50 Qur'anic Comforts For Mums

By Nazmina Dhanji

Not another parenting book! This book draws on the comforting words of the Creator in the Qur’an and offers a way to focus your heart and mind to what the day brings.

50 Qur’anic Comforts is tailored precisely for busy parents who often have no time to read the paper or their 
Twitter feeds, let alone a whole bo

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sun Behind The Cloud Publications Ltd
• Release date: May 13, 2019
• ISBN: 9781908110619

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

My eldest daughter woke up excitedly this morning, bounding out of bed without waiting for me to wake her a few times as per usual: of course – it was her birthday! She came downstairs humming Happy Birthday to herself, optimistically expecting to see a beautiful, furry, black and white cat waiting for her as her birthday present. For the last four years, the only thing she has consistently asked me for every birthday and every Eid is a cat. As much as I would have loved to get her one, I am allergic to them (thank God!). She knew deep down, of course, that I wouldn’t have got her one and quickly resigned herself to the fact, eagerly opening her other presents and cards. Truth be told and allergy aside, I can just about parent three children with my sanity intact, let alone add a permanent furry addition to the family. I think that would actually push me over the edge. As much as I like the look and feel of their soft, lithe bodies, and as much as I acknowledge the positive effects that nurturing a living creature can have on children, the mere thought of cleaning up feline poop, and fur all over the upholstery, makes me shudder. Having had a negative and very queasy experience cleaning up poop from a previous chicken-rearing venture a few years ago, I swore I would clean up nothing more than my own children’s mess henceforth.

Reminiscing over my little adventures in parenting children and chickens across different countries and the challenges that I have faced in my parenting journey are what actually led me to pen down some of those experiences, and share them with you. This book you hold in your hands can best be described as a collection of my musings and wonderings through this journey, written over several years, as a striving Muslim woman trying to parent my children in the 21st century, whilst maintaining the faith and growing towards God with kids in tow. As much as our parents and elders have been, and continue to be, a great source of support and guidance to us, as the next generation we often find ourselves in unchartered territory and treading water against the current when parenting in this century of high-speed technology and social media, where our own parents feel quite lost. I have stumbled and fallen many times on my journey, grazed my knees and had to learn the hard way more often than not. I have also had to ‘wing it’ more times than I would like to admit, but have ultimately found a lot of comfort, inspiration and solace in the Qur’an: our book of universal values which points to the best course of action. Its timeless wisdom and truths have guided me where even my own wise parents cannot.

This book is not ‘another parenting book’, and I do not profess to speak from a place of authority or expertise in parenting, or on any topic for that matter, nor do I claim to have all the answers. I am but a struggling parent myself, sharing the Qur’anic words of advice and reassurance that have been a profound source of guidance and comfort to me along my personal journey - mostly in hindsight - in the hope that they might bring you peace too. At the time of publication, I have three children aged 10, 14 and 16, and have been through my fair share of challenges whilst parenting them, as I am sure you have too with yours. Compared to parents of more children, older children, and those with grandchildren, however, I am but a novice!

These pages have not been designed to be read cover to cover. Rather, they have been written and tailored precisely for busy mothers - and fathers too if they so wish - who often have no time to read the paper or their Twitter feeds, let alone a whole book! It is for you to keep by your bedside to dip into for daily inspiration and support, offering a different perspective or just some food for thought when you need it most. I recommend you read no more than one chapter a day. It does not have to be read chronologically, as each chapter stands alone as its own topic, and is no more than two to four pages long. They each begin with a verse of the Qur’an, and end with a supplication related to the topic from the tradition of the Prophet (pbuh) and his beloved family, that I have also found helpful myself. For the translation of Qur’anic verses I have mostly used Qarai’s Phrase-by-Phrase Translation of the Qur’an.

Writing has been both a therapeutic and cathartic exercise for me, and I have dedicated space at the end of each chapter for you to journal your ideas and reflections too, should you wish to, guided by points to aid you in thinking further. Take your time with each chapter, think about it, then write down your thoughts and wishes for your children, composing your own supplications for them. Your wise words from your personal experiences may just end up being a great gift to them when they, in turn, become parents.

Whilst there are a few practical tips peppered throughout it wherever relevant, this book does not set out to be an instruction manual in parenting or give advice on specific topics. You know your child best, and the practical strategies that have worked for me may not work for you. There are already a myriad of tips and strategies out there for everything from nursing to potty-training and discipline on the Internet, on Pinterest, parenting books and blogs, many of which I resort to, time and again. There are also some excellent textbook-style Islamic parenting manuals available that I would highly recommend and which have helped me immensely, such as Raising Children by Tahera Kassamali, A Mother’s Prayer by Arifa Hudda and Principles of Upbringing Children by Ibrahim Amini, to mention but a few. This work is a humble offering to help parents delve deeper into their relationship with God through Qur’anic reflections, to give them reassurance and tranquillity, and to refuel them along their parenting journey.

May the Almighty accept all our efforts, and overlook our shortcomings. All Praise is due to Him for His guidance, and we would not have been guided had He not guided us.

Nazmina Dhanji

March 2019

1. FIRST COMES LOVE...

Your Lord ordained compassion upon Himself.

(Sūra al-An‘ām 6:54)

I will always love you - these are words that I, and I am sure, you too say to your children on a regular basis. Nothing you ever do will make me stop loving you. I may be disappointed at your actions, but I will always love you, or other words to that effect.

Every single time I say this to my children, I am reminded of God’s continuous and unending love for me in my own life, and that in spite of all my gaffes, stumbles, misdemeanours and outright sins, He has still not given up on me. Even when I did not obey at His first request, when I questioned His commands, He patiently and compassionately continued to love and nurture me, to guide me with His unconditional love, which overcame me.

What drew me to a conscious relationship with God in my late teens, and to surrender to His love, was not His rules but His own gracious invitation towards me, and the knowledge that in spite of my shortcomings and imperfections, He loved me and wanted only the best for me. "He loves you seventy times more than your own mother, we would be taught by our teachers, Just take one step towards Him, and He’ll take ten back towards you." He says Himself that He has ordained love and raḥma (compassion) upon Himself. He is love. He is the very definition of compassion, being Raḥmān and Raḥīm (all-Compassionate and Merciful) - His primary attributes that we state at least 30 times each day. Accepting God’s love for me was the impetus that then led to my wilful obedience of His commands and my desire to earn His pleasure.

This is precisely why our children need to be reminded of our unconditional love for them. They need first and foremost a relationship and an attachment to us, before we can give them a list of do’s and don’ts. Our rules and discipline must be administered consequent to our love. Rigid rules may refine, and even change their behaviour, but they will not change the heart. Our children need us to pursue them patiently and lovingly, even when they don’t deserve it, and most of all, when they have pushed us to the end of our tether and we’re about to lose it with them.

What does that kind of unconditional love look like? Allah says: "And He is with you wherever you are" (Sūra al-Ḥadīd 57:4) - ready to listen to us. We too need to be willing to be there whenever our children need us - love slows down and listens. Reaching our children’s hearts requires our attention. To build that kind of loving bond, we must listen to their fears, their dreams, their hurts, their concerns, their small playground victories. Love encourages and spurs children, without squashing them in the process; inspires, casting a vision for doing better through compassion.

God’s love is what has motivated me to be obedient and come back to Him, each time that I have distanced myself through my mistakes. Instead of harsh discipline that breaks the spirit, He has gently guided me back with His reminders and signs punctuating my day. It fascinates me that although He speaks of His wrath, anger and disappointment in the Qur’an, above all He is Raḥmān and Raḥīm - just like a mother who scolds only out of her love, and only to the extent necessary. Let His gentle patience and compassionate corrections remind us to do the same for those that He has entrusted in our care.

My Lord... You display Your love for me and I do not respond, as though I am above You.

But this does not prevent You from having mercy on me, being good to me, and favouring me… so please continue to be compassionate on this ignorant slave of yours…

(Extract from Du’a al-Iftitah, usually recited in the month of Ramadan)

How have you felt God’s love for you in your life?

Do you struggle to show that kind of ‘unconditional’ love to your children?

In what ways could you express that love to your children right now?

2. TURNING WORRY INTO WORSHIP

And the heart of Musa’s mother became empty (of anxiety); she would almost have disclosed it had We not reinforced her heart so that she would be of the believers.

(Sūra al-Qaṣaṣ 28:10)

I think I have the worry and anxiety gene, and I am sure I got it from my mother and my grandmother. They both passed down to me their youthful skin (thank God!), the dimple on their chins, and their tendency to worry.

When I was growing up, the Gujrati phrase ‘mané evi viyadhi thaay tse’ (I am feeling so worried) was an almost daily phrase that could be heard in the house, and as a carefree teenager it never even occurred to me to question what worried my dear mother so much. But now as a mother, I find myself humming the same refrain, my mind wandering off into anxieties and fears about the unknown and uncontrollable future.

We mums can find endless reasons to worry: Kids. Marriage. Finances. Our kids’ future careers. Our health. Theirs. The health of their faith. Even their future relationships! If we allow our thoughts to run wild, we can concoct all sorts of terrible scenarios, all starting with What if? What if I lose my job? What if I miscarry? What if something’s wrong with my baby’s development? What if something happens to my parents tomorrow? What if he fails his subjects at school? What if she doesn’t get in to the school of our choice?

However, over time I have noticed something funny: 99 percent of my past fears never materialised, in spite of the oodles of time I spent fretting about them. How much time and energy I devoted to just sitting and ruminating. 

Now contrast my attitude with Yukabad, the mother of Prophet Musa (pbuh), who had actual cause to worry as she threw her baby into the fast-flowing Nile in nothing but a little reed casket. A thousand thoughts could have been going through her mind at once: "Am I doing the right thing? What if the basket capsizes? What if the water seeps into it and soaks him? What if the guards capture him? Will I ever see him again? What if he drowns? What about the hungry crocodiles?"

The Qur’an tells us that her heart was empty. Perhaps she was so overcome with grief that she went blank, and froze in that moment, and that’s why it’s described as empty. It is far more likely, however, that she emptied it of worry and concern after Allah says above that He reinforced her heart (literally: bound it up). She emptied it, not out of a carelessness or nonchalance, but rather out of a confidence that God would return her baby to her, and that He would look after him. There was a lightness in her heart even despite the bleak and dangerous future ahead for both her and her baby. She trusted in God, and in His assurances that He never lets down the believers.

The one type of worry for our children that the Qur’an does warrant, however, is the worry for their faith. We see in the example of Prophet Ibrahim (pbuh), a father who mentions his children and future progeny at every opportunity in his supplications to Allah: ‘O Allah, keep me and my children away from idolatry!’ (Sūra Ibrahim 14:35) ‘Make them upholders of the prayer!’ (Sūra Ibrahim 14:40) And asking Him, ‘Will they be leaders of the pious?’ (Sūra al-Baqara 2:124) and making a bequest to his children, ‘Don’t you dare die except as submitters to God.’ (Sūra al-Baqara 2:132). When it came to the health and safety of their children’s faith, even prophets worried. And they too turned their worry into worship.

So, what has been stealing your thoughts, keeping you up late at night and weighing heavy on your heart? What do you need to cast onto the God who rescued Prophet Musa from the clutch of a tyrant, Prophet Ibrahim from the blaze of a fire, Prophet Ayyub from infectious disease and bankruptcy, and Prophet Yunus from the corrosive belly of the whale? He loves the believer beyond comprehension and promises to rescue her from her worries in the same way that He rescued Prophet Yunus (pbuh): ‘So We responded to him and saved him from distress, and thus do We save the believers’ (Sūra al-Anbiyā’ 21:88). He readily sustains and guides us as we voice our worries to Him.

God can use our tendency to worry to grow our faith. As we learn to turn our panic into fervent prayer and praise, our energy wasted on worry into concerted supplication and conversation with God, and trusting God’s plan and His timing, we find that our relationship with God is strengthened. Each time we turn worry into worship, we will find it easier to handle our anxieties and wilfully empty our hearts of worries. Our act of trust in Him, especially with our precious children and their futures, is a true manifestation of professing faith in God. He knows each and every fibre of our being. Every moment that we clutch tightly in desperate fear to control, He already has it under control. Let go my friend, He’s got this.

Our Lord, in You we place our trust, to You we turn, and towards You is the destination.