Trumpty Dumpty Wanted a Crown: Verses for a Despotic Age

By John Lithgow

Following the success of his New York Times bestseller Dumpty, award-winning actor, author, and illustrator John Lithgow presents a brand-new collection of satirical poems chronicling the despotic age of Donald Trump.

Trumpty Dumpty Wanted a Crown is darker and more hard-hitting than ever. Lithgow writes and draws with wit and fury as he takes readers through another year of the shocking events involving Trump and his administration. His uproarious poems and illustrations encompass Trump's impeachment, the COVID-19 pandemic, the Black Lives Matter protests, and much more. Lithgow targets Mitch McConnell, Mike Pompeo, Bill Barr, Jared Kushner, Elaine Chao, and many others, but also includes a few heroes of the moment, including Anthony Fauci, Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff, and even Barack Obama.

The book arrives at a time when it's needed most. With all-new poems and never-before-seen line drawings, Lithgow will once again make readers laugh and pause to remember some of the most defining moments in recent history—skewering the reign of King Dumpty one stanza at a time.

Digital audio edition read by the author.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chronicle Books Digital
• Release date: Sep 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781797209487

John Lithgow

John Lithgow is an award-winning actor who has starred on stage, film, and television. A New York Times bestselling author of eight books for children, he lives in New York and Los Angeles.

Book preview

Introduction

JUST YESTERDAY

Yesterday, some crazy stuff happened in Washington, DC. Remember?

In the midst of a raging pandemic, and after four straight days of nationwide protest against systemic racism and police brutality, President Donald Trump delivered a lacerating speech at the White House. He called himself your law-and-order president and threatened to use American military force against Americans. While he spoke, the sound of flash grenades and horses could be heard in the background as a hastily assembled army of federal, state, and local law enforcement cleared a crowd of peaceful demonstrators from Lafayette Square.

Immediately after his speech, the president strutted through the cleared-out park with a gaggle of his top officials dumbly trotting along behind him. Taking several of them by surprise, he posed with a Bible for a photo op in front of St. John’s Church. He then summoned a few of the officials to stand beside him for more photos. They included his rumpled attorney general, his bewildered defense secretary, and his perky new press secretary. They looked like hapless audience members hauled up onstage by Dame Edna to make them look foolish in front of the crowd.

It was a scene of autocratic sham glamour that would not have been out of place in a modern-day retelling of The Emperor’s New Clothes. King Dumpty’s winsome daughter had carried the Bible to the photo op in a $1,540 Max Mara handbag.

Much of the country thought this political charade was crass, infuriating, and deeply disturbing. Even Trump’s most fervent supporters must have thought it was a really bad idea. I thought it was all those things, but I also thought it was stupid and ridiculous. If it weren’t such a horror show, it would have been farce.

What a poem it would have made for this book!

Alas, all of this happened just yesterday, on June 1, 2020. My poems had already been completed and sent off to my publisher just days before.

So much for comic timing.

With political satire, timing is everything, and the cumbersome process of book publishing makes timing especially tricky. I wrote the following verses in real time, responding to events as they occurred. But with events coming at me with such speed and impact, I was faced with a harsh truth: Everything I write on one day is ancient history on the next. With the lag between completing my poems and having them see the light of day, four months of history goes unaddressed.

Writing this book has made me think a lot about history. In fact, it’s my second book of Trump-era poems in the course of a year. The first, called simply Dumpty, was published in October of 2019. When it appeared, a surprising thing kept happening. Over and over, readers would remark that they had forgotten all about the targets of many of the poems. These were figures who had flamed out early in the Trump administration: Tom Price, Scott Pruitt, Ronny Jackson, and many more.

It turns out that my smart-ass poems had performed a minor but important service: They had reminded readers of forgotten moments

Reviews for Trumpty Dumpty Wanted a Crown

[MJ Williams · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So cleverly written. It certainly captures the many events during the past four years that had me shaking my head in dismay. POTUS has been so manipulative and brazen in his dealings with no thought to the American people. John Lithgow’s prose and wit were on point... a pleasure to read. The illustrations are a highlight of each chapter.

[Heaven Johnson · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I love it ❤️ whoever doesn’t needs a rude awakening ??.

[Donna Burgess · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Stupid, spiteful leftist Hollywood propaganda. Lithgow is a gifted actor. He should stick to that.

[RTSLLC · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

This book isn't even worth ten words. It was total bollocks.

[douglas Dirtguy · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Sure is a shame... I liked John lithgow, no more

[brad hudson · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Total Orange man bad garbage. Spiteful nonsense and poorly written

[Kila RingSlinger · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I usually don't read political opinion drivel. I also don't usually read poetry. I read this rag, cover to cover. Because someone asked me to. So honestly, I wonder if he'll recant some of these since some of his claims have been proven 100% wrong?
So, yeah I read it. He should stick to children's books.
He claims to have focused on rhymes but by gods this was some of the worst poetry I've ever read, solely from form perspective.
90% of the time in order to pull off the rhymes he had to invent words.
Words have meanings for a reason, and his lack of language mastery made it droll and unimaginative.

Does he have TDS? Most definitely. His need to target the sitting POTUS and have it published tells you the totalitarian dictator wasn't.

Could you imagine him giving the same treatment to parliament or the queen and not being thrown in old Bailey for unkind language?

TDS ravings of a man who sucks at poetry and applies a harsher standard for Trump than was applied to previous presidents in terms of everything from taxes to pardons.

How do I get the 40 minutes I wasted reading this back?

[Mateo Mower · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Lithgow is a tool.

I can only wonder how the contributors to this collection of drivel would respond if half the hate and venom was directed toward obama. This is a great tome to offend and divide 50% of the country, It is not satire but all out hate and trump derangement syndrome

[sadikifu · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Crap. Absolute crap. I could have left it at crap. Needed 9 words to post

[Krista Culbertson · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Total trash book from a whiner. Expect more from people that want to criticize him.

He’s such a despot but nobody is afraid to throw a tantrum spouting half truths about him.

[Tasha R · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Zero stars not allowed. Beyond garbage. Nonsense coming from someone who clearly suffers TDS. ?

[Douglas Green · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

DT still living in the sad pathetic heads of the left. I feel sorry for anyone that feeds off of this garbage.

[Nicolas Alexander · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I can't believe an adult would admit to authoring this.

[Elyse Black · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Couldn’t finish. Read most the book and regret I can’t go back to before I even started. He should stick to acting, this isn’t good.

[Mike Ehrmantraut · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

What a totally moronic view from this clown.... another TDS sufferer.

[delphimo_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Trumpty Dumpty Wanted A Crown surprised me. I had thought John Lithgow had created a children’s book with illustrations, and of course, I wanted to be transported to juvenile stories. Lithgow’s book leans toward an adult audience with delightful poems, sketches after each poem, and a brief explanation of the background for each poem. Yes, I enjoyed reading this short political satire concerning the Trump years in the White House. Many of the events had escaped my notice and enforced my chagrin of the last four years. Thank you, John Lithgow, for your perspective.

[judy griffin · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

It is a good book because it’s truth. In 42 days Trump will leave the White House. If we can hang on a bit longer ...we will never have to see him again. With Biden’s leadership and with time, our country will heal.

[judiex · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

TRUMPTY DUMPTY WANTED A CROWNJohn LithgowWith fifty short poems and limericks and delightful illustrations, John Lithgow exposes Donald J. Trump, his administration and members of Congress. Some are positive, some are negative, all hit the mark.Here are two examples:TRUMPTY DUMPTY WANTED A CROWNTrumpty Dumpty wanted a crownTo make certain he never would have to step down.He wanted a robe made of ermine and velvet.The Constitution? He wanted to shelve it.With impeachment a wash, his ambition had grown.He wanted an orb, a scepter, a throne;Six royal palaces, six royal carriages,A church dispensation for six royal marriages;Courtier installed on his own Supreme CourtAnd royal beheadings, if only for sport.He craved the occasional royal procession.And (gasp!) The eventual royal succession.Trumpty Dumpty gets his wayUnless the public has something to say.If we let him have all of his favorite things,We’ll have to endure the divine right of kings.Limericks No. 6The virus-denier Rand PaulDisplayed senatorial gallBut then, to his shame,He sadly becameThe most toxic infector of all.

[detailmuse · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

It’s outright impossible to keep track of Trump & Co’s myriad crimes, cons, outrages and incompetencies. But Lithgow summarizes dozens of them in verse and illustration in this collection and in his prior volume, Dumpty -- and in the process, brings lightness and even comfort to the reader.