Bearing the Unbearable: Trauma, Gospel, and Pastoral Care

By Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger

A Christ-centered approach to dealing with trauma on both a personal and a communal level

Traumas abound. Post-traumatic stress disorder, emotional and sexual abuse, unbearable anxiety and fear, and a host of other traumas afflict people everywhere. In this book Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger weaves together threads from the fields of psychology and pastoral theology as she explores the impact of trauma on people’s lives and offers practical strategies and restorative practices for dealing with it.

Not only a teacher of pastoral theology but also an experienced pastoral counselor herself, Hunsinger draws on the resources of depth psychology, including object relations theory, trauma theory, family systems theory, nonviolent communication, and restorative circles. She then places her findings in a Christian theological context, emphasizing God’s work in and through Jesus’ passion, death, and resurrection, to present a cohesive, faith-based vision for healing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Eerdmans
• Release date: Jul 8, 2015
• ISBN: 9781467443531

Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger

Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger is Charlotte W. Newcombe Professor of Pastoral Theology at Princeton Theological Seminary. She is also an ordained minister in the Presbyterian Church (USA) and a fellow in the American Association of Pastoral Counselors.

Book preview

Bearing the Unbearable

Trauma, Gospel, and Pastoral Care

Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger

William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company

Grand Rapids, Michigan / Cambridge, U.K.

© 2015 Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger

All rights reserved

Published 2015 by

Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.

2140 Oak Industrial Drive N.E., Grand Rapids, Michigan 49505 /

P.O. Box 163, Cambridge CB3 9PU U.K.

Printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Hunsinger, Deborah van Deusen.

Bearing the unbearable: trauma, gospel, and pastoral care /

Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-8028-7103-9 (pbk.: alk. paper)

eISBN 978-1-4674-4393-7 (ePub)

eISBN 978-1-4674-4353-1 (Kindle)

1. Pastoral psychology. 2. Psychology, Religious. 3. Pastoral theology. I. Title.

BV4012.H83 2015

253.5´2 — dc23

2014049875

www.eerdmans.com

For my whole family — with deep appreciation

for their love and presence in my life

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1. Bearing the Unbearable:

Trauma, Gospel, and Pastoral Care

2. Rooted and Grounded in Love:

Compassionate Witnessing

3. Christian Forgiveness:

Healing the Emotional Wounds of Childhood

4. Keeping an Open Heart in Troubled Times:

Self-Empathy as a Christian Spiritual Practice

5. Prayers of Lament:

How Long, O Lord?

6. Practicing Koinonia:

Life Together

7. Members of One Another:

Building a Restorative Church

Appendix 1: Criteria for PTSD:

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual–5

Appendix 2: Professional Quality of Life Scale:

Compassion Satisfaction and Fatigue Subscales—Revision IV

Index

Acknowledgments

Among the many important conversational partners that have contributed to my thinking over the years, I must single out my beloved husband, George Hunsinger, whose influence on my theology and my life is incalculable. His steadfast love, encouragement, and support have undergirded my vocation as a pastoral theologian and given me daily joy.

I am grateful for my years of study with a number of theological mentors at Yale Divinity School and for my treasured teacher, Ann Belford Ulanov, at Union Theological Seminary in New York City.

A number of colleagues have been important as my thought has developed, among whom Theresa F. Latini is foremost. I first met Theresa when she enrolled in the M.Div. program at Princeton Seminary in the 1990s. Many years later, after she had completed a Ph.D. in practical theology, she became my sister-­in-­law. Still later, she became a coauthor and coteacher as we worked together to think through the implications of contextualizing nonviolent communication for the church. I continue to be profoundly grateful for her generous, lively, and collaborative spirit.

My years of intensive study of nonviolent communication were greatly enriched by relationships developed in that community. My teachers, especially Robert Gonzales, Susan Skye, Miki and Inbal Kashtan, and Dominic Barter, contributed immensely both to my conceptual understanding and to my personal growth.

I am indebted to teachers and colleagues at the International Institute of Restorative Practices in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and to the STAR program (Strategies for Trauma Awareness and Resilience) at Eastern Mennonite University in Harrisonburg, Virginia. Mark Vander Vennen of FaithCare in Toronto was a faithful companion and guide as I learned how to bring restorative practices to the church.

I am also indebted to the generous sabbatical leaves granted by the trustees of Princeton Theological Seminary, which enabled me to craft each of the chapters in this volume with care.

I am also grateful to Vinod Gnanaraj for the preparation of the index.

To all my friends and colleagues — spiritual direction groups and prayer groups, students and former students, counselees and supervisees — I owe profound debts of gratitude for the many ways in which we have shared our lives as I have struggled with the complex ideas developed in this book.

Above all, the love of my family — not only that of my parents, Robert Holt and Martha Moon van Deusen, but also that of my brothers and sisters, my husband, children, and grandchildren — has formed the essential matrix in which my mind and heart have been shaped. Grateful to be so richly blessed, I dedicate this book to them.

I am grateful for permission to reprint material that first appeared in earlier publications:

Bearing the Unbearable: Trauma, Gospel and Pastoral Care, Theology Today 68, no. 1 (2011): 8-25.

Forgiving Abusive Parents, in Forgiveness and Truth, ed. Alistair McFadyen and Marcel Sarot (New York: T&T Clark, 2001), 71-98. Reprinted by permission of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

Keeping an Open Heart in Troubled Times: Self-Empathy as a Christian Spiritual Practice, in A Spiritual Life: Perspectives from Poets, Prophets, and Preachers, ed. Allan H. Cole (Louisville: Westminster John Knox, 2011), 123-34.

Prayers of Lament, in Pray without Ceasing (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2006), 138-55.

Practicing Koinonia, Theology Today 66, no. 3 (October 2009): 346-67.

Members of One Another: Building a Restorative Church, in Theology in Service to the Church, ed. Allan H. Cole (Eugene, Ore.: Wipf and Stock, Cascade Books, 2014), 155-79. Used by permission of Wipf and Stock Publishers. www.wipfandstock.com.

Introduction

I envision trauma as a series of nested concentric circles, affecting every level of our lives, beginning with the suffering involved in facing our own mortality and personal capacity for evil and reaching progressively outward to traumas that have greater scope: with the next circle comprising the interpersonal traumas of divorce, death, disease, or disability affecting ourselves or those we love. As the concentric circles grow larger, we encounter the kind of trauma that has the betrayal of trust at its core: infidelity, domestic violence, rape, incest, and child abuse.

Intergenerational trauma that is often passed from one generation to the next includes the indelible impact of assault, suicide, or murder on families and communities. Moving further out toward a wider scope and greater impact, we find that the next concentric circle entails the crushing structural violence of poverty, homelessness, imprisonment, racism, enslavement, immigration, and political oppression. Finally, in the outermost circle of hell, we encounter not only the terror of natural and ecological disasters but also the moral catastrophes of war, torture, genocide, and terrorism.

Pastoral theology, as a contemporary field of inquiry, has long studied those issues in the middle circles, shedding light on the complex suffering that comes in the wake of disease, death, violence, and abuse, focusing especially on its interpersonal, familial, and community impact. The rise of psychology in the twentieth century, joined now by breakthroughs in neuroscientific research, has given pastoral theology deeper insight into the multiple causes of trauma as well as suggested multiple approaches to its healing.

In recent decades, the field of pastoral theology has shifted from exclusively clinical or therapeutic considerations (regarding both diagnosis and treatment) to wider cultural, economic, and political considerations, addressing in one way or another virtually every form of human suffering mentioned. Like every discipline in theological study, pastoral theology is intrinsically interdisciplinary, as it builds bridges of scholarly conversation with a wide number of fields: not only psychology and psychotherapy in relation to theology and biblical studies, but also economics, sociology, political science, ethics, literary studies, poetry and the arts, criminal justice, and peace studies.

This volume reflects some of those shifts, examining trauma from a number of interpretive frameworks that are then brought into dialogue with Christian theology. While psychology and psychotherapy continue to be primary conversation partners, other disciplines contribute to the discussion, particularly those that have developed the theoretical underpinnings and practical strategies for restorative practices (primarily social work, criminal justice, and education). The overriding aim of the book is to illuminate the impact of trauma on people’s lives and to present conceptual frameworks and practical strategies for healing, particularly in a North American context, from a center in the gospel. Each chapter weaves together various theoretical and practical threads with the faith, practice, and theology of the church. For if the scope of trauma’s impact is envisioned as a series of nested concentric circles, so also the gospel’s restorative power is understood to emanate outward, as the presence and work of Jesus Christ mercifully address every kind of human misery and need.

Christ’s healing and reconciling work, completed once for all in his death on the cross, continues to radiate outward, reaching persons and communities, and even nations that are reeling from overwhelming pain at every level of their common life. By Word and sacrament, through preaching and prayer, and through those who hunger and thirst for justice both within and outside the church, Christ’s work is attested and mediated to the world. By God’s mercy, it reaches the minds and hearts of those afflicted with trauma. Those who are far from remembering the goodness of God, who carry personal memories of horror in their bodies and souls, receive the ministry of compassionate witnesses willing to share their burden of suffering. By God’s grace, many of the afflicted find pathways to wrest wisdom from a tangle of pain. Because trauma is not a single event but a complex series of events, what happens after a traumatic episode may be as significant as the episode itself. This is the point at which enduring post-­traumatic distress might even be prevented. It is at this juncture that human sufferers most need their fellow human beings to demonstrate care for them, to hear their story, however fragmented or inchoate, with compassion. For finally, human beings are able to bear the unbearable only as others are willing to bear it with them.

Yet, because God alone can bear the full weight of sin and death — the manifold ways that human beings hurt, maim, and destroy each other with their words, deeds, and deadly weapons — those in the church learn to rely not on the strength of their own meager efforts, but on the One who reveals the vast reaches of God’s compassion, Jesus Christ. They recognize that it is only through God’s grace, mercy, and loving compassion that both survivors and witnesses are able to keep their equanimity when hopelessness threatens. As the community bears one another’s burdens through compassionate witnessing, it relies not so much on its own skill and resourcefulness as on its trust in the redemptive suffering of Christ.

Chapter 1, Bearing the Unbearable: Trauma, Gospel, and Pastoral Care, traces the recent history of trauma studies, describes trauma’s symptoms, and offers guidance in those best practices that promise healing. It then offers theological reflection for understanding trauma in the light of Christian faith. The chapter is written to serve as a basic primer for pastors and lay caregivers as they seek to offer sensitive, compassionate care to those suffering from trauma.

Chapter 2, Rooted and Grounded in Love: Compassionate Witnessing, draws on the generative work of family therapist and clinical psychologist Kaethe Weingarten as it considers what it means to become an active and empowered witness of the suffering of others. After setting forth several of Weingarten’s key ideas, I endeavor to place them within a Christian theological context.

Chapter 3, Christian Forgiveness: Healing the Emotional Wounds of Childhood, considers the traumatic impact of abusive parenting on children, by drawing on depth psychological findings and family systems research. These perspectives are then brought into conversation with Christian theology, which serves essentially to reframe them. A psychological understanding of healing is contrasted with and ordered in relation to a theological understanding of forgiveness. If the different logical levels of these concepts (psychological and theological) are not respected, confusion is the result. Theological reflection offers a unique understanding of the spiritual challenges faced by those who suffer from early childhood abuse, while Christian faith offers a unique perspective on post-­traumatic growth.

Chapter 4, Keeping an Open Heart in Troubled Times: Self-­Empathy as a Christian Spiritual Practice, examines the plight of the pastoral caregiver (or compassionate witness) faced with compassion fatigue or vicarious traumatic stress. How can empathic and caring persons continue to listen to the anguished stories of others without becoming overwhelmed themselves? A practical strategy is introduced, by means of nonviolent communication’s teachings on the practice of self-­empathy, with its countercultural understanding of human needs. Christian theology reinforces the perception that ultimately God alone can open one’s heart, granting caregivers the gift of willingness to share in the painful mourning of others.

Chapter 5, Prayers of Lament: ‘How Long, O Lord?’ describes an ancient Christian practice that enables the afflicted to keep hope alive. Only by keeping the channel of communication and communion with God open is a person able to stay alive spiritually. Without an impassioned cry of lament directed toward God, believers can be cast adrift in a chaotic sea of pain and despair. Lament paradoxically deepens the sufferer’s connection to God despite all signs of God’s absence. It gives strength to endure even in the shadow of death.

Chapter 6, "Practicing Koinonia: Life Together," begins with a theological description of God’s gift of koinonia (communion, fellowship, partnership) to the church. Whenever brothers and sisters dwell together in unity, this gift becomes visible as a living parable of God’s kingdom here on earth. The skills offered by nonviolent communication are described and placed in service to this telos, as empathic listening, speaking honestly, and self-­empathy are presented as practical tools for dealing with criticism, avoiding pastoral burnout and pastoral misconduct, and deepening our life of prayer. Skills of empathy are placed into a christological framework to show how they can be used faithfully in our witness to a compassionate God.

Chapter 7, Members of One Another: Building a Restorative Church, introduces a set of practices that seems to be little known in the church, although it is widely used elsewhere to help communities in distress. Here the focus is on congregational trauma, as I seek to glean what is useful from the transdisciplinary field of restorative practices. Transdisciplinary studies combine the knowledge of a number of academic fields with the hands-­on knowledge and skill of nonacademic practitioners. In this case, criminal justice, education, counseling, social work, organizational management, and theology each responds creatively not only to the fragmentation of knowledge in academic disciplines but also to the growing interpersonal disconnection in our communities. The chapter offers a practical model for working with churches in distress while showing the model’s congruence with basic themes of the gospel, particularly the interdependence of all members of the community and the ultimate aim of reconciliation for all parties, not only victims of harm but also those who have perpetrated it, as well as those members of the community vitally affected as witnesses. Some form of justice needs to be extended to all those affected, not only the victims and families of those directly harmed but also everyone in the surrounding community, for if one person suffers, all suffer together.

The book closes with two brief appendices for easy reference, one summarizing the symptoms of trauma as delineated in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), and the other a metric developed to help caregivers determine their level of potential burnout or compassion fatigue, called the Compassion Satisfaction and Fatigue Subscales.

The book seeks to provide conceptual resources for the upbuilding of the church of Jesus Christ as an exercise in pastoral theology. Near the end of his life the apostle Paul wrote that though he was afflicted in every way, he was not crushed; though perplexed, he was not driven to despair; though persecuted, he was not forsaken; and though struck down, he was not destroyed (2 Cor. 4). By the mercy of God, he did not lose heart.

What enabled one so afflicted to keep his heart open toward the misery of others, to know God’s mercy so intimately that he could extend that mercy even toward those who sought to destroy him? What enabled him not to lose heart in the midst of ongoing persecution and suffering? Paul reminds his readers that though the church has its treasure in earthen vessels, it nevertheless does have a treasure. It is the treasure given to those who have eyes to see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the likeness of God (2 Cor. 4:4).¹ Paul sees the vast scope of God’s grace extending always further outward, to reach peoples everywhere: As grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. So we do not lose heart (2 Cor. 4:15-16). May this work serve God’s glory by helping its readers not to lose heart in these challenging times.

1. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations in this book come from the Revised Standard Version.

Chapter 1

Bearing the Unbearable

Trauma, Gospel, and Pastoral Care

Traumatic loss lies at the very heart of the Christian imagination. The souls of those who call themselves Christian are indelibly stamped with the unbearable sorrow of this man, Jesus. After raising the hopes of many, Jesus died a shameful death, indeed an unjust and horrible death. What is more, his friends denied, betrayed, and abandoned him in his hour of need. He was tortured and executed as a common criminal, even though he had done nothing to warrant condemnation. Jesus Christ drank the cup of bitterness all the way to its dregs, and descended into the very depths of hell: How can such a terrible story be borne? Much more than an intellectual puzzle about so-­called theories of atonement is at stake here. Believers who have survived trauma stake their very lives on the power of the gospel to heal.

Trauma: How can we give it the kind of disciplined attention that it deserves? Holding even a fraction of this suffering steadily in our attention can be challenging. Is it possible to talk about trauma without causing pain to those already bearing trauma in their bodies and souls?¹ Daily through the media, we are bombarded with stories capable of breaking our hearts, yet little attention is given to the impact of such accounts on their hearers. How can we bear these stories with an open heart?² Indeed, how do we bear them at all?

Pastoral theology, as I understand it, is first and foremost a theology of God’s care for the world in Jesus Christ, in which we are invited to participate.³ This means that all pastoral care depends upon prayer, leads to worship, and trusts in the promises of God. Such an orientation leads us to confess that though we ourselves, with our enduring failures to love, cannot truly redeem traumatic loss, we cling in hope to the One who can and does. That One drank the cup of bitterness, died a death of anguish, and descends into every darkness that threatens to overwhelm us.

Those who study theology are called to ponder holocausts of every kind, from biblical texts of terror,⁴ to grueling historical or theological tracts, to the horrors of the evening news. How can we fortify ourselves, our students, or our children for the kind of world we live in? Whether painted on a vast canvas of national or international significance, or in a miniature of a single family or community, traumatic loss is ubiquitous. When it hits us personally, it changes our lives irrevocably: through the shock of an accident, a criminal assault, or a tragic death, or through the multiple and complex traumas that arise in relation to immigration, war, imprisonment, torture, domestic violence, or sexual abuse, among others. Unacknowledged and unhealed, trauma often leads to further violence, either against oneself or against others, and thus to more trauma. With knowledgeable intervention and wise support, however, trauma can be healed, and may even become a catalyst for growth and transformation,⁵ the turning point of a life, a sign and symbol of God’s goodness and care.

As caregivers in the church who seek to help others, how can we be sure that we will first do no harm? How can we be a source of spiritual strength and practical support for the communities we serve? Moreover, as witnesses to the trauma of others or as persons afflicted by trauma ourselves, where do we turn for help? In this chapter, I want to set forth an understanding of the impact of trauma and inquire into the role of the gospel and the church in its healing. I plan to address three basic issues:

What is trauma and how does it affect us?

How do we break free from the vicious cycle of trauma’s impact?

How does the gospel with the pastoral care of the church bring healing to the traumatized?

What Is Trauma and How Does It Affect Us?

The twentieth century offered countless opportunities for studying trauma, but it was not until the 1970s that social and political ferment enabled its study to advance decisively.⁶ By the mid-1970s, hundreds of rap groups had been organized by Vietnam Veterans against the War where men could speak honestly about the horror of war. At the same time, women gained collective courage as they shared,