An Uninvited Conversation: The R Series Rated R for Roxanne

By Camille St. Charles Mississippi

An Uninvited Conversation: There is a certain type of peace in knowing that if anyone should become an alcoholic by now, Roxanne would be that person. She should be entertaining all types of debauchery, careless behavior and loss of inhibitions because her life is like a bad game of charades. She has been picked apart and derailed by the death of her grandmother. Daydreaming of someone to rescue her and her troubled existence, but the truth of the matter is she might have to wave the white flag of surrender in order to save her own life. It’s getting to the point of her desiring clarity and like they say, clarity is a mother----!
Sit back and enjoy the show because everything that you could hope to discover inside of this repenting tale is here. Watch a life in shambles spin out control as most of her good and noble intentions are trampled upon by vicious family members. A heavenly band of angels (E.A.S.D.) and karma take hold to offer a form comic relief along with an erotic thread woven through this

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Jun 16, 2016
• ISBN: 9781483448138

Book preview

AN Uninvited

Conversation

The R Series/

Rated R for Roxanne

CAMILLE

ST. CHARLES

MISSISSIPPI

Copyright © 2016 Camille St. Charles Mississippi.

Author photo by Adam Quest Rucker

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means---whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic---without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-4814-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-4815-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-4813-8 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 05/19/2016

CONTENTS

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1 If Only You Believe in Miracles!

Chapter 2 Mountain Climber!

Chapter 3 True Colors

Chapter 4 Reserved a Table

Chapter 5 A Request for a Personal Enforcer!

Chapter 6 Defense Mechanism!

Chapter 7 Family Business!

Chapter 8 The Last Worthless Event!

Chapter 9 It's Good To Be The Queen!

Chapter 10 You're Sorrows!

Chapter 11 Silent Street-walker!

Chapter 12 Stalking Me!

Chapter 13 Funeral Home!

Chapter 14 The Gravesite!

Chapter 15 The Battle!

Chapter 16 Terminal # 3

Chapter 17 The Balcony!

Chapter 18 You Have a Visitor!

Chapter 19 A Movie!

Chapter 20 New Year's Eve!

Chapter 21 Honesty Can Be Somewhat Overrated!

Chapter 22 Satisfy Your Curiosity!

Chapter 23 Back at The Helm!

Chapter 24 Under Wraps!

Chapter 25 God, Let Me Start Out By Apologizing!

Chapter 26 Welcome To The Jungle!

Chapter 27 Slap The Shit Right Out Of His Mouth!

Chapter 28 Tiny Dancer!

Chapter 29 Somebody To Love!

Chapter 30 Fake-Ass Smile!

Chapter 31 Not Seen That Fool!

Chapter 32 Rainbows!

Chapter 33 Secretly Hiding!

Chapter 34 Enough Pie to Go Around!

Chapter 35 Red Light-Green Light Stop!

Chapter 36 Big Debut!

Chapter 37 The Process of Desiring Him!

Chapter 38 90 Day Probationary Period!

Chapter 39 Well, If Money is not a Problem!

Chapter 40 Maximum Delivery!

Chapter 41 Duck Season/Rabbit Season!

Chapter 42 Majority of the Damage!

Chapter 43 7 Pivotal Moments!

Chapter 44 Speak-Easy!

Chapter 45 The Final Event!

Chapter 46 Dinner-Lunch-Breakfast!

Chapter 47 Church Mouse!

Chapter 48 Sexual Healing

Chapter 49 13 Strikes on His Balls!

Chapter 50 The Note From Akheem!

Chapter 51 Ass Traveler!

Chapter 52 A Form of Therapy!

Chapter 53 Where are My Manners?

Chapter 54 A Willing Prisoner!

Chapter 55 With Your Love!

Chapter 56 Oragami!

About the Author

DEDICATION

I wish to offer up thanks all of my family and friends and even those who did not see the vision because you see, I never gave up on me. I give the glory and blame it all on God and my mom whom used to tell me when I was younger that, Life is hard by the yard but it is a cinch by the inch so be an Inchworm! Last but not least, I wish to dedicate this book to some of the people whom I have lost in my life and as a friend told me many years ago, Every shut eye ain't sleep and every goodbye ain't gone! (AW)

INTRODUCTION

The Masacre...

I now find myself humming my own nursery rhyme with a wicked twist to it: It goes something like this, I'm a little teapot short and stout, there is my handle here is my spout. If you keep flapping your MOTHER-FUCKING mouth, this little teapot will knock you THE FUCK OUT!

CHAPTER 1

If Only You Believe in Miracles!

Where I left off with my last entry from inside of my life, it was on a Saturday night and I had been taken to the hospital by ambulance and admitted due to a very powerful asthma attack I had suffered while with Sissell at a fantasy resort. I just found out that my grandmother, Eva Ruth Beaumont, died and so many parts of my world had shattered. My two sisters came down to Santa Barbara because they wanted to be by my side during my time of need. It took them an hour and 15 minutes to get where we were. Normally, it was a three-hour drive from Sacramento to Santa Barbara, but they flew and brought The Pastor with them. They were both scared and needed someone else of strong faith to be with them.

It was apparent that both wanted to lean on The Pastor's strength, but he was afraid of what he might stumble upon. He was unsure of his own strength, at the time, but to their surprise when they made it to the hospital, Sissell was standing by my bedside. He was truly graceful under pressure. He was like a soldier guarding his queen and the palace. He made sure that no harm would come to me and once my sisters and The Pastor arrived, it was time for Sissell to leave. He had to make the three-hour trip back to Sacramento, so he could be home by the time his family made it back from their week long family reunion in Mississippi. I was prepared for him to leave because I knew that we loved each other on borrowed time. I was aware of him being pulled in several directions, but the fact that he did not leave me alone, was really a leap of faith for both of us. With a little luck, we will be able to see each other one day soon, once I get back home.

On Sunday morning, even though my doctor told me that I was strong enough to leave well before noon, I didn't want to call Cherokee or Maxey because I was content on waiting for them to show up. I was still amazed that Cherokee was going to marry The Pastor, but we never know which packaging love will show up in. I was happy for her and I was looking forward to discussing when she would like to say her vows to The Pastor.

The age gap between them concerned me for a moment but I knew that Cherokee could handle herself in any situation. I also knew she was becoming restless waiting on love. I was proud of her and The Pastor and just pray that he doesn't make her mad about anything, because he will have to fight her to keep the peace. And I do mean that he will physically have to take her on to keep peace.

As I sat in my hospital room waiting for someone to show up, my mind started wandering to my grandmother and how much I already missed her. My eyes began to water as I thought about how lonely my grandfather and mother would be without her. How lost my mother will be without her mother to guide her through the rest of life. My heart broke as I thought about my grandfather, still in a coma, locked inside his own mind, and how they will never get the chance to say goodbye. I believed they still loved each other no matter how badly they treated one another.

I had my clothes on and my little overnight bag was ready to go too. I sat on the edge of my bed, and ate a small breakfast. I hadn't stopped crying since my grandmother died; I knew what it felt like to be uprooted in this world and be exposed to all of your feelings. I couldn't suppress how much I loved that crazy old girl. Then I thought I should finally call my mother to check up on her. I dried my tears and picked up my cell phone to call her. I used the voice activation on my cell and waited for her lovely voice to answer my call.

I started to panic after my mom didn't answer her phone after five rings but on the sixth ring, she picked up and said, Hello Baby!

A big smile jumped across my face and I said, Hello Momma!

We laughed out loud for a split second and then broke down and started to cry. My mom told me she could not sleep all night because she was afraid to close her eyes. Her mom had always been in her life, and last night she felt like she was in the world by herself and didn't know how to handle being alone. She informed me that she was headed over to visit her father and tell him that his wife of over 50 years was dead. She didn't know how to tell him the bad news. Even though he was in a coma, she felt the need to go see her daddy.

We paused on the phone for 12 seconds before another word was spoken. Then my mom said, So, how are you doing Roxanne Camille Beaumont-Sagar?

My mother only calls me by my full name when she is either mad at me or when she is troubled by something that is going on in her life. It was rather strange to hear my full birth name. Hardly anyone knew my full name because I kept it guarded inside myself. Only true friends knew that my middle name was Camille. You see, my mother named me after a hurricane that showed up in the 60's and destroyed everything in its path in the South. She had come back from visiting some family and friends in the south and that storm showed up and began to whip the South's ass like it was an unwelcomed stepchild. She re-tales the gathering of my name rather fondly when she talks about how she came up with it. With some uncertainty surrounding my first name, Roxanne, I knew there was a story behind it and was certain that it was another conversation for another time.

When I heard my full name come out of her mouth, I knew that she was not herself but I proceeded on with our conversation. I answered her question about me, but I could see right through the smoke screen she was trying to put up. I allowed her to pretend that she was alright because I knew that she did not know how to process the loss of her mother. I was aware that she did not have it all figured out yet but I knew everything would be fine. As I was talking to her, I could tell that she was slipping into her own sort of darkness so I tried to be as cheerful as possible. I told her that maybe she should wait for us to get back in town and all of us could go to the senior citizen home to give granddad the news about his wife together.

She said, That is one of the nicest things that anyone has said to me in a long time but I need to go tell my father by myself.

She was on the phone all day and needed to get out of the house. She told me that she could still feel her mother's spirit walking around the house with her. I really did understand how she was feeling, being all alone in the world now. The fact that her big brother died 10 years ago did not help in the least. It was just she and my grandfather left of their generation now to carry on the family. My mom's big brother, Howard Patrick Beaumont, had just turned 55 when he died at the kitchen table from a massive heart attack. My mom used to call him Patty, because he was forced to play with her when she was a little girl. She longed to play with another girl so she turned his name into a girl's name.

She never called him anything else but Patty. Since her mother is dead now, I guess all three of her girls will keep her on track. I told her that we would be home before 3:00pm and then we would come by her house. She said to call her first because she might stop by the funeral home to talk to them about the service. I told her that we would call to meet up with each other.

My mother asked again, How are you doing Roxanne?

I told her that I am as well as can be expected.

I then told her that my doctor gave me some new pills that I can take every day to help with my asthma. Also, I had a stronger inhaler for all of my breathing emergencies, should I ever have the need for it. Then I informed her that I am waiting on the girls to show up, so we can make our way to the airport and fly home to be with her. Mom then told me that she loves me and we should put all of the stuff that happened between us in the past because we need to pull together. I told her that it was a lovely idea but the real me, who has been with my mother all my life, knows that her statement is a bunch of HOG SHIT. I know her better than she knows herself, and I'm nobody's fool. Right now she's hurt over the loss of her mother but in reality she will still show her ass to anyone who is willing to take a front seat at her show.

I do not wish to seem insensitive towards her but my mother takes no accountability for her actions and I have seen it over and over again. When she does show her ass, there are no rational conversations you can have with her. She always says something to let you know it's all about her and some of her nice-nasty comments are what you would call bitchy deal breakers. Many of her comments are considered priceless because we never saw them coming. But it's a new day and I have learned some tough lessons from my mother. Now that she wants to put the past in the past, I will be more on guard, in case she tries to catch me sleeping. I will not be entrapped by her love comments to me. It was my mother who taught me the bittersweet lessons of life.

She has taught me that the devil that you know is better than the one you are unaware of for future endeavors. I know the devil in her and not for one second do I believe that she will let bygones be bygones. So the adorable devil that lives in parts of me will be waiting for her to make her move. And the game will begin again for the Beaumont's and more than likely our battles will take on another biblical twist.

I told mom that I love her too and would see her later. I hung up and the time was now 10:30am. While there was still peace in my room, I took the time to call Gloria and the kids. Franchesica answered the phone on the third ring. She started to laugh and cry all at the same time. I was so thrilled to hear her voice and I knew that she was glad to talk with me also. Franchesica told me she was sorry for the loss in our family.

She told me she loved her great grandmother and that she would miss her but she needed to know that I was well. She also wanted to know when I was coming home. I told her that I should be home later that evening. I wasn't sure if we were going to charter a plane or fly on a commercial airline, but I looked forward to seeing all of them that evening.

I asked if she enjoyed her trip to the amusement park this past weekend and if Anthony had a nice time also. She told me that they had a great time but next time they would like if I attended the park with them. Franchescia told me that she loved me and asked if I wanted to speak with Gloria or Anthony. Anthony was in the shower and Gloria was unpacking their bags. I told her to put Gloria on the phone. I held on as she walked to wherever Gloria was and gave her the phone.

Next I heard Gloria say, Hello Ms. Roxanne.

I smiled as I heard her voice. I wanted to know what her plans were for the kids today. Gloria ignored my question, then turned around and asked me how I was doing, and if I was okay because she received a strange call from Mr. Michael about me last night. I told Gloria that I'd had a really bad asthma attack and ended up at the hospital with Sissell yesterday.

I heard a big gasp on the other end of the phone. I quickly assured her that I was fine. I also told her about the new medicine the doctor had me on. She promised me that it would cut my attacks down to half and I promised her that I would take better care of myself and get more rest. She also gave me a sleep aid to assist me with my dreams.

I explained that I felt great and I looked forward to seeing everyone later on this evening. Then, Gloria gave me her condolences about the death of my grandmother, Ms. Eva. I thanked her for her well wishes to our family, but I considered her just as much my family as anyone.

Next I asked her the same question that I had asked her almost seven minutes ago,

What are the plans for the children?

Gloria told me that Mr. Michael wanted to come by and take them to visit his mother today. Then he wanted to take them to lunch or dinner. He was not sure how long they would be gone. So he called and told them to get ready. He would be there within the hour, but they were almost ready to leave. I asked Gloria if the kids had a nice time at the theme park and she replied that they did but they were getting older now, and some of the rides and events didn't thrill them like they used to. Little Miss Franchesica found herself being distracted by boys.

Both Gloria and I laughed. I told Gloria that I needed to go now because I had several more phone calls to make before the day got away from me.

I love you, Gloria and the kids! Tell Anthony I will kiss him all over his face when I come in later today.

I will tell him that you called to speak with him while he was in the shower.

We both said, See you later and have a great day.

After I hung up the phone with Gloria, I sat there and smiled while enjoying the warm and fuzzy feelings that were surrounding me. I knew that I felt better about my life and that Franchescia and Anthony keep me strong.

It was now 11:00am, Sunday morning, and there was still no sign of my two sisters and The Pastor, so I took the time to make a three-way phone call to Eric and Isabo. Both of them were home and just lounging around.

Good morning to you both. This is Roxanne. I hope that I called at a good time?

Eric said, Good morning Roxanne. How was your weekend?

I told him that we would catch up on my weekend later on this week.

Then Isabo said, What's wrong Roxanne? I hear something in your voice that's making you sound unsure of yourself.

I said to both of them, My grandmother died yesterday. Both of them were silent for a few seconds before they said anything back to me. Isabo spoke first.

I am so sorry for the loss to your family Roxanne. I know that your grandmother will be missed by all of us, she said.

Eric gave me his family's condolences about the loss of my grandmother.

He said, We will take care of everything at the dealership for you. You just take care of your family in their time of need. We are a team at Rox Sagar Lexus and we are here for you.

I cried softly, because I was so proud of them for pulling together as I mourn my grandmother.

I want to thank the both of you for your help. Then I cleared my throat and regained my composure so we could carry on our conversation.

Then I asked, How did it go with the internal audit from Mr. Fulwad and his team?

Eric said, Mr. Fulwad and his team were quite thorough in their search to determine who is trying to steal from us. He said that he will speak with you sometime this week.

I asked Eric if he found out anything we could use to keep this from crippling our business.

He said, Mr. Fulwad placed a firewall in the system but he believes that it is someone who is familiar with everyone here at the dealership. But he will discuss all of the new information with you later this week.

Then Isabo said, Mr. Fulwad is a very mysterious man and I don't know if I trust him at all. I got this strange feeling about him when he was at the dealership. Plus he kept asking strange questions about you Roxanne.

I asked, What kind of questions was he asking about me?

He wanted to know if your love affair with your husband was over and did I think you would ever marry again? said Isabo.

She giggled then continued on with her comments to me about the new stranger in my life.

I told Mr. Fulwad that if he has any questions about you then he needs to ask you personally. Then I told him that you are a very private person, and I am not comfortable talking about my boss to a total stranger. I saw right through his inquiries about you Roxanne and I think you have a new admirer to add to your growing list of men who like you.

All three of us laughed at her comments as I asked Isabo and Eric how long Mr. Fulwad stayed on site at the dealership on Friday. Eric told me that he left at 3:30pm Friday afternoon and returned on Saturday morning around 11:30am. He left around 6:00pm that evening.

I replied, I didn't know he would be back on Saturday, but I welcome our conversation later on this week.

Next I asked them to address some of the topics that we spoke about last week at our Monday meeting.

I will not be there and most likely, neither will In-Complete Maggie. I should be back in the office by Wednesday or Thursday. And if you have any questions for me please feel free to give me a call.

I told them that I needed to get going now but I wanted to take time to give them an update. They told me to take care of myself and then Isabo told me to keep my head up, even while I sleep. She let me know that she would pray for my grandmother's soul and ask our Heavenly Father to grant her safe passage.

We all hung up the phone while I thought of how lovely a wish that was for Isabo to bestow upon me and my family. I always knew that I had a great team working with me, but I guess its times like these that show how blessed I really was. I sat on the side of my bed and asked God for safe passage for my grandmother's soul also. I did a small but intense prayer for my grandmother.

I feel that she will always be with me, still telling how wide my ass is and how I should lose weight. I smiled to myself at the thought of her and all of her negative comments towards me and my sisters. Even though she was crazy, I knew that we would miss her more than she would ever know.

At 11:49am all three of my family members landed at my doorstep. Of course, they all came into my room under the covering of a misunderstanding as usual.

As Maxey walked into my room, she exclaimed, Fuck you Cherokee!

Then Cherokee said, That's why you are upset with me, because you know I had a great time last night, and it's been a while since your smart ass has been fucked well!

We all looked at The Pastor at the same time. We had all been praying for years that Cherokee could find someone who loved her, but we never imagined that it would be a broken man of the cloth. Cherokee seemed really happy this morning as she came into my room. She had this smile on her face that told us she got her brains screwed out and no one was going to upset her great mood.

I was so happy for her crazy ass to finally have someone willing to stand in her corner. On the other hand, I was aware that my sister Maxey who is the brilliant one, now found herself lonely again. But it was Cherokee's time to be in the spotlight of her life with The Pastor. I ignored the disagreement between the two of them and said I was ready to go home now. I told them that I spoke with mom earlier this morning and she was going to the retirement home to tell granddad about our grandmother. I told them we were expected to show up over mom's house later that day. We needed to get ourselves in gear because we had a lot to do.

The Pastor told us that the plane leaves in an hour and 55 minutes. If we needed to take care of anything else, this was the time to handle all of our matters before we took off. We all gathered my belongings as I waited for the nurse who was bringing a wheelchair to escort me out of the hospital. Cherokee and The Pastor went to pull the car around so we could leave, which left me and Maxey all alone in my room. I asked her if she was alright and what was troubling her. Maxey put on a brave face for me but I knew that her heart was hurting. She was either lonely for a mate or upset because of the loss of our grandmother.

I knew she had something on her mind and before we left the hospital, I was going to find out what it was. So when the nurse brought the wheelchair to my room, I asked her to give me a couple of minutes to talk with my sister. It was now 12:20pm, and I was going to find out why she was mad at the world. I stood with my back to the door while Maxey pretended to be distracted by something in her handbag. I started to count seconds before I spoke with her.

I got to 45 seconds in my head and said, Maxey why are you trying to hide yourself from me? I know that you are not an envious woman so why are you treating Cherokee like a prisoner?

Maxey refused to look up at me because she knew that I could see right through her. She kept her face down in the handbag but I heard my angel singing my song in my head, 'Roxanne by Sting and The Police.' I told Maxey that if she did not tell me what was wrong with her right now, I was going to beat it out of her. She still did not look up so I walked over to the wheelchair in my room and sat down. I looked up at the ceiling and for some unknown reason, I began to speak out loud.

Hello God, its Roxanne. God just in case you need to get a proper reading for me, I am in Santa Barbara, California. God, I need your help so I will give you a couple of seconds to lock onto my navigational signal.

I counted three seconds in my head and I continued on with my conversation. God, I am here with my baby sister Maxey, and I feel that she is keeping something very important from me. I need you to soften her heart God, so she can free herself from whatever bondage or stronghold that has her locked down.

A dark and mean shadow came over her face as she looked up at me.

Then Maxey said, That is not fair for you to put God in our conversation Roxanne!

I put god in all aspects of my life, good, bad or indifferent. I bring God along with me even while I'm being a whore, God is still with me. So if I need to ask God for help with you I don't have a problem with that. It would be to your advantage to tell me what is wrong with you!

Maxey began to cry and I told her that I did not want her tears because they held no interest to me. I wanted to know what was wrong with her. Maxey looked away from me a minute and then turned to face me.

What's it going to be baby-sister? Are you going to tell me what is wrong or am I going to have to kick your ass? The choice is yours Maxey!

How does God feel about you threatening to kick my ass?

God knows that I am a bitch with violent tendencies, but make no mistake I have no problem kicking your ass Maxey if that is what it will take in order for you to talk to me!

Aren't you ashamed of God seeing you at your worst and all of the vulgar language that you use? Don't you think that God is troubled by your response to some things in life?

I smiled at Maxey and said, There is not a word, thought or utterance that I have to say that God does not know the reason behind. So you or no one can shame me on how I talk, think or feel.

I looked her dead in her eyes to let her know that I meant business.

What is the problem with you Maxey? Your distractions are not going to work on me. Please stop trying to cross-examine me because that only works in movies or on TV. What's wrong?

Not ready to reveal her secrets, Maxey looked out of the window. She reached inside of her handbag and pulled out a white long stick and handed it to me. I looked at it and smiled because Maxey was pregnant and she was scared to death of telling anyone. I hopped up out of my chair and started dancing around the room.

You're not mad at me Roxy?

Why would I be mad at you? This is one of the things that life is made of. Pregnancy is preventable now-a-days so you must really want this child.

I'm not sure what I want Roxy. This pregnancy has caught me so off guard. I don't even know what I think.

All of a sudden, Cherokee ran into the room like she was strapped to a rocket ship. She started screaming at us and asked what was taking us so long and why we were both dancing around the room because we all had a plane to catch. I told her to calm down because Maxey has something to tell her.

But before I would allow Maxey to give Cherokee her news, I had to give it some thought because our sister has a big mouth and I did not wish for this news to hurt our baby-sister.

I told her before she could find out the news, Cherokee had to promise not to tell anyone what she was about to hear.

Cherokee said, I promise to keep the secret this time!

I told Cherokee that if she does not hold true to her words about this, then I would hold her personally responsible for any damage that her loose lips may cause. I decided to make my proclamation to her as all three of us were standing in my hospital room.

Cherokee if you break your vow to keep this information; I will have no choice but to fire The Pastor.

Cherokee said, Damn Roxy, did you or Maxey kill someone?

I said, Promise the both of us and then pinky swear.

She said, I promise never to tell your news to anyone ever!

After all of us pinky swore about the new information, I staggered back to my wheelchair. Once I was secure, Maxey looked over at me and began to speak to our sister.

Maxey said, I'm pregnant!

Cherokee's mouth fell open, tears filled her eyes and a smile came to her face.

Cherokee walked over to Maxey and gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Maxey was thrilled by her sister's reaction to the news of a life growing inside of her. All of a sudden the nurse came back into the room and told us that she has other patients and had to get done with me, so it was time to go. We all had smiles on our faces from the new secret placed in our hearts, as the nurse wheeled me out of the hospital, and out to the rental car where The Pastor was patiently waiting.

CHAPTER 2

Mountain Climber!

The Pastor had to drive like a bat out of hell in order to get us to our flight on time, but somehow we got there before the plane took off. As we sat at the gate, my cell phone played my favorite song, Tiny Dancer, so I walked over to the window to answer it.

I said, Hello handsome.

I am thrilled to hear your voice once again Rox. I felt lost as I drove home without you. I even lost my way home last night because I kept thinking about you. I was mad at myself because I had to leave you, said Sissell.

There was a five second pause between us.

Then Sissell said, Where are you? I'm going out of my mind thinking about you and I need you to tell me you're alright.

We are at the airport about to board our plane, so I will have to talk with you later on.

Do you want me to pick you up from the airport?

No thank you honey, but I will see you one day this week.

Rox, I will be at the airport for myself so I can lay my eyes on you. And I promise that I will stay in the truck so you will never see me.

Sissell, I need to go now but I hope to see you soon. I love you.

I hung up, just in time for us to board the plane and take our seats. I sat next to Maxey as we made our way home to Sacramento and held hands all the way home on the plane. Cherokee and The Pastor slept the entire flight. Maybe they had a very busy night with each other. I looked over at Maxey and told her that we needed to go by Mama's house first.

Maxey said, We will talk about Mom later. Right now I need you to tell me all about you and that mountain climbing looking nigga that's in your life Roxy.

I said, He does not look like a mountain climber.

Spill the beans about him Rox, because I saw him once before. I know that he does not work for you but he looks like he is in love with you.

"Well Maxey it's a long story about the two of us but I can tell you that he saved mine and Michael's life.

How so?

I told her the short version of me and Michael's life before Sissell walked into it. How I had been entertaining thoughts of killing Michael and his other family. Now Sissell has my heart and I gave it to him willingly as time went on. I made Maxey aware that I didn't want to be involved with him because you never know what type of danger is waiting when you play games with intimate strangers.

But, I can tell you that seeing him has allowed me to stay with Michael. I was so hurt to find out Michael had two sons by another woman on the other side of town.

I told Maxey that the terror of knowing that I wanted to kill Michael made me rush back into the arms of the church because I was scared of myself. I felt as if he had gone out of his way to kill all of my prayers for us to stay in love with one another. My thinking changed with Sissell over the years. I smiled as I looked at Maxey because I knew that no matter what, she was on my side.

"I felt like a woman out of season in her own life, but Sissell makes me blush internally. He only sees me and it feels like a surprise every time we are together. I am so glad I filed for a divorce from Michael because I don't feel like I'm in prison anymore. Now, I can stop begging my husband to love me, and I won't have to pay him for the privilege any more either. Remember Maxey, mom always told us to never do both.

You are either going to ask someone to do something for you or you are going to pay them but you never do both. I always felt I didn't have enough to offer Michael and found myself doing both all my life with him. Those days are over with now. Michael always thought that the world was made only for him to enjoy. He thought that if he told me over and over again how sorry he was, that I should just forgive him so we could keep the illusion of our fake ass life intact.

Maxey exclaimed, Wow Roxy, I never knew you were on the battlefield for your marriage. I never knew what was going on in your life because I envied you so much and I wanted what I thought you had. You always had a smile on your face so I thought everything was fine. I didn't know the real story behind of what was really going on.

Maybe the smile was there to conjure up illusions of happiness, and it wouldn't have profited you to know the truth of the smile. You have your own life and I didn't want to burden you with some my sorrows.

Maxey started to cry. Maybe she was sad because she had no idea that my husband was breaking my heart. I told her that I appreciate her sorrow for me but today was a new day and I have made peace with my decision about Michael. I knew that it would be hard for all of us to move on with our own lives, but time reveals itself to everyone. I knew this was best for me and the kids.

Then Maxey said, But Roxy, don't you think that you are doing the same thing to Michael that he did to you?

Do you mean that I have fucked him over before he could continue to fuck me? Is that what you mean? Shit Maxey, Michael was gone from our relationship seven years before I knew he was missing. Do you know what it's like looking for someone you don't know is missing? Every night they get in bed and fuck you, and you have no idea they aren't there. So no, it's not the same thing as far as I am concerned. Sometimes you have to FUCK people first, before they get a chance to FUCK YOU over! You see, I was walking around inside my own marriage with a jar of Vaseline strapped to my back along with the word loser written on my forehead. But no more and I don't plan on getting married again. So your tears are sweet but when I was getting fucked over, your tears could not be found. Dry your eyes, Ms. Maxey, because Michael and I went as far as we could go on our road to love. We are now two people who used to be in love with one another.

Maxey sat next to me without saying another word about Michael and me. I knew she was sad for me but that part of my life was over. I was sort of glad I had the chance to tell her my truth. I could still see the tracks of my baby sister's tears on her face. We continued to make our way back to Sacramento as both of us closed our eyes.

And then we heard the pilot's announcement.

The time now is 2:23pm, and we are about to land.

I touched Maxey on her hand and asked who drove to the airport?

Maxey said, Cherokee let The Pastor drive her car to the airport.

I turned around and touched Cherokee on the knee.

She opened her eyes and said, What is it Roxanne?

I said, I need you to take me by my dealership, so I can pick up my car.

Ok Roxy.

Cherokee said, How much longer are we going to be in the air?

We should be landing in about seven minutes.

Wake me when it's time to get off the plane.

She closed her eyes and went back to sleep. I just looked out of the window but I felt my heart beginning to weep again. No one told me that my heart would continue to weep for the things that I have lost.

God showed up in my mind and said, Smile Roxanne, because I love you, and you have the right to feel any way you choose to. Always remember this bit of information Roxanne; you have the right to be happy!

I started smiling as God and I carried on our conversation in my head.

I said to Him, Thank you God, but what are you doing checking in on me?

God said, A friend in need is a friend in deed. I enjoy our times together Roxanne, even when it's only a passing thought from you while you are counting seconds. Since you were passing by in that airplane, I just wanted to check in.

I said, God, I know that you are very busy and you have the whole universe to watch over but, I'm glad that you thought about me.

God said, I treasure you Roxanne. Now put your sorrows down and grab all the joy you can handle because your family is going to need you.

Just then, Maxey grabbed my hand as the plane started to land. She looked over and smiled at me and I knew that she was alright. I tried to pick up my conversation with God, but He didn't respond. So when we landed, I reached back and touched Cherokee on the knee and told her that we landed and it was time to go. Cherokee reached over and touched The Pastor on his shoulder. We waited for the plane to empty before we got ready to leave. The Pastor told us to go get the car and he would get the luggage and meet us at the door. We tried to convince him to let us help but he wouldn't hear any of it.

So, that left the Beaumont girls with each other. Cherokee suggested that I sit at the door while she and Maxey go get the car. They sat me down and promised to return soon with the car.

I said, Call me when you're outside and I'll be right out!

I was sitting with my back to the crowd and my face to the window. I had counted up to 359 seconds, when I looked around and heard my name being called. It was Sissell standing next to me. I could not believe he was standing there. We smiled at each other, as I stood up to hug him. He leaned down to kiss me and I felt like a schoolgirl. I pulled away from him and asked what he was doing there.

Rox, I came to meet you!

That's so sweet but you know I'm here with my sisters and The Pastor.

I saw your sisters walk you over here, so I waited for them to leave before I came over to see you. Where's The Pastor?

I told him we left him to get our luggage and bring it to the car. Sissell sat down next to me and held my hand.

Rox, I still have your gift that I gave you on Friday night. Once we made it to the hospital, I removed it as they were putting all of your jewelry in a bag. I didn't want it to be misplaced.

He reached into his pocket, pulled out the necklace and put it around my neck. I reached up to touch it. I kissed him and told him thank you.

What are your plans for the rest of the day?

When we leave the airport, we're going to our mom's.

Can we do lunch sometime this week?

I'm not sure how busy I'll be this week. Let me call you after I find out how things will go. I know it's going to be a sideshow at my mom's for a while so let me get back with you.

I love you and I'm sorry for the loss to your family. Just let me know if there's anything I can do.

We kissed again and became caught up in our passion for each other when my cell phone rang. It was Maxey, telling me they were waiting outside. I told her I'd be right out and hung up.

Sissell stood up and said, Follow me, Rox.

I don't have time to get lost with you right now Sissell.

I stood up as he grabbed my hand and led me down a hallway that was close by. We took 29 steps, then he stopped and pinned me against the wall with a long, sexy kiss. When he released me from the kiss, a sly smile trickled across his face.

Sissell, don't make me hurt you in this hallway.

Hurt me baby, you never know, I might enjoy it.

He leaned down to kiss me again as I started hearing music in my head that conveyed our feelings for each other. This song now playing in my head was 'Slow Screw Against the Wall' by Rufus and Chaka Khan. I was about to give in to him because I could feel the whore in me about to come out, but this was not the time.

So I told him, No!

I could tell he was sort of hurt, but I would take care of him later.

Wow Baby, I almost feel like we just had sex in my mouth.

When I looked at him, his forehead was sweating and I could tell that he was becoming very excited.

You are keeping me from my family and you know that I have to go now but let's play this game next week at the airport. I promise I'll be real nice to you but I have to be going now.

Next week then!

My phone rang again; I knew it was one of my sisters as I let out a sigh and answered my phone.

I'm on my way out! I shouted.

It was neither one of my sisters; it was The Pastor on the other end of the phone.

He said, Baby-Sister, your husband and children are walking towards the car. Tell your friend to go out the side door of the airport and you be on your way outside. Your sisters are on their way to intercept your family and allow you a chance to recover yourself.

I said, Thank you.

I gave Sissell the run down. He told me that he would wait 20 minutes before leaving and they would never see him. I fixed my clothes and checked my face before I headed towards the door. I put in a prayer to God as I counted my steps towards my family. I pulled out my mirror once more to make sure I was presentable. I needed to remove the look of panic from my face. I had not seen Michael and the kids in almost 3 ½ days and I wanted our greeting to be pleasant.

I walked out of the main door of the airport and scanned the crowd of cars to find them but they found me first. My son Anthony was the first one to see me as I exited the airport. He moved people out of his way to make it to me, my eyes started to shine because I loved my children very much and I thank God for blessing me and Michael with them. The look on Anthony's face was priceless because he looked sort of scared to me.

He was so excited to see me and I was excited to see him also. I braced my legs to be able to hold us up, because I am a big girl and he is going to be a big boy. Since I'm used to carrying my ass around with me, it was not going to be a problem to hold both of us up. Anthony leaped into my arms and placed mushy kisses all over my face. Next Franchesica found her way to us and held both of us tightly. We all started kissing and laughing at each other all while we stood on the sidewalk and allowed our love to take us over with nothing but smiles and tears from all of us. I wasn't sure how I was going to respond to Michael but I was thrilled to see my kids.

Then Michael showed up next to me. I looked at him and reminded myself as I told myself inside of my head, You have nothing to be sorry for Roxanne, and you are blessed woman.

I reached over and hugged him tightly while he reached over and kissed me on the cheek.

We all looked at each other and smiled while we were still locked inside of our group hug.

Anthony looked up at me and said, I just had to see you Mommy. I begged Daddy to bring us to the airport so we could meet your plane. We just needed to see you and since we just lost Great-Grand mom, we were lonely without you.

I smiled at both of them and picked up each of their hands and squeezed before walking. Michael walked next to us as we made our way back to my sisters. It took us 75 steps to get to Cherokee's car.

Franchescia said, Where are you going now Mommy?

Well we are going back to the dealership to pick up my car. Then I'll drop Maxey at her car, while Cherokee takes The Pastor home. Then we'll meet at our mom's house, so we can start planning our grandmother's funeral.

Then I asked Michael what his plans were for the kids today.

He said, We are going over my mom's for dinner.

That's very nice of you to let them spend some time with your family since it's been a long time.

Cherokee said, Cut it short Roxy. We need to be leaving. Mom has already called and wanted to know where we were and what's taking so long to get over her house. So wrap up this mini family reunion.

I looked at Cherokee and with my eyes, told her to go get fucked. I smiled at Michael and the kids and told them that I needed to get going, but I would see them later on tonight and let them know about the plans for the funeral. I kissed both of the kids. As I got in the car, Michael kissed me on the cheek before we drove off. No one said one word to me until Cherokee made a smart -ass comment.

Damn Roxy, you got that Knee Grow eating out of your hands. And wasn't that your boyfriend at the airport too? Fuck, how many men do you have following behind your wide ass?

More than you will ever know, Ms. Cherokee.

Maxey and The Pastor started laughing. I told Cherokee to be quiet because she didn't know what she was talking about.

Cherokee said, I know what I'm talking about Roxy! You got both of those men chasing your wide ass all around this state. You have cemented yourself inside both of their hearts and that is a hard place to leave once you get there.

I looked at the back of Cherokee's head while she was talking shit to me because all I wanted to do was resurface her whole fucking head.

Don't worry about what is going on at my job or home. Maybe you should funnel all of your own shit to your barren ass backyard and stop offering me your disapproving comments about my life!

Cherokee turned around to look at me and said, Oh since you are no longer ill, you feel as if you can become confrontational now bitch?

It was so funny to watch her get upset with me because I was in no way trying to be confrontational at all. I just discovered that what she thought of me was of little consequence to me. If Cherokee was just a shade lighter she would have changed colors while she was driving because I had really pissed her all the way off. I responded to her nice nasty comment towards me.

It's apparent to me that you think that I fear you Cherokee. But just so you know, I'm not confrontational towards you, I just don't give a good fuck about what you have to say or think about me! And since you are too hard-headed to understand my words, when I get home later on tonight, I'll be sure to make the time before I lay my head down to rest, to fax you a Fuck-You Cherokee!

Maxey and The Pastor started to laugh at my last comment as Cherokee reached over and hit The Pastor on the shoulder and told him to stop laughing at my fat-ass comments. She told Maxey that she would put her out of the car right now if she doesn't stop laughing. I told Cherokee that she could pull this bitch of a car over right now and I would guarantee her that Maxey and I would make it to Mom's house before she does.

Cherokee put her turn signal on, and was merging over into the right lane of the freeway so she could put us out of her car. I was going to try to soften my words to her and bow out gracefully because neither one of us had our cars, but there was something in me that would not let me back down from her and her comments.

The Pastor jumped into the arena to calm the crazy situation.

He said, Lil Sister, I need you to calm down! We were not laughing at you, we only heard the humor of the conversation and we found it quite charming but no one was laughing at you, especially since you are driving with all of our souls locked inside your car. We are well aware of you and your adventuresome spirit and how you're always willing to die to prove your point. We know this conversation has gotten out of hand, that's why we will no longer talk or laugh while we are in your car. We need you to deliver us safely to our destinations. Not to mention that you and I have a life planned together. I hope you don't want to start our life as husband and wife with the death of your sisters on your hands.

Cherokee did not pull off the freeway to put us out. She just kept driving and no one said another word. We were impressed with how well he could calm her down. When she pulled into the parking lot of the dealership, Maxey and I got out of the car.

Maxey said, We'll see you in an hour at Mom's house.

As she drove off, she let down her window and said, See you later Bitches!

Maxey and I laughed so hard we had tears coming out of our eyes. We laughed for all of the said and unsaid things between all of us. It was 4:25pm, and we were meeting at Mom's at 6pm. I asked Maxey if she wanted to grab something to eat after we picked up her car.

She said, Yes, because I'm starving for some type of nourishment.

As we got into my car, I waved at the security guards on the lot and then we were off. I guess we both rebounded well from Cherokee's threats. Even if she had dangerous thoughts, The Pastor seemed to have calmed those evil tendencies that my sister likes to entertain. By the time we got to Maxey's car, she had decided she wanted Mexican food with all the fixings. I knew that type of food would only irritate my stomach, so I was trying to remember where my medicine was in my luggage. There was no way I could make it through the night at Mom's with my stomach doing flips the rest of the night.

Just when I thought the rest of our day might be pretty peaceful, my mother called and wanted to know what was taking our retarded asses so long. I told her we would be there by six. And then she wanted to know where we were and what we were doing. I told her that we were en route to her house, but we were stopping to eat because we were hungry. That's when she lost her mind. She started screaming and cursing at me because she spent all day cooking a meal for us. Then she mentioned that how dare we stop to get something to eat before we come to her house. I tried to place the blame on Maxey but it was no use. I told her that we would be there shortly and said goodbye. As I hung up the phone, I thought I heard her say we were a bunch of sorry-ass niggers for not being at her side in her time of need.

Needless to say, I found my medicine while Maxey went in to place our order. I took my pills, ordered 2 shots of Tequila and started to pray. I asked God not to allow us to be slaughtered by our mother. Then I told Maxey what Mom had called us as we ended the phone call.

I said,