Pride: I Am Self Identified!

By Danielle Sainte-Marie

Pride: I am Self-Identified is a first of its kind. No other book for the gay and lesbian community has ever included BIID, Polyamory, and Affectional Orientation in its pages. Not only that, but this book also sets new ground in breaking down the reasons why evolving business models need to include diversity, and how many of the most popular religions around the world view gay rights. But, the book doesn't stop there! Danielle Sainte-Marie also explores self-esteem, relationships, philosophy and more! This book will show you a colorful world you might never have known existed, and will change your thinking forever!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Nov 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781312671720

Book preview

Pride: I Am Self Identified!

PRIDE!

(I Am Self-Identified!)

BY

DANIELLE SAINTE-MARIE

This book is dedicated in Josie’s honor to all who have, or are currently, struggling to find their way in a society that doesn’t always have compassion and appreciation for diversity.

No matter who you are, I love you!

And, for those that make life hard on others who are different: I love you too, for it is the hardships provided by you that make diversity blossom even further. Thank you for making us stronger.

The purpose of the fundamentalist is to help the ascetic achieve insight and power into the transcendental nature of life and death.

The purpose of the ascetic is to overcome the limiting viewpoints and/or hatred of the fundamentalist.

So, you are all my sisters, brothers and animal-friends, no exceptions,

for through each person I learn so much.

I love all of you;

for you and I are all one and the same.

For, whatever we can’t love in another is simply an aspect of our potential selves we have yet to accept.

All Rights Reserved.

All poetry and quotes are by Danielle Sainte-Marie, unless otherwise indicated.

Lilac Shadows Publishing, International ©

ISBN: 978-1-312-67172-0

(The Polyamory movement is about having many loves and recognizing that jealousy need not permanently exist in relationships where more than 2 people are involved. They advocate being open and honest, loving and kind with all their loves. If there is no lying and no deceit, and partners agree on all terms of the relationship, then no unfaithfulness technically can exist)

Prologue:

Lost Dreams (Josie Was a Friend of Mine)

I am on Amtrak, traveling west to east, but going nowhere at all. I have no destination, unless you consider the heart a place at which to arrive.

Sitting in first class accommodations I have not paid for, with my food served to me in my bedroom, I watch the country-side going by; the mountainous terrain of Colorado seems to say to me, Life is wild, untamed, and yet…sublime. I think of Josie, my sweet, gentle friend, and how we were supposed to meet up in Florida. But tears come down as I realize she won’t be there, for she is dead and I am alone, riding to join with seemingly absolutely nothing and no one.

(Me on Amtrak, thinking about Josie)

I met Josie through Dr. Reed, a plastic surgeon in Florida; he introduced me to her several months earlier, since he knew I was a compassionate person who accepts and loves everyone and I also happened to be in Florida at the time Josie was. I knew what it is like for one to desire things about their body to change. I grew up being horribly abused, and my father used to cut me in private areas of my body with a knife; but on top of that, I was born female-intersexed and had two botched surgeries as an infant. My genitalia became something I was horribly ashamed to have. I knew intimately the fear of exposing scarred genitalia to another, and so just a year earlier Dr. Reed had performed a corrective labiaplasty on me, and about 6 months later, had done a 2nd surgery to further reduce some old scarring. This second surgery is when I met Josie. My background with despising my genitalia fit in really well with Josie, who was an MTF transsexual that had saved enough money to finally pay for her surgery. She was ready to undergo several hours of a grueling and potentially dangerous Sex Reassignment Surgery just to feel complete as the woman she already knew herself to authentically be. As she didn’t have family that were able to go with her to the surgery to help through what undoubtedly was about to be a very long recovery time, Dr. Reed suggested me as a caregiver. I agreed to meet Josie, and see how I felt about her.

Josie was a beautiful woman in every way. She dressed so elegantly, carried herself with dignity, style and class. We immediately became dear friends. In fact, I hadn’t connected that quickly with many of my life-long friends!

(Josie Angela Flores)

Josie and I shared an incredible love for shopping and fashion; she was intelligent, compassionate, and I was moved by her story to have her surgery. Of course I will help you, I said, Just name the time and I will be there. What an honor it felt to be chosen as the one to see her through this tough but amazingly transformative period!

Josie was such a class act; there are not many people in the world as giving and as kind as she was. She knew I didn’t fly so she bought me first-class train tickets, which cost her over $2,000. I felt awful about it, but she insisted on this. She arranged for limousines to come and pick me up at every location, to take me to and from the train stations and hotel. I begged her to just allow me to take a cab, but she wouldn’t hear of it. You are too special to me to ever go by cab, she said. You will go by limo!

As the weeks winding down to her surgical date got smaller and smaller, we talked nearly every day by phone. She lived in California, and I in Utah. We discussed our fears, hopes and dreams. She described her longing for love and her desire to finally complete the picture of womanhood she so obviously represented. I related to her on so many levels. As a proud gay woman I knew what it is like to face the societal herd, the limiting ideas of what is normal. Who can’t relate to the search for authenticity? Josie and I would talk for hours, and we made plans to get together in California at a later date and to go bust the malls wide open with some atrocious, vulgar shopping!

But, one Friday, she told me she wasn’t feeling well. She said she had migraines, weakness, lots of dizziness and felt really down. She went to a doctor who took some tests. I talked with her for hours that night, and I told her, ‘I am sure it will be nothing honey…it will be okay."

I didn’t hear from her all that weekend, so on Monday I called her to see if she had gotten the test results back. A woman answered whose voice I didn’t recognize, and she was in tears. Oh god, she said, is this Danielle?

Yes, I replied, wondering what was going on. A quickly sinking feeling came to my heart.

"Danielle…I am so sorry to tell you this….Josie died Friday night. You were the last person she talked to by phone. She called an ambulance shortly after your conversation with her, and she died 2 hours later in the emergency room. Her last words were, Tell Danielle I love her and thank you for being my best friend.

I couldn’t speak even though I felt like I should be saying something. I couldn’t cry…I just felt stunned, like I had been shot right through my heart.

Finally, I managed to eek out, What was wrong? What happened?

Sudden onset of Leukemia, the woman replied. It happened all within a month. Her test results just came back today…but they were too late. She went so suddenly.

I…I need to go…I am so sorry for your loss… I hung up and sat in silence for hours, feeling shocked. I forgot to eat, I forgot about the passage of time. When I next got off the couch I realized it was midnight and that I had been on the couch for…what? 10 hours? I had no idea. I took an anti-anxiety pill that my best friend had and fell asleep.

The next day I woke up crying, and spent the next 2 days grieving constantly. Her sudden death had affected me in a way that was hard to immediately discern. I knew I felt overwhelmingly sad, but also angry…how could someone who was so close to achieving their life-long dream just die before accomplishing it? The unfeeling, Californian newspaper obituaries, it turned out, were printing her death in her male name! This made me livid! They didn’t know who she really was…she was not José, she was Josie! They had even listed her sex as male, as though genitalia alone accounts for what sex you are! Absurd! That is like saying that a certain hair color indicates sex or certain types of feet indicate how smart someone will be! What is wrong with people? I shouted to my empty home!

Two months went by, and I slowly got better. I would occasionally come across her emails on my computer and they would scare me…I couldn’t re-read them. I just quickly moved out of the folder they were in and onto something else.

Then, one day, I got a phone call. It was from a travel agent in California. She was calling to confirm limousine and Amtrak reservations for me, in the name of Josie; hearing her name again, like she was still alive, made me choke.

You…you don’t know, do you? I managed.

The agent replied, Know about what?

Josie…she passed away 2 months ago.

Silence.

"Oh, no…that is why I haven’t been able to get a hold of her! I thought she was just busy."

Heavy sighs from both of us. Long, awkward silence…

So, what happens now? I asked. Can her money for the trip be refunded? I mean, someone has to pay for all that right?

This was all put on credit card. It is already paid for, she said.

I am so sorry about all this, I replied, choking on my own words. Josie can’t make the trip now, and I have no reason to go anymore. I said goodbye, hung up and went back to grieving all over again.

The next day I got a call from the woman who had originally answered Josie’s phone to tell me the terrible news of her passing. This time we talked more in-depth; it turned out she was Josie’s ex-wife.

Josie would want you to go on that trip anyway, Danielle. It is paid for, and she loved you so much. She said you deserve first class, and that she was going to give you the best. I have a favor to ask of you: will you go on the trip in honor of Josie, think about her and remember her spirit? Will you do that? It would mean a lot to me.

I thought it over; how weird was this? A trip across country just to stay in a hotel for 10 days and then turn around and come home? And yet, I loved Josie so much, that I thought, She deserves to have this as a ritual to honor her. So, I agreed. Yes. I would go in remembrance. I would go to Florida and then come home. Maybe I would pay a visit to Dr. Reed and remind everyone there how great Josie was.

Never before have limo rides and first class accommodations been so bittersweet. When I got to Florida, the limousine driver who met me there said, We have to swing by the airport now and pick up Josie, as she was supposed to be flying in. I was heartbroken as I replied, Josie isn’t going to be there. I then told the limo driver the whole story, as odd as it all was. He totally understood, and told me a story about how he had lost his best friend in the Vietnam War and decided to later go to that young man’s parents’ house and tell them all about the special memories he had of their son, his dear friend. By the mid-way point of the ride, we were both crying together. I guess you don’t typically imagine a limousine going by with the passenger and driver sobbing the whole time.

I thought a lot about Josie’s untimely death on that trip; I thought about the search in this crazy, chaotic life for meaning and authenticity of self. Josie’s death opened me up to a whole new way of living. I realized it was time to pursue my own bliss, my passion, my work.

That has always been writing. I wrote my first short story (30 pages long) at 7 years of age, and I wrote my first poem (an abstract piece) at 8. By 12 years of age I completed my first 385 page novel. At 15 I won a state championship for best short story. At 21, I was working with famed author Leroy Spruill, who commented that my writing was extraordinary.

But, at 22 my childhood demons hit full force and I delved into a world of pain, drugs and alcohol; I became an unrealized dream. I tried to kill myself several times and one time I actually succeeded. My heart had stopped for 52 seconds, and when they revived me I was angry that they had done so.

At 33 years of age, I entered therapy and my life began to unfold. I started to identify with a butterfly who transforms into something beautiful. I faced my past and slowly began my climb out of hell.

I am pursuing my passion now with all my heart, and Josie’s death is something I honor; her gift to me was to remember:

"Life is fragile, so get up, get out and live your dreams right now….

before it is too late."

This book’s mantra is exactly that message, albeit said in a variety of forms. It is a book for all those who are courageous enough to fight their fears and face their demons. It is for all the people in the world who dare to dream, and then take bold steps to make their dreams happen. It is a call to self-acceptance, love, global compassion and self-actualization. Finally, this book is for Josie.

I never stopped loving you my friend, and I never shall. Your emails I can face now, and I am putting them here so that everyone may see who you were, and to remember to live their dreams while they still have a breath. Rest, in peace, dear one, rest in peace. Not gone, only moved on to reenergize the universe, and definitely not forgotten…Josie Angela Flores, woman of amazing worth. May her story motivate you to live all your dreams, just as it has done for me.

~Danielle Sainte-Marie, May, 2010                                            Author’s Note: These beginning Pride! Articles that I wrote first appeared in the Engendered Species newsletter, SLC, UT; they were published from June 2004 to early 2007. They have been slightly adapted for the scope of this book, to fit not just the wonderfully diverse GLBTQI (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer, Questioning, and Intersexed), the Polyamory and BIID (Body Integrity Identity Disorder) community, but everyone who is seeking their own version of authenticity, no matter what or how that may manifest itself in one’s life. This book chronicles my personal journey to authenticity, but it can easily be connotated in your mind to fit your own life and unique set of circumstances. While not every aspect of each article will completely speak to everyone’s life, there will be, I hope, something in each one that you—no matter who you are—may draw upon for inspiration. There are articles on business, psychology, philosophy, religion, and much more. Why are all these topics in a book like this? In my years of involvement in the above communities, I have seen that people need more than just information on what sex precautions to take or how to do their makeup. What people really need are ways to find happiness no matter whom and what they are, and no matter what situation they find themselves in. They need a defense against fundamentalists, families and/or friends who might attempt to deride the choices they make. They also need a defense against their own conditioning! They need a philosophical, psychological mind-set to weather any storm and to hold their head up high while doing so; and businesses need a guide on how to understand and work with those of different needs. With my background in psychology and business management coupled with a life as a gay, (formerly) intersexed, Affectional Oriented woman, I can bring a unique perspective on these topics. I hope you agree that this is a book unlike any other on the subject, and that it is a very much needed thing in this world.

The overriding theme of this book is perspective; we cannot always change the world to suit us, and the tough, daily events of our lives can be a real challenge in learning to embrace self-authenticity. Indeed, life is sorrow-filled and changing the entire world to suit us is not in the realm of probability. But, what we are able to change is our perspective of any event that happens around, or to, us.  In my poetry book, A Glimpse to Open, I wrote, Life can be a knife that slashes, but how deep it cuts is up to you, (from the poem, The Choice).

As mentioned, this book, Pride, includes sections on business, psychology, philosophy, health and more. These are not typically found in books of this nature, but I believe they are very practical articles that help move one towards the inner truths and changes they seek. This book is the culmination of a life formerly spent in deep denial, yet one that has now blossomed into full acceptance of self, and in the doing of that I have accepted the entire world as well, for I see that we really are all one and the same. My years of psychological studies in university and in interacting with others, plus my years of studying business, martial arts and philosophy, are all here for you to read and hopefully gain insight from. It took me many thousands of dollars and some hard, lean years to gain the insights contained in this book. Now, they are all here for you, waiting for you to put your own individual stamp of self-identity on them.

So, come along, read this book slowly, and really apply the lessons it contains into your fuller, real lives!

Pride!

From the equality of rights springs identity of our highest interests; you cannot subvert your neighbor's rights without striking a dangerous blow at your own.

~Carl Schurz

This is a monthly article concerning PRIDE! This is a call to all those in the GLBTQI, BIID, Polyamory communities and/or anyone who is after authenticity of self: if you are scared, in the closet, or being harassed and denigrated by society, parents, family, spouses or religion because you wish to do something with your life that someone does not approve of, these articles are for you. If you have a dream that you wish to achieve and someone says you cannot or should not do it, these articles are for you. If you have loved ones that are going through significant changes and you wish to understand them better and want to know how to support them in a loving way, then these articles are for you. Or, if you just have a general curiosity and/or admiration of—or for—those with different feelings and lives than you, these articles are also for you as well.  It is time to come out of that (proverbial and often literal) closet if you desire to do so; it is time to stop hating yourself! It is time to stop fearing what others think; it is time for Pride, and it is time to self-identify!

For all those who are already proudly out and living their dreams, then I encourage you to be a support for all those who are still struggling with being who they really are; I invite you to share your pride with everyone you can! Now, if you feel you truly must remain in the closet, you can still be proud of the person you are and still love yourself. Many stay in the closet for reasons and circumstances they feel are beyond their control. That is okay; when you are ready to come on out, supportive people across the globe will hopefully be there for you; and, if they are not, you can always at least nurture you by supporting yourself! You may find—as I have—warm, welcoming people who will greet you with a hug; but, you may have to work hard to find them!

For the first few months, we will be exploring the rich histories of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, cross-dressers, transsexuals, intersexed (formerly hermaphrodites), and others who sometimes go rather unnoticed throughout history. There is a long and well-documented line of these diversities, and we will see that in no way, shape or form is it strange, unusual, sinful, or wrong to simply be that which you are. We are going to explore the beauty of finding yourself! (Later in this book we will be taking a long look at Christianity and other religions to see what the Bible and other sacred texts have to really say on these matters. You may be quite surprised. I offer this because many fundamentalist religious types have persecuted others with the Bible and other books, and their words need not hurt those that have become the targets of these pious, arrogant people. If you are armed with a good defense, you can feel better about yourself and make a stand against those who really do not know what they are talking about. Secondly, I offer this because many have grown up with religious baggage, and need to get rid of the guilt associated with simply being that which they truly are. Third, I offer this as a way to educate those of you without religious baggage, on what your friends and loved ones might be going through as they struggle with their changes in life.)

One of the earliest recorded historical examples of possible cross-dressing (or an FTM [female to male] transsexual that simply did not have surgery available at the time) is found in ancient Egypt with the Pharaoh Hatshepsut, who ruled Egypt in the 15th century BC, almost 200 years before the short-lived reign of Tutankhamen.

The reign of this great pharaoh is recorded as a peaceful and prosperous one, characterized by massive public building projects, during which Egypt expanded its borders and grew wealthy on tribute and trade expeditions to foreign lands.

However, Hatshepsut was not what was traditionally considered to be male, which was a strict requirement for being a pharaoh. Hatshepsut was, at least according to genitalia, considered to be female and she ascended the throne as a more or less temporary regent following the unexpected death of her father. Unsettling thoughts began to settle into the political members of Egypt, because having a woman even as a temporary ruler was completely against their societal standards, belief systems and laws.

Lots of debating occurred, for Egyptian tradition made no provisions at all for female rulers: women could be queens, but not pharaohs. Hatshepsut's solution to this problem was an ingenious one.

She proclaimed herself pharaoh nonetheless and ordered that she (or he) be depicted in royal statuary wearing the traditional kilt and beard worn by male rulers. That is from the 15th century BC, my friends! So you see we are off to quite a start already (please make allowances throughout this book for what you feel might be incorrect or confusing gender references; I have done the best I can but with a subject like this, it can be a bit daunting. I do not know, for example, if Hatshepsut was truly a man inside, or if she was a cross-dresser).

(Images and hieroglyphs telling of Hatshepsut)

Cross-dressing is nothing new; in fact, it was done by many early rulers! The powerful, the influential and the ones thought to be Gods and Goddesses are integral parts of our diverse, human heritage! So embrace yourself; if you are a cross-dresser you are not now—nor have you ever been—alone. You are in the grand company of kings, queens, pharaohs, and as we will discover throughout these articles, much, much more!

I invite you to seek out support for your dreams, whatever they may be! There are support groups for nearly everything these days, so get on the internet and find others like yourself. And, go to the library or your favorite book store and find the section that deals with whatever it is you need support or help with. If one group you meet with doesn’t suit your needs, find another. You have to go where your personality and beliefs fit in the best. This may not be accomplished by the first group you encounter.

In the next article, we delve even deeper into the rich, historical aspects of the grand diversity of life!

Home/Life/Beauty tip of the month: For getting out wrinkles quickly from clothes, try putting them in the dryer on a high setting with a damp hand-towel. For instance, try a damp towel or washrag for denim. Works like a charm!

Book of the month: A Glimpse to Open, by me, Danielle Sainte-Marie; this book is available for purchase on my website at: http://www.daniellesaintemarie.com

My book is primarily written from a Jungian perspective; but, it is a very valuable resource for anyone in the showing of the process through poetry and enlightenment on how to find one’s authentic self. Go to the link marked as works, at my site to find my novels and poetry books, among other items that I have created. (Keep checking back regularly, as DVD’s and CD’s of original music and movies made by me will show up there as well).

(A Glimpse to Open, Deluxe Collectors Version)

Final Thought: "All you have to do in this life is simply be you. It is utterly simple but not at all simplistic."

~Danielle Sainte-Marie

Pride!

The person or thing you exclude from your sphere of love is simply the deepest aspect of yourself that you have yet to come to grips with.

~Danielle Sainte-Marie

This is the second article in a series of installments on the rich traditions of intersexed, transsexuals, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, gender-queer, cross-dressers, etc and more throughout history.

Did you know that surgical techniques for MTF (male to female) transsexuals to look more feminine have existed in India for over 4,000 years? The Hijra of India are a group of MTF women who have castration at an early age so that they never have to experience the majority of masculinizing changes brought about by puberty! Their bodies remain supple and feminine forever!

(Here is a picture of Shiva, the deity of the Indian culture and a god/goddess that is very important to the Hijra, for Shiva is like a third sex)

It takes amazing courage for these girls to go through what they do, as they are not legally recognized as women in India, and so they must often endure life as third-class citizens. But approximately 1 in 400 does it anyway! Hopefully, many who read this can understand what it is like to overcome all odds in the pursuit of one’s dreams.

Many a famous ruler has been either a cross-dresser, transsexual, transgendered in some other way, intersexed, and/or homosexual. For example, some of the following rulers fit into at least one of these categories and maybe more: the Roman Emperor Caligula (understand that it is beyond the scope of these articles to always deal with each person’s character; the point is simply that many powerful people throughout history in diverse positions across the globe have gone through many of the same things you and/or I have), King James I of England, and the Governor of New York, Lord Cornbury.

(From left to right are: Caligula, King James I, and Lord Cornbury)

The story of Chevalier D'Eon, a nobleperson who served the French King Louis XV as a diplomat in Russia is widely known. Now this was interesting, because King Louis XV actually ordered her (someone technically born as male) by decree to live and dress as a woman for the rest of her life! It was only on her deathbed in 1810 that D’Eon’s birth sex became known, much to the surprise of the public, and even the unknowing doctor! (There are many speculations as to why this was so ordered, but those reasons are also beyond the scope of these articles.)

(Chevalier D'Eon)

In Burma, transsexuals are thought of as very special, enlightened beings, which are possessed by the spirit of the opposite sex and therefore blessed with special knowledge not privy to others. They often hold exalted places in temples and religious ceremonies, and are revered and adored.

Some famous gay/bisexual men from history include Alexander the Great—a Macedonian Ruler from 300 BC — and Socrates, influential Greek Philosopher, 400 BC. Not to mention Richard the Lionhearted, King of England in the 12th century, Frederick the Great, King of Prussia, and the great composer Tchaikovsky, Russian composer, 19th century. These are just a few of course.

(From left to right, of Alexander, Socrates, and Tchaikovsky)

Some famous lesbian and/or bisexual women throughout history include Sappho, a Greek Poet, 600 B.C. from the Isle of Lesbos, Gertrude Stein, the amazing U.S. poetess and author, 20th century, and Adrienne Rich, a truly inspiring poetess, also 20th century. And don't forget Billie Jean King, U.S. tennis star; she beat Bobby Riggs (male) in a War against the Sexes, live TV match!

Here is a love poem from Sappho to her former lover:

I have not had one word from her

Frankly I wish I were dead

When she left, she wept

a great deal; she said to me, "This parting must be

endured, Sappho. I go unwillingly."

I said, "Go, and be happy

but remember (you know

well) whom you leave shackled by love

If you forget me, think

of our gifts to Aphrodite

and all the loveliness that we shared

all the violet tiaras,

braided rosebuds, dill and

crocus twined around your young neck

myrrh poured on your head

and on soft mats girls with

all that they most wished for beside them

while no voices chanted

choruses without ours,

no woodlot bloomed in spring without song..."

Fairly recently, Caroline Cossey became the first intersexed woman (she was born with Klinefelter’s Syndrome) to make the cover of Playboy magazine, which only features what are commonly thought of as the most outwardly beautiful women in the world. She was also a Bond girl lounging at poolside in the film For Your Eyes Only. Caroline, we salute you for shattering the stereotypes that an intersexed woman cannot achieve her dreams nor be seen as drop-dead gorgeous!

(The gorgeous, talented and most definitely all woman, Caroline Cossey)

What does all this add up to? PRIDE! You need to be loud and proud of your amazing, storied heritage. You are forged by the fire and made strong by the hammer. You are the kings, queens, poets—artists of all types—movie directors, ambassadors, singers, and soul of the world; and, some of you have the most difficult job of all: housewife! But one thing is for sure: you are all special, a normal part of evolution. You should be proud of who you are and where you are going!

Home/Life/Beauty tip of the month: Always buy your clothes off season! Buy summer clothes in the fall and winter clothes in the spring, and you will save a lot of money!

Book of the month: Hidden, by Daphne Hutchins and myself, Danielle Sainte-Marie. This book is about confronting and dealing with issues of past problems from abusive childhoods; it is a book for anyone who feels a victim of poor parenting. It is written in surrealistic novel form, and describes the relationship that develops between a patient and a therapist…and how both learn equally from each other. (This book will be released in 2011, along with an original music soundtrack to accompany its reading!)

Final Thought: "Truth never hurts; it is the losing of the lies that your ego has built up around the notion of truth…that is what really hurts."

~Danielle Sainte-Marie

Pride!

Beyond the white lays a layer of dirt, a reoccurring ritual performed by nature to remind us of our true selves: we are pristine, but always created on rich, soiled, hidden history.

~Danielle Sainte-Marie

             This is the third article in a series of installments on the rich traditions of intersexed, transsexuals, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, gender-queer, cross-dressers and more throughout history.

Who really was Joan of Arc? Born January 6th, 1412, in eastern France, Joan's life was in turmoil as the Hundred Years War with England raged. All of her early years were dominated with discussion of the war; she was an eyewitness to the intense carnage and suffering of her people.

When she went through puberty she began having visions, which she claimed to be of a divine nature; these visions disclosed the outcome of battles. But, people paid little attention until her visions began being right! In fact, her reputation grew so much that she found an audience with the dethroned and exiled Prince Charles!

She convinced him that someday he would again lead his people and take his rightful place as the ruler of France. Charles was so convinced by this forceful, passionate speaking person, that he put Joan in command of his entire army; Joan was a mere seventeen years old.

(Joan, with her signature)

She donned only male clothing, further claiming that God had told her to lead the French army as a man. And, she did just that, leading her troops in victory wherever she went. Eventually, Prince Charles and the army led by Joan made it to Reims, where Charles once again assumed the throne, restoring his family's good name just as she had promised he would. The people rejoiced, and Joan—whom many had now come to believe in truly as a man—was hailed as a hero, a divinely inspired warrior.

A deep belief in her inspired a whole country. She may have been a cross-dresser, and/or might have been a transsexual as well and yet the people rallied behind her, even dying in battle in support of her visions. In less than one year she had routed British forces all over France, helped enthrone the French prince, and had become the biggest threat to her country's invaders. But, tragically, at the age of eighteen years, Joan was captured and turned over to the British.

While Joan was in prison, she refused to stop wearing men's clothes. Indeed, she continued to insist that God had told her to do so, and that she would not go against God. She was offered a lifelong prison term in exchange for never again wearing men’s clothes, which the Catholic Church condemned as a sin punishable by death (for a woman). She considered the offer, but within a matter of days, her beliefs won out and she again adopted her male dressing and ways.

The Catholic Church condemned her to death, and on May 30th, 1431, Joan of Arc was burned alive at the stake, still in full male dress.

In 1920, the Church reversed its previous sentencing, and proclaimed her as a Saint, exonerating her of all charges. So who was Joan of Arc, really? Was she transsexual? Was she a cross-dresser?

Nobody knows. So, I think it is best to go by her own words, where she said many times that God had told her to dress that way. (And understand, I do not believe in personal gods, but that still is not the point now, is it?) I do, however, have a strong belief in letting people just self-identify and then supporting their beliefs; she believed very strongly that it was her destiny to dress as a male, period. That much we certainly do know! This was so long ago that all we can go by is what she said to be her truth; let us simply honor that, as we would wish someone to honor our feelings. We must do this despite any notions we have of what might actually be true and/or false to us.

See, unless you are a historian or a sociologist, I don't think it’s terribly important to understand what those inner truths really were; rather, I find more relevance, with an ancient character like her, in what we can learn from her actions. What ethics did she stand for?

Joan did what she felt was authentic. She never wavered in her beliefs and consequently, an entire country stood behind her. We should all have the strength and conviction to believe in ourselves so wholeheartedly! We should all be so fortunate to know where our bliss lies in our tempestuous lives, as Joan did. We all should take this lesson to never give up on what we hold dear to our hearts, and to pursue it without shame.

See, we are fighting a war too. It is an emotional (and sometimes actual physical) war against ignorance and hatred, and we must do so as proudly as Joan did. The time for education and love is never more sorely needed than now—and each one of us on this planet has an opportunity to be that face of love and acceptance; we too, can be brave messengers for a new world. Remember: if a seventeen year old can lead an army and help liberate a country, we also can do anything we set our minds and hearts to.

So ask yourself, what do you believe in, and who are you, really? What are the actions you are willing to do to make your dreams for a better life come true? Where does your bliss lie?

When you have your answers, follow them with all your strength, and never give up!

Home/Life/Beauty tip of the month: A rule of thumb for good nutrition is to avoid most white foods! Most white foods (like white sugar, white bread, etc,) are not natural. They have been blanched of their natural nutrients. Better choices would be brown sugar or honey if you must have sweeteners, whole wheat bread, and brown rice. Even better than those above choices are to avoid breads and starches like rice nearly altogether; rather, eat a well-balanced meal high in protein and fiber, and low in unhealthy fats.

Book of the month: To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. You never really know a person until you put on their shoes and walk around in them for a little bit.

Final Thought: We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.

~Max Depree

Pride!

"How could you pick just one butterfly to be above all others? It would be impossible, and who would judge such a thing for all?

I once thought of butterflies as being like people, and I came to understand that all are beautiful in their own way.

So, when we accept all beliefs we are really saying that we appreciate the uniqueness in all, kind of like appreciating all of the different butterflies: some large, some small, but all with colors set to impress!

Of course, despite the different colors and sizes, they are all still just one thing: a butterfly; and that is what all our different ways are…just one thing and I choose to see it all as beautiful."

~Danielle Sainte-Marie

This is the fourth article in a series of installments on the rich traditions of intersexed, transsexuals, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, gender-queer, cross-dressers and more throughout history.

Alexander the Great, King of Macedonia, conqueror and compassionate ruler; his achievements laid the foundation for the Hellenistic world, the Roman Empire and even the spread of Christianity. All the New Testament writings were in Greek because of his influence. Currently, there is even a movie by none other than Oliver Stone being released worldwide about his life.

Alexander was a known bisexual, as was his father. Alexander's great love of his life was his boyhood friend Hephaestion. It was even said in an ancient writing that, Alexander only was ever conquered once: by Hephaestion's thighs.

Alexander was a progressive King who envisioned all people as God's children. He treated foreigners and women alike with respect and dignity, even giving them high positions in his Empire. He restored governments, religions and rulers that the Persians had suppressed. His army followed him on foot for over eight years and to the sum of 22,000 miles!

Segueing to gender studies: in more modern times, do you know one of the first times a psychiatrist recommended the removal of a healthy organ based solely upon one's gender identification? It was when Dr. Joshua Gilbert was seeing a patient he referred to simply as "H," in 1917. The patient, who would later be known as Dr. Alan L. Hart, had been raised as a female all his life, but never identified as one. His sessions with the psychiatrist, Dr. Gilbert, became a part of transsexual history.

The doctor saw this man’s condition for what it was: that this was simply a man inside of what was incorrectly identified as a female’s body at birth. He recommended a hysterectomy to eliminate menstruation. But he also recommended that Hart live full-time in male attire for the sake of his own happiness.

Dr. Gilbert wrote in his journal then, Let him who finds in himself a tendency to criticize (the treatment he had prescribed), to offer some other constructive method of dealing with the problem on hand. He will not want for difficulties. The patient and I have done our best with it.

Notice that the doctor referred to his patient as he. This was an enlightened doctor who started things going in the right direction for everyone on this planet, transgendered or not. And why is that so? Because when one person gains empathy, compassion, and is justified as a self-identified human being, then we all share in that success in some way. Likewise, when one person’s rights are squashed, all the rest of humanity’s rights suffer.

Dr. Hart had his surgery and went on to have successful medical practices across the U.S.A. He published five novels and they are an interesting read to those of us who know how to read between the lines!

(A picture showing Dr. Hart’s excellent FTM transition)

Lili Elbe was married to Gerda Wegener, one of the greatest Art Deco painters of the early twentieth century. She and Gerda, also female, married before Lili had her surgery.

Now Lili, who was born into what was said to be a male body in 1886, always knew she was a girl. She lived a double life for nearly two decades; she attended parties and all manner of social and business functions as her authentic self, Lili.

Gerda's portraits of Lili have become rare, sought after items. She painted her wife in fashionable attire and even sometimes nude with her legs crossed in certain, aesthetically pleasing ways. Lili's body was so effeminate, that even nude and pre-operative at the time, people didn't know she was a transsexual! Even without hormones, she had small breasts. Many people believe she might have been born intersexed, but no one is sure. 

(Lili)

Lili had several operations: the first removed her male genitals and the second one put healthy ovaries inside her in the hopes she could bear children! Now that didn't happen for her, but...

Dawn Simmons, however, was said to have been born intersexed in 1937, and decided to undergo Sex Reassignment Surgery, or SRS, about 30 years later. Her surgery was quite successful, and she shortly thereafter married an African-American man and some say she became pregnant! However, that is not clear and there are other very valid explanations for the arrival of their child.

(Dawn and her husband, John Paul)

There is a lot of controversy surrounding Dawn and no one knows for sure if she was truly intersexed and became pregnant because of having functioning ovaries or if she faked it. But, once again, I prefer to go by what she said, as suspicion of another only gives one the idea to be suspicious of us. Besides, that really isn’t the point is it? So, what I actually believe I keep to myself.

Anyway, despite their sweet love, racism was rampant in Charleston, North Carolina at the time and someone tried to murder their infant while the baby lay in her crib! Dawn was almost killed in the struggle, getting thrown from a third story window.

After several moves around the world, Dawn retired back to Charleston, where she became a prolific novelist, authoring over 24 books! She certainly had her share of problems but did not surrender to the hatred of the world; rather, she learned how to survive in it and used her talent to help promote global compassion. See, I believe it isn’t as important to try and change the world as it is to simply learn how to live in the world we already have. Changing the world then comes naturally thereafter! That is a little known secret, by the way. Change yourself internally first, and then external change will follow!

Remember ladies, gentlemen and all beautiful others: we must be proud of ourselves for who we really are! Variety is a beautiful, wondrous thing. Just because someone might not be able to see you as beautiful, does not mean you have to believe such nonsense! There will always be hatred, my dears; but, someone else’s hatred of diversity does not have to be something you believe is true.

Home/Beauty/Life tip of the month: Water, plus a black and white newspaper, will clean your windows better than Windex ever can. Plus, no streaking! Try it and see!

Book of the month: True Selves, Understanding Transsexualism, for Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals, by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley

Final Thought: Things alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly. (What is the moral? Have an efficient plan for your life!)

~Francis Bacon

(Francis Bacon, above; his mother, Lady Ann Bacon, in a letter to her other son Anthony [also gay], talks of that bloody Percy whom Francis kept yea as a coach companion and a bed companion, as well as others including Jones, Markes, Enney and his Welchmen one after another)

Pride!

"You just need to find you first; the journey to achieve your dreams begins with the journey to the self...

Remember: before you can live your dreams you must first find your bliss, and that lies deep within your dreams, which are the shadows (repressed desires) that wish to merge with your self (your true nature). And, when it comes to the dreams that make up the story of your life, make sure you write its history; do not ever let another write who you are, or who you shall become."

~Danielle Sainte Marie

This is the fifth article in a series of installments on the rich traditions of intersexed, transsexuals, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, gender-queer, cross-dressers and more throughout history.

I have so much more GLBTQI history to share, and we'll get back to that next month. But the primary focus of these articles is not history; rather, it is whatever helps build PRIDE! I hope you know that you are not alone. Even in conservative Utah, the communities are alive and well, and this only proves everything I have written in all the articles thus far: from ancient Egypt to Macedonia, from Burma to the USA, and throughout the entire known world, our life ways have survived and flourished! Love and diversity will always find a way!

We CAN live the way we want. It is not illegal to be a member of these groups! It is not illegal to be yourself!

So come on out of that closet and find how liberating it can be to associate with people who understand you!

There are just so many resources and so many things to do that there is no reason to sit in silence while others just like you are out enjoying life! Reach out to us! All of us were once nervous (or downright frightened) about stepping out of the shadows too, so you will find many people who are welcoming and warm to your situation.

Let us help you to see that all of us—you included, no matter who you are—are beautiful, and that all of us should be filled with PRIDE over our past, present, and future.

I remember sitting alone in my room, scared of venturing forth into the world as my authentic self. I have seen this same feeling in nearly every single person who is making any type of a huge change! But, I have also seen that when one does venture forth, they always begin to feel better. The world is not generally as scary as they imagined