A User Guide to The Unconscious Mind

By Tatiana Lukyanova

At every moment of our existence, emotions play an important social role, having perhaps the major influence on our perception of the world, and how we interact with it.

Successful communication, mutual understanding, and agreement are the keys to success in nearly all areas of life. For example...

How much are you aware of your emot

• Language: English
• Publisher: Atmosphere Press
• Release date: Jun 7, 2019
• ISBN: 9781645166726

Book preview

A User Guide to The

Unconscious Mind

A User Guide to The

Unconscious Mind

by Tatiana Lukyanova

atmosphere press

Copyright © 2019 by Tatiana Lukyanova

Published by Atmosphere Press

No part of this book may be reproduced

except in brief quotations and in reviews

without permission from the author.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

A User Guide to The Unconscious Mind

2019, Tatiana Lukyanova

atmospherepress.com

Table of Contents

3 - Introduction

Why this book was written, for whom, and how to use it.

5 - Chapter 1: Emotions, Defined

What do we call emotions? This chapter covers definitions of emotions and their influence on our lives.

14 - Chapter 2: Emotions: Reasons and Mechanisms

Why do we get emotional? What triggers emotional states, and is it possible to change them? This chapter answers these questions and discusses the evolutionary development of emotional states and ways of coping with them.

23 - Chapter 3: The Seven Universal Emotions

Does everyone experience emotions in the same way? Is it possible to read the emotions of others? This chapter describes distinctive emotional markers and provides exercises for recognizing the seven universal emotions in oneself.

45 - Chapter 4: Display Rules

Boys don’t cry. Girls don’t get angry. This chapter covers social rules that influence our expression of emotion.

51 - Chapter 5: Regrettable Quarrels

Why does anger sometimes cause us to act in atypical ways? Why do we do and say things we later regret? This chapter sheds light on mechanisms that drive regrettable behavior and provides tips and exercises that help to manage anger.

59 - Chapter 6: Guilt Versus Shame

Did you make a mistake, or are you a mistake? This chapter outlines the fundamental difference between shame and guilt and explains how to deal with those feelings in a constructive way.

64 - Chapter 7: Fears and Phobias

Where does fear come from and how can we deal with it? This chapter explores the advantages and limitations of fear in our lives and suggests ways of limiting its negative impacts.

69 - Chapter 8: Sadness: The Call for Help

Should other people know how sad you are? This chapter discusses the importance of expressing sadness and the problems of its social acceptance.

75 - Chapter 9: Tricky Pleasures

Can money buy happiness? This chapter covers the question of how to deal with pleasure and explores the concepts of happiness and contentment.

80 - Chapter 10: Speaking about Emotions

How do you feel? How do you let others know? This chapter is about words we use to describe our emotional states, the use of emojis in written conversation, and the benefits of extending our emotional vocabulary.

89 - Chapter 11: Memory

Do you remember...? Do you really? This chapter explains the connection between emotion and memory and why it’s not what it seems.

99 - Chapter 12: Stories about Biases

Why do we think we are right sometimes when we’re not? This chapter illustrates some of the most common biases and provides tips on how to recognize them.

110 - Chapter 13: Invisible Interlocutor

Do you know who remains invisible to you in any conversation? This chapter is dedicated to five common channels of communication and outlines the concepts of attentiveness and self-awareness.

117 - Chapter 14: Emotionally Charged Conversations

Are you ready for that life-changing discussion? Are you prepared? This chapter discusses the pitfalls of emotionally charged conversations and provides a framework for handling them better.

125 - Chapter 15: The Harmony of Emotional Being

This chapter summarizes the role of emotions in our lives and gives practical tips for reaching emotional harmony.

For my beloved daughters, Anastasia and Alexandra.

Thank you for all the love, support, and challenges.

Introduction

I’ve written this book for you.

I’ve translated years of studies, analysis, and scientific research into simple words and stories that will lead you through the pathways of your unconscious mind and bring you to a better understanding of who you are and why you are that way. I believe that this will help you to understand yourself, achieve your goals, and become a happy and balanced person.

I hope that this knowledge will expand your inner world and guide you through your day-to-day life. I believe it will give you greater freedom of choice. That freedom comes with powerful knowledge and the responsibility to use it wisely.

And that is why I’ve written this book for you—and for your family, friends, colleagues, and any other person who interacts with you. I hope that they will appreciate the kindness and empathy that you may pick up from these chapters.

How to Read This Book

I recommend you read no more than one chapter per day. I suggest you take the opportunity to process the information and reflect on it. Let it assimilate before you go to the next topic.

I encourage you to not skip exercises. This book was designed primarily to help you experience all the theories that are discussed and explained to ensure a thorough understanding.

This book is titled A User Guide to the Unconscious Mind, and this is precisely what it represents. Imagine that you are opening a door and staying on the threshold, observing what is inside your own mind. That perspective allows you to see cues to what is happening in the minds of others. This book presents a useful overview of our unconscious mind and provides you with tools to proceed in depth, in any direction you wish.

It all starts with awareness: of what is there, what is possible, what is challenging, and why you react and behave in a certain way.

*This book does not cover personality disorders such as sociopathy, narcissism, nor does it cover developmental disorders such as autism and Asperger syndrome, which may influence the way people perceive, recognize, and experience emotions.

Chapter 1

Emotions, Defined

It seems like we are all supposed to know what emotions are. We intuitively feel suspicious, on high alert when someone shows emotional bluntness or has what seems to us to be an inadequate emotional reaction. We understand what it means when one says, Oh, it was such an emotional moment, or Please, don’t be so emotional about it.

It seems obvious that emotions have something to do with the way we feel in a particular moment. At the same time, the way we feel in a specific moment has something to do with our perception of the reality.

When you feel happy, everything around you seems cheerful: The sun is brighter, the grass is greener, and people are smiley.

On the other hand, if you are frightened because you have to go through a dark street late at night, everything seems terrifying: The moonlight is ominous, the sounds are threatening, and the steps are exceptionally loud.

The way we perceive the world in a given moment can reveal a lot about our emotional state. I wish I had the ability to know how you are today. Is it morning or evening time when you have picked up this book and decided to follow the white rabbit of my story? Did you sleep well? Did you have a hard day?

Unfortunately, I don’t know, and I can’t ask you, but we can play a game.

Think about rain and how it makes you feel. Take your time and if you want, write down your reaction or draw it here:

Now let’s see: Did you envision a melancholy autumn whispering about sunshine that is gone? Maybe a scary thunderstorm with flashes of lightning? Is your reaction/vision full of power, like in the battlefields of Pirates of the Caribbean or Lord of the Rings? I wonder whether perhaps the scene is romantic, like in Breakfast at Tiffany’s or The Notebook, or joyful, like in Singin’ in the Rain?

Whatever your answer, it reveals a lot about your current emotional state and your emotional memory. Try to reflect and answer to yourself: Why does your rain look this way today?

Why would a single natural phenomenon like rain elicit a diverse range of descriptions from different people? The answer is emotions. They are in charge of how we feel, how we perceive reality, and what events and associations are most strongly imprinted in memory.

While we all have an intuitive understanding of the term, when we try to give a definition of emotions, it suddenly eludes us like the words of a song we used to know a long time ago. It becomes blurry and abstract.

What defines an emotion? What is common between anger and sadness, happiness and frustration, fear and woe, joy and revulsion, contempt and surprise, disgust and amazement?

Now, let’s try this out: take a pen and write down your