Family Values

By Noelle Alladania Meade

How do you deal with challenges that can’t be solved with a well-timed exploding bluebird?

The world has settled down remarkably well in the wake of the Change that turned a full third of the Human population into Elves, Dwarves, Trolls and more. People are back at work, buses are on time, and—thankfully for Olivia Mitchell&mda

• Language: English
• Publisher: Beasthold Books
• Release date: May 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781732416031

Noelle Alladania Meade

Noelle usually has several irons in the fire at any given time. She likes to spend her time reading, writing, crafting, running two online shops to sell her crafts, and gaming. Life took a turn for the quirky in 2000 when she had her daughter, who turned out to have autism. As a child, her ambition was to be the first woman President of the United States. When she got older and learned more about politics, she recovered from that particular insanity. Her teens were spent on historical romances, science fiction, fantasy, and writing angsty poetry. In middle school, she had her first introduction to tabletop gaming in the form of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. As she explained to her dad, with all seriousness, it gave her the chance-as a terminally shy person-to try on different personalities and experiment with being a stronger person. From the time her daughter was born until mid-2014, Noelle worked out of her home providing IT support for a small local software company. She's finally working in an office again as an administrator, and rather likes it. It's nice to spend the day around adults who are mostly grown-ups.

Book preview

Chapter One

Cleanup in Aisle Three

THE COMMERCE CITY SKY had its usual greenish glow today, and the smell was ferocious.  Though the February air was cold and dry, at least it wasn’t snowing.  I coughed, and Sharon pointedly tapped the respirator the rest of the team wore and I had hanging from my utility belt.  Yes, they were useful; I didn’t appreciate having my vision obscured.  I gestured, calling the magic, and a small, clear bubble surrounded my head.  Now I had my own personal air filter and an unobstructed view.  I smiled at Sharon.  Ready, boss.

The Commerce City Police Department normally handled slime control on their own unless a pack got a little too big, then they’d call Denver for an assist.  Since I did some contract work for Denver, I’d gotten invited to the party.  Sergeant Kawamoto was in charge of today’s operation.  He was letting Sharon—Officer Curtis, Denver PD—take point for the moment.  Sharon had a good instinct for where the action would be, and the Sergeant had learned not to ignore it.

Commerce City was the area of town where a lot of our power was generated and distributed.  Pre-Change, a certain smell had always permeated the area.  Post-Change, things were a little more problematic than a smell in the air.  The biggest problem was the roaming slimes.  My best guess was the slimes were coalesced pollution turned aggressive.  Most places already had fences and security gates in place before the Change to keep vandals out.  They weren’t designed to keep critters in.

Sharon had led us deeper than usual today.  We were on Buckley Road, right on the edge of the Rocky Mountain Arsenal National Wildlife Refuge.  I was glad when we stopped at the edge of the road and didn’t go any further.  Stranger things than slimes had come out of the Arsenal, and I wasn’t eager for any surprises.

Sharon closed her eyes and slowly turned in a circle.  She came to a halt facing Second Creek—not the Arsenal.  Down there, Sergeant.  I think the slimes are crossing the creek and headed toward the housing development.

Sergeant Kawamoto signaled the gathered officers.  Group one, take north of the bridge.  Group two, go south of the bridge.  Group three, follow the trail and head up the middle.

I heard him call for backup at 96th.  It made sense.  The slimes would hit a housing development there if they kept going in the direction Sharon had called.  Still, something felt off about the situation.  Normally the slimes massed around the power plants.  This was the first time I’d ever heard of them heading away from the plants and out across open country.

Sharon and I were in Group Three for this run.  Each group was equipped with flamethrowers and fire extinguishers.  Hey, Sharon, any feel for how big this group is? I asked as we crunched along the dirt trail.

I’m not sure, but I’d say a medium group, maybe ten to twelve slimes.  Maybe something else.  We’ll find out when we get there.

We were nearly to the bridge and I still couldn’t see anything.  If Sharon was right, they had to be down in the creek bed.  The ground was too flat out here for anything bigger than a bunny to hide.

The silence was shattered by gunfire and shouts from Group One.  We broke into a run.  Sergeant Kawamoto was yelling, Hold your fire!  Bullets don’t work, you idiots! I finally saw gouts of flame, followed by horrible screams coming from a Human throat.

Oh crap!  What the hell?

We reached the edge of the drop off, and it turned out Sharon was right.  There were twelve of the small slimes, roughly the size and shape of beanbag chairs.  Their bodies were mainly a rusty orange, though some were a dingy gray, and their surfaces had the sheen of an oil slick after rain.  Beyond the herd, I saw two of the biggest freaking slimes I’d ever seen.  They were the sickly green of antifreeze and must have stood at least six feet tall.  An officer was on the ground and one of the big ones was slowly engulfing him.  He didn’t stop screaming until the slime reached his waist.  Another officer kept shooting at the thing.  He had to be new.  Bullets pass through these horrors and woe unto anyone standing on the other side.  The flamethrower crews were doing all they could to keep from being overrun by the herd.

I focused my will on the nearest big one.  My speeding ball of fire caught the thing center-mass.  It stopped, turning toward me with surprising speed.  I fell back, raining fiery missiles at it.  The missiles hurt it, but not fast enough.  It was five feet and closing when I put everything I had into one white-hot ball.  It hit.  The impact threw me back several yards and the landing left me gasping for air.

I grimly pulled myself to my feet.  The slime was a blackened crust on the ground, and the flame-control group was putting out the small brush fires before they could spread.  A few other officers struggled to get to their feet.  I must have caught them in the same shock wave.

The little ones were char.  The other big one was not going down, even with three crews strafing it with flame.  It needed magic flame to bring it down, and I was feeling a quart low at the moment.  I found Sharon and tapped her on the shoulder.  Do you trust me?

You know I do.

We have to stop this thing, and the flamethrowers aren’t doing it.  I need to borrow a little juice if I’m going to pull it off.

What do you need? Sharon asked.

Get the other officers to fall back on the count of three.  Put your hands on my neck and keep them there—skin to skin is best—so you’ll have to take off your gloves.  I cleared my throat.  One more thing I guess I should mention—it’s probably not going to feel good.

Sharon looked grim and took off her gloves.  It can’t hurt worse than what the slime did to Officer Baines.

I pulled in my focus, gathering my will until I felt her hands on my neck.  Sharon jerked in response and grimly held on when I hooked into her energy and drew it into my spell.  Gathering the fire, I pushed it in on itself, tighter and hotter.  There wouldn’t be a second chance.

I was concentrating on raising the magic and missed the signal.  The flamethrower crew lunged away from the beast and I had to act.  I threw everything into the ball of flame—so intensely bright it burned my eyes right through my sunglasses.  There was a whoosh as the ball hit, and the slime exploded.  I thought I was prepared for the shock wave this time.  I wasn’t.

My ears were ringing and I felt ill when I finally pried my eyes open.  Fire rescue and EMTs were everywhere.  Other than looking a little gray around the edges, Sharon appeared otherwise unharmed.

Did we get everything? I asked her.

Yeah, thanks to you.

Were they able to help Officer Baines?

Sharon shook her head.  The slime did too much damage.  It melted skin from bone from the waist down.  They still transported him.  What kind of fucked-up creature melts people?

I don’t know, but I’m going to do my best to find out.  The flamethrowers didn’t work on the big ones.  Maybe we can capture one somehow and do some experiments.

WE HAD A MANDATORY debriefing back at the station in Commerce City.  I noticed a few more faces were missing from the group we started out with this morning.  Who else got hurt? I asked Sharon.  I thought Officer Baines was the only one down.

Three other officers—so-called friendly fire.  The FNG, Don Kristos, hit three guys on the far side before someone managed to tackle him.  They’re going to be okay, thankfully, and he’s out with a broken wrist.

I was tired and drifting a bit when Sharon gave me a nudge. 

A coal-black Dwarf with a bristling iron-gray beard was glaring at me from the front of the room.  I said, Miss Mitchell, if we aren’t boring you too much today, do you have anything to add regarding the large slimes?

Captain Jackson, sir, I apologize.  I guess I’m a little light-headed.  What I observed was normal flame did not damage the large slimes in any way.  My standard missiles barely singed it.  It took every bit of energy I could muster; along with help from Sharon, to supercharge the missiles enough to take them down.  I will do what research I can.  Honestly, I think we’re going to need a sample from one, or ideally a live whole slime, in order to test our theories.

And how do you propose we capture one and hold it without more of my men getting hurt?

I don’t know—maybe a really big glass beaker? I remembered, a second too late, that Captain Jackson did not approve of levity—especially from civilians.

Are you trying to be funny, Miss Mitchell? he rumbled at me.  Do you think the loss of an officer and the injuries of four others are a joke?

No, of course not, sir, I said as calmly as I could.  I need time to consider the problem.  In no way did I mean to diminish today’s losses.

We’ll expect to hear from you soon, he said.  Won’t we?   I trust you’ll give our little problem your full attention.  When he turned back to the white board, I caught a fair number of sympathetic looks from the other teams.  Someone always got it with both barrels after one of these runs.  Today was my turn.

IT WAS MID AFTERNOON by the time we got back to Sharon’s station.  I was strung-out, tired, and starving, and desperately needed a shower.  Before heading out, I raided the vending machine for sugar and caffeine, hoping for enough of a jolt to get home before I crashed.

Are you still coming to dinner tomorrow, Sharon?  You can’t miss game night, and I think our culinary theme is Greek.

I wouldn’t miss it.  I’ve been practicing.  This week Berto’s going down!

I laughed.  He said the same thing.  I can’t wait to watch.  Oh, and tomorrow is Ted’s birthday.  He thinks we don’t know, so we’re surprising him with a cake.  See you at the party.

I am so ready for Greek night.  I’m already planning to bring my secret weapon, Sharon said.  It’s called ouzo, and it has a wicked kick.

Happily, I was only a mile and a half from the house.  If I’d had to drive much farther, I think I would have asked for a ride and picked up my car later.

The driveway was empty when I got there, meaning everyone else was still out for the day.  Berto had his rounds as a home hospice nurse, and Kat and Tessa were working at Mikah’s law firm when they weren’t at school getting their paralegal certifications.

Imhotep, a snow-white Persian cat and my familiar, was waiting at the top of the stairs for me.  "I see you overdid it again.  You look practically gray.  You need to pace yourself better, or bring your familiar for backup," he drawled lazily into my head.  "How did I get paired with the least self-serving Dark Elf in history?  It’s a trial."

At least I’m not dead, I told him.  And not half-eaten.  Officer Baines died a horrible death.  As I entered the bedroom, I heard the shower turn itself on.  Thanks, Grammy.  You’re the best.

My dirty clothes made it into the hamper before I made for the shower.  In spite of what my sister claims, I can be trained.  You’re welcome, sweetie, was written into the fog on the mirror.  I adored Mikah’s Grammy.  If you were going to have a ghost for a roommate, you’d be lucky to have someone as kind, loving, and feisty as her.

The shower felt great, but I was too hungry to linger.  Since the house was warm enough, I put on my cut-offs and a tank top and headed back downstairs for a serious snack.  I’d depleted my magical reserves and we’d missed lunch.  Imhotep even let me finish eating before demanding his crystal dish of flaked salmon.

I was tired, but I promised Captain Jackson I’d find a way to capture a sample of the slimes.  The essential thing was that I not let them touch me in the process.  It wasn’t elegant, but I was able to scavenge a few items that Mikah would never miss for my quick and dirty collection kit.

In spite of my good intentions to catch up on my reading after eating, I fell asleep on the couch.  Reading would wait.

Chapter Two

Guess Who Came For Dinner

I DREAMED I WAS IN a lighthouse on a dark, lonely night, the mournful cries of a foghorn surrounding me.  The thunder of pirates pounding at the heavy wooden door broke the silence.  Not entirely awake, I was already gathering my magic as I threw myself off the couch.  The pounding continued unabated while I shook my head to clear the fog.

Someone is at the door, Imhotep said.  Answer it, already.

I’m coming! I yelled.  Keep your pants on.

I looked out the peephole at two strangers, a man and a woman.  And how did a taxi get in our driveway?  The gate had a security code.  Why didn’t they trigger an alarm?  I watched until the man reached toward the door again, and then I swung it wide open.  His forward momentum carried him over the threshold and sent him stumbling across the marble floor, as I’d expected.  The woman just stood there, and I noticed a small black and brown dog head sticking out of the woman’s purse.  It was an honest to goodness purse dog, with a matching bow.  Now I’d seen everything.

Can I help you with something? I asked.

He glared up at me with vaguely familiar blue eyes.  I’ll have you fired for this, he snarled.  When I get through, you’ll never find work as a domestic again!

Charming.  I took a step back.  Who the hell are you?

Malcolm Quintin Carstairs.  You should recognize the name since you work for my son, Malcolm Alister.

Malcolm?  No way.  You mean Mikah?  You’re Mikah’s dad?  I thought you disowned him.  What do you want? I demanded.

My relationship with Malcolm Alister is none of your business, young woman.  I suggest you immediately inform him his parents have arrived.  He gestured at the pile of luggage on the covered porch.  You can do so after you deliver our luggage to our rooms.  I believe we’ll take Adelaide’s suite.

Mikah isn’t here, I told him through clenched teeth.  Since it’s February, I won’t make you wait on the porch.  If you want your luggage carried in, you can bloody well do it yourself.  Have a seat in the great room, and I’ll call Mikah.

I stalked out of the room, leaving the two of them open-mouthed in the entryway.  Imhotep appeared on my desk in the library with a bamf just as I locked the door behind me.

I dialed Mikah’s office number from memory.  Hello, Clarice.  Is Mikah available?  It’s Olivia.

Hi, sugar, she said.  Mikah’s in a meeting, darlin’.  Do you need me to interrupt him? Clarice had been in Denver for at least ten years, and still evoked the image of a southern belle sitting on the verandah sipping sweet tea, somewhere warm and sultry.

I took a deep breath.  You don’t have to interrupt him.  Please tell Mikah his parents have dropped in for a visit and I would appreciate a call back.  Soon.

Oh, sugar, I’m so sorry.  Don’t do anything rash and I’ll let him know as soon as I can.

Thanks, Clarice.  I owe you a big one, I said.  Oh, and tell him I promise not to do anything irreversible.

I went back out to the great room, where Mikah’s father was helping himself to Mikah’s bar.  I called Mikah and left a message.  No doubt he’ll be calling back as soon as he can, I told them.

His face was still angry and flushed, and he shook a finger at me.  You’re fired!  Get your things and get out!  Malcolm Alister would never allow a servant to speak to his parents with such insolence.

Sorry to disappoint you, Mikah’s father.  You can’t fire me.  I don’t work for Mikah, or Berto either.  I live here.  And you can’t have Adelaide’s suite, because I live there.  Grammy wanted me to use her rooms.   I stalked over to the bar and mixed myself something overflowing with rum.  I can make nice until he gets here, I said.  Can you?

The bouncy theme song to a silly lawyer show broke the strained silence.  I answered my cell phone.  Yes, Mikah?

Tell me you didn’t set my parents on fire.

Not yet, I told him.  Grammy would kill me.  No fire in the house.

He let out a deep breath of relief.  I’ll be home soon.

I honestly cannot believe you thought I’d engage in inappropriate behavior.  I feel disparaged, I said, with the faintest quiver in my voice.

I’m sorry, Olivia.  Of course I trust you.  Please let them know I’ll be there soon.

I’m kidding, Mikah.  I promise to behave if your father stops threatening to have me fired.  See you when you get here.  I turned back to Malcolm.  Mikah is on his way home.  It should be twenty minutes or so, if traffic is good.  If you want, I can get the floor plan and show you the guest rooms currently available.

The woman put her hand on Malcolm’s arm.  Thank you, dear.  I’m Elizabeth Kenneworth-Carstairs.  My friends call me Bitsy.  I know we’ll get to be good friends.  She held up the purse, eliciting a startled yap from the small dog.  And this is my Yorkie, Madame de Pompadour.  We call her Pompie for short.

Nice to meet you, Bitsy, Pompie.  I held out my hand.

Bitsy shook it, daintily, smiling at me, and shot her husband a stern look over her shoulder.  It’s nice to meet you too, dear.  We’ve heard so much about you.

I smiled back at her.  I wasn’t smiling on the inside.  I suppose Bitsy was making a polite figure of speech, since I’m pretty sure Mikah hadn’t talked to his parents in years.  If he had spoken with them, there was no reason I’d be a topic of conversation.

I was determined to make small-talk with them, for nothing else than so I could honestly tell Mikah I’d tried.  So, Malcolm and Bitsy, what brings you to Denver in February?  I thought Mikah said you were living in California?

We were, Bitsy said.  We felt the time had come to make our peace with our only son.  How can you stay estranged from your own flesh and blood in such troubled times?

I nodded.  I guess I can understand.  I made up with my own sister after the Change hit this summer.

Malcolm’s dad was on his second—or possibly third—drink when the front door burst open and Mikah skidded into the room.  You’d think he expected to see bodies on the floor.  Instead, he saw us sitting around a coffee table, discussing the California weather.

He took a second to steady himself before nodding his head in our direction.  Mother.  Father.  What an unexpected surprise.  What brings you to our fair city?

Bitsy glared at Malcolm Senior until he stood up and held out his hand.  It was past time to mend the differences between us, as your mother reminded me.

Mikah had the wary look of someone staring at a bear trap.  He still walked up and took his father’s hand.  I didn’t think this day would come, sir.

Oh, for goodness sake, Bitsy said, and pulled them both into a reluctant family hug.

Imhotep eyed the unattended purse and dog on the sofa.  Are you certain that’s a dog and not carry-out?

I pretended to cough as I choked back a laugh.  Imhotep!

My phone dinged with an incoming text message.  It was Kat.  Study date with Lisa.  See you tomorrow.  XOXO

Have fun.  Try to study too.  XOXO, I sent back.  Hey, Mikah.  Sorry to interrupt.  Kat’s not going to be home tonight.  Do you want to do carryout or go to dinner somewhere?  Or there might be leftovers, I offered.

Mikah’s parents both looked appalled.  Leftovers, dear? asked Bitsy.  Whatever happened to your cook?

We don’t have a cook, Mikah said.  Usually Kat cooks or we take turns.  Since Kat isn’t going to be home, where would you prefer to go, mother?  I’ll try and get us reservations.

You and Berto could go someplace nice with your folks, Mikah, I said.  Frank and Tessa and I can order in pizza or something.

Malcolm the elder couldn’t quite hide his flinch when I mentioned Berto.  Mikah was looking at his mom and I don’t think he noticed.

Why don’t we order something in, dear? Bitsy suggested.  We won’t have to go out in the cold and we can get to know your friends.  It’ll be fun.

I can call in our usual to the Borderland Steak House, Mikah, I said.  I’ll call Berto and ask him to grab the order on his way home.

Sure, Olivia.  Sounds good.  Mikah sounded distracted.

I rummaged around under the bar and pulled out a worn carryout menu.  I handed it to Bitsy.  Why don’t you guys look this over and figure out what you want and let me know.  I’ll call everything in.

While Bitsy and I worked on the order, I noticed Mikah helping his father carrying their mound of luggage up the stairs.  There’s a dog door off of the sunroom if Pompie needs to go out, I told Bitsy.  The dog isn’t wearing a little doggie diaper in there, is she?

You’re so sweet, Bitsy said and patted my arm.  I forgot my poor little Pompie-poo.  Yes I did.  Yes I did.

Behave! I thought toward Imhotep as I showed Bitsy and Pompie to the backyard doggie facilities.

Leaving Bitsy and Pompie to be become acquainted with the garden, I went back inside and called Berto.  Hey Berto, how’s it going?

What did they do now? he asked flatly.

I guess Mikah already talked to you.  So far it’s not been awful.  There’s always time.  They arrived with a pile of suitcases, and tried to fire me for being a lousy maid.  No kidding, right? I laughed.  Berto was quiet.  Sorry, Berto.  I know this has to be tough for you.  Kat has a study date so we’re doing carryout for dinner.  I already called in the order, and I was hoping you could pick it up on the way home.

He sighed.  Sure.  I can fetch the food.  Where am I going?

Borderland Steak House.  The order is under Mikah’s name and it’s already been paid for.  Thanks a ton, Berto.

It’s the least I can do.  What did his father order?  Maybe I can poison it on the way back.

Knock yourself out.  The guy was a dick to me.  He fed Mikah some story, says he wants to make things right between them.  Who knows?  Maybe he has three weeks to live and he’s trying to buy his way into heaven.

See you after a bit, he said.

I don’t remember ever hearing Berto so down, at least not since Mikah nearly got killed by a crazed Minotaur at the Sylvan Faire last year.

MALCOLM AND BITSY, with Pompie in tow, disappeared upstairs to settle into their rooms.  Before I could say anything to Mikah, he went up to his office and closed the door.

I suppose I should be helpful, I muttered to myself.  Borderland had pretty good food.  Paper plates would be an insult to those luscious steaks.  I cleared the accumulated detritus from the end of the dining table and set the table for seven with the decent dishes, plus a crystal dish for Imhotep.  I even remembered napkins and water glasses.  I was pretty sure alcohol would be involved at some point.  I’d wait and see what people wanted, since Mikah was the only one decent at picking wine.  While I was at it, I fed Peeka and Sappho and set a bowl aside for Pompie.  I had no idea what that little animal ate.

If you ignored the books and papers at the far end of the table, it didn’t look half bad.  I was even pondering going upstairs to change out of my cut-offs when the front door opened.  Frank and Tessa came in together.  It had gotten pretty cold out and Frank looked half frozen.  Tessa was as oblivious to the elements as ever.

Tessa gave me a deep kiss and ran her hands down my rear and up my shorts.  It’s always good to be home, she whispered in my ear.  She finally took a step back.  Frank was nice enough to come get me when he finished his class.  Mikah took off from the office like a bat out of hell, and he was my ride.

Mikah’s parents showed up for an unexpected visit, I told them.  They’re getting settled upstairs.  Berto’s bringing dinner.  Kat’s off with Lisa again.

I waited for Frank to put away his outerwear, and reached up for a hug and kiss from him too.  He scooped me up for a proper greeting.  Our close to two foot height difference could be a challenge, at least standing up.  Hello, Professor Schmidt.  How were those naughty college kids today?

I got another kiss, this one with interest, before he let me back down.  You know how it goes, Olivia.  The serious scholars of paleontology are hanging in there.  The ones wanting to have a Troll professor have figured out I expect them to work.  I got three more drop slips today.

Those kids are idiots.  They’re lucky to have you as a teacher.  And how many paleontologists are they ever going to meet with experience with real live dinosaurs? I said with some heat.

Someone cleared his throat from the top of the stairs, and when I turned, Mikah’s parents were staring at us.  I wondered how long they’d been standing there.  Long enough to get an eyeful was my best guess.

Pasting on my best fake smile, I said, Malcolm, Bitsy.  Let me introduce you to Tessa and Frank.  They are also roommates here.  Tessa is studying to be a paralegal and works for Mikah’s law firm.  Frank is working on his doctorate in paleontology and teaches a few classes over at the college.

Bitsy had warm handshakes for both Tessa and Frank.  I’m so delighted to meet both of you.

Tessa gave a slight shake of her head.  In spite of that, she still smiled and shook hands.

Malcolm nodded.  Pleased to meet you.  He made no move to shake hands or respond in any other way.

Where was Mikah, damn it?  I was not anyone’s first choice for hostess duties.  Bitsy, I wasn’t sure what Pompie would want to eat.  There’s a bowl of dog food in the kitchen for her.  I left it on the counter so Peeka, our little dog, and Sappho, the cat, wouldn’t eat it first.

She smiled at me.  You’re such a dear.  Thank you for thinking of my little Pompie.  I’ll get her settled before dinner.

I’ll be right back, I said.  I headed up the stairs at a controlled run, and knocked on Mikah’s office door.  No answer.  I knocked again, this time with feeling.  Come on, Mikah, open up.  It’s Olivia.

I heard the click of the lock and the door swung open.  You can come in, he said.

Geez, Mikah.  You need to get a grip.  I’m seen Leo after a three-day bender look better than you do.  It’s only been a couple of hours.

He pushed the door closed behind us.  What are they doing here?  My father did everything he could to drive Berto away.  Why does he want to make up now?  I don’t know how Grammy got them to leave and go to California.  I do know she saved my life by doing it.

I gave him a hug and he hugged me back hard.  Hang in there.  We’ll find out how long they plan to stay and try to keep them busy and out of your hair.  And you should know by now, no force on Earth could drive Berto away from you.

I know, Olivia.  My head knows, anyway.  It’s the rest of me freaking out.  What do they really want?

I’m sure we’ll find out sooner or later.  You know, it’s remotely possible they’re sincere and want to make things up with you.  Stranger things have happened, I said.  Now let’s go downstairs.  I left Tessa and Frank in charge of entertaining them.

They were sitting in the great room when we got downstairs.  Bitsy was asking Tessa everything about Mikah’s law firm.

I remember Clarice, Bitsy said.  Charming lady.  I’ll simply have to come see her.

Tessa perched on the arm of the couch swinging her leg.  I’ll let her know you’d like to get together.  Of course, she’s busy all the time.  Pretty much every Changed in town wants Mikah to be their lawyer.  It’s why Kat and I are getting our paralegal certificates and Mikah had to bring in some other lawyers to help with all the work.

Mikah stood at the bar, pouring himself a drink.  Tessa, you’ll bore my mother with all that talk of work.  She’s on vacation.

Bitsy tsked at him.  Now, Mikah, I don’t find it boring at all.  I want to hear how you’re doing.  I’m delighted to hear your law firm is doing so well.

I picked up footsteps on the porch and hurried to the front door.  There was Berto, trying to balance the packages and manage the door knob.  Berto’s home! I called out.  Here, Berto, let me help.

Hey, Olivia.  Sorry I took so long.  It started snowing again and everyone forgot how to drive.  Berto handed me two of the bags and set the others on the sideboard while he hung up his overcoat.

Mikah and Frank came out to the foyer.  Frank grabbed the other carryout bags and he and I carried them to the dining room.  Mikah and Berto hugged each other tightly.  I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Come on in, everybody, I called to the crowd in the great room.  Dinner’s here.

Chapter Three

Didn’t See That One Coming

BITSY FROZE IN THE doorway for one moment, staring at the cluttered far end of the dining table before she regained her smile and continued into the room. 

I got a weird feeling; something I didn’t experience often these days.  I think I felt self-conscious.  Bitsy was wearing a dark blue dress I would swear was silk.  Malcolm the elder and Mikah were both wearing suits, and in fact Tessa was too.  Berto had on slacks and a sweater, and Frank was the consummate college professor.  I wore cut-offs and a T-shirt.  And now I couldn’t avoid seeing the dust and cobwebs everywhere, and stuff piled here and there.  I knew there would be alcohol with dinner in my immediate future.

A-hem! sounded loudly in my head.  Aren’t you forgetting something? My bar detour turned into a kitchen detour.  How could I forget Imhotep’s dinner?  He certainly hadn’t.

Mikah deployed the meals.  I came back with the crystal bowl of flaked salmon Imhotep preferred.  I sat the bowl next to my usual spot before high-tailing it to the bar for a stiff drink.

I heard a small scream from the dining room and I nearly didn’t come back.  Drink in hand, I slowly returned with all the dignity I could muster.  What now?

Bitsy was pointing at Imhotep.  Mikah, why is an animal on the table?

Mikah sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.  He’s eating dinner, Mother.

Since when do you allow animals at table, Malcolm Alister? Bitsy’s voice held more steel than I’d heard before.  We certainly didn’t raise you this way.

Sorry, I said.  Imhotep isn’t a regular cat.  He’s my familiar.  He prefers to eat next to me.  Don’t worry.  Imhotep won’t get near anyone else’s plate.  It’s not Mikah’s fault.

I am not sharing the table with an animal, Bitsy insisted.  I don’t care what you call it.

Mikah looked pained, and Imhotep was glaring daggers at me.  No matter what, I was going to lose tonight.  I walked to my spot, grabbed my fork, and hung my napkin on it.  I give up.  Here’s my white flag.  You all win.

Imhotep said, This isn’t over, and disappeared with a bamf, bowl and all.  I tossed back the rest of my drink and sat down.

Bitsy squeaked again.  Your cat disappeared!  How did he vanish into thin air?

I told you, he’s not a cat.  He’s my familiar.  He comes and goes as he pleases.  I opened my carryout box and scooped my meal onto my plate.  I’m going to eat before my food gets cold.

It was quiet for a while, with only the sounds of eating.  Mikah broke the silence.  How was your trip from California?  I hope the airport wasn’t too crowded.

You do what you have to, Malcolm said.  Mother shouldn’t have sold the company jet.  It was a fine asset.

Since you’re in town, Mikah asked him, were you planning on attending the board meeting on Monday?  I presume the date of your arrival wasn’t purely coincidence.

Of course I’ll attend the meeting.  I have every right to be there.  He stared at Mikah.  No, the timing wasn’t entirely a coincidence.  Your mother and I have a business opportunity here in town.  We needed to be here in any case, so we planned to arrive prior to the meeting and get settled.

What did he mean by settled?  I’m sure I wouldn’t like the answer.

Oh, Mikah said politely.  What kind of business deal?

We’re investing in a bold new real estate opportunity, Bitsy said.  All of the market research points to huge potential.  I wish I could share with you.  Unless you sign a non-disclosure agreement, mum’s the word.

I felt like I had to jump in to the painfully stilted conversation, to give Mikah a break if nothing else.  So, Bitsy, how long are you staying?  This is a rough time of year for a visit, for someone used to the weather in California.

Bitsy looked at Malcolm, and he ignored her and kept eating.  Mikah dear, we’re moving back to Denver.  This isn’t a visit.  The moving truck should arrive this weekend.

Berto’s fork clattered against his plate as it fell from his nerveless fingers.  I’m sorry, he said.  What area of town were you looking at?

Malcolm glared at Berto before turning back to Mikah.  We’re staying here, of course.  This is my mother’s home.  It’s been in the family for generations.  Even Mother couldn’t break the entailment to give the house to you personally.  God knows she tried.

I can tell we didn’t get here a moment too soon, added Bitsy.  I don’t know what you did with the staff.  The house is practically derelict.  You know you’re required to maintain the estate appropriately if you want to have tenancy.  Bitsy took a dainty bite of her steak.  I know how difficult these things are for bachelors.  I’ll begin looking into an appropriate staff first thing tomorrow.

Mikah stood up, his face white with rage.  This isn’t your house, Mother.  It never was and it never will be.  You have the right to stay here.  You don’t have the right to tell me what to do.  And I am NOT a bachelor.  Your refusal to acknowledge my husband doesn’t make me single!

Frank mumbled he had papers to grade, and quickly disappeared, plate in hand. 

I have to study.  Tessa fled as well.

I stood up and Mikah pointed at me.  Olivia, sit!

I sat.

Mikah picked up his plate.