the U.S. saw in 2016 and setting another record high --- while the nation’s suicide rate increased by 3.7 percent. According to government estimates, those deaths, often called ‘deaths of despair,’ helped push the U.S. life expectancy to 78.6 years, a decrease of one-tenth of a year from 2016 and a whopping three-tenths of a year since 2014." ²

The above statistics are important and need to be addressed. The intention of this writer is to introduce a more personal side to this problem. Since there are so many drug and alcohol abusers, we have to assume that there are families affected by it. We will presume the family members are not abusing drugs. However, we need to consider what part or negligence by family members created or assisted each drug abuser. It is not just the actual drug or alcohol offender that needs to be treated. Families need help also. I do want to address this fact.

There is a strong link between addiction and family heritage. My immediate family has been affected by drug abuse for the past 18 years. I did not have just one of my children abuse drugs; I had all three. They stole, fought, and shared different chemicals with each other, in an attempt to ease their problems. It is unusual in my experience for all three teenagers in one family to be submerged into the captivity of addiction. I am exposing my personal experience with the intention of helping families and friends going through this drama. If there is a family history of addiction, the likelihood of your children being affected is greater. My children’s father lived his life with an alcoholic father. My mother lived her life with an alcoholic father. My father’s brother was an alcoholic. My paternal cousins used drugs in the 1960’s and 1970’s. There have been studies done that prove family history has a role in addiction. Addiction is due 50 percent to genetic predisposition and 50 percent to poor coping skills. This has been confirmed by numerous studies. One study looked at 861 identical twins and 653 fraternal (non-identical) twin pairs. When one identical twin was addicted to alcohol, the other twin had a high probability of being addicted. But when one non-identical twin was addicted to alcohol, the other twin did not necessarily have an addiction. Based on the differences between identical and non-identical twins, the study showed 50-60 percent of addiction is due to genetic factors. (1) Those numbers have been confirmed by other studies. (2) The other 50 percent is due to poor coping skills, such as dealing with stress or uncomfortable emotions. ⁴

I have changed the names of my family members to protect them. At the time of initially starting this venture, two of my children are leading successful lives having spent a lot of time in recovery efforts, jail, and/or prison. My daughter is making encouraging strides, but has failed miserably many times. Her story is incomplete for various reasons. It is my intention to include parts of her story at this time of writing. We are communicating in a positive manner presently and I need to be supportive of her efforts. It may not be helpful to overwhelm her with questions about her drug use when I was not a part of her life. I became an estranged mom. Time lines are a blur.

I have received permission from each one of my children to expose their story. They trust me, which is a blessing. Each of my children will be given a copy of this writing before it is published to correct, examine, and remember the horror we went through. The readers can evaluate whether this was wise or insensitive. Parents need to know the reality of this hideous metamorphosis of our human condition when drugs become the controlling force in the lives of our children.

Chapter 2

The Effects of Drug Abuse

It may be helpful to include information adapted from the research work of Professor E.M. Jellinek and also work from the Valley Forge Addictions Program staff. It provides information about how addiction progresses. Their study states that one out of ten adults becomes addicted to mood altering chemicals which includes alcohol and/or drugs. This research I found has no date on it, so these numbers could have changed as it is an epidemic now. We have more people overdosing on opiates presently than ever before and various institutions are actively working on solutions.

In the early stage of addiction, one develops increased tolerance to their drug/s of choice. They sneak drugs and alcohol and they become preoccupied with chemicals. This part is like a seduction. The addict will gulp alcohol and or pills without any reasoning and control. This leads to denial and frequent blackouts.

In the second stage, they begin making excuses and develop alibis. If people get in their way, they use criticism to distract them. If this doesn’t work, they may use aggression. If they have morals, there could be remorse and guilt. They may provide periodic abstinence to prove they can control themselves. There will be changes in their lifestyle and social decay, such as a breakdown in relationships. There may be family dynamic changes as well, such as developing rules. At this time, there will start to be problems with their job as well as legal and financial problems. They may not be able to keep a job and they find it hard to even get another job. At this point, they may seek help. They have developed resentments and may feel suicidal. They might try to escape by moving in with another friend or relative and they may move to another state. They find a way to maintain their supply of chemicals and they use continuously. They will begin to have obvious health problems. Prolonged usage leads to the late stage of drug addiction.

The late stage is characterized by ethical breakdown, which means they begin doing things they said they would never do. There will be impaired thinking, jealousies, indefinable fears, tremors and shakes (alcoholism only), loss of coordination (alcoholism only), and a religious need. From here, this vicious cycle leads them to either chose death or recovery.

This is why this disease is so difficult to treat. By the time they chose to attempt recovery, it often takes longer to treat them. Most recovery programs run like a business, which means they need to continue treating clients in order to remain open. Most insurance companies only allow one month of treatment in a facility. This means the addict is out of funds to continue rehabilitation and either goes to a half-way house or returns to the same environment from which they came. Both options have a problem of not meeting the needs of the individual. Half-way houses are not cheap and the drug dealers seek them out to provide clients with their drug of choice. The temptation is strong when they are at their weakest point. If the individual returns to the same neighborhood they came from, the temptation is profound because the drug dealers know where they live, when they got out of rehab, and how to entice them.

If the addict is wealthy or has a friend or relative who can afford a longer program, the time in rehab can be extended. You can begin to understand how difficult it is for an addict to remain sober. Many addicts attend numerous different rehabs over and over again hoping that one day they will be able to become sober. Often they go into rehab facilities just to appease their family. My daughter told me recently when I asked her if she was going into rehab, I know what to do so there is no point going into rehab. Relapse is common. If they have been an addict for a long period of time, as in years, they have lost confidence in themselves. They have continual frustration finding a job and keeping a job. Even finding an apartment is very difficult. Most of them have accumulated felonies and a record of bad financial decisions which will show up on a background check. Drug abuse and criminal prosecution limit an addict’s chances for success and I feel this is very sad! Most people do not realize the extent of problems this disease can cause. Everyone wants to blame the addict for their problems. I do not know how many times I have been told, They did it to themselves. I still hear it today. We do not blame a diabetic for their disease. Addiction is a disease too. Just like diabetes, heart disease, and other chronic conditions, addiction is an illness that requires treatment. According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), ‘addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory, and related circuitry. ⁵

Chapter 3

Personal Aspects & Co-dependency

Each one of my children have told me privately that I did not cause or support them as addicts. However, having been involved in several recovery attempts for my kids, particularly one, I have learned that codependence has a lot to do with it in many cases. There are many books on this subject alone. I have read some of them and attended many recovery lectures and meetings for parents/family members. It helped immensely to read the books and to attend these meetings and lectures. It provides a great support system. Gradually, I learned to be less codependent. I have the character of a textbook nurse, so my nature is to nurture. My children were very close to me. I home schooled them for a total of ten years for complicated reasons. I may explain the reasons later if appropriate for their stories.

Their father is a business man and was often away traveling to various destinations for meetings. When he was home he spent long hours at the office. My nursing career was put on the shelf for most of my twenty-two year marriage to the children’s father. Our break up, I believe, shattered the core of our children’s security. I believe this because the drug use became deliberate and intense during the early days of the separation. Each one of them sought each other out for consolation. Their mom was struggling with the prospect of being a single mom and having to go out into the work force for the first time as a single parent. She had not done nursing in fourteen years. The actual divorce process caused a morbid depression in all of us and we were left trying to struggle through it without being able to support one another. I believe my kids turned to drugs to self-medicate for depression. I turned to my faith in God and intense Bible study, prayer and Christian friends. My doctor prescribed a great antidepressant for me when he saw that I had lost nineteen pounds in less than six months, without trying. Once I got on my feet and was successful in the marketplace and beyond, the medication was discontinued. I was very fortunate to have had this faith in God who sustained me, guided me, and actually blessed me through it. It is a great disappointment that my children did not follow suit. They were brought up in the church, our school curriculum was largely Christian material, and we were actively involved in a community church and community homeschool group. I can only presume that they sensed their mom’s pain, and tried to cope on their own. By the time that I was stable and better able to help them through their depression, it was too late.

My eldest son, David, was in college and was still spending a lot of time with high school friends. My daughter, Sarah, was struggling socially and academically by this time. She was making bad choices and it was dramatically affecting her life. My youngest son, Daniel, was failing in high school; he attended three different high schools in his freshman year.