On Account of An Elf

By Caz Zyvatkauskas

The supporting cast of characters takes centre stage in this (seasonal/)social satire (set in a not-so-fantastical North Pole). Vast numbers of elves dedicate themselves to the production of toys in the ultimate workers' paradise while the all-knowing marketing division directs their efforts.

Just before her retirement, elf Bronislava, head of production in the Yuletide Autonomous Region, journeys to the North Pole to make a bold request of her sister. This parody of holiday excess pits one sibling against the other while probing two vastly different worldviews. The drastic resolution imperils them both.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Caz Zyvatkauskas
• Release date: Dec 2, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005958930

Caz Zyvatkauskas

The formative portion of my youth was spent roaming both the green spaces and strip malls of suburban Scarborough, Ontario. Having come full circle, and retired from the University of Toronto, I now live in a similar suburban environment in Gresham, Oregon. On a small section of Johnson Creek my husband and I cultivate historic Barnhaven primroses and provide sanctuary for salamanders, frogs and other wildlife that live in the woods behind our house.

Book preview

On Account of an Elf

by

Caz Zyvatkauskas

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2020 by Caz Zyvatkauskas

All rights reserved.

Table of Contents

1 A Letter to Comrades

2 Train to Siberia

3 To the Airport

4 The Reindeer Pen

5 Return to Factory

6 Return to Christmas

7 Santa’s List

8 A Stocking Full

9 The Good Enough Escape

10 A Letter to Distant Comrades

Dear Comrades Chen, Wang, Ho, Tensing and Bosch,

Toy Factory Number 6, Yuletide Autonomous Region, Fuyun County, China,

Thank you for the most thoughtful (soon to be) retirement gift. A set of blank miniature diaries and mechanical pencils. No more memos, reviews or reports! Your gift will be pressed into service shortly. Poetry, verse and gentle musings. But before all of that commences, this declaration: throughout our decades of working together no comrades have been more loyal or supportive. No doubt you are at the very top of Santa’s list of most excellent citizens. I treasure each of you and hold dear your friendship and special qualities. If I could reward you with more than praise I would.

Chen, remember when I first showed you how to make those American plastic dolls with the long yellow hair that you dutifully trimmed to a respectful worker’s length? Ha! Even I was surprised when Santa’s inspectors said that hundreds of them had to be remade. Yet they looked so much smarter as a result of your handiwork. No matter, the extra time we spent restringing their mops was the first time I truly understood the miracle of folly—how a mistake can actually bring about positive change. We bonded over all those late nights spent with fingers and faces glued with tufts of that nasty straw.

Wang, as a foreigner to the Chinese operation I was more reliant on your guidance and care than anyone. How ignorant I was coming from Russia to assume that all I needed was Mandarin to survive, or that all of the workshops in Santa’s Yuletide Autonomous Regions would be the same no matter where on the globe. You soon taught me how to respect and negotiate the differences between us all. And the ministry would have us believe that all elves think and act alike.

Ho, you are the most patient and good humored elf. Obviously with a name like Ho in this business you endured no end of jokes but rose above it, not with disdain or indifference, but with a hearty laugh and an abundance of equanimity. Not all the Hos were as tolerant. It should also be pointed out that it was important for me as a female elf to find male friendship that was purely based on our devotion to work and comradeship. Yes there is another joke in there about a word associated with the pronunciation of Ho but — never mind.

Tensing, remember when we first met in the special ethnic toy division? You explained to me that the complex paintings and inscriptions on the gift flags that won that year’s Most Colorful Toy of the Year Award, Ethnic Division were nothing but gibberish designed for tourists. The ministry is aware, you told me they don’t care and it makes it easier for our production crew to churn them out. But what about your conflict of being a devout Buddhist and working in this factory producing items for the Christian holiday? Make adaptability to all circumstances one of your principles.

And Bosch, at first we didn’t get along very well—a Russian and a German with both of us old enough to remember the conflicts. Elves live so long! Yet even beyond admiring your amazing engineering skills that brought efficiency and safety to our factory you also brought a superlative caring and concern for fellow workers. The same with friendship. When I got sick from that flu you were quick to identify the cause and cure not only myself but the entire work group that was exposed. Of course there was grumbling when that candy sector was closed for sterilization but can you imagine if those sweets went out and with the big boss’s face stamped on them?

So my dear friends and comrades, this is it. This old gal is soon leaving after 50 elf years. (Do you think they would ever consider lowering the retirement age?) I’ve promised a visit to my distant sister in the American propaganda division at the North Pole. After that I will retire to write all that poetry. Not A Cloud in Trousers per se, but something more like a particle containment filter over one of our chimney stacks.

My dream has been to transcend the elf-human divide with literature, but perhaps a more important goal would be to inspire our own community. Ah, how to make a word picture from this mist?

Your gift will be pressed into service shortly.

In Solidarity, your comrade and trusted friend,

Bronya

Yuletide Autonomous Region Train from Fuyun County to Siberia.

(I think this is a poem. Perhaps it is not stirring enough. Regardless, they say the poet spirit is stronger than the poet talent.)

Train line on a map

becoming hard iron and steel

defined by wheels, track and

moving scenery.

My journey is neatly defined.

The trains always run on time. I have taken this train before, in winter through blizzards, in spring during torrential rains, and still it’s always on time. Unlike the lines that were built by gulag prisoners this one we constructed ourselves. Prisoners work out of fear. Elves work out of duty. Even though many of us were jam tarts who had spent our entire lives inside a toy factory doing nothing more strenuous than stringing beads and sewing fur collars onto tiny felt jackets, when the call came we all wanted to