Og-Grim-Dog: Ogre's End Game: Me Three, #4

By Jamie Edmundson

'We have saved this world and travelled to worlds beyond it! We have deployed weapons of death beyond your imagination!'

Join everyone's favourite three-headed ogre in their world-hopping, climactic, final adventure.

After The War of The Dead, things could not have ended more bleakly for Og-Grim-Dog and the broken land of Gal'azu.

But they'll still save their friends, save the world, complete a satisfying character arc and tie up all the loose ends from the rest of the series...

Won't they?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rarn Publishing
• Release date: May 24, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201930820

Book preview

Me Three: A Recap of Books 1-3

The plot of this series has been getting ever more complex. I am also aware that you may be coming to this book after a considerable gap from reading the first three. Although Og-Grim-Dog do some looking back in the main narrative, I believe a summary of the ‘story so far’ is warranted.

Og-Grim-Dog is a three-headed ogre living an unremarkable life in Darkspike Dungeon, until persuaded by Queen Krim of the Black Orcs to investigate why there are so many raids by humans on their dungeon.

Visiting the town of Mer Khazer, Og-Grim-Dog eventually manage to sign up as adventurers with the Bureau of Dungeoneering. They join an adventuring party and soon make friends with Assata the barbarian, Sandon the wizard, Raya the elf, Gurin the dwarf and Brother Kane the cleric.

The group successfully raid a number of dungeons, many of which are devoid of serious opposition. They also visit the village of Urlay, which has been raided by orcs. Upon returning to the Bureau, Og-Grim-Dog find an orc sword in their treasure haul that matches one they discovered in Urlay and begin to suspect that someone in their party is responsible for the orc raids.

After a second visit to Urlay, Grim deduces that Gurin the dwarf is responsible, along with his dwarven friends. Informing Hassletoff, the halfling reeve of Mer Khazer, they arrest Gurin and his friends. Gurin admits to faking the orc raids in order to encourage the Bureau to allow more dungeoneering adventures. Despite their efforts, Og-Grim-Dog find themselves excluded from the Bureau and forced to leave Mer Khazer, returning to their dungeon.

When their friend Raya writes them a letter, Og-Grim-Dog resolve to leave Darkspike Dungeon once more. But still banned from the Bureau, they are at a loss about what to do, until Brother Kane reveals himself to be a henchman of The Dark Lord. On his recommendation, they travel to Fell Towers, where The Dark Lord and his adviser, Mistress Lilith, agree to make them a henchman.

Og-Grim-Dog carry out a number of gruesome murders in Varena on Lilith’s instructions. They are then sent into Kuthenia, along with two other henchmen: Simba the dark elf and Gurin the dwarf. Assata the barbarian acts as their guide, motivated by a desire to bring down the Empire that has enslaved her people. In the capital, Pengshui, they abduct Borte, a princess, and successfully take her back to Fell Towers. Here, The Dark Lord makes plans to marry the princess and lay claim to the Empire. The Dark Lord’s plans come to nothing when Og-Grim-Dog’s friends from the Bureau break in to Fell Towers and, with the ogre’s approval, rescue Borte.

When they follow Lilith to a strange meeting with her friend Samael, the full details of their deception are revealed. Lilith is in fact a succubus, who plans to replace The Dark Lord. Samael is an incubus, who has won control of the Kuthenian Empire since Borte’s abduction.

Completely disenchanted with their life of evil, Og-Grim-Dog plot to overthrow The Dark Lord. Unaware that his bride is missing, The Dark Lord enjoys a wedding breakfast. But when ordered to fetch Borte, Og-Grim-Dog instead release The Dark Lord’s imprisoned brother, Fraser, and his pet worm, Evie. When Evie eats The Dark Lord, Lilith takes his place as ruler of Fell Towers.

Og-Grim-Dog leave Fell Towers and return with their friends to Mer Khazer, where they take over the Bureau and install Hassletoff as Director. Afterwards, Gurin leaves, on a quest to rescue his dwarven friends (who he sold to a travelling circus).

A war begins between the League of the Free Cities and the Kuthenian Empire. After initial progress, the armies of the League leave Kuthenian soil and retreat west. Og-Grim-Dog and Sandon agree that to really defeat Lilith and Samael, they must consult with the Oracle of Britrona. Along with Raya the elf, they make the journey and are given a dark prophecy about the future of Gal’azu.

Convinced of the need to act, they travel to an uninhabited island in the Pirate Isles, where they encounter the Guardian of the Portals, Elsie. From here, they travel back in time to Varena, and undo the murders that Og-Grim-Dog carried out while serving The Dark Lord.

Returning from this mission, they find a land overrun by undead creatures named draugr. They reach Mer Khazer and help to rescue Assata, Borte, Hassletoff & Nick Romancer. Desperate, they find sanctuary in a hill fort called Babylon.

At first, it looks like they will make a life here. But after the deaths of Nick and Sandon from draugr bites, they are pulled into a conflict with a settlement of goblins, run by Gary, who has now reverted to the name Grarviaksrurm. Outnumbered by the enemy at Strong Club, Gary kills Raya and Hassletoff, sparing the lives of the others, in the expectation they will now work for him.

Desperate for revenge, Og-Grim-Dog, Assata and Borte travel to Darkspike Dungeon. Queen Krim offers her support at a price. While ridding the dungeon of draugr trolls, Borte is killed.

Krim’s orcs attack Gary’s goblins at Strong Club. Assata is killed in the battle, but so too is Gary, and Krim is left victorious.

Og-Grim-Dog leave, alone.

---

I hope you enjoy the final episode.

Jamie, Yarm, 2020

1

THE FINAL CHAPTER

Events at Slain Castle didn’t get any bigger than this. Thousands convened at the stadium; tickets exchanged for astronomical prices. Folks from all over the quiet and peaceable realm of Magidu had come to hear a story. For tonight was the final performance by Og-Grim-Dog, the infamous three-headed ogre.

As the latecomers filtered in and were taken to their seats, they were able to enjoy the last moments of the first act. The bodies of dance troupe Booty Quest writhed on the floor; displayed far too much flesh; and left to mild applause from the audience after what had been a wildly inappropriate choice of routine, act, and wardrobe.

Second act Fling the Merciless displayed his skills as a knife-thrower. He paraded around the stage, dressed all in black, a mask completely covering his features. His assistant, too, wore a mask, though it didn’t stop her screams from echoing around the stadium as the blades of Fling’s knives struck home, mere inches from her body.

For his grand finale, Fling’s assistant was spun about upright on a board, arms and legs fastened and spread out in an X shape. As she spun, her mask slipped down and she cried out, ‘Help! Help! He captured me! I’m a prisoner! Someone save me! I’m serious, you bastards!’, as the blades landed around her legs, torso, arms, and head. The audience warmly applauded and muttered their appreciation of a truly adrenaline-fuelled act.

Finally, it was time for the main act to take the stage. A desk appeared, its legs first, then its top, as it slowly descended from the fly space above. The audience gasped as it stopped still, suspended in mid-air before them. Then came a chair, lowered into position before the desk. Finally, a pair of thin legs, attached to a glamorously dressed Recorder: sequins, fur and feathers all competing for attention in an outfit that made the adjective gaudy feel like understatement. Sporting a new pair of ridiculously oversized spectacles, he waved to his fans as he was deposited into the chair. The audience went wild as he laid out the accoutrements of his trade onto the desk: his quill, ink and parchment.

The arrival of the ogre was met with almost as much appreciation. Two legs shuffled onto the stage, while three heads scowled up at the Recorder, positioned several feet above them.

‘At last,’ said the Recorder dramatically, ‘the final chapter of your story.’

A hush of anticipation descended on the stadium. Just then, Fling the Merciless returned to the stage. It looked like he had got lost and some in the audience sniggered at his arrival. The truth was, Fling’s mask meant that it was difficult to construe what was going on. He wandered slowly towards Og-Grim-Dog. Then, he moved in a terrifying burst of speed. The mask was off, revealing grey skin and white hair. Two curved swords were in his hands, and before the ogre could react, they were pointed at heads one and three.

‘Simba!’ exclaimed the first head.

‘Wro’Kuburni’-Dy-Hrath’Simbowa!’ exclaimed the Recorder.

The audience at Slain Castle drew in excited breaths. Simba the dark elf! One of the characters from the ogre’s stories was here, in the flesh! It suddenly made those stories seem so much more real. After all, hadn’t they all had the faint suspicion that the tales were fantasies concocted by the lonely Landlord of the Flayed Testicles? Not anymore. It was only after this chain of thought that the audience began to focus on the weapons pointed at the storyteller. This wasn’t good. If Og-Grim-Dog was murdered live on stage, they would never get to hear how his story ended.

‘The very same!’ the dark elf confirmed unnecessarily. ‘I could kill you right now, ogre!’ he declared. ‘Maybe I should. But there’s something I want more.’

The three heads raised their eyebrows questioningly, but the drow remained silent.

The middle head rolled his eyes. ‘Which is?’

‘The truth. Finish your damned story but tell the truth of it this time. And if you so much as veer from the path of honesty to the verge of deception, I will be here to correct you.’

The third head looked up at the Recorder.

‘How did he find us?’

‘I’m sure I don’t know,’ said the Recorder sharply, though he couldn’t completely hide the look of guilt.

‘Well, isn’t this a fine situation for you, sitting up in your eyrie where you can’t be reached?’ stated the third head. ‘While a dark elf forces us to omit the fabrications and exaggerations and all that other nonsense you spout.’

‘I can assure you; I didn’t ask him to come here,’ said the Recorder, offended. ‘And sifting the facts from the fabrications is not nonsense. It is simply the responsibility of the professional writer.’

‘You didn’t ask him to come here,’ the middle head retorted, ‘but you revealed our location.’

The Recorder had the good grace not to deny it.

‘And the fabrications and the myth-making are what make stories fun. But since you two are intent on hearing the truth and nothing but the truth, so be it. Here is the unedited, unadulterated story of how we saved the world.’

2

A REVELATION

In a muddy, rain-soaked field, a three-headed ogre did his best not to slip over and fall on his arse as the surrounding band of draugr moved in for the kill.

‘Will you help?’ Grim growled irritably at Og, who had simply given up on fighting the creatures.

‘Don’t wanna help,’ said Og, as Grim tried to manoeuvre Dog into position. With only control over the legs, Grim’s role was to help his brothers, who had use of one arm each, get a strike in with their weapons. Dog laid about with his mace, barking with laughter as a draugr head went sailing into the air and landed somewhere in the grass. Grim was sure he heard the decapitated head groan with displeasure.

It was a close-run thing. One bite from a creature—maybe even a scratch—and they would have become undead like them. But Dog gradually splintered draugr bones and crushed draugr skulls, until they were able to walk away unscathed.

Grim walked