Zen Slaps from a Cancer Warrior: A Pissant's Perspective

By James A. Hockings and Nicholas Power

Zen Slaps from a Cancer Warrior is the irreverent memoir of a passionate photographer/writer fighting cancer on his own terms, while living a love story. James Hockings is a witty and sometimes profound companion for anyone facing a life-threatening disease. He has written a soulful answer to Hitchens' Mortality.

For Jim

• Language: English
• Publisher: Talent Bank Communications
• Release date: Aug 11, 2017
• ISBN: 9780995219311

James A. Hockings

James Hockings, a master portrait and artistic photographer in London, Ontario, for more than thirty years, announced his second career with the 1960s novel The Redemption of Danny Harper (2011). He followed up this debut the same year with the dark comedic novel How to Kill Your Wife and two titles in a Max and Molly Murder Mystery Series. There are also two books on photography: How to Photograph Children (2011) and Photographing Feelings (2012). A two-location retrospective of Hockings' photographic work was exhibited at his alma mater, Luther College, Iowa, in 2013.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

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A Sensitive, Romantic Artist Living by a macho Cowboy Code

In 2009, professional photographer Jim Hockings is living in the countryside near London, Ontario, and dealing with the ups and downs of life with his usual initiative and confidence. Photographers' fees have plummeted as the result of the digital camera revolution, so he is exploring a writing career. A third marriage has ended badly for him, but he is soon ready to seek a new relationship.

A successful battle with prostate cancer is long past, and the disease doesn't seem to be part of his future. In fact, he is in such excellent health he risks taking it for granted.

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Who I am and what I want

Accepted into the highly regarded Humber College Writing Program in Toronto, Jim's first assignment from novelist Susan Swan is to introduce himself and his goals.

2009 September 07

Dear Ms. Swan,

Here is the big long thingy about who I am and what I want and why I may want it.

I imagine you would appreciate knowing who you are dealing with. Excuse the artlessness of this letter, as I am just attempting to spew as many facts and factoids as possible, and then have done with it.

I am 61 years old. I am a U.S. and a Canadian citizen. Grew up in downstate Illinois. Lutheran. Honours student in high school, involved in theatre, debate, drama and competitive speaking and winning at all of them. Only child of solid working class stock in a little river town… Grew up in redneck yahoo gun and cowboy culture that I hated then and now fondly embrace as my "roots. Graduated Luther College (143 on the Forbes list of 1000 top colleges in the U.S.) with a 2.6 GPA in Drama, Sociology, and Religion. Never took one note in any class and never studied, even one minute, for any test. Near perfect attendance in nearly all classes, however hung over or stoned… Teacher's pet… Scored top 1 percent on ACT [college admission] tests in all subject areas except only top 3% in math.

Immigrated to Canada 1969 because they were trying to kill me.

Since 1977 I have supported myself as a full-time photographer. Part time since 1971… Won awards, impressive client list… Accused of being a National Treasure by the head of the Canadian Theatre Archive at the Toronto Reference Library. Two-thirds of my career lived at or below the poverty level like most National Treasures in Canada. Living below the poverty level again now…

Married 3 times, divorced easy and clean twice and the third one robbed me blind (quite literally) and am fighting for my fiscal life with her now. A fool for sex and proud of it…

Healthy, regular daily exercise for 36 years including 5 full marathons… Drink some sometimes, but not addicted… Not addicted to anything but purdy wimin…

Love dogs. (Do you want to walk on the beach with me yet or drink a piña colada on the patio?) Shit, am I writing a dating profile here?

Bow hunt deer and turkeys and gun hunt ducks, geese, grouse, woodcock, and pheasants… I do not buy meat and I garden for my vegetables. Animal rights activist insofar as I hate factory farms (prisons for pigs). Vote NDP even though they are anti-gun assholes…

Never owned a television in my life!!! Believe we invite the Devil's Eye into our homes when we buy a television

No arrests, and no psychiatric incarcerations…

Reading: used to read philosophy and religion and psychology in my 20's and 30's and even own and have read the hardbound 23 volume Bollingen Series of the Collected Works of Carl Jung.

Now I read only spy, legal, and detective fiction but do try to stay away from the worst of it, but also avoid literature like the plague. I do not read when I am writing. I also watch classic films, foreign films and serious films and documentaries on my video projector. (Still don't have a TV set.)

Writing history: I have always dabbled in poetry. When Susan Musgrave was here [in London] as writer-in-residence [at University of Western Ontario] about 15 years ago, she picked me and only 3 others to read at her formal end-of-her-term writer-in-residence dinner. She told me I had a voice and I was obligated to use that voice and that not everyone had one—most people just copied. When I was into a regular routine of writing verse, sometimes I experienced what I call the Mozart effect, meaning that I heard a full poem, complete to the end, while out running or walking and had to rush home to transcribe it. I was given the poem and did not create it. A humbling experience that taught me that perhaps we are just vessels that transport some kind of art shit from some other dimension and do not actually make it up because we are just so fucking bright ourselves. Humbling…

I started writing prose on December 18 last year with a goal of just writing one good short story that had been a party piece I had had in my head for decades. After that, I thought to write two other party pieces. I noticed they, being autobiographical, were all related in time and space and character. So I began to write a book of linked short stories. They were so linked (or linkable) they turned into the first person episodic novel, Surfing Vietnam [later revised, to become The Redemption of Danny Harper].

On April 1, I performed 3 chapters of this book in a theatrical reading to a sold-out crowd and received a standing ovation and 12 minutes of laughter. Twenty-five percent of the audience was crying at the end, because the last chapter hit them so hard after their hearts had been pried open by humor. The production had lights, soundscaping, and three adjunct performers—a jazz trumpet player, a burlesque dancer and a 21 year-old angry lesbian slam poet. This reception told me that the stories I had to tell were important to tell.

I am not a writer like that wanker, Ondaatje (I hope he is not yer buddy or nothin'.) I am not skilled in the craft yet, nor do I ever wish to be lauded as skilled or precious, yet I want to have the skills to tell a good clean simple story and not let my bad habits get in the way. I think I am a good storyteller and I have not yet begun to tap all the stories I want to tell. I never want to be known for being a good writer; I want to be known for spinning a good yarn — someone whose writing is unremarkable, but very clear.

I have three new solid stories I want to tell, but first you and I have to get the first two books into publishable shape. As publishable books, they are probably crap now. Call me an idiot, but I want to make money at writing because photography is dying just as making buggy whips died at the beginning of the last century. I have no pension and will be living at the Salvation Army or on the streets without some money coming in from publishing. Depleting my capital can only go on so long.

You may doubt my sanity by now, and rightly so. I have suffered 3 bouts of moderately severe situational depression of moderate duration and recently PTSD, but have learned to control these conditions well with regular exercise, sleep, and nutrition. I will also use psychotherapy and short courses of SSRI's [anti-depressants], if necessary. Let me assure you, this tendency should not affect my ability to complete our work successfully.

I do not wish to tax you beyond what you normally do in this course, nor do I have the wisdom to question your judgment about how to teach, but let me respectfully suggest what I want and see if you can handle it. I would like to send you the two completed manuscripts I have now. Sending you little chunks of 1500 words will not allow you to make global corrections in the material nor give you an overview. I realize that taking it bit by bit is the only possible way to handle a newly emerging work, but these are big existing misshapen lumps right now and need global help and not just incremental help. Am I making any sense at all?

I do not think I know it all. That is not me. I know I am a baby in the writing business and that you are a master. I bow.

Nor am I a trembling-lipped poet who doubts the validity of his every word. I have a history of much success in my life, aside from never making any money. Alpha male in a polite sort of way… You can punch me around and I will resent it for a day or two and then I will see the wisdom of your blows and get around to changing my writing behavior for the better way.

Questions? Let's get to it!

Jim

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Profile Posted to Match.com (Summer 2011)

Having put his previous marriages behind him, Jim is ready by summer, 2011, to search for a new relationship by placing a dating profile on the online dating service Match.com:

We should be wary of getting rid of our demons, as the angels might leave with them. — Joni Mitchell.

Women should only marry the men they would be if they were men. — Carol Shields.

Pray without ceasing. — St. Paul (no, I am not a religious nut) This only means that one should hold each act and thought in one's life as being sacred and meaningful and value it as part of the ongoing work of creation.

You can be in my dreams, if I can be in yours. — Bob Dylan 



My Dear Lady,

I am a sensitive mad romantic artist who lives by a macho cowboy code. A man who has come to terms with his own flawed existence and turned it into art. 

Art is the driving force in my universe. I adore the dance (ballet, jazz, modern) and serious straight theatrical pieces and strong honest cinema. I have trained myself to appreciate a variety of music. I create both verbally and visually for a living and as an integral part of my life. 

I have just completed a blackly comedic coming-of-age novel set during the Vietnam War. I starred in a sold-out theatrical reading of three chapters of this book, recently, and received a standing ovation and 12 minutes of laughter added to the rehearsed time.

I am working on a second novel in the context of an elite post-grad writing program.

In addition, 
I am an ethical and traditional hunter of big and small game. I prefer to hunt with a bow and spend hundreds of hours afield being still and silent and becoming a part of the forest. I meditate on being a creature who is a small part of the great cycle of nature that will someday take us all into eternal silence.

What does this man want in a woman? 

I want a woman very near my own age or older. Women under 55 usually do not interest me.

I want a woman who is emotionally both enthusiastic and available — not afraid of life and love.

I greatly prefer a woman who is frankly vain about her own appearance — a woman who has spent serious time and serious money on looking 10 to 15 years younger than her real age. I want a figure that would not be out of place on a Victoria's Secret model who has reached 60 with only moderate damage. Cosmetic enhancements are not only welcome, but probably mandatory in order to fill this bill.

Beyond that basic requirement, the usual lineup of Mother Theresa virtues are a bonus — you've read all the profiles — intelligent, fun, loyal, spiritual, independent, intuitive, caring, sharing, loves puppies and long walks on the beach... You know the drill.

I do not wish to merely LIKE you. I will settle for nothing less than being truly madly deeply passionate about YOU. Just you... I want you to inhabit my being so completely that all the other women in the world cease to exist. I know this is possible. I know this is unlikely. I do not care that it is unlikely.

A specific look is what attracts me and it has nothing to do with your sparkling personality. The compatibility of our personalities and temperaments is what makes a long-term relationship possible, but it is only the look that sparks the passion that makes me want to begin a lifelong journey with you. No beginning — no journey.

I am not needy. I have 4 close long-term platonic female friends; I do not need #5. As well, I have my dog, my work and my simple