Karley's Surrender

By Christin Lovell

I was just a small-town bookstore employee with no degree. I didn't have a fancy wardrobe, nor did I have a figure that fit into anything below a double-digit size starting with a 2. My past was ugly, as were the scars it left me with. I had given up hope of getting even a chance at a happily-ever-after.

 

But then it happened. The unexpected presented itself, but it presented with obstacles I wasn't prepared for, including ones that I created on my own. No one tells you what you'll have to go through, the layers of insecurities you'll have to shed, the emotional baggage you'll have to sift through, nor the sheer terror of lending trust to someone when everyone you've ever known has broken it.

 

And no one, I mean no one, will ever tell you what it takes when you're given not one, but two, shifters…I mean soul mates…I mean men…who want forever with you. There was no preparing for that, especially when those men were opposites in many ways.

 

Shane Walker was wild and impulsive compared to Cole Riviera's calm and dominant. Shane was a free spirit, whereas Cole was controlled. They both required something different of me. And that was scary when we were all capable of making mistakes. It meant I had to surrender every logical fear and inhibition without any guarantees. It meant for the first time in my life, I had to stop running.

 

They say that it's worth it. In the books and movies, it always seems to be worth it. But we all know there is only one way to know for sure.

 

 

 

 

—

This book was previously published in 2012 but has been completely re-written to the point that very few similarities between the two remains, and it feels like an entirely new story.

—

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christin Lovell
• Release date: Oct 23, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393490401

Book preview

²⁵ "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Matthew 6:25 NASB

—

Karley’s Surrender

I was just a small-town bookstore employee with no degree. I didn’t have a fancy wardrobe, nor did I have a figure that fit into anything below a double-digit size starting with a 2. My past was ugly, as were the scars it left me with. I had given up hope of getting even a chance at a happily-ever-after.

But then it happened. The unexpected presented itself, but it presented with obstacles I wasn’t prepared for, including ones that I created on my own. No one tells you what you’ll have to go through, the layers of insecurities you’ll have to shed, the emotional baggage you’ll have to sift through, nor the sheer terror of lending trust to someone when everyone you’ve ever known has broken it.

And no one, I mean no one, will ever tell you what it takes when you’re given not one, but two, shifters...I mean soul mates...I mean men...who want forever with you. There was no preparing for that, especially when those men were opposites in many ways.

Shane Walker was wild and impulsive compared to Cole Riviera’s calm and dominant. Shane was a free spirit, whereas Cole was controlled. They both required something different of me. And that was scary when we were all capable of making mistakes. It meant I had to surrender every logical fear and inhibition without any guarantees. It meant for the first time in my life, I had to stop running.

They say that it’s worth it. In the books and movies, it always seems to be worth it. But we all know there is only one way to know for sure.

—

This book was previously published in 2012 but has been completely re-written to the point that very few similarities between the two remains, and it feels like an entirely new story.

—

Karley’s Surrender

Chapter One

Karley

I’m back, Karley, Suzie called.

I was too engrossed in the book I held to believe her voice to be more than a distant whisper, or perhaps a figment of my guilty conscience. I ignored it, continuing to indulge in the delicious erotic romance novel in my hands, lost in the ménage that was Justin and James, panty-drenching-hot ranchers with a penchant for pleasuring a woman together, namely the heroine, Jodie.

Karley! Suzie shouted.

My eyes widened as I met my boss’s gaze. Her hands firmly gripped her slim hips as she stared expectantly at me, a single brow arched.

Heat flooded my cheeks as I belatedly hid the book behind my back and gave her my attention. Hi Suzie. When did you get back?

She frowned, shaking her head in dismay. A couple minutes ago, but I figured that book must have been steamy because you didn’t even bat an eyelash at the door.

Uh, yeah, I conceded, feeling my cheeks further color. I glanced around the store, trying to avoid her knowing look. I loved my job. Suzie allowed me to read any title I wanted in the store; I just couldn’t take it home or damage it. I took full advantage of the offer, to say the least.

Uh huh. Let me guess. The new Dina Dancon title with two sexy studs and a blond on the cover? She sounded less than impressed, partly because she preferred mystery and non-fiction titles. We couldn’t be more opposite, in more ways than one.

I pursed my lips and scrunched my nose. You don’t seem surprised.

Because you always have your head in some romance book rather than going out and finding the real thing. Suzie flicked her wrist towards the front display window.

Yeah, well, when you find a guy who’s interested in a fat girl, you let me know. My tone dripped with bitterness, enough to make me wince. Sorry. Closing the book, I placed it on the counter, a moment of truth between us.

Sorry for PMSing or sorry for being down on yourself? Suzie could definitely be tough.

Working my bottom lip, unease slid through my belly. Um, both?

Oh, cut the bull shit, Karley. You’ve got more curves on you than some, but you’re a beautiful woman. I guarantee a smart man will come along and snatch you up one of these days, but not if you’re hiding away in here or behind a book. Her tone lightened, proving she wasn’t mad; more like exasperated.

I could be exasperating.

I rolled my eyes. This coming from an ex-supermodel. How amusing.

Don’t get sassy with me, young lady. Remember, I’m the one who signs your paychecks.

My confidence rose, had me biting back a smile. And I’m the one who’s driven your sales up by sixty percent.

She considered me for a moment before she shrugged her shoulders. Okay, so you’re great at selling books; particularly those romance novels I can’t seem to pry from your grip. She smiled, her blond hair falling around her face, framing her high and slender cheeks beautifully; her highlights seemed to create a halo beneath the fluorescent lighting of the quaint store.

I beamed at her. See. You need me. I walked over to return the book to its rightful place.

Yeah, yeah. She reached into her back pocket.

I straightened the books on the display as I returned the copy I’d been indulging in. Spinning back around towards the register, I was met by an extended hand holding a twenty-dollar bill.

Take it, Suzie ordered.

I narrowed my gaze, making no effort to accept the offering. What’s it for?

The book. She jutted her chin towards the center table, piled with recently released titles; the same surface I’d just reorganized.

I didn’t move. When Suzie didn’t flinch or back down, I gave in with a smile. Alright. I did hate to put it back when I’d just gotten to a juicy scene.

She held up a hand, silencing me. I don’t even want to know.

I laughed as I grabbed the book and passed it to her. Here. Ring me up so I can go read a dirty and delicious fantasy that will never happen for me in real life.

Suzie sashayed, glancing back sassily over her shoulder. Never say never, honey. She winked.

Stepping up to the counter, I leaned against the worn wood. Okay, so it could happen, but seeing as how I can’t even attract one man in this town, my chances of securing two are next to zero.

She didn’t say anything, merely chuckling as though she knew something I didn’t. Eighteen fifty-seven. She took the twenty I handed her, a sly grin curling her perfect pout. You know, there are quite a few eligible bachelors in our town, and a couple a’ big shots just purchased the McKinley Ranch. From what I hear, they’re both single, too. There was a hopeful song in her voice; she was casually informing me with full intent.

Why do I have the feeling I’ve awoken a beast?

She smiled wide. I don’t have the slightest idea, honey.

Studying her, I caught the wicked gleam in her eyes and the set of her features. My stomach knotted. I woke the beast. I expelled a defeated breath. Tell me you are not going to become obsessed with finding me a man. Please.

She leaned into me on the counter. I love you like you’re my own, Karley, and I want you to find a man who can rock your world, light up your day, and make those shadows disappear from beneath your eyes.

My fingers traveled along the deep bruises beneath my eyes, marking their trail and alerting all to my sleepless nights. I tried to bury the darkness, the past that haunted me every night, keeping me from a good night’s rest. I knew, when people looked beyond my make-up, they saw that I was fighting an epic inner battle. Perhaps that was what kept the men at bay. Men hated women with emotional baggage, or so I’d heard. Repeatedly heard actually. But that was one of the things I loved about these romance novels: the heroes didn’t seem to mind emotional baggage; in fact, they brought their own to the table too. It gave me hope.

Well, some of them gave me hope. Dina’s novels normally just gave me the fantasy-of-all-fantasy escapes for a day or two.

But I didn’t live in the world of fiction; I lived in reality. And based on what the men and women of this town, all thirty thousand, three hundred and fifty-six of them, said, I didn’t have a hope in the world of securing a man. I was overweight, and we’re not talking plus-size-model-but-still-wanted-on-the-cover-of-Sports-Illustrated range of overweight either; I was a very solid size that started with a two but didn’t end with one. But worse, I was overweight and irreparably damaged. I didn’t just have a few bad childhood memories; I had so much more than that.

I tugged my lower lip between my teeth, nibbling away my anxiety. I didn’t open up to people, which kept most of them at bay. Suzie knew the most, and was the closest thing to a best friend that I had. But she couldn’t protect me from my past. Nobody could, not even me.

A comforting hand came to rest atop mine, gently pulling me back to her. Stop it, honey. You can’t change what happened. You’ve got to move on; you’ve got to make the most of your life. You of all people know how short it can be.

I nodded, wanting to get past the topic and to escape as quickly as possible. Thanks for the book. I’ll be in early tomorrow to stock the new shipment.

Suzie grabbed my forearm. Not so fast, honey. What are your plans for tonight, aside from burying your nose in that thing? She let go of me and flicked her hand in the general direction of where I clutched the hardback book.

Pursing my lips, I gave a light shrug. Just reading. My apartment is already clean, so that doesn’t leave much else.

Hm. She cocked her head, considering me. Abruptly, she popped up, her expression brightening. Get ready to have some fun, honey. I'm closin' the shop early and takin’ you out, she announced, slapping her palms on the counter in punctuation.

Out? I choked. I wasn't fond of crowds, especially when I knew I'd be the biggest girl there. And the thought of walking in side by side with ex-supermodel Suzannah Barkley made me cringe.

Yes, out. In all the years I've known you, not once have I seen you go out, she fussed. And don't worry about money; tonight's on me.

I stared open-mouthed at her, trying to determine if she'd gone mad. Don't misunderstand. Suzie and I were friends. She'd been there for me when others weren't, and for that alone I'd always cherish her. We exchanged Christmas presents and she gave me a cupcake and my choice of book every year on my birthday, but we did not go out.

Honey, you've gotta loosen up, have some fun. You're young. I know you've been through a lot and you're scared to put yourself out there, but you can't stay holed up forever, especially if you wanna hook a man. Or two. She smirked. She was working every angle.

Why do you want me to go out? I worked my lip some more, stalling for an excuse that Suzie would accept.

Because you're either here or home, and both places never have men.

I paused, mid-lip nibble. We've had a few men in the store.

She cut her eyes at me. Yeah, to buy their wives the latest tawdry romance book, hoping it'll inspire them in the bedroom.

They still count. I turned my nose up.

Not where you're concerned, honey. They're already taken, and last I checked, you and the rest of this town weren’t into polygamy.

I somehow managed to tamp down on my petulance. So what torturous plans do you have in store for us tonight? I knew my expression revealed my disdain for the idea.

She practically lit up like a Christmas tree. Karaoke.

My gut felt like a thousand-pound anchor had been dropped on it as I felt the color drain from my face.

Chapter Two

Karley

I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. I clenched my teeth, barely containing a groan. Anxiety crawled down my spine as I glanced around at the decent sized crowd. At least thirty locals were gathered on the wooden deck that welcomed you to the joint – the largest bar and hangout in town: The Honky Honk.

Oh stop, honey. You’ll love it. Mostly we just drink and laugh at other people murdering popular songs, Suzie said, linking her arm through mine as she led me towards the door. Suzie’s friend, Jessica, was on the other side of her; the three of us making up our small, intimate group for the evening, of which I was the shortest and the roundest.

Country music blasted inside the bar. Scuffed wood covered nearly every surface from the floor to the bar, the tables and the chairs. The abundance of wood gave it a bit of a cabin-in-the-woods feel. People mingled in clusters, laughing obnoxiously loud as they consumed their beverage of choice. Beyond the bar and seating area was a large dance floor followed by a stage, both made of the same lumber that seemed to touch every surface in the space. Large speakers anchored the stage and a microphone stand stood front and center. My heart pounded and my body began to perspire merely at the sight of it. I prayed Suzie didn’t push the envelope tonight.

You go get the drinks and I’ll grab our usual table, Jessica said.

What do you want to drink, Karley?

Um, surprise me? I didn’t usually drink. Suzie had given me a bottle of wine for my twenty-first birthday, but I hadn’t had anything in the years since.

I’ve got you covered. She winked.

I nodded and followed Jessica to a table in the far right corner.

I love that you came out with us tonight. Just to forewarn you though, we can get pretty rowdy. She laughed, tucking a piece of shiny, chestnut brown hair behind her ear.

Both Jessica and Suzie were dressed casually in jeans, a slim-fit v-neck tee, which showed off their cleavage, and sensible ballet flats, yet somehow they dazzled in their ensembles. I looked down at my own dark brown hair, falling in waves below my collarbone. I was wearing jeans, a simple, pale blue top, a thin but long gold necklace and navy blue ballet flats with a gold bow on top, but it didn’t flatter me in the way their informal attire did them. My breasts were high, but barely a D-cup compared to their DD’s; and on my extra plush frame, that made them look like B-cups. I had a larger rear asset, but then again, I had a larger everything - aside from the chest region - next to them.

You okay, Karley? Her voice yanked me mid-comparison.

I looked back up at a concerned Jessica. I plastered a smile on my face and nodded. It was only one night. I could survive one night.

Hopefully.

Drinks are here! Suzie announced as she reached our table. She carried three clear, plastic cups with ice and a bright, blue liquid inside.

What is it? I scrunched my nose as she set a cup in front of me.

Blue Kamikazi. She plopped down in her chair.

Uh, what does it have in it? I studied the liquid like it was the science project that would determine my final grade for the school year.

Jessica and Suzie glanced at each other, exchanging a peculiar look before bursting into a fit of laughter.

Don’t know; don’t care. Just know it tastes good. Suzie made a point of taking a sip as she watched me, waiting for me to build my courage.

I lifted the straw to my lips and lightly sucked in the liquid. A smooth, tart taste assaulted my taste buds, but not in an unpleasant way. It’s not bad. I shrugged my shoulders.

By the third, you’ll love it. Jessica practically inhaled half of her drink; which meant she drank about one shot worth. The cups were small, clear, and plastic throw-aways rather than glass. It wasn’t exactly eco-friendly, but it made sense for the environment. Somehow I could see glasses getting broken right and left in here, creating a hazard in a maze of drunken people.

We settled into an easy conversation about what I knew best: books. Guys dropped by the table regularly. They were nice, shaking my hand when introduced, but their eyes always lingered on Jessica or Suzie after that, despite the women being older than most of them.

I was startled when Jessica slapped the table and nearly bounced in her chair like an overly excited child with a secret she couldn’t wait to spill. Oh. My. God. Those new ranchers just walked in, and boy are they worth committing every sin in the Good Book for.

Suzie and I followed her stare towards the front door where the two men stood.

Just beyond the doorframe, the tall male specimens worked their way into the bar, clad in dark Wranglers, muscle-hugging t-shirts and rugged boots. The taller of the two had milky light brown eyes that made you want to lick your spoon; his dark brown hair was longer but tamed. I had the inane urge to run my fingers through it and lay my lips on his full ones.

I felt my body temperature rise a few degrees just by looking at him.

He had hard, good looks, a cut jaw with a tense set, a nose that was strong, dominant, without sticking out too much, and all those thick muscles filling out his clothes added to his intimidatingly sexy factor. He screamed alpha male in every sense of the word.

The other male was several inches shorter. He was the more approachable of the two, or so it seemed. He was well muscled, but he was far leaner. He had dazzling, bright honey eyes with a permanent mischievous gleam and medium brown hair with hints of blonde that was cropped close on the sides, but I couldn’t see the rest because of the hat he wore. He had classic boy band features, but with an edge; you could tell he was rowdy and rough.

I hated to admit that they were every bit as handsome as rumors boasted. Worse, a slow simmer had begun to burn low in my womb as I took them in. My heart beat a little quicker and the room seemed a little hotter. I could imagine what it’d be like to have their buff arms around my abundant curves as we made love.

A shudder worked through me. I shook my head, feeling myself flush. I turned my attention back towards the full dance floor. I’d seen plenty of attractive men around town, but never had my body reacted like this, never had my mind taken off and considered a man in bed, with the exception of fictional men, of course.

I blew out a breath, waiting for my heated flesh to cool down and for my pussy to stop pulsing like a savage feline in heat. It wasn’t happening fast enough though.

I gulped down the rest of my drink, praying it would calm my screaming nerves.

It didn’t. It only further warmed me through and had my pussy moist and ready, for the first time ever.

Sweet Jesus. Suzie’s breath hitched.

I’ll be a cougar any day if it means I get a night with one of them, Jessica said. Her eyes were dark and lust-filled. She adjusted the girls, perking them up a bit more.

Suzie finally pulled herself from the handsome duo, stars in her eyes and a little drool at the edge of her mouth. Be a cougar? Hell, I’d spend a night sleepin’ next to a real one if it meant a chance with one of those two. From what I hear, they have money - not that that matters - and now I know they’re sizzlin’ hot too. All I need is a fork and I’d have my cake and eat it too.

What do you think, Karley? You’ve been awful quiet over there. Jessica finished off her drink before plucking a half-melted ice cube from the cup and tossing it in her mouth.

I shrugged, feeling myself blush. I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, not knowing what to say. I found them to be as attractive as Jessica and Suzie did, but I knew I didn’t have a chance in hell with them, regardless of what my body wanted, so there was no point in torturing myself any more than I already had.

Oh, come on, honey. This is girl’s night. We’re supposed to drool over the local hotties and dish about them over drinks. Nothing ever comes of it. It’s just like with your books. A girl can dream, right? Suzie winked, her playful smile cajoling me.

They’re attractive, I conceded, refusing to admit anything beyond that.

And then some. Jessica wiggled her brows.

Damn. You two already finished your drinks. Suzie frowned, glimpsing around the table. Guess I’m buying again.

Suzie and I have a rule. Last one to finish their drink buys the next round. Jessica cocked her head towards my cup.

Another cup was all I needed to feel buzzed, but my companions weren’t the least bit effected. A fresh heat warmed me through, killing my usual tension. My limbs were loose, my nerves were gone, and I was having a genuinely good time with Suzie and Jessica. They had me in a fit of laughter over disaster dates they’ve had when I heard a man come over the loud speakers.

Howdy, folks. I hope you’re enjoyin’ yourselves. We’ll be startin’ karaoke in the next fifteen minutes. If you haven’t signed up and would like to, have Joe put your name on the clipboard at the bar. The man wasn’t much to look at. He was short, balding and had a paunch belly, but he definitely had the voice and charisma required to be a radio host or announcer.

Suzie eyed her friend across the table, a single, perfectly groomed brow raised. We doin’ it this week, Jess? Her eyes were alit with humor.

Why not? I’ll need at least two more drinks in me before we go on though. Jessica chugged the rest of the one in front of her.

You in, Karley? Suzie