The Jackass

By Thomas Stimson

Fifteen-year old Mario is the Jackass of Puerto de Santa Maria. His silly songs, tricks and mimicry are an embarrassment to his widowed father with many mouths to feed. Considered old enough to learn a trade, Papa hires Mario out to a trading ship, bound across the ocean to New Spain.

While collecting water and coconuts, the landing crew is attacked and Mario becomes the lone captive of the Jaguar People. Without a way home, he is soon transported to the capital city and traded to the King. As the Royal Fool, can Mario use his talents as a jackass to survive the intrigues among the Court of the indigenous Jaguars?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thomas Stimson
• Release date: Aug 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463856253

Thomas Stimson

Thomas Stimson is a native of Washington State, a veteran of the US Coast Guard and currently works as a credit analyst for a major auto manufacturer while writing and spending time with his family and travelling.He has published a mystery novel set in Eastern Europe "The Secret of Linden Court" (2023), a novella "The Jackass" (2020) set in 16th Century Spain and Central America and upcoming works "Dear My Diary - The Courtship of Kimmie Coconut Tree" and "A Bitter Ending in Sugar Land" in the works.Thomas published the SweetSips series of liqueur-making cookbooks under the pen-name Charles Thomas and is a member of the Northwest Independent Writers Association (NIWA).

Book preview

The Jackass

by

Thomas Stimson

Copyright 2020

All rights reserved

Cover Art by Matthieu Malcombe

The following is a work of fiction. The resemblance of any character to known jackasses is strictly a coincidence.

Other Titles by the author

Under the name Charles Thomas:

SweetSips – Wining and Dining with Homemade Liqueurs and Cordials

SummerTime SweetSips – Homemade Liqueurs and C ordials for Summertime Entertaining

SweetSips for the HoliDays – Homemade Liqueurs and Cordials for Holiday Entertaining

Under the name Thomas Stimson

Dear My Diary – The Courtship of Kimmie Coconut Tree (in progress)

Trippin’ with Tom – Europe 1986 A Memoir (in progress)

Dedicated to my wife

Who has never forgotten

That she married a jackass...

And still loves me anyway!

The Jackass

1

Mario! Why you such a jackass?

Hee Haw! Hee Haw! replied Mario, happily kicking his feet out behind him. Two little boys laughed and cheered while hanging on tightly to Mario’s shirt. Hee Haw!

Get up from the street...you are such an embarrassment! Papa waited impatiently while Mario reluctantly removed the giggling boys from his back and bowed to the bystanders who applauded him.

Papa cuffed Mario lightly alongside the head. What’s the matter with you? Fifteen years old, a man, and you act the jackass – the clown – the fool! I am tired of feeding you from my own pockets. You need to learn a trade...and NOW!

I have a trade Papa. I make people laugh!

Exactly what a fool would say! How does that put bread in your mouth, I ask you?

I go into town to do funny things, tell jokes and sing silly songs. People throw coins into my hat.

Humph! A fine living that is! Papa mumbled.

I make almost as much as you, sometimes.

Papa’s hand reached out...Smack! Impertinent! Disrespectful! Idiot boy! Papa tried to smack him again, but Mario danced lightly out of the way, sticking his tongue out playfully.

I thought you said I was a man!

That was before you spoke like a foolish boy.

But Papa knew Mario was speaking the truth. Papa earned money where he could, working at the docks, loading and unloading cargo from all over the Mediterranean Sea. But as Papa had a fondness for drink, and several mouths to feed, he was constantly and desperately poor. Mama had died just two years before from the pox, the same disease that left Mario’s face and body scarred on his otherwise handsome features.

Papa often called Mario a jackass, but the boy did have a gift of mimicry, juggling, magic tricks and humor of all sorts. And it was true that Mario could entertain a crowd and earn many coins on market days or the times sailors were freshly paid and freshly drunk.

But what kind of work was that? Really! Mario was a very bright boy and could earn a good living if he would just apply himself. Maybe, Papa thought, I could help...

2

I found a job for you, Mario! Papa announced, I been asking around at the docks and there is a ship leaving soon for New Spain. They need a man to work the decks and rigging. You, nimble as a monkey, could easily be a good sailor!

Papa, I don’t know anything about being a sailor – but a monkey, I am expert at! said Mario, pushing out his jaw, bowing his legs and scratching under his arms. Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Papa tried to kick Mario in the seat of his worn pants, but he scampered away. Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

You think I am stupid, heh? Some men I know can teach you how to be a sailor. Names of ship things, tying knots, how to behave like a sailor.

Oh, I know how to behave like a sailor, Papa! ‘C’mere wench and show me your treats!’ leered Mario, imitating the drunken sailors he often saw.

Do that and you will either be drowned or hung! warned Papa. There is a ship bound for New Spain in two weeks. I already got you signed up. 100 Reals a month plus a share of all the gold, spices and jewels they bring back.

Arrgh! I spilled my wine! growled Mario, pretending to lick the street.

Papa hauled him up by the arm and gripped both shoulders. I’m trying to help you, son! Teach you a trade. Maybe make you rich. I call you El Burro, Jackass, idiot, but you are smart and clever. USE your smarts...I beg you! New Spain promises great wealth to those who seek it!

Mario’s eyes became moist. Okay Papa. I will do as you ask. Perhaps I can make you proud.

That’s my boy!

On the day Mario sailed for New Spain on the trading ship Nuevos Horizontes, his entire family came to the docks of Puerta de Santa Maria to see him off. His sisters kissed him, his brothers hugged him, and Papa did both. As Mario hurried toward the gangplank, his father called out Remember, don’t be a jackass! to which Mario turned and replied by holding is hands to his ears, waggling them and calling out Hee Haw! Hee Haw! in such a strong imitation of a burro, that several men stopped briefly to look around. Papa smiled and shook his head.

3

Mario worked hard scurrying about the rigging, hoisting and lowering sails, scrubbing decks and getting his sea legs. Ever-present on his person was his Bag of Tricks, slung in a long canvas tube from right shoulder to left kidney and well-secured by a strap across his front. It fit so naturally that it never got in the way of his work.

In his off times, Mario would entertain his fellow sailors with a variety of amusements. Mario could imitate the captain in all his moods, sing bawdy songs and perform sleight of hand. He also kept busy devising new tricks and jokes from the multitude