Emily

By Justin Rangan

Emily leads an idyllic life. With two delicious meals a day and much pampering from her carer in between 17 hour naps, it is the pinnacle of feline happiness. Add that with her sublime good looks and supreme intelligence that the all mighty and all knowing Felix has bestowed upon her, life was one of simplistic domestic bliss. But after an incident with her dim-witted feline friend Thomas and a nightmarish dream, Emily suddenly begins to question what legacy she will leave on this big round ball of nonsense. Will the almighty Felix accept her into his kingdom after her death despite her wicked tongue, selfish demenour and mean spirited ways? The prospect of rejection sends her into a panic as she sets upon a path of redemption in the eyes of Felix.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Justin Rangan
• Release date: Jan 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9781393247470

Book preview

The sun warmed my angelic coat as I sat awkwardly under the giant elm trying to disengage the dog poop from my hind paw. I was determined to find the canine responsible, or bum sniffers as we cats liked to call them - a title we felt comfortable to bestow on them such was our intellectual dominance over that appalling species. I suspected he or she wasn’t far away as the texture still felt soft and I was aware of a mild heat between my toes. I could not pick up its vile scent that so characterized those graceless beasts. Sense of smell was one area in which they excelled over Felix Domestica, particularly since I’d become domesticated. All that pampering, sleeping peacefully in front of a cozy fire and not having to hunt for my meals, had caused me to lose some of my natural instincts.  Had I not been so unfit on account of my luxurious lifestyle I could have chased down that delicious looking rodent in twenty less bounds and would right now be parading it on the front porch to the harrowing screams of my squeamish carer. My goodness, what an embarrassing spectacle they can put on for a species that invented the flea collar.  Would she have respected me more if I was that dorky feline Thomas from next door who couldn’t catch a rat in a sewer? Dreary Thomas, who had slept whilst a family of mice broke in and ate his breakfast merely three feet away from him. I even try to entertain my carer by indulging her in infantile games such as chasing a wind up mouse around the kitchen. So degrading for a feline of my breeding. But when I produce the real deal on her front porch she freaks out. Such a perplexing species those humans. They consider themselves to be the most intelligent species on earth yet they choose to satisfy their appetite with someone else’s kill and then proceed to discard all the best bits. They eyeballs, so delicious and juicy. The nose, so chewy and snotty.

But I digress. Right now I had to concentrate on the task at hand which was extricating the pungent gooey substance from my paw. I would exact my revenge on the canine responsible in good time. There was nothing discreet in trying to get dog poop off of my paw. How embarrassing it would be to a cat of my status to be caught with its hind leg in its mouth licking poop off all the while with my alluring anus on full display. Did I mention that I was on heat too? So now you can understand my urgency. An attractive feline like me in such a compromising position was as appetising to a Tom as a freshly seeded lawn was to a pigeon. Sure enough, just as I had prised the last grain of poop and spat it out triumphantly through the air, Thomas, dorky, mangy Thomas was suddenly upon me, trying to ravage my striking body. I managed to free a leg and swipe at his face with such ferocity that Thomas ended up sprawled in a ditch five