Behind the Curtain: Living As a Quadriplegic

By Nancy H. Blose

Barely surviving a catastrophic car accident Nancy recounts her first years as a quadriplegic. While confronting attorneys, insurance claims adjusters, hospital bureaucracy, home healthcare providers and further health complications Nancy intensifies her efforts towards raising her children and completing her bucket list. Her journey will educate you, leave you laughing and crying as she faces her new life in a wheelchair with unrelenting determination to appreciate and live each moment to its fullest.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Jul 22, 2015
• ISBN: 9781483424897

Book preview

Behind

the

Curtain

Living as a Quadriplegic

NANCY H. BLOSE

Copyright © 2005

First Edition

Published by Morris Publishing

Nancy H. Blose

Copyright © 2015

Second Edition

Lulu Publishing

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-2490-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-2489-7 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 07/13/2015

Contents

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Epilogue

Facility Evaluation

Dedicated to Kelly and Kurt

My Inspiration For Living

Love You to Infinity and Beyond

Mom a.k.a Nancy

1

M y birth was a disappointment and an inconvenience - not a mistake. I was the third strike that finalized that my Father would sire no sons. A housekeeper was immediately employed to relieve my mother of her domestic responsibilities which included me. Her efforts were re-directed to the Junior League, lunches at the Village Woman’s Club and tennis at Bloomfield Open Hunt Club, all safely located in the northern suburbs of Detroit.

I was raised on my Mother’s beliefs or her insecurities that outward appearance was everything with the emphasis on being publicly seen with the right people and at the right location. I was enrolled in ballroom dancing, took piano lessons and attended a private high school all in her aspiration that I would climb 1 rung higher on the social ladder to be firmly positioned as an upper class socialite. It was clear from the beginning that I would not achieve my Mother’s ambitions but having 2 older sisters, Bonnie and Cindy, greatly relieved the pressure but not her undeniable dissatisfaction.

My Father never attained Trixie’s approval either (not her given name but a name that she proudly adopted at age 10 and kept). Larry came from a struggling middle class family and married up on the ladder. His unrelenting labor and efforts to attempt to please Trixie either went unnoticed or as an expected obligation. I followed in his footsteps very closely both literally and figuratively. Having no maternal bonding I sought a further connection with my Father. I needed his attention, approval and praise knowing that none would be coming from Trixie.

On the weekends Trixie would take Bonnie and Cindy to the Country Club leaving me in the care of my Father. He had convinced me that it was my job to keep him company by sitting quietly while he completed household chores that Trixie was exempt from participation. I did not want to disappoint him and performed this designated duty brilliantly. He was excluded and chastised from her tennis rendezvous due to his inferior athletic abilities which were not cultivated during his childhood.

Larry had a very strong work ethic which he instilled in his 3 daughters. His philosophy for a successful life was predicated upon a person’s productivity and contribution to society. Hard work was a badge of honor to be worn with pride. To be idle or lazy equated to weakness and worthlessness. Recipients of public assistance such as welfare, unemployment benefits and disability benefits were a burden and drain on the working society. Being fat not only signified laziness but also the lack of self discipline. Productive exercise was readily available and free under the guise of yard work or snow shoveling in the winter. A gym membership was both a waste of time and money. He also believed that in order to supervise another person that you first need to perform the task to have a full understanding and appreciation of the requirements. How can you direct a ditch digger if you’ve never dug a ditch? It never occurred to me to quit or complain, just to do the job to the best of my ability so that I may receive his approval. My resume included lawn cutting, house painting, snow shoveling, leaf raking and of course ditch digging.

Another philosophy of Larry’s was Where are you? Where do you want to be? How do you want to get there? This sequence of questions was applied to every problem or unpleasant situation and could be drawn out into the evening with mandatory dialogues discussing the current dilemma. Whining would not change the problem and only prolong his 3 step process.

Once I staggered in late after a Friday night party and I thought my entrance was stealth and my inebriation went undetected. Larry awoke me at 6 a.m. and directed me to hard labor in the backyard after serving me greasy eggs for breakfast. Obviously explaining my physical condition was not an option and complaining was not permitted. I had ample time to contemplate Larry’s mantra.

Q. Where am I?

A. In the backyard with a tremendous hangover at an ungodly early hour.

Q. Where do I want to be?

A. In my bed.

Q. How am I going to get there?

A. By keeping my mouth shut, not throwing up and finishing the assigned chores.

We never spoke of my Friday night activities and I never again came home drunk. Larry served 2 years in the Army as a Drill Lieutenant and incorporated some of the discipline into child rearing. After the military he went to law school at Wayne State University and then to work for his father-in-law in Detroit.

Thankfully Cindy fulfilled my Mother’s greatest aspirations by being tall and beautiful, she was enrolled in modeling classes and played tennis year around. We all graduated from Cranbrook, a private prep school and the one that Trixie had also attended. Cindy graduated with Cum Laud honors and received recognition from her classmates and teachers as the student who made the most outstanding contributions to her class and school. Next she went to Duke University to study nursing. I became known as Cindy’s Little Sister and reaped the benefits of riding on her coattails.

I was not homecoming queen or class president. I went through high school unclassified. I was not a jock despite playing both volleyball and softball, not a nerd as I only had a B average (definitely not up to Cum Laud standards), not a burnout even though I did inhale. I graduated without notice. In fact I didn’t even go to my senior prom. Cindy went twice, both her junior and senior year with one of the best looking guys in our school. I was asked to go by a friend but I had a final exam at Oakland Community College and somehow that seemed more appealing. I completed my freshman year of college at OCC while in high school.

After completion of phase one I enrolled as a sophomore at Michigan State University, my parents’ Alma Mater though I was accepted to the more prestigious rival, University of Michigan. Still desperately seeking my parent’s approval I proudly attended MSU trying to duplicate their glory years and stories. I dropped out after completing my sophomore year due to complete boredom with overrated rituals of college and compounded by changing my major every month. I hadn’t a clue what life had to offer me or more importantly what I had to offer life. This was a BIG disappointment to Trixie and Larry.

My childhood was one of privileges and contradictions directed by a debutant, a drill lieutenant and the hired help. I had a silver spoon in my hand just not in my mouth. I went to the country club but only after I first cut the lawn and completed other chores. Without having any comparisons or expectations I thought little of my childhood except as being unremarkable and ordinary. I lived the first 19 years of my life without a sense of value or identity and my only purpose was unattainable - to please my parents. It was like completing a paint by number picture with the only objective of connecting the dots and staying within the lines. The final product looked great but it took little talent to complete, just discipline. I was very disciplined.

Next came a blind date with a decent guy who had great potential but needed direction and self-assurance. I provided both. His reliance upon my navigational skills fulfilled my quest for having value. This romance was exhilarating, gratifying and quickly followed by a small impromptu wedding that was consummated before I could legally toast the celebration.

Blind Date Bill did not fit into Trixie’s expectations. He came from a middle class family, public education, no country clubs and no society events that would make headlines in the community paper The Birmingham Eccentric. Trixie had a hobby of clipping wedding announcements from the newspaper and mailing them to Cindy, who was still single. We set up home in the same general area as our parents, Royal Oak. I never joined the Junior League or the Village Woman’s Club.

I finished college at Oakland University with a liberal arts degree and no specific career direction except to pay our monthly bills and to move out of our apartment which came with wall to wall green shag carpeting and matching avocado counter tops. My Grandfather and Father’s law firm needed a new secretary, I could type and the paycheck covered the bills. I did not attend my graduation ceremony, this milestone went unnoticed and without celebration. It had been previously outlined and I had only finished the picture with the correct colors just the wrong hues.

2

I participated in what is fondly referred to as the rat race. I have no idea why this lifestyle is called a rat race. Rats can