Spiralling To The Light

By Brenda Christa Fleming

When a loved one dies, many of us sense, see, hear, or smell the spirit of the deceased. Often this phenomenon is associated with emotional stress and the feelings can be swept away, or not talked about, and the experience can even be described as "irrational" or a "figment of the imagination."

Yet, what if there's something deeper?

This true story and memoir traces the pathway of a woman from a spiritually unconscious and chaotic state of mind to a place of peace.  Through the experience of losing her beloved brother, Brenda a busy wife and mother, than a corporate businesswoman and later a small business owner, discovers her own spiritual path.   

Grief-stricken, working 80 hours a week, physically and mentally exhausted she enters a long dark tunnel to emerge years later into the light.

It is a book about self-discovery, intuition, spirits, mystical happenings, ancient wisdom, compassion and empathy. Most of all it is a journey from confusion to bliss, harmony and love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BC Fleming
• Release date: Sep 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9780648482413

Book preview

SPIRALLING

TO

THE LIGHT

––––––––

A Spiritual Awakening Journal

BRENDA Christa FLEMING

COPYRIGHT © 2018 Christa Fleming

Spiralling to The Light ~ A Spiritual Awakening Journal

Brenda Christa Fleming

Published–B.C. Fleming

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner.

Due to the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication.

Disclaimer:  The author of this book advises the techniques in this book are intended as information only. 

If you have a medical or psychological condition, the information in this book does not replace traditional medical or psychological treatment.  The intent of the author is to only offer information to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Therefore, neither the author nor the publisher takes responsibility for any positive or negative results, which may be produced by using these techniques.

ISBN: 978-0-6484824-0-6

Editor: Azriel Re’Shel BA (Psych/Eng) Dip Journ.

Cover Design: Stuart Eadie, Graphic Design, Web Solutions. 

Non-Fiction. True Story/Memoir.

Some Names and Places may have changed.

Dedicated To My Beloved Brother Colin

‘A man among men’

––––––––

Acknowledgements

I wish to express gratitude to:

––––––––

Great Universal Spirit.

Guardian Spirit, Quan Yin God & Goddess of Compassion, Enlightened Masters, Archangels, Spiritual Guides, Highest Divine Self.   

I am indebted to these guides and their presence in my life provides: Universal Knowledge, Ancient Wisdom, Insights, Understanding, Healing Guidance, expanding my Spiritual growth.

I wish to thank Enlightened Beings, and the Light Workers who work to awaken and align Humanity to the Divine Power within us.

––––––––

I acknowledge and credit the authors I have quoted from in words and meditations, for their wisdom, comfort and inspiration. I wish to thank the Publishers & Authors who allowed their copyright work to embellish my words. Throughout this Spiritual Journey, their written words, be it Ancient Wisdom, Reiki, Tarot, Rune Readings or Spirit Oracle cards inspired, guided and validated the pathway I am walking.

Special mention:

Alexis Cartwright Transference Healing Animal Magic Copyright © 2005 Transference Healing Pty. Ltd., ISBN 0-9750628-2-4 www.transferencehealing.com

Alexis Cartwright "Beyond Doorways The Mysteries Revealed" Copyright 2007 Transference Healing Pty. Ltd., ISBN 978-0-9750628-1-4 www.transferencehealing.com

Ciro Marchetti "Gateway to the Divine Tarot" Copyright © 2009 Llewellyn Publications

Dorothy May Archetypal Reiki Journey Editions 2000

Helena Petrovna Blavatsky "The Voice of the Silence" A Verbatim Reproduction of the original edition of 1889

Maria Letizia Renzulli ©Zen Runes © Element Books Limited 1998

The Kryon Writings-"Lifting The Veil"- Book 11 Copyright © 2007 Lee Carroll www.kryon.com

The Theosophical Society Printed Brochures. www.austheos.org.au

Toni Carmine Salerno Spirit Oracle Cards Copyright © 2005 Published by Blue Angel Gallery, Australia www.tonicarminesalerno.com

When including ‘copyright’ material, I have endeavoured to use ‘Fair Use’ only. I trust ‘The Universe’ guided me, and the work incorporated given at the event time, ‘dropped into my lap’ ‘jumped off the shelf’ so to speak. 

In the manner of Tarot, Runes, Oracle Cards, I have transcribed/interpreted them giving relevance to the event. I undertook an intensive search to show whether previously published material in this book required permission to reprint. I apologize for any errors. I will make additions and corrections in later editions. Thank you.

‘For Those Who Know

No Proof is Necessary

For those who do not Believe

No amount of proof is Enough’

––––––––

Adapted from the quote by St. Thomas Aquinas.

INTRODUCTION

Life is a series of stories. Some say ‘let the story go’ not believing the story serves them.

My belief is that when we tune in to our inner voice, and listen consciously taking heed of our intuition, the story serves to teach a lesson. Otherwise the scenario replays itself in life again and again until you get it, and only then does healing take place. I believe my past is part of who I have become, downloaded in a whim: a song, a word, an aroma, a thought, an association, or a smile. In my life, the death of my brother was so painful it became life changing, and the series of events following his death culminated to a point that became my ‘wake-up call,’ bringing me to surrender and the point of Spiritual Awakening.

This is only the beginning. If we choose to step onto the pathway, there’s no turning back! 

I’ve divided my life and stories into the seasons of nature.

My Springtime ~ babyhood, childhood, teenage years.

My Summer ~ Blossoming into a wife, motherhood and a career.

My Autumn ~ Loss and grieving, retirement. Finding a passion for writing and awakening to spirituality.

My Winter ~ My Yesterday’s and My Today.

Now I can look back, view my life from the beginning until now.  The stories have woven themselves into the woman I am today.  The pieces of the puzzle have dropped into place, coming together to make the whole. This is the story of My Autumn.

This book may provide guidance to connect with your own Highest Self to become One with The Light.

Blessings on your Journey.

PROLOGUE

Dearest Brother

Your death has given me a gift far greater than I could imagine. Most people search all their lives for the greatest Gift in existence.

The insight to know the true meaning of life.

In dying, you carried me to an enlightened, spiritual and mystical space. There are no words to thank you. I am forever grateful.

When I was a little girl you were my big brother. Throughout my life you were always there for me, caring for me and protecting me.

You had the answers to all my questions about life. Now I wonder who will give me the answers to the question of why you are gone.

The pain is so great at times it is overwhelming, and unbearable. It is only now while I sit writing this letter to you that I remember all the April Fools days in my life. It was your special day to play tricks on your little sister.

I see the balsa wood model aeroplanes you built and flew from your bedroom window, look where that dream carried you – soaring above the clouds, a pilot behind the cockpit of your own plane.

Your last words to me were: ‘I Love You.’

Not one day has passed since you died that you have not been in my thoughts.

I will walk hand in hand through each day of my life with your memory to guide me.

Goodbye my brother, I love you with all my heart. You are forever with me.

Until we meet again, your little sister. Binkie.

COLIN

England October 1951

The garden path circles a shallow pond laden with lilies, reeds, frogs and many weird and wonderful creatures. On the left grows a young Cherry tree.  Each spring a blush of delicate pink cherry blossoms burst forth, followed by a profusion of luscious cherries. The juncture where two paths meet stands a huge craggy old Pear tree. I loved to climb trees so climbing high into the sturdy leafy branches I sit munching a juicy pear, then hearing a sound, I look down into the upturned face and laughing eyes of my brother Colin.

Mum said tea is ready.

My seven year-old eyes wide with surprise, I realise I am found.  

It is impossible to hide from a wise 14-year-old big brother as he knows my every move.

I've Been Thinking

About My Brother

...and I would love

for him to know

what a great guy

I think he is

I would love for you

to know something, Brother...

I think you’re a pretty wonderful guy.

And I know I don’t tell you

often enough how much

you mean to me, and how much you always have...

but you’re someone I dearly love.

I think of you a lot, and one thought

that has crossed my mind so many times

is that...of the millions

of brothers in the world...

I somehow managed to be blessed

with the best one of all.

~ Laurel Atherton    Author Copyright © 1989 by Blue Mountain Arts, Inc. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.

THE DAY of my BROTHER’S DEATH

Wednesday 12th January 1994

In October last year Mama and I had visited Colin in hospital for medical tests. I was devastated. My tall good looking brother was very sick. That same night in bed my intuition warned me...

‘He is not going to make it!’

The next morning, I repeated these words to my mother. We looked into each other’s eyes, held hands and hugged.

I flew to Melbourne so I could be at his hospital bedside. Col’s daughter, Gail, my niece, was on a flight from Sydney. Neither of us had had contact for ages owing to the breakdown of Col’s first marriage.  As we travelled together reconnecting on the journey to the hospital, I noticed a resemblance between the two of us: we have the same facial features, nose and eyes.  As we talked I realised we both had a love of animals and shared similar ideals in life.

At the Dandenong Hospital, I was worried and concerned.  Gail had not seen her father for a long time.  Col was moaning and incoherent. There was a family gathering around the bedside and I leant over to be closer, whispering, pleading...

Don’t go Col, please, please don’t go.  I need you.

Col tried to kiss me, and instead of a kiss, I felt a small bite. He had lost his co-ordination.

The Priest arrived and started praying, talking of ‘the sins of man.’ Col became agitated and distressed.  The Catholic Church had not been a favourite topic with Colin, and he had many religious arguments with Mama over the years.

I whispered: I understand, I understand!! 

My Mother glared at me, saying: Shush! Listen to the Priest! 

My inner voice silently replied: I do not want to listen to the Priest.

Just then Colin called to his wife, and his last word was her name.

Later, in the afternoon, I sat with him, the two of us alone in the hospital room. Holding his hand, talking to him, I told him how much I loved him, and how I will miss him. I spoke to him of his patience, guidance and advice always so willingly and lovingly given. 

There was no-one to replace that special part he held in my heart.

Emotionally overwhelmed I curled myself up in the plane's seat as I flew back to Adelaide. 

Gazing out of the aeroplane window, high in the clouds, a golden glow filled the sky as a magnificent sunset ended the day of my brother’s death.

THE ‘GIFT’

I returned home, feeling devastated, and tried to digest what had happened. A few weeks before I had bought a small business and so I needed to be back at work the day after my brother's death.  I was on my knees loading a crate full of milk into the fridge when I felt it. While yesterday's flight to Melbourne had left me numb, there was no denying this feeling that there was someone there.

I was early, and the shopping centre was closed, yet I sensed someone at the counter. Customers were not due to arrive for two hours so I continued loading the fridge. The feeling persisted. There was definitely a presence. I glanced up again, and then I saw the pale blue of his shirt.  There he was! Standing at the counter.

It’s you Col!

Still on my knees, glancing behind, towards the back of the shop, I looked at his trousers now inside the kiosk. Inside my little shop.

Colin had booked a flight to Adelaide to reconcile with his estranged daughter, and to visit the small business I had bought, but death took him first and he never made that visit.

Yet now, here he was! It felt so deeply comforting and not at all strange to have my brother there in spirit. As I lay in bed that night I ‘saw’ him again, this time he was inside the bedroom, and I heard him say: 

I was so tired!

Then his heavy presence was on the bed between myself and my husband.  

A MAN AMONG MEN

The Funeral

Monday 17th January 1994

As I entered the Church the floodgates of my grief unlocked. I was shaking and devastated.  Even my teeth were chattering, while my emotions were chaotic and out of control.  My Mother stood beside me, stronger than I, with her faith. I was flanked by my dear husband of 31 years and my precious son and daughter.

A Police escort was necessary for the Funeral cortege as many drivers from Dandenong Taxis formed a Guard of Honour out of respect for Colin and to celebrate his life.

‘Members of Dandenong Taxis and the Victorian taxi industry bade a sad farewell to Colin Brown...

Dandenong chairman and operations manager spoke of Colin’s skill and ability to lead from in front, behind or within.

Colin held the positions of director, chairman, VTA councillor and treasurer at various times.’ 

Paraphrased from VIC Taxi – Industry Digest February 1994

The Eulogy was a moving testament to...

‘a man among men’.

‘A professor of life, doctor of humanity, a man who had the foresight to see the green pastures beyond the mountains of uncertainty.’

My own thoughts words and feelings to describe my brother were circling in my mind:

My Brother. My Teacher. My Mentor. My Idol.

The Eulogy continued, telling the story of a great loss to his wife, mother, and daughter.  There was no mention of his sister, and my heart cried out:

What about me, what about me?

At that moment I heard the last words he spoke to me on the phone just six days ago:

I love you.

As the coffin descended below the ground, red roses were thrown onto the lid. A pack of cards followed, my brother was an avid Poker player along with cigarettes to go with him on his way.  My husband, son, daughter and I formed a circle, hugging and numb with the outpouring of grief. 

I raised my eyes and saw the priest talking to a group of mourners and they were all laughing.  In my anguished mind I thought:

What are they laughing for?

Later I was to learn the topic of their conversation and laughter was the poker cards and cigarettes. That knowledge did not erase the sound of their laughter or the hurt I felt.

CHAOS~WAKING, GRIEVING, WORKING

Colin died aged just 56 years old, from Liver and Kidney failure shortly after we purchased our own business.

His death plunged me into immeasurable grief. Baz and I had dreamt of owning our own little business and reading an advertisement in the local newspaper for an ice cream franchise for sale we dived right in. There is no quality of life running a small business. I was merely existing, not living. 

I had resigned from my career with a Swiss Manufacturing Company having risen through the ranks to become state Sales Manager for South Australia/Northern Territory. A woman in management, a trailblazer in the Food Industry, it was unheard of in the 80’s, as the Food Industry was totally male dominated. I loved  the  challenges  the job presented and also the regular sales conferences allowing me to stay in the top echelon hotels, such as the Hyatt and Ramada in Australia and internationally in Bali and New Zealand. Occasionally I travelled to Tasmania to the manufacturing plant and often flew to the Head Office in Victoria.  The luxury of a Company car – I had it all.  

After accepting the promotion, we  moved from Sydney to Adelaide purchased a new home and furniture debt free.  I tossed it all aside mortgaged the house and cashed in some superannuation to buy the business.

Working 80 hours a week, the business demanded my every waking hour, overwhelming my thinking, and my being, physically playing havoc with my body, back pain was my constant companion.

Waking, grieving, working, sleeping; the dream quickly became a nightmare. At the end of each week I was both mentally and physically exhausted. It's the mental exhaustion and the grief, I was unable to cope with. I became a zombie in pilot mode, constantly pushing myself beyond my physical limits. Attending customers, standing on a concrete floor, lifting and loading heavy stock, caused untold punishment to  my  back  and  knees,  and  my  general health was deteriorating. When I was not at the counter, the franchised bookwork required with seven young teenage staff to organise was horrendous.

The face I presented to the world was a smiling mask suppressing the grief and chaos that lay within. Only my husband could see the truth and he told me:

Your eyes are the mirror to your sadness.  

I entered a long dark tunnel into the crevices of my soul.

THEOSOPHY-CORE BELIEFS

The year before my Brother died as part of my job as Sales Manager whilst driving to Victor Harbor, South Australia I tuned in the radio. The program was about ‘Theosophy’.  I couldn’t recall having heard the word before, but the words resonated deep within my soul. I was listening to my core beliefs, and my truths...

These truths and understandings I know now were to help me prepare for the pathway ahead bringing my internal and my external worlds closer.

"I believe in the utmost truth. I believe all of us living on the little planet we call Earth are ONE.

All races, all religions, all creeds, all sexes, we are all EQUAL.

I believe certain laws govern the Universe and its forces do not operate from chance, we are all a part of that Universal Law.

I believe God, whoever or whatever one perceives him or her to be, abides in each one of us, and that we are all Divine beings."

‘Theosophy means ‘Wisdom of God’. It is a statement of the modes of action of the Divine Mind.

The  questions  that  man  has  always  asked  have found some satisfying answers in an understanding of God’s Plan, Evolution.

This understanding is the heritage of every soul but he will possess it only as he learns to be a brother to all that lives, for:

Loving action is the Divine Wisdom at work, and whoso acts lovingly, will inevitably come to this Wisdom.

In possession of the Divine Wisdom, they know the truth which makes men free.’

Paraphrased from The Theosophical Society of Australia ~ Vital Questions Answered www.autheos.org.au

REALITY

Nine months after Col’s death I was not coping. The small business I purchased demanded my every waking hour.  Mentally  and  physically exhausted, I pushed through each  day,  while the grief was overwhelming, and my heart cried.

Colin was always there for me.  Throughout  my  life  he  had been like a rock for me. I did not know my father as he left with another woman soon after my birth. As a small girl, Colin filled the void, both as an elder brother and surrogate father.  He was patient, gentle, kind, and understanding, always ready and willing to listen, providing necessary advice and countenance.

The video recording in my mind of Col’s death and funeral kept playing over and over. I kept seeing the coffin being lowered into the ground and the flowers landing on top. It’s still running as I write these words. It is impossible to come to terms with the fact I had no control over Col’s death. Believing I  controlled  every  facet  of my life I attended grief counselling.   I learnt there are several stages of grief. The loss  of  control was something so foreign, and not in my normal life’s agenda. It became the most important lesson I was to learn:

Life cannot be controlled.

‘it is as it is, as it was meant to be.’

LONG DARK TUNNEL

The next four and a half years I spent in that long dark tunnel. Alone in the car, riding out the ebb and flow of this grief, music hit me as a tidal wave, and tears flooded my face. My husband and adult children had withdrawn as my grief was too much for them to bear.  The mere mention of my brother’s name would bring me to my knees and sweep me away, deeper into the tunnel.

Grief-stricken, I spoke to Col many times, and he was always there for me.  His  spirit manifested in dreams  and  his  presence  was  palpable.  

His essence encompassed me.

I was having some extraordinary experiences.  One  evening  whilst removing makeup before retiring  to bed,  I looked into the bathroom mirror:

My face gained a different profile.  I  turned  away,  then  looked back again into the mirror.   Unbelievably, my face became his face, until my reflection became his reflection. I was staring into Col’s eyes. At first it shook me and I asked:

What is it Col?

I heard him speak his wife’s name. The following morning I rang my sister-in-law and asked: Are you O.K? Phone calls between the two of us since Col’s death were mentally exhausting as the joint outpouring of grief was immeasurable and there were no words. My sister-in-law told me her close friend had died of breast cancer. I reassured her that Col was there for her, telling her that his spirit had appeared in my bathroom mirror.

Sometime later:

Standing at a gate, atop a green grassy slope, Colin came once more and said he was going on a journey.

UPWARD SPIRIAL

During the downward spiral  into  the  darkest  grief  something  unusual happened to me. Mama and I visited my sister-in-law in Victoria. I found it so difficult to return to Colin’s home  where  his  absence  was  so  total. Colin’s smiling eyes were no longer there greeting me yet the memory of him was everywhere. They  attended  Mass  together  whilst  I stayed back. Colin’s clothes were still hanging in the wardrobe, and I buried my face into his blue cardigan, drawing in a breath, trying to capture his essence.  Curling up in his armchair I sank into the soft brown velour, allowing it to encompass and comfort me.

Suddenly, my