Who Am I?: A Solitary Search for Truth

By Thomas Carcaterra

Told by an old man nearing the end of his existence, Who Am I?, by author Thomas Carcaterra, offers a revelatory reflection on life and love. In re-examining his own life, his successes and failures, and triumphs and defeats, Carcaterra ultimately realizes all he knows came from his father.

By recalling his own life, Carcaterra has brought to life his father’s existence, and he has also come to understand the history of all mankind and the mystery of why history repeats itself. In addition to a chronicle of his life, Carcaterra presents a treatise about life and our world: why there is nothing new under the sun, love always conquers hate, man and woman have opposite beliefs, Donald Trump versus Hillary Clinton, the location of God, and more.

Who Am I? chronicles Carcaterra’s life as he reflects back on where he came from and the various influences that have made him who he has become.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Nov 10, 2016
• ISBN: 9781483458458

Book preview

WHO AM I?

A Solitary Search for Truth

Thomas Carcaterra

Copyright © 2016 Thomas Carcaterra.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-5844-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-5845-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016915535

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 11/3/2016

Contents

Preface

1. The Quest

2. My Heritage

3. Pop

4. Mom

5. Ruth

6. Tom

7. The Enigma

8. The Revelation

9. Racing Thoughts

10. Happiness

11. Wisdom

12. Twilight

Acknowledgments

Dedicated to

Pop

Mom

Ruth

Reminiscences of my journey

through life on this tiny planet

whirling round an infinite universe

in a fleeting moment of eternal time

Preface

Imagine finding yourself in an immense, congested metropolis—busy people rushing everywhere. You’re exhausted from your search for a particular address you have been looking for. The gloom of twilight has fallen over the city. You are about to abandon your quest. Suddenly, you see a bright light that seems to come from a dark alley between two abandoned, grim buildings.

As you approach the sinister area, the light glows with a greater intensity. You walk through the alley, which is no longer dark. You look down and see that the light radiates from a tiny, precious stone that is surrounded by a mound of garbage. As you excitedly reach down to pick it up, the light disappears. Simultaneously, the city is illuminated by a blinding, immeasurable light. Every building shines with a brilliant clarity. You can see the building you were searching for. You are no longer lost. You have found yourself.

Many years later, you have a similar revelation. The vision exposes the beauty and ugliness of the real world. But it also reveals the righteousness and the wickedness of the imaginary universe. The knowledge that comes with that blinding flash of light reveals the glory that love can create by overpowering gravity, which eternally unites us with Mother Earth.

And you become inspired to write a book. A book to enlighten future generations about who you were, where you came from, and why you even existed. But most of all, a book to enlighten the unreality of reality.

These visions come to me as I near the end of life.

All my life, I have been assailed by thoughts. In fact, the number of my thoughts may approach infinity. I’m constantly thinking (daydreaming?) day and night. I expended a great deal of energy to write this memoir. Where did that energy come from? Why was I inspired to write this book? What makes me believe that my task is to solve the problems that confront me and the rest of humanity?

I don’t know. I know only that my racing thoughts arise spontaneously with constant fervor and relentless persistence. I believe they won’t subside until my convictions are memorialized with the blinding light of Truth.

But what is truth? Truth is when an extreme conservative and a fervent liberal can sit down at a table of peace, in a beautiful garden, and agree to agree with their opposite beliefs.

That will never happen on earth.

But it may happen when we have broken the chains that enslave us to mother Earth, and we are free from the mission that life has imposed upon us.

Chapter 1

The Quest

Socrates provided the inspiration for the creation of this book. His casual comment that an unexamined life is not worth living motivated me to ask further questions:

Who am I?

Where did I come from?

What is truth?

These questions may have unconsciously arisen in my mind when I was a child and learned to read. These inquiries about the reason for our existence might arise in many people who have the luxury of free time to think.

The first stories I read were fairy tales, which seemed so vivid and real. I’d bring two or three volumes of fairy tales home from the library to devour. It seems that fairy tales, myths, legends, and other fabrications have been universal since humanity evolved. I relished my addiction to my imagination.

The stories were beautiful as well as horrible; heroic warriors of good and demonic dragons of evil did battle in every imaginable environment—peaceful countrysides, sinister towering mountains, and alien planets. Some tales ended happily—love won the day; other tales ended tragically—hate destroyed what love had created. Still, all fairy tales fascinated me because there was an explicit ending to the story. Unlike life, there was no confusion about which side was right.

I’ve forgotten many of the fairy tales I read, but I recall one with clarity. A beautiful girl is imprisoned in a castle under the domination of cruel ogres. I see her looking out from her bedroom window piteously seeking help. I know I have to save her. Summoning superhuman strength, I climb the walls with my bare hands. I encourage her to trust me. She clasps my back, and we descend using the rope I had fortuitously brought with me. We ride off on a horse and fight the brigands who try to stop us. Finally, we reach a beautiful garden where peace and love bring us happiness.

It took many years before it dawned on me that the beautiful maiden I had freed might have beliefs opposite mine about where we should live.

I should have kept reading fairy tales, but you can’t survive in today’s world without education. So I began to read all types of books many of which seemed to lead to opposite conclusions—happy or tragic endings.

Further adventures in the magical world of books led me to appreciate the beauty of the real world as revealed by science and the magnificence of the invisible world taught by religion. It never occurred to me that reading too many books would inevitably lead to questions that had no answer.

I now know that the word truth, like every other word, doesn’t have any meaning unless other words are attached to it. There are political, religious, scientific, and many other types of truth. When Truth is used as a single word, it refers to a concept not accessible in the real world. Truth refers to God.

Similarly, Love, Justice, Happiness— all states of emotional harmony—can be achieved only after we have departed from this world and returned to where we came from.

So what is my quest? I seek to determine my purpose in life, where I came from, and what truth is. As advocated by many wise philosophers, this will require a profound examination of my past and analysis of my triumphs and failures. It will be a long and painful journey to seek the source of my creation. But it’s a voyage I must take.

So let me begin.

Chapter 2

My Heritage

When and where did I begin my life’s adventure?

Remembering that a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, I commence this voyage on the day when I was born. But only by learning about my ancestors can I hope to discover why I’m here. Since my quest includes understanding how I fit into the universe, a knowledge of the roles all living things play in the drama of life is essential.

A tree is beautiful; it has a mystical perfection. How can it grow from a simple, tiny seed to a complex universe of roots, branches, twigs, leaves, and blossoms? The energy from the sun and elements from the earth created this magnificent organism. What was the primary source of the energy?

I know how I was created. The energy in a single spermatozoa combined with the energy of a single egg resulted in an explosion of growth. A complex, living universe of cells, muscles, bones, heart, and