Don't Call Me GRANDMA!: A GUIDE FOR THE 21ST-CENTURY GRANDMOTHER

By Ilene Leventhal

To most people, the very word grandma conjures up images of old, blue-haired women in a flower-print apron and wearing sensible shoes in the kitchen, baking cookies. But times have changed.

 

In her book Don't Call Me Grandma! A Guide for the 21st-Century Grandmother, author Ilene Leventhal dispels the stereotype of

• Language: English
• Publisher: TOPLINK PUBLISHING, LLC
• Release date: Jan 8, 2019
• ISBN: 9781970066937

Ilene Leventhal

Ilene Leventhal earned a bachelor's degree in education from American University. She is the founder of the charity Hand to Hand in Washington DC, which assisted the homeless and working poor families. She coproduced the book Extraordinary Women: Fantasies Revealed. She is the mother of three children and Nana to five.

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Don’t Call Me Grandma!

A Guide For The 21st-Century Grandmother

Ilene Leventhal

Copyright © 2019 by Ilene Leventhal.

Hardback: 978-1-970066-92-0

Paperback: 978-1-970066-91-3

eBook: 978-1-970066-93-7

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

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Printed in the United States of America

Dedication

To all grandmothers

Past, present, and future

To my adoring husband, Norm,

the love of my life,

for always cheering me on.

To my amazing children, Lisa,

Brian, Shawn, Scott & Bonnie

for their unconditional love and support.

And, of course, to my most precious

and adoring grandchildren,

Jacklyn Rose, Cole Samuel, Camryn

Ava, Isaac Reid, Todd Harrison

and those yet to come..

you all light up my life everyday and have

given me the gift of being your Nana!

Acknowledgements

A special thanks to

Hannah Gilbert,

My Project Manager

My heartfelt gratitude to Lisa,

My loving daughter

For suggesting I write about a subject

Near and dear to my heart

GRANDMOTHERHOOD!

And for giving me my extraordinary

First granddaughter, Jacklyn Rose.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Prologue The Littleyellow Book

Chapter 1    A Life Altering Moment

Chapter 2    The Grandparent’s Bill Of Rights

Chapter 3    What’s In A Name?

Chapter 4    I Remember Grandma

Chapter 5   Forever Young

Chapter 6    From The Mouths Of Babes, Or, "Gramma, Why Do You Have Two Chins?

Chapter 7    Parenthood To Grandparenthood

Chapter 8    Shaking The Granny Image

Chapter 9    The Sweet, Slippery Slope On Grandmotherhood

Chapter 10  Lesson Learned From Grandma

Chapter 11  To Grandmother’s House We Go

Chapter 12  Who Is Numero Uno?

Chapter 13  What About Grandpa?

Chapter 14  How To Be A Tech-Savy Grandmother

Chapter 15  Mothers Vs. Grandmothers The Eternal Struggle And How To Get Over It

Chapter 16  Grandma Has Gone To Heaven, Or Maybe Boca: What To Tell A Child

Chapter 17  Don’t Call Me Grandma ...

Appendix 1 Funny Stories And More

Appendix 2 Grandmothers Around The World

Appendix 3 Other Names For Grandmother

Prologue

The Little Yellow Book

This little yellow book is going to be your best friend! I was actually going to call it The Yellow Pages, because this book is designed to guide us before technology brought us to internet. However, my dear husband, Norm, the lawyer, said I could not use that name because of something called a trademark. But you can think of it as your personal Yellow Pages when it comet to being a grandmother here in the 21st century.

DON’T Call Me Grandma! is primarily written for the grandma-to be, and could be a cute gift for the occasion to congratulate a new grandma, or for a Mother’s Day gift, or even a Grandparents’ Day gift (yes, thanks to the greeting card companies, we now have a day in September just for us. It’s sometime before Arbor Day and just after National Canned Soup Day. Check your calendars). Grandmas of all ages everywhere can use the information contained within these pages.

DON’T Call M Grandma! is also tailored for parents to understand Grandma’s side of the story and therefore will also be appropriate to give a new mom. Not to be outdone, there us also value in this book for grandpas and new fathers. In short, this story is for everybody. Don’t let the title fool you.

Okay, enough of the hard sell, you’re holding the book so you are at least interested in what I have to say. Let’s get to the heart of this little yellow guidebook. I am now going to enlighten you. Just because your children are pregnant does not mean that you are. Yes, you’ve been there, done that, but they couldn’t care less; that was then, this is now. So don’t think you have earned the right to be their coach, their mentor, or their resident know-it-all. Save the advice until you are asked or it (and you will be asked), no matter how difficult this will be for you; it will pay off in the long run (maybe!).

You know why pregnant couples cannot wait to be called Mommy or Daddy? It’s because they have worked really hard to earn their coveted title. Whether by recreation, planned, or by accident, a new life is on its way. Or in some cases, science is involved and creating a new life takes meticulous planning, praying, and a little luck. In those instances, they have spent months turning steamy spontaneous sex into a scientific formula. Regardless of how it happens, it happens all for the greater good.

Once they know they are pregnant, phase two begins and they’re off, so you had better not put your two cents in while they are heavily into the planning stage. Believe me I know it is difficult, as this is your son or daughter, who raised yourself (yes, probably with some help from your husband). Try to remember, this is their time and you must give the-parents-to-be the space needed to make their own decisions. Of course you should be there to support them, the truth is that you are delegated to the sidelines to observe and to be resource for them to make their own decisions. Of course you should be there to support them, the truth is that you are delegated to the sidelines to observe and to be a resource for them and to answer any questions they may ask. However don’t hold your breath, and try not to be upset if those questions don’t come during the pregnancy. Trust me, the questions will come later; in some cases much later, but they will come. They have some tough decisions to make which they themselves probably won’t agree on until they find common ground; it’s tough enough for two people to agree, let alone a third party adding to the confusion. They have to decide on things like: do they want to find out the sex of their unborn child? What should they name their baby? And after all of the important questions are taken care of, then they will get around to what’s really important here: what they want this precious child-to-be to call you!

So you may as well sit back and relax until they are ready to share their decisions with you; try very hard to be patient. If you remember, as a grandmother-to-be, nine months of pregnancy is not the easiest thing to experience. Enduring those raging hormones was tough, but even tougher on our husbands and partners once they realized that we no longer had control over our bodies. Sure, there were plenty of wonderful moments during those 36 weeks, but they were quickly forgotten when the hormone witch appeared. I am telling you all of the above so that you will be more sensitive to their needs. And by all means wait a while before jumping in with what you experienced during your pregnancy; you kids don’t want to hear it.

There is so much that can be said about how you can negotiate their pregnancy, all the while keeping the peace and not stressing out yourself. I hope these chapters will help cushion the ride by providing you with some valuable tips. For this book, I have interviewed many grandmothers from our generation (I am in my late sixties); it seems that the toughest thing to remember is that you are no longer in the driver’s seat. That is reserved for parents only, and nobody likes a backseat driver. If asked directions, feel free to share your opinion, otherwise, sit back and try to enjoy the ride. You may end up with a sore mouth from biting your tongue, but ultimately, you will reap the benefits. Remember that the driver, no doubt, will take a different route than you took when you were driving. It’s okay; it’s human nature. Today they have the beltway, the freeway, and the highway, just not your way, because parenting is very different than our way; which to some is now viewed as the wrong way!

For example, disciplining a child in today’s world makes no sense to us. If our children sassed us, or didn’t listen, there was nothing wrong with giving them a little smack on the tush. Today that would be considered a misdemeanor, punishable by law! So don’t say a word when your grandchild is put in a time out for the fifth time that day for repeating the same offense an hour later after they finished the first time out. My husband and I find it very amusing when bedtime rolls around and our daughter says to her little ones, Okay, upstairs in five minutes. And then when five minutes are up and the kids ask for final minute. This usually goes on for another ten minutes. Norm and I look